by Lisa Olsen
“I used to think about it way too much,” he admitted, taking a deeper drink.
“I’ve always wondered why you didn’t.”
“I was married.” Even though he’d been separated at the time, he hadn’t made that final mental break with his ex yet. It might’ve been delusional, but he hadn’t been ready to say goodbye to something that wasn’t working, even if it meant a shot at something that could.
“You’re not now though.”
Uh oh. “No, I’m not,” he admitted. “But I’ve got a serious thing going with Annaliese.”
“Oh? And where is she tonight?” Natalie arched a single brow and Nick took another drink, not wanting to get into it. Arguments aside, he knew things weren’t over with Anna.
Nick was still trying to come up with an answer to that question when his phone lit up with Veronica’s picture. Saved by the buzz.
Hey Dad, can I spend the night at Beth’s?
He could not catch a break.
“Problem?” Natalie asked, trying to get a look at the screen but he angled it closer as he typed back.
“No, no problem.” No, I think you should come on home. The sooner the better.
“Is it an update on the case?”
“No.”
This time she texted back right away. Why am I in trouble?
No, but I might be. Do you need me to come and get you?
“Is Veronica alright?”
No, I can get a ride with Beth’s mom. Be home soon.
Thank God… echoed in his head. “Hmm? No, she’s fine. Just telling her she ought to get on home before it gets too late.”
“You’re a good father.”
“Would you mind telling her that when she gets here?” he joked. “I think she forgets sometimes.”
“She knows you’re a good father, I can see it in her eyes when she looks at you. She knows a good thing when she sees it.”
He wasn’t sure how to take that. “Thanks. I try, but it’s been hard raising a teenaged girl alone. Besides the change in ladyparts and the hormones, there’s a whole relationship to shoes I don’t get at all.”
She smiled at that. “Your girlfriend doesn’t help you with that stuff?”
“Oh, no sure, of course she does. She’s right there to give me a crack on the back of the head when I make a complete mess of things. Actually, Veronica does that too, so I guess I’m doubly lucky that way.”
“Too bad she never learned you can get a lot farther with a kiss than by kicking ass.”
“Says the lady who knows how to kick more ass than any woman I’d ever met,” he chuckled.
Natalie scooted a closer, slender fingers sifting through the hair on the back of his neck. “There’s time to kick ass and there’s time for a more intimate tussle. What do you say, Nick? Are you up for a little sparring?”
“Ah…” His head slanted to one side, half enjoying and half uncomfortable with the touch. “Hey, I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression when I invited you over here for drinks,” he started to say, losing track of his thoughts, when she edged closer still, practically in his lap, her breath hot on his neck. He set the drink down, prepared to talk her out of whatever it was she had in mind, but she took the move as an unspoken agreement, reaching for his hand and laying it on her thigh in encouragement.
“I’m not, ah… I mean you’re… you’re very…” he swallowed, parts of him very interested in the bold move. “But I can’t…” Finding his gumption, Nick grabbed for her wandering hands, holding her loosely by the wrists. “I can’t. Do you understand?”
“I do and I don’t.” Her eyes narrowed, studying him like a puzzle with all the pieces painted the same color. “I get what you’re saying, I just don’t understand why. She chose him over you, Nick. It’s no wonder you’re having problems.”
“Problems or not, it would be wrong for the two of us to hook up, even if it’s just for the night.”
“Who says that’s all it has to be? Didn’t you ever think about how good it could be between us? Did it ever occur to you that it keeps on not working out with you because you’re too different?”
Any fleeting thoughts Nick might’ve had about how it could be between them immediately fled with her last question. “Who says it’s not working out?”
“Nick, please, I heard your half of that conversation. Even if you’re not ready to accept it yet, trust me, it’s not working out.”
Was it that obvious to her? Annaliese had chosen to take Jax’s side in this argument, but had she really chosen him for good?
“I don’t just mean with this one though, your ex-wife too,” Natalie explained, taking his silence for tacit agreement. “She never understood what being a cop meant to you.”
“Heidi didn’t understand a lot of things, my job was just one of them.”
Natalie reached for her glass, downing the rest of the contents. “Nobody understands what it’s like to be with a cop better than another cop.”
“And nobody has a crazier schedule to try and mesh together except for maybe a doctor. Or a fighter pilot.” Or a fireman… anyone in the rescue services, actually, but his mind was wandering too far from the topic at hand. “Nat, the point is, even if I was free, how exactly do you think this would work? Are you offering to move up here to Oregon? Because most long distance relationships are doomed to fail.”
“Who says you couldn’t move back to L.A.?”
Wow, she didn’t waste any time. “Because I’m moving forward with my life, not backward.”
“It wouldn’t have to be backward. I could put in a good word for you with the Bureau. That would definitely be a step forward, don’t you think?”
A job with the FBI. Nick would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it before. But he wasn’t ready to give up what he’d found in Portland. “It’s an interesting proposition, but that’s not what my life is about right now. This is the better choice for Veronica, the better choice for me. I like it here. I’ve got a good job, a nice, safe neighborhood, good friends. And whether you think so or not, a lady that I happen to love a lot.”
