Shards of Hope

by Nalini Singh

  "No." A rasped inhale. "My possessiveness toward you is obsessive. If I give myself permission to feel it, I can't control it." She placed a fisted hand against her abdomen, exhaled. "I will be the best soldier you ever have." It was a vow. "I will protect you to my dying breath."

  An indelible line in the sand.

  "Zaira." He lifted his hand toward her, but he had no words with which to convince her to fight for this, for them. Because she was right--she had demons and those demons were unforgiving. She would've hurt the RainFire woman had he not stopped her . . . and he couldn't always be there if something set her off.

  It was a truth he didn't want to face.

  It was a truth he had to face.

  Because he wasn't just Aden, the man who had always wanted to be permitted next to the fire of her, allowed to see the wild, tempestuous heart of her. He was Aden Kai, leader of the Arrow Squad, and she was a senior commander the squad couldn't afford to have compromised. "What do you need?"

  "Distance." She backed away with that, the single word more destructive than any weapon, and with each step she took, he saw the lines fade from her face, the bleak pain from her eyes, the passion from her breath, until by the time she reached the door, she was Zaira Neve, an Arrow commander who would die to protect the leader of her squad.

  The curious, sensual woman who had kissed Aden, touched him, was gone.

  Chapter 28

  FIFTEEN MINUTES AFTER Zaira shut the door permanently on a beautiful, secret moment that she would never forget, she and Aden rode out from the pack's center in a rugged all-wheel drive. Remi was at the wheel of this one, while a second, identical vehicle followed them. It held three other men and one female, all of whom Zaira had identified as soldiers or sentinels in the changeling pack structure.

  She'd expected to be asked to wear a blindfold, but Remi had shrugged at the question. "You have visuals of the aeries now that you could share with teleporters, so I'll just have to trust you." Despite his apparently casual stance, his eyes had been leopard, his tone dead serious.

  "You can," Aden had replied, once more the contained, private leader of the squad, no trace remaining of the man who'd shivered with pleasure under her fingertips, under her lips.

  The part of her that had been with him in that secret time was . . . disturbed. She couldn't go forward without causing carnage, but he was better than this, had the capacity to have a life like Vasic had with Ivy. Zaira wouldn't hurt the woman he chose, not once she'd rebuilt herself to who she'd been before waking up in that bunker. If another woman became Aden's heart as Ivy was Vasic's, Zaira would protect her, too.

  No. A vicious snarl inside her mind, the insane and dangerous part of her wrenching at its chains. He's mine.

  It took all her concentration to make sure the chains held. Now that the monster in her had tasted freedom, known what it would be like to have Aden for its own, it hungered for more. That fragile discipline was why she'd taken the backseat while Aden sat in the front passenger seat, the heavy rain having turned to a light shower around them.

  "I saw you not far from here." Remi brought the vehicle to a stop in a clearing below an outcrop that would conceal the all-wheel drive from even someone who was right on top of it. "I'm guessing you came from over that ridge in the distance. Any specifics?"

  As they stepped out into the now rainless air, the sky clear of clouds but heavy with the misty fog that gave the mountains their name, Aden said, "We crossed either a swollen stream or a small river immediately below the ridge."

  "I recall some of the particular types of trees." Zaira noted the species she'd seen.

  "There would be a large clearing nearby for the chopper," Aden added, standing as far from her as possible without it being suspicious. He was giving her the distance she'd requested so why did she feel this hollowness in her gut, this screaming, howling sense of loss?

  "Got it." Remi nodded at his people and they disappeared behind the vehicles. When they came back out, it was in leopard form, except for the final male.

  "A tiger." Zaira took in the large predator who stood quietly on the waterlogged grass. "I thought they were the most solitary of all changeling cats."

  Remi's answer was a feline smile that gave nothing away. "We can't take the vehicles any farther in this terrain. It's some ways to the river--you two okay to keep up?" Eyes on Zaira. "Especially you. You were the worst injured."

  "I'll be fine."

  Scanning her up and down, Remi nodded. "I'll let you make that call, but if you're going to go down, warn me." With that, he began to move, his packmates in animal form racing alongside them.

