by Alie Garnett
“I don’t know if I’m ready.” Dylan was eying the baby as if it was going to transform into a monster at any moment.
He pulled Tim’s hand out again. “I think we have it down.”
“What if he gets sick or hurt? None of that was covered in anything we watched,” she argued as if she hadn’t slept through anything but the first two minutes of any video they watched.
“Well, Dr. Marquez, didn’t you attend years and years of school to treat someone who was sick or hurt? I know for a fact that you can sew someone up pretty well.” He left the baby and turned to the insecure doctor.
As usual, her eyes were on the baby, just watching him. Holden hadn’t figured out if she couldn’t believe he was real or if she wouldn’t let herself be trusted around him.
She shook her head. “Completely different. I mean, you’re comparing apples to oranges.”
Wrapping his arms around her tightly he felt her stop her shaking finally, and whispered, “You can handle anything life throws at you, even a baby.”
“And only for a week.”
“Or six.” He kissed her nose. She was nervous for nothing. Together, they would get through this.
“One week at a time, Captain.”
Slipping his hands under her ass, he lifted her off the bed and set her on her feet. Since her clothes had not survived the delivery, she was in an old blue scrub top and new yoga pants. Paired with Army-issue boots, she still made it all look cute.
“Should we stop at your place to pick up your stuff?” he asked as she went into the closet and pulled out her coat and purse.
“I guess. I’ll need stuff for the week.” She agreed with him as usual, but always adding her time limit on it.
Picking up the car seat, he was surprised with how heavy it was compared to the baby alone. Dylan once again shoved the blankets around him more and pulled the hat more over his ears. The hat was thin and not an outside hat that he could tell, but it was all they had.
“I think I should be carrying him. You carry the car seat.”
“It’s fine, Dyl.” He headed out the door before she could take it from him.
“The books say not to let them spend too much time in the seat,” she argued as she trailed him.
“A few minutes shouldn’t matter.”
“The books say it, Holden. That means it’s true,” she snipped.
Turning to face her, he caught her with his free arm and pulled her close. “You said my name.” As he kissed her lips, he felt her relax and respond. He could feel her breathe out before he stepped back.
Turning, he headed to the elevator, and this time, she was silent as they walked. Once they were waiting for the elevator, she once again tucked the blankets around the baby. Having mastered swaddling the day before, she was a firm believer in never letting their son move again.
“Is he good?” he asked. For some reason, she needed to do it, no matter how unnecessary it was.
She pulled out her keys. “I think so. I have my car running.”
“I have the base of the car seat in mine, which is also running.” The elevator doors swished open for them.
Stepping in the elevator, he thought how was he going to get two cars across town and get her stuff, all without her bolting? If she got into her car without Tim or anything else, she would be gone. He would have no way to find her again.
“How about you take my truck and the baby to my place, and I’ll take yours to your place and get your stuff,” he stated logically—if you didn’t look too close at it.
“Why can’t I take my car?” she asked.
“Base is in mine.” He could move it, but he wasn’t going to.
“Why do you have to take my car?”
“Your apartment key is on your key ring.” He pointed to it, surprised it was the same key chain her room key had been on in Afghanistan.
“But…” She backed out of the elevator, searching for an argument.
“You need to get the baby home as soon as possible; it's cold out. And you have the only supply of food for him.” Blame it on the baby, he thought. She would do it for the baby.
“I guess, though he just ate.” She did one last tuck of the blanket before heading into the chilly outdoors. Luckily, it wasn’t as cold as when the ice had caused her to fall.
Within minutes, he had them situated in his truck, her with a death grip on the steering wheel, and Tim already nodding off. Holden wished he could go with them, but knowing she needed to be alone with the baby for a while, he shut the door and gave a little wave. She faked a smiled at him as she backed out of the parking spot.
He had set the GPS on the truck for home and figured she would manage to get there. Her car was a little, compact thing that would do nothing but spin when the roads were slippery.
Holden got in the driver's seat and drove to her place. Not surprisingly, it was a small, rundown apartment a few blocks from the hospital. Though far enough she had to drive, it was still short enough to make the drive almost not worth it.
A moment later, he opened the door to see the rundown, furnished apartment. It only took him a couple of minutes to pack her stuff. Every article of clothing was folded perfectly, even the socks still. She had added little to her wardrobe since he was in her room on base. Just a few shirts that were folded perfectly along with her old ones. A pair of shorts was also a new addition.
Eventually, he had all of it packed. Looking around, he saw nothing for the baby, not even the books she said she had read on her phone.
In the closet on the floor was a small box and a larger box. Opening the smaller one, he saw it was completely full of letters. He immediately knew what they were and who they were from: Janet Reed. They were all still sealed, all unread.
Dylan couldn’t read them but couldn’t throw them out, either. Picking out a few, he saw one from years before. Holden hesitated for a moment, then read the words she couldn’t. It was signed ‘Mom,’ as he had suspected it would. It was a short letter asking about Jessica and telling her about Jenna. The last paragraph begged her forgiveness, wishing she could change what happened.
