by M. Raiya
Put that way, I had to give him my grandfather’s name. And I realized that at that moment, I’d committed to Vin’s theory. God help me, I thought, I’m allying with humans against my grandfather.
“Angus,” I said. “His name’s Angus Lane.”
Jack gave a crisp nod. “Thank you.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Thank you, both.”
Coleen gave me a motherly smile and squeezed my foot. I had to fight back tears. She saw and didn’t speak.
Vin rose, then hesitated, looking down at me. I nodded toward the door. “I’ll be all right,” I said. “Seriously, I’m just going to sleep.”
“Okay.” He gave me a light kiss and then slipped behind the curtain with his parents.
I hadn’t mentioned to him that I had a lot to think about first.
Chapter Ten
MY NEW room had a private bathroom with a mirror. The first time I made it in there by myself, I stood for a long time, staring at my reflection. The wild had faded from my eyes a little, I thought. I looked calmer, steadier, more rational. At the same time, I looked even more haunted. That was because my fear of my grandfather was growing as the day of my release came closer. I had no more idea what he had in store for me than I had when I’d first woken up in human form. But now I also had all the questions Vin had raised floating around too. The repercussions were huge and frightening.
Physically, at least, I looked stronger. My eyes weren’t shadowed and sunken any longer, and my cheeks had color. I reached out and touched my reflection. I wasn’t surprised that Jack had thought I was dangerous. Maybe I was. And I was proud too, of what I had accomplished. I’d grown up hard, and I’d survived. Though the real test of my courage, I knew, would come when I faced my grandfather.
But I had Vin now. Though that might be my greatest weakness. I might be able to use my magic to withstand my grandfather’s compulsion, but if he kidnapped Vin, he could make me do anything he wanted. I put my hands over my face and felt my humanness. Deep down, I knew Vin was also my strength. He was smart and tough and optimistic, and he never panicked. He was my anchor. And he had good aim with a cell phone when he needed to.
I left the bathroom, pushing my IV pole, and went to stand by the window, which was another feature of my new room. It made me happy and apprehensive at the same time. The window didn’t open and looked thick enough to stop a great horned owl. Being able to see out gave me a sense of time of day, which felt good. But the knowledge that someone outside could look in and see me made me feel vulnerable. The fact that it was on the second story didn’t help. It faced east, overlooking