  Zaira was fast, but she knew there was no way she would ever be able to keep up with the changelings should they unleash their full capacity. The Psy race's greatest advantage was the mind; the changelings', the body. Right now, the RainFire group was maintaining a hard pace, but one she and Aden could carry for a long period as well.

  Only when they were almost to the river did Remi call everyone to a halt. "The river's long and that ridge is wide." He looked to Zaira and Aden, and it was clear he was barely winded. "The trees narrow it down, but if you can recall anything else specific, things will go faster--I've been up in this area, but never right to their base."

  Aden's profile was clean against the green and foggy backdrop as he said, "We crossed the river by using a set of rocks as stepping-stones. They were almost in a straight line to the other side."

  The tiger growled.

  Remi met the unusual blue-green of his gaze. "You know the spot?"

  A nod.

  "Go, see if you catch any fresh scents." He faced Aden and Zaira as the tiger melted away into the trees. "Your captors are probably gone, since the op went sideways, but getting cocky gets people killed."

  Aden nodded. "Reconnaissance is always a good idea."

  "We'll follow Angel's scent trail at a slower pace."

  The sentinel rejoined the group three minutes after they reached the concealing trees near the river. Looking at Remi, he just gave a simple nod.

  "That's the all clear." Remi turned to his people. "Spread out, sound an alert if you sense anyone nearby."

  As the others scattered, Remi looked at the rocks Aden and Zaira had used as a bridge. He whistled. "You did that injured and in the dark?" A shake of his head. "I'd have you in my pack."

  The three of them went to the stones without further discussion. As Zaira followed Aden across, she wasn't sure how exactly he'd done it--it was treacherous even in the light. Heading up the hill once they were all on the bank on the other side, they took care regardless of Angel's information, but Remi's packmate had been right. There were no signs of life.

  "I don't scent anything, fresh or otherwise," Remi confirmed, his eyes gone leopard. "They must've cleared out in the chopper before the storm became too bad." A glance as they walked forward. "Definite scent of blood inside, but nothing fresh."

  "That's a very useful ability," Zaira said.

  A raised eyebrow. "I think so. Of course, talking mind to mind is also one hell of an advantage."

  "True." Her eyes went to Aden to see that he was pressing two fingers against his temple while he scanned the area with his eyes.

  They hadn't spoken since the incident in the training room, but she was near certain he was experiencing the same stabbing pains as her. Like a numb foot waking up, except this pain denoted the resurrection of their psychic abilities. Zaira couldn't predict if she or Aden would be back to full strength once the process was complete or if the damage was permanent. If it was--

  She cut off that line of thought almost as soon as it took form. Thinking about the aloneness was a sure path to madness.

  The building took shape out of the mist in front of them. A flat, square bunker covered by camouflage netting and dead foliage that had been carefully arranged to obscure it so it'd be invisible from the air. Not a rush job, or one done by amateurs.

  They listened intently for any indication of som
eone within before entering low and quiet.

  The bunker was as cold inside as it was outside, rust-colored stains on the walls when they switched on the lights. Those lights flickered weakly but stayed on. "They must be on a localized power source," Aden murmured. "Precharged battery likely. Our captors probably took the generator."

  He was proven right; the entire place had been stripped. It had to have been done in a rush, but it had been efficient. And they'd taken their dead. All signs of a trained unit.

  "You were held here?" Remi asked when they walked into the room with the overturned chair near the doorway. "Caught your scents."

  Aden nodded. Even if Aden's instincts hadn't said he could trust the RainFire alpha, there was no reason to hide the facts--and Remi could easily return to the scene alone and do as much investigating as he wanted. "Do you have a problem with us bringing in a forensic team?"

  "Not my land, but don't fly over RainFire territory and don't come into it without permission." A hard look. "I'll give you direct contact lines. Comms should be back up in the next few hours, so next time you want to visit, you call."