“So that’s it then? You’re sure there’s nothing I can do to change your mind?” A secretive smile curved her lips.
“As much as part of me is interested to find out what that might be, I have to say no. I’m a one woman man, and I’m going to prove that to her as soon as she’ll let me.”
Natalie sank back against the other side of the couch. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed, but I’m not going to beg.” With that, she lurched to her feet, more than a little unsteady this time. “I think I’d better call a cab,” she realized with a frown.
“It’s late. Why don’t you crash here for the night? You can have my room, I’ll take the couch in my office.”
For a moment she looked like she might object, but then a sad smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “At least I ended up in your bed.”
Nick wasn’t about to touch that one. Instead, he guided her to the stairs, watching her go up unassisted with determination. He didn’t allow himself a long breath of relief until he heard the bedroom door close. Almost immediately after, the front door opened and Veronica came hurrying in.
“Hey, I came home as soon as I could. What’s going on?”
Nick caught his daughter up into a big bear hug, relieved beyond measure to have her there as an extra shield, in case Agent Fox got any more ideas. “Nothing, just glad you’re here.”
Veronica accepted the answer, hugging him back before a loud thump upstairs drew her attention. “Did you patch up things with Annaliese?”
“Ah…” Nick’s eyes flicked to the ceiling when another thump sounded, even louder than the last one. What the heck was she doing up there? “Nope, things are definitely still on the rocky side, at the moment. That’s Natalie up there.”
“You slept with Natalie!?” Veronica’s eyes stretched wide as dinner plates.
“What? No…” he started to explain w
hen she cut him off with a harsh whisper.
“Then what’s she doing in your bedroom?”
“Nothing. Sleeping off too much Jack and Coke, that’s it, I swear.” Why did women always have to assume the worst?
Veronica’s lips turned down into a pinched frown of disapproval. “Annaliese isn’t going to like this.”
“I’m not too keen on who’s sharing her house right now either,” he grumbled.
Chapter Nineteen
Dinner started off a bit strained, but once Annaliese stopped rehashing the argument over and over in her mind, she was able to relax and enjoy the meal. Still, the trouble between her and Nick hovered in the back of her mind all evening, making her more subdued than usual.
Jax must have noticed, but he didn’t acknowledge the elephant in the room until she took him upstairs to drop his things off in her spare bedroom where he’d be staying. It was almost like stepping back in time, bringing Jax into her old bedroom, only this time there was no sneaking involved – she was an adult, able to do what she wanted.
“Hey, if it’s a problem I can go stay at a different hotel,” he offered, bag and guitar case in hand.
“No, it’s fine.” She waved him off. Nothing would be salvaged by his moving to a hotel, the damage with Nick had already been done. “Unless you don’t like sleeping under Johnny Depp.” Annaliese lounged on the bed under an enormous 21 Jump Street poster.
“It never bothered me before,” he grinned, dropping his bags on the floor to stretch out beside her. “Just like old times, Apples.”
“Almost,” she allowed, scooting into the corner and tossing the pillow at him so he could be more comfortable. Jax caught it mid-air and tucked it behind his head, looking completely at home in his t-shirt and faded jeans. It didn’t feel weird at all, even though he was essentially a stranger to her these days. Especially when he smiled at her like that, like he had something devious in mind. “Before you go getting any ideas in that head of yours, I’m not interested in playing a game of Truth or Dare.”
“Too bad. Ah well, the way I remember it you always sucked at the dare part anyway,” he teased.
“No, that I’d leave to Ruby. She always was fearless,” she recalled with a touch of envy.
“She still is, just about different things.” His face clouded, growing pensive. “I worry about her sometimes.”
“About what?”
“She gets so caught up in it all, the lifestyle, the drugs, all the bullshit. She’s never been able to step back from it, you know? I think a part of her is actually enjoying the spotlight over all this murder stuff. When I told her about your offer to put us up for a while she laughed in my face.”
“Have you tried getting her some help?” Anna asked gently. “The drugs can’t be helping her decision making skills any.”
“You know Ruby, you can’t tell her what to do. You can yell until you’re blue in the face, but she always does as she pleases.” Jax let out a long sigh, slapping his thigh as he sat up. “I can use a drink, how about you?” Digging into his bag, he came up with a bottle of whiskey, Johnnie Walker Red. “Join me?”
“Sure, I’ll go get us some glasses.”
“Nah, I’m good,” he waved her back down, taking a swig directly from the bottle before passing it over. “Don’t worry, you won’t catch anything.”
Anna took the bottle and tipped it back, the harsh liquor burning the back of her throat. She usually preferred something more mellow, but the taste of the alcohol touched another core of memories. The last time he’d offered her a bottle of Johnnie Walker had been the night he’d taken her virginity. Did he have the same association? If so, Jax made no mention of it as he accepted the bottle back, taking another deep drink.
“So… Argent Flame, huh?” he smiled, reaching out to brush his fingers across the silver pendant hanging around her throat. A friend had designed it for her, a stylized silver flame over a delicate pentacle. It was her favorite necklace. “Look at you, into all of this stuff. It’s like we’re two different sides of the same coin. You got the light and I got the dark.”
