by Lisa Olsen
“Just try and forgive then. She was young, really young, to have not just one but two babies all alone. Of course she made some mistakes. Cut her some slack.”
Jax brooded for a few more moments before sitting up. “New topic,” he announced, pulling his guitar out of the case and perching it on his knee. “Sing with me.” A few notes fell from his fingers, but she shook her head.
“No… I don’t really do that anymore.” That wasn’t strictly true. She sang all the time with friends and at gatherings, but not like this. Not with him.
“Why not? You were great,” he encouraged her, strumming a few chords.
Anna shook her head again. “It’s not my thing.”
“Maybe it could be.” The chord progressions became more familiar and he started singing a lazy rendition of She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. Annaliese couldn’t help but smile over the tune, remembering the last time he’d sung it to her. It did things to her insides when he sang to her so intimately, even if she knew he was purposefully trying to evoke something from her.
Jax stopped singing several bars before the end, fingers slowing on the strings. “Why did we break up?” he asked after the last note reverberated and died away.
The question caught her off guard, but the truth easily came to her rescue. “You wanted to move to L.A. and be a rock star, and you did. You left, not me.” There was a touch of bitterness to that last part, much to her surprise.
“I remember it a bit differently,” he frowned. “I asked you to come with me, I know I did.”
Anna shook her head. “That’s not the lifestyle for me. I didn’t want to be a groupie.”
“I didn’t want you there as a groupie. I wanted you there by my side, as my girl.”
“I guess I wanted to be more than someone’s girl at the time.”
“What about now? You’ve made your own way in the world. You wouldn’t have to be my groupie. Hell, I got enough of those.”
If she’d even considered it for a moment, the idea soured at the mention of his many dalliances. “I’ve noticed. You know, you wouldn’t even be a suspect in this murder case if you didn’t have a reputation for hooking up with young girls. You don’t want to be that much of a cliché, do you?”
Jax’s brows drew together into a dark scowl. “You make it sound like I’m cruising high schools for dates. They throw themselves at me.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to take them up on it.”
“Sounds like you’re jealous.”
Was she? Annaliese didn’t want to look too closely at that notion. “No, it’s your life,” she said, denying the emotion. “I just think you should be more careful of who you give your love to.”
“Love hasn’t entered into it for a long time,” he admitted with a drawn out sigh.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” she apologized softly. “Do you ever think that maybe if you stopped trying to fill the empty space in your bed you might fill the space in your heart?”
“Hey, that’s not bad,” he brightened. “Do you mind if I use it?” Jax dug around in his bag, pulling out a worn notebook to scribble down the words.
“No, I don’t mind,” she said, more than a little amused by the request. “It sounds kind of sentimental for Forsaken though, doesn’t it?”
He gave a half shrug. “Every once in a while I experiment with something else.” Seating the guitar in his arms again, he played a few chords and sang.
“I don’t want to fill the empty space in your bed,
I want to fill the empty space in your heart.
But you won’t let me in and it’s tearing me apart.”
Looking up when he was finished, he gave her a lopsided grin. “What do you think?”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.” It was pretty good, actually. Not his usual style, but it suited his voice.
“Think I could make a go of it?”
Her brows drew together in confusion. “Aren’t you already?”
“I mean if I tried ditching the metal sound and went acoustic for a while.”
Was he serious? “I don’t know. I like it, but I’m not exactly your target fan base. It’d be sort of like starting over. Is that something you think you’ll eventually try?”
For a moment he looked like he might do just that, but then the fire went out of his eyes and he slumped against the wall, cradling the guitar close. “Nah, it’s just a thought. I could never leave Ruby like that.”
Annaliese was so used to seeing the pair of them together, she never thought about what it might cost Jax to stay with his sister. “Maybe sometime she’ll be ready for a change and you can mix things up a bit?”
“Not likely,” he snorted. “She loves this image. I think she has a serious leather fetish.”
“And you don’t?” she teased.
“Have you ever tried wearing leather pants under stage lights? You wouldn’t find them so sexy if you knew how bad they stink afterwards. And then I have to put them back on again for the next show.” He made a face and Anna couldn’t help but laugh.
“It sounds like maybe you need a leather wrangler to take care of that stuff.”
His hand closed over hers, thumb brushing along her skin. “What I really need is someone to take care of me.”
Anna looked down at their hands, not quite sure what to say. It was there, a tugging at her heart, past feelings crowding into the present, but it wasn’t enough. It hadn’t been enough then and it wasn’t now. “Jackson…”
“Naw, it’s cool.” Jax let go of her, brows twitching closer together before they smoothed out again. “I didn’t honestly expect you to ditch your life here and join my fucked up world on the road.” He picked up the bottle of whiskey and took another drink, offering her a sip, but she waved it away. “You’re totally into the cop, huh? I didn’t think you had a thing for authority figures.”
“I’m not sure I ever think of him as an authority figure.” That wasn’t fair though. Nick was a good cop, she knew it and respected his ability to do his job. But almost from the start, she’d seen past the job to the man inside and he’d never been the least bit intimidating to her. “He’s a good guy.”