  "Understood." Aden continued to go through the bunker, but there was nothing that pointed to the identity of their captors. He was crouched beside a shelf, checking to see if something might've fallen underneath, when the psychic fog that had been thinning in painful stops and starts over the past hour suddenly burned away in a final excruciating blaze of pain.

  It was as if he'd been breathing through smog this entire time, and suddenly, he got a clean draft of air, the PsyNet opening up around him in a rolling sweep of data and minds and psychic noise.

  A flicker beside him an instant later. "I'm fine," he said, rising to his feet to meet the ice gray eyes of his best friend. "Zaira--"

  "--is also fine," came another voice, one he didn't expect.

  You brought Krychek into it.

  You'd disappeared and I couldn't 'port to you, Vasic replied. He's the strongest Tk in the Net. I made a judgment call as your second in command.

  At least you've finally accepted the role. Aden turned to look at Krychek. "I'll give you both a briefing shortly. First, I need an Arrow forensics team in here."

  "I'll get them." Vasic 'ported out a split second before Remi returned from outside in a rush of cold air.

  Folding his arms, the alpha stood with his feet braced apart just inside the doorway. "I guess your pickup's here," he said, eyes leopard-bright and dangerous as he took in Krychek.

  "Yes." Aden reached out with his mind at the same time. Zaira? Can you hear me?

  Her response was simple and coated in the frost expected of an Arrow. Affirmative.

  Walking to Remi, Aden held out his hand in a gesture he knew the changeling male would appreciate. "Thank you for your help. We wouldn't have survived without it."

  The alpha took it, shook. "You found our cub. We're even."

  "Regardless, if you ever need Arrow assistance, the line is open. Finn has my contact details."

  An unreadable expression on Remi's face. "That's some offer." Breaking the handclasp, he said, "If you ever find out who owns this land, you tell me. RainFire intends to buy it." A pause before he headed out, his gaze locking with Aden's, alpha to alpha. "Stay in touch, Arrow. You haven't learned everything yet."

  *

  ZAIRA made certain she was alone when she walked into the chamber where she and Aden had been held. Her eyes went immediately to the corner where she'd been thrown. The dried patch of blood was larger than she'd expected. That didn't concern her. What did concern her was the reaction she'd had to their captor's threat.

  Tell me--are Arrows trained not to break under sexual torture?

  His words had made her blood run cold. Clearly, there was a serious flaw in Arrow training; they weren't desensitized against that kind of abuse. The reason why it was so different from other kinds of physical pain was something she hadn't understood until she'd touched Aden last night, until she'd understood what it meant to choose to share her body with a man she trusted inside out.

  A violation would be akin to having her innermost shields torn open.

  Zaira.

  Shifting on her heel at the sound of Aden's voice in her mind, his telepathic voice as controlled and quietly powerful as his speaking one, she found him walking toward her. For one small secret instant, she allowed herself to remember what it had felt like to touch him, what it had felt like to be with him without fear . . . and when the instant was over, she slammed the door on the memory. If she was going to protect him, keep him safe, it had to be from herself as much as any external threat.

  "Do you need me to remain here to supervise the forensic team?" she asked.

  He shook his head, his hair gleaming even in the comparatively dull overhead light. "Finn did an excellent job, but I want us both checked out by our medics."

  Conscious she had to return to Venice at full capacity, Zaira agreed, and thanks to Vasic's teleportation skills, was soon at a specialist Arrow medical facility with Aden. They were examined separately and the M-Psy in charge of her was able to ease some of the residual soreness in her head using his ability. He also ran a battery of tests to check her neural and psychic health after declaring that her abdominal wound had been expertly repaired.

  "Treatment complete," the M-Psy said. "Your body suffered significant trauma and you need twenty-four hours of rest before going back on active duty." The slender male held Zaira's gaze. "That's not a suggestion. It's an order I'm putting on your file."

  "Understood." Leaving the treatment room, she found Aden waiting for her outside. "I've been told to rest, but I need to return to Venice. Alejandro's already been sedated for over forty-eight hours, according to the report I've just had." That sedation had been very light, thanks to Ivy staying almost constantly with the damaged male, but Zaira wanted him out of it nonetheless. Many of the others in her care were also damaged, wouldn't have dealt well with her sudden absence.