Something about the way he said it struck a chord of curiosity within her. “You’re not actually into all that Satanist stuff, are you?” There was such a hodgepodge of symbolism surrounding his tour, it couldn’t possibly be authentic. Of course, most of the teen fans they had wouldn’t know any better, but it was considered gauche in the pagan community to mix some of the different symbols used on their promotional stuff.
“Nah, it’s all a racket. Gideon says it’s our calling card and he knows his shit.” Jax shrugged, gesturing as if it was all above his comprehension. “I have to say it looks good on me though, don’t it?” He fixed her with a heated look, mimicking the pose he’d struck on the back of their album cover.
“No argument there,” she agreed. Even without the stage makeup and spiky hair, he looked dark and dangerous, and very, very sexy. Just what a girl looked for in a rock star. Noticing his pendant for the first time, she leaned forward, studying it more carefully. He too wore a pentacle, worked in yellow gold, with flames radiating out from it on all sides. “You’re wearing a demon protection amulet? That’s an odd choice for a band whose biggest hit is Invoke Me.”
Jax leaned closer with an easy smile, inviting her to get a better look at it and she could smell the whiskey on his breath. “Ruby gave it to me. She said on the off chance any of this crap is real, she decided to try and save my immortal soul.” He twisted his head to look down at it, his fingers brushing against hers. “I kinda like it though. It’s pretty, don’t you think?”
The heat of his fingers blazed like a furnace and Annaliese pulled her hand away. “It’s beautiful workmanship,” she agreed. “Nicer than most of the stock we carry. But I thought you didn’t believe in this stuff.”
“A little protection never hurt anyone,” he said, his potent smile doing far too good a job at charming her, and she slipped off the bed.
“In that case…” Anna went to the old fashioned jewelry box on top of her dresser. “Maybe I can find you something for a little added protection.”
“Do you still have the ring I gave you?”
Annaliese didn’t turn around, her fingers smoothing over the worn cardboard box that held the ring in question. “I do.”
“You don’t wear it anymore.”
“Not for a long time.”
“But you did keep it?”
“Yes, I did.”
“It’s a start.”
A pucker of worry appeared on her brow and she turned to face him. “We’re not really starting anything, are we, Jackson?”
Disappointment flickered over his features but was quickly replaced by a ready smile. “I love it when you call me Jackson.”
“Then why do you go by Jax?”
He gave a half shrug. “Because it’s more marketable.”
“Do you do anything that isn’t in some way geared toward marketing yourself these days?”
“Not nearly as much as I’d like,” he admitted with a self deprecating chuckle. “Ruby’s the one that took it to the next level though. She’s got the band’s logo tattooed on her ass.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Hand to God. She said it was her way of telling Gideon to kiss her ass.”
“You didn’t get one too, did you?” Her eyes swept over him. There was the hint of a tattoo peeking out from his shirtsleeves, but she’d seen it on the cover of a magazine before; it was the symbol of a lion for Leo, his astrological sign, according to the article inside. He also had a Roman numeral visible on the side of his neck, though she wasn’t sure what that one stood for, and a tiny bass clef on the inside of his left wrist.
“No, but I do have one that says Mom.”
“Really?” she laughed. It seemed like an odd choice given his relationship with his mother, but maybe they’d patched things up.
“Yep, I’m a walking cliché,” he admitted with a wry twist of the lips. “Do you wan
t to see it?” Reaching for his t-shirt, he tugged it up to expose his lean abs.
“Oh, I don’t think…”
“Relax, it’s on my side,” he chuckled, lifting the hem high to reveal the three little letters in cursive script about halfway up his torso. “I don’t remember you being this much of a prude.”
It wasn’t that she was a prude at all, but she had a feeling that sitting around in her old bedroom with him half naked could only lead to trouble. “I don’t remember you being this much of an exhibitionist.”
“No? You don’t remember that time I stripped down and jumped into Lacamas Lake on a dare? Or how about the time we hopped the fence at the Candlelight Inn and snuck into the hot tub? You were feeling mighty free that night as well, as I recall.”
“I take it back,” she laughed. “You always were an exhibitionist, maybe I just didn’t mind at the time.”
“And you do now?” Jax raised a single brow, and Annaliese felt her cheeks grow warm.
“I should.”
“But do you?” he pressed, dark eyes snapping with playful energy.
Unwilling to answer that question, Anna changed the subject. “Have you been to see your mom since you got back to town?”
The playful mood vanished and he tugged his shirt back down again. “No, not yet.”
“I saw her a few months ago, she looks like she’s gotten her act together.”
Jax gave an inelegant snort. “I’ve heard that one before.”
“Jackson… she’s your mother.”
“When’s the last time you talked to yours?” he tossed right back at her.
“That’s different. She moved to Utah to get away from me.”
“That can’t be why she left,” he scoffed. “There must be something else.”
“You’re sweet. It’s alright, I’ve made my peace with it. I can’t control anyone but myself, and I choose not to be bitter about it.”
“That’s great, but I’m not as evolved as you are. There are some things I can’t forget.” Just like that his good mood was soured, and a sullen pout drew his lips forward. Annaliese joined him on the bed again, trying to get him to look at her.