Shoving the opened envelop deep into the box, he put the lid back on, then turned to the larger. On top was a photo of younger Dylan and Chase, mugging for the camera. Both were in jeans and Florida T-shirts, and they were standing by the ocean.
Picking it up, he saw the box was full of keepsakes from her time with him. From a bundle of letters tied with a rubber band to the medal Holden knew his brother was rewarded after death. He dug around in the box, looking for her ring. So far, she hadn’t put the necklace on again. Had she put it away for safe keeping?
Closing the box, he didn’t need to be reminded that her heart belonged to his brother, and always would. But he had a child with her, so maybe somehow, she could learn to love him also.
In the kitchen, he tossed out a lot of the food he found, though there wasn’t as much as he had thought she would have. It seemed she might like to eat out more than cook.
The living room was free of anything that was hers except for her e-reader. After checking the closet, he saw she had added a raincoat to her meager amount of clothes.
He tucked the jacket into the crook of his arm and caught sight of a bag in the back of the closet. It was small, and he almost missed it. Grabbing it, he looked inside, expecting mittens or a hat.
Instead, he pulled out a small gray piece of cloth. Unfolding it, he saw it was a T-shirt no bigger than the one Tim had on right now. Across the chest in white letters was ‘Army.’
Without a doubt she had bought this for their baby. Even if her mind was telling her she couldn’t keep the baby, her heart bought him something.
The woman had purchased less than ten items of clothing since returning to the States, and one was for their baby. She wanted him; still wanted him. She had loved him from the beginning.
He had six weeks to figure out what in her past told her she couldn’t have him and Tim. Putting the bag back i
n the closet, Holden decided it was up to her to come and get it for the baby. It was up to her to overcome her past for Tim.
He walked back to her bedroom and tossed the jacket in her bag, along with her clothes. He gathered up what little she had in the bathroom, he knew it would all fit in a plastic carrying case, but nothing was there.
Confused, Holden glanced up at the mirror. On it, he saw a Post-it note stuck to the top corner. All it said was: Trust In Me. Running down the paper was one word in capital letters: TIM.
Chapter 20
Sitting in the truck in Holden’s driveway, Dylan debated with herself. Did she open the door and then take the baby in, which would leave the baby alone in the truck, or did she take the baby with her to open the door, taking the baby out in the cold?
Really, there was no way to be right on this. Cold baby or abandoned baby? For a woman who had spent years making split-second decisions, she couldn’t decide which was worse.
Grabbing her phone, she dialed a number she hadn’t called in so long. Long enough that their friendship must be over.
It rang three times before an out of breath voice stated, “This is Elissa.”
Trying not to smile at the upbeat voice, Dylan asked, “Hypothetically, is it worse to leave a baby alone than it is for one to be cold? I ask because you’re in the OB department.”
“Dylan Marquez, is that you? Are you calling me after eight months with a hypothetical? Not even a ‘hi, how have you been?’” Elissa was laughing.
“Hi, how have you been?” she asked quickly, trying to get her to answer the question.
“Great, loving being home. Miss you sometimes. Not right now, though. Right now, I’m remembering how difficult you can be. Are in you in the States still?” No mention of her breakdown, which was good. Elissa had been the one to drag her from the operating room before she actually did damage to a patient. For that, Dylan was grateful, but wondered if the other woman thought that she was mad at her. Since she hadn’t talked to her since that day, she might have come to that conclusion.
“Yep. I’m in Minneapolis at the VA, for now,” she added, almost forgetting about her plan to leave in a few weeks…after Tim was settled.
“Wow, we should get together sometime. I mean, it’s only a flight, right?”
“That sounds fun.”
“Don’t sound so excited, Doc. Okay, Minneapolis, wasn’t that where Holden was from? Are you with him?” She couldn’t hide the excitement.
“For right now, I am. But I’m leaving soon.”
“Deployed again?”
“No, I’ll be stateside for now, but this was only a temporary stop.”
“But you are with him? Are you living with him?”
“Looks like it,” she said as she looked at the little ranch house he lived at, the one she was going to be staying at for a week, or maybe two.
Elissa chuckled. “I’ve missed you and your dry sense of humor.”
“It’s not really a sense of humor, you just thought I said funny things. I didn’t,” she defended herself. “I am a doctor, after all.”
“And I am a matchmaker. I should turn pro.”
“Good luck with that.” Now it was Dylan’s turn to laugh.
“So, what did my favorite workaholic doctor do with her three months off?”
“I drove.”
“Too where?” Elissa asked.
“Everywhere. I saw almost every state and a dozen national parks. Then I came back to work.”
“You didn’t stop and see me?”
“You weren’t back yet.”
“I came back not a month after you, that left two months you didn’t bother to stop. I thought I was your favorite nurse?” Elissa whined a little as she spoke, though Dylan could hear the underlying hurt.
“You are my favorite nurse. The one I have now is slow and has yet to read my mind.”
“But the only call I get is about a hypothetical. Okay, how long?”
“How long what?”
“How long in the cold or left alone. Time and temp matter.”