“So why are you here with me instead of with him?” Jax pointed out, taking another smaller sip.
Why indeed? “Because you needed me and he can take care of himself. And I’m not here with you like that and you know it.”
“Pity, this conversation was starting to get interesting.” Jax let out a dramatic sigh, but the playfulness had returned to his voice.
Still reflecting on her last conversation with Nick, a touch of bitterness crept into her tone. “And he’s only looking out for me in his own narrow minded, obnoxious suffocating way.”
“Ah, true love.” Jax picked out a few notes on the guitar, just playing around, and Anna fell silent, thinking of the truth behind those words. She did love him and most of the time, she thought he loved her too. Even this stupid argument about Jax was because he cared about her. If he felt anything less he wouldn’t have minded that she invited Jax to stay half as much.
“Does he make you happy, Anna?” he asked at length and she smiled, a happy, uncomplicated smile.
“Yes, he does. He really does.”
“I guess I won’t have my bodyguards break his legs then. But if anything changes…”
“I’ll let you know.” They laughed together, the earlier tension gone. Without even seeming to pay attention, his fingers picked out a melody, expanding on the earlier bars he’d sung to her impromptu lyrics. Annaliese listened quietly, not interrupting whenever he stopped to scribble down a few more notes.
“You know what I need, Apples?”
“Besides a leather wrangler?”
“Besides a leather wrangler,” he agreed. “I need someone to stand by me the way you do for ol’ Nick, through thick and thin. Someone who won’t run away when I do something assholic, which is often.”
“Someone who won’t mind when you turn up in the paper accus
ed of murder?” She arched a single brow.
“That too,” he acknowledged with a nod of the guitar head. “Do you think there is such a girl out there for me?”
It was hard to tell if he was being serious or fishing for compliments. Annaliese decided to go with the most honest answer she could manage. “I think you have to take a hard look at your life and think about the influences you’re attracting.”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe if I had someone to keep me in line…”
“Maybe if you looked at someone old enough to rent a car,” she tossed back at him.
“I tried that. Turns out she had a boyfriend. A mean one, a cop.”
“He’s not mean,” she replied, stifling a smile.
“No, you’re right, he’s a good guy. He was pretty decent to me, all things considered.”
And that summed it up in a nutshell. No matter what personal qualms Nick might have with the guy, he was still decent to Jax, even when he didn’t have to be. “It’s getting late. We should get to bed.”
“Now you’re talking.” His face split into a wide grin, and Anna laughed softly.
“Goodnight, Jackson.”
“Goodnight, Apples. We’ll always have prom.”
“Yes, we always will,” she agreed, getting to her feet and heading for her own bed.
“No kiss?” he called after her as she reached the doorway to her bedroom.
“Goodnight!”
Chapter Twenty
The idea started in the back of her mind as she climbed into bed. Maybe she should call Nick in the morning and try to straighten things out with him? As nice as it was to reminisce with Jax, and as good as it felt to be wanted by a sexy rock star, it was Nick who she loved. Maybe it was time to come out and say so? Besides, if she knew anything about Nick, he was probably ready to grovel for the boneheaded things he’d said and beg her forgiveness. Shouldn’t she be willing to meet him half way?
It was too late to send him a text though, especially since she knew he would be up before dawn already thinking about the case. But as she lay in bed, her imagination spun a series of amusing make-up scenarios that grew increasingly steamy the closer she got to oblivion.
It was hours later when Anna shifted in her sleep, eyes cracking in the darkness as she turned over. The figure standing by the end of the bed slid into view and her tired brain had enough power even in sleep mode to jolt her awake. Jerking back against the pillow, her heart slammed in her chest as she realized he wasn’t a figment of her dreams at all. She might’ve screamed if not for the shaft of light hitting the floor beside him, highlighting Jackson’s scruffy features.
“Sweet Goddess, you scared me,” she gasped, hand pressing to her chest where her heart pounded into overdrive. He didn’t move or react to her outburst, simply stared down at her, unmoving, unblinking. It was unnerving as hell, and she clutched the blankets closer. “Jax?”
Nothing.
“Jackson?” A note of hysteria crept into her voice and Anna was prepared to scramble to the other side of the bed to get away from him, but in the next instant he blinked, appearing to realize where he was. “Did you need something?” she asked, hating the quaver in her voice.
“Ah… no,” he mumbled, shuffling back a step and then another. “Thanks for dinner, it was great.”
Thanks for dinner? “Yep. You bet. Have a good night,” she said, doing her best to put the ring of dismissal into her tone. Prepared to make a run for it, she kept her eyes glued to his retreating form as Jax left without another word.
As soon as she heard his door close down the hall she crept out of bed, bare feet padding lightly across the floor as she went to her door and locked it. For long minutes she crouched by the door, unable to lose the crawly feeling of waking to find him invading her privacy like that. Not quite sure what to think, she climbed back into bed, but it took a long time to find sleep again.
One thing she was sure of. It might not be a bad idea to stop by Nick’s place in the morning and offer him an apology. For all his bad boy charm and sultry smiles, she didn’t know Jackson all that well anymore – or what he was capable of next.