  Aden curled his hand around her upper arm, a sudden, passionate darkness in his eyes. "I have faith in your will. Fight for us."

  Zaira's shields began to crumble. Breaking away from him, she shook her head and tried not to hear the screaming need inside her. "Your faith can't change genetics." Her instability was part of her DNA itself. "Your faith can't change the fact that I was born of monsters who were born of monsters. I can't erase the violence written in my blood. All I can do is cage it." Caught in that cage was the part of her that had made Aden feel pleasure.

  For a single beautiful heartbeat, she had been someone whose touch meant pleasure. Someone who was wanted for a reason that had nothing to do with the fact she was a trained and experienced Arrow.

  Thank you . . . For giving me you.

  Aden would never know just how much that meant to her.

  Those words would make the rest of her existence bearable.

  Chapter 29

  WORD SPREAD THROUGH the squad like wildfire: Aden and Zaira were back.

  Blake told himself there was no cause for concern. As long as he was careful and didn't act on his urges again too soon, he could continue on exactly as he'd been doing.

  The only change was that he'd have a partner, someone with whom he could share his work, someone who would admire his intelligence and cunning and cruelty.

  That was what he'd do with his "resting" time--he'd finalize his choice of partner, groom his chosen one for the blood to come.

  Chapter 30

  THE FIRST THING Aden did after leaving the clinic was to get the implant in the hands of his tech people. He'd attempt to get hold of Ashaya Aleine later, but his next act was to make sure he was "caught" in public having a discussion with Vasic. The photograph hit Net feeds seconds later, putting paid to conspiracy theories about his capture and death, but the fact that those rumors had been leaked in the first place confirmed this wasn't about him--it was about defanging the squad.

  Much as he wanted to take point on tracking their shadowy enemy,
he had to assign the overall operation to Axl. As leader of the squad, he had to handle myriad other issues, including the fact that Pax Marshall was apparently attempting to poach young Psy meant for the squad--and in need of the psychic discipline only the squad could provide.

  Then, two days after his return, he lost an Arrow.

  Edward was one of the oldest of the active Arrows. An hour after his shift, the forty-six-year-old male put a laser pistol to his head and pressed the trigger. The empath to whom he was connected via the Honeycomb felt his sudden, violent, and total separation from the PsyNet. Shocked and heartbroken, she was hospitalized.

  "We don't consciously feel emotions from the people we're connected to in the Honeycomb," Ivy told him in the hallway outside the empath's hospital room, her voice thick. "It's not that kind of a bond. But we do feel it when people die."

  Aden hadn't realized that, suddenly understood exactly the burden borne by the Es. "I'm sorry."

  A tight smile. "Most of the time the shock is minimal. It's part of the rhythm of the Honeycomb--some are born, some die." Releasing a breath as the two of them walked down the cool blue of the hallway, she said, "The unexpected deaths, though, they hurt. The accidents are bad, but the suicides are the worst."

  "How many since the Honeycomb came into effect?"

  "A statistically 'ordinary' number," Ivy replied, lines of strain around her mouth. "That in itself is a miracle after all the upheaval."

  "Was the E able to sense anything from Edward at the moment of death?"

  Expression sad, Ivy shook her head. "She did say he'd been difficult to bond with even on the shadow level needed for the Honeycomb. He said all the right things, did what she asked, but the bond she had with him was more brittle than any of her others." She turned on her heel. "I should get back to her. She's fragile right now."

  Leaving Ivy to comfort the distraught empath, Aden tore apart Edward's life in an effort to find the reason for his suicide, Zaira by his side. "You're mourning him," she'd said bluntly when she appeared at Central Command. "You're not thinking rationally and need someone who can act as a sounding board."

  "He was always stable," Aden said. "One of the foundation pieces of the squad and of the rebellion." As he went through Edward's personal belongings searching for a reason to explain the inexplicable for the hundredth time, he tried to understand and failed. "I didn't focus on him because I thought he was all right."