“Okay, say five minutes in the cold and five left alone. Shit, that is the same… Maybe four cold, six alone. If I run, four alone.”
“Holy shit, woman, where is Doctor Dylan Marquez? You know, the one who can look at a man and say whether he loses a leg or not? The one that had me time her, so she knew exactly how long it took at extract a bullet?”
“That two-minute extraction was a fluke, and we both know it.” Dylan smiled at the memory. Sometimes they had fun. They shouldn’t have, but did.
“Tell me what’s actually happening,” Elissa demanded.
“I have to get the baby inside. I can leave him in the truck and unlock and open the door and then come get him. Or just take him with me, and he’ll be outside as I unlock and open the door.”
“How far is the door from the truck?”
“Thirty feet, maybe twenty.”
“How cold is it?”
“Forty-two degrees, or so the truck stays.” She was looking at the number, but was sure it was wrong. It was cold out there.
“Are we seriously talking about this? Get out of the car and take the baby inside. It will be fine, even if it takes ten minutes.”
“Okay, you're right.”
“Of course, I am right—I’m an expert. Send me a picture once you’re inside so I know you made it,” Elissa said quickly and hung up on her.
Jumping out of the warm truck, she went to the back seat where Tim was sound asleep. Dylan tucked the surrounding blankets more tightly and unhooked him, like Mara had shown her earlier.
At nearly a run, she went for Holden’s front door. Shoving the key in, she got the door open and then closed, all without waking the baby or more importantly, freezing him to death.
Dylan set the car seat down in the living room and looked around at the dozens of boxes of different sizes within. Assuming they were from Mara and Jake, she looked around the house. It was smaller, with just two bedrooms. The kitchen was little but tidy, except there was a stroller, a highchair, and another item she couldn’t identify in it.
The smaller of the two bedrooms had a crib, already set up and with blankets in it. Carefully, she took Tim from his seat and laid him on his back in the crib, because he could not spend a lot of time in his car seat. All the books said that!
He didn’t wake up, and she breathed a sigh of relief until she got a text.
Are you dead? Baby dead?
It was Elissa. With a grin, she took a quiet picture of Tim’s sleeping face. He looked so much like Holden, again. She sent the picture to her friend after she quietly closed the door to the nursery. It was the first picture she had of him. Holden had taken many, but she hadn’t. Suddenly, Dylan realized she should’ve since she didn’t have a lot of time in his life.
Her phone rang as she looked at the boxes and wondered where to start. Answering it, she was met with an angry Elissa. “I thought you had a dog! I thought you were talking about a dog! Maybe a cat, but mostly a dog!”
“I said baby,” she reminded her in a calm voice.
“People say ‘baby’ all the time when they mean ‘dog!’ Where did you get a baby?” her friend demanded.
“My vagina,” she said simply, not wanting to explain too much when Elissa would put the pieces together for her.
“Shut the front door! I need more of an explanation than that!”
“You’re a nurse, Elissa, you know where babies come from. Or do I have to tell you about sex? So, when a man and a woman—”
“You’re an ass. Boy or girl?” Elissa cut her off, as she knew she would.
“Boy. His name is Tim.”
“And he is Holden’s? Of course he is. Do the math. He’s a sand baby.”
“I don’t know what a sand baby is.”
“Conceived in the desert. Why didn’t you tell me?! Did you even know? I bet you didn’t even know. Wow,” Elissa sighed.
“I didn’t know until I got m
y physical in Texas.”
“And now you two are together and raising a baby. So cute.”
“Actually, I’m just staying here until the baby doesn’t need me, then I’m transferring somewhere else. I am not mother material.”
“Ha! Do you know when that baby won't need you? When he gets married, and sometimes not even then!”
“Six weeks, tops. Then I go back to work. Me and kids don’t get along.”
“Why won't you let yourself become attached?”
Dylan shook her head. “You don’t know what you're talking about.”
“Yes, I do. You keep everyone at a far enough distance that they don’t become a part of you. But it’s already too late this time. This kid is like your arm—you can’t live without him.”
“I have amputated many an arm in my day,” Dylan quipped.
“But nobody laid down on your table and demand it be done; it was never their choice. Tim is a part of you forever, even if you walk out the door right now. A part of you will always be thinking about him.”
“Shut up.”
“You shut up. And call me again—I still like to talk to you.” Elissa hung up on her, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
Elissa was right, as always, Tim had been her main thought since she found out about him. She had done everything for him; nothing hadn’t been for the baby she’d been carrying. He was her everything, even if he deserved better than her.
Because Elissa didn’t know about her past, she couldn’t see how bad she was for her son. Nothing she had done in the past twenty years would make up for who she had been. That person was still somewhere inside her, hiding.
Ignoring the boxes, she went into the bathroom. She was going to take a quick shower before Holden came because after three days, she needed one desperately.
It wasn’t that there wasn’t a bathroom attached to her room, but the thought of taking a shower with Holden just feet from her did something to her stomach. But with him gone, she could get it done, all without taking him in there with her.
Chapter 21