* * *
The next morning, Annaliese was up early after a fitful night’s sleep. A quick check showed Jax still snoring away, and she took the opportunity to slip out rather than deal with seeing him right away. Maybe she was overreacting, but the whole incident with finding him in her room completely unsettled her. Even in the light of day, she felt off, her energy scattered.
The Japanese Gardens didn’t open until nine a.m., and neither did The Grotto. It was too early to call Rose and see if she wanted to join her for a meditative stroll along the river. But she’d always found Keller Fountain Park to be a calming influence, and at that time of day, she nearly had it to herself apart from some early morning joggers.
Taking a rolled up yoga mat, she set herself up on the ground, the concrete cool but not uncomfortable as she sank into a relaxed virasana position. For long minutes, she focused on her breathing, letting the soothing roar of the water carry away her fears. Once she felt her worries ebb away, she closed her eyes and imagined clean, vibrant energy flowing through her body.
Twenty minutes later, she rose with a deep stretch, feeling alive and tingly and much more centered. Annaliese raised her face to the sky and offered brief words of thanks to the Goddess for sharing the gift of life with her, and then went about her day with a smile on her lips.
It was still early, and Anna thought she could catch Nick at home before he left for the precinct. As a last minute thought she stopped by New Seasons and picked up a bunch of fresh fennel. While he’d probably appreciate a hot coffee more than a bunch of herbs, she had a specific purpose in mind. There was a dark cloud hanging around lately, that FBI friend of his in particular, and fennel was useful in driving away negative energy or even evil spirits if hung at the windows and doors of a home. She meant to show up with it as a peace offering. Then hopefully they could go grab a cup of coffee together to hash things out before she had to get back in time to open the store for business.
Spying his car still in the garage through the window, she knocked gently on the front door, not wanting to wake Veronica in case she was still asleep.
You could’ve knocked Anna over with a feather when Special Agent Natalie Fox answered the door, wearing one of Nick’s button-up shirts and not much else. Her hair was damp and the smell of Nick’s body wash clung to her like perfume. Clutching a coffee mug that read #1 Dad, she offered a self-satisfied smile. “Look who it is. You’re up early. I’m afraid Nick is, ah… in the shower,” she leaned forward to confide.
Not even able to form words, she caught sight of Veronica at the top of the stairs, the worry and disappointment she saw in the girl’s face confirming her worst fears. Annaliese thrust the bundle of herbs at the woman. “I have to go,” she mumbled, spinning on her heel.
“Wait…” Veronica called out, but Anna was already halfway down the walk. Maybe that made her a big fat chicken, but Anna desperately needed to seek her calm again.
Not feeling like going home and dealing with Jackson being there, she drove to the Cup and Saucer Café for a bite to eat and to regain some clarity. At that hour it wasn’t too crowded and she was seated right away.
It was entirely possible she’d completely misunderstood why Little Miss FBI had answered the door practically naked. She wasn’t in the shower with Nick, after all. Maybe there was a good reason why she’d spent the night? Veronica had been there at least, how far could things have gone?
A basil pesto scramble on the way, she pulled out her deck of tarot cards, shuffling them in her hands while she waited for her coffee to cool. It’d been a while since she’d done a reading, preferring to use fire for divination, but somehow she didn’t think the staff would appreciate it too much if she set fire to the table. There wasn’t room to do a full Celtic Cross so she settled for a simple five card spread. One for the past, the present, future, a card to
symbolize the question at hand and the outcome.
True to her usual form, she laid them out all at once without particularly studying them until she was done. Only once she had the faces all looking up at her did she take a deeper look. The past came up as the judgment card. That was fitting. It signified a spiritual awakening, and she’d definitely gone through that over the years. The present card made her smile – the five of cups. Righteous anger, strong emotions… that was definitely on the right track to describe her current state. Future came up as the ace of wands – a new idea or way of looking at things, something she might not have considered before. What could that mean? Of course the future usually brought new things, but was the something she hadn’t considered before a life with or without Nick?
The question card displayed the ten of pentacles – a happy, healthy home and stability. That was the question alright, and it told her the cards were right in line with her thoughts. If only she’d come up with that card for the outcome, that might’ve set her mind at ease. As it was, it only confirmed that she was seeking those things with Nick and worried like hell it was all about to fall apart.
The final card – the outcome – stole her breath, the sweetness of coffee turning sour against her tongue. Death. Not that death was to be taken literally, neither she nor Nick was about to die, but that wasn’t what frightened her. Death meant change in tarot, possibly a new beginning, but definitely a significant alteration in her path. What could that possibly mean? Was Nick about to break things off with her? Was she destined to start something new with Jax or someone else?
Three more times she dealt the cards, hoping for more insight. The first four cards varied, expanding on the same general theme but the last card came up the same each time.
Death.
Change was definitely on the horizon.
Her food arrived then and she scooped up the cards to put them away, picking at the meal while she contemplated the unknown. Instead of settling her doubts and worries about the state of affairs with Nick, it had only served to highlight her worries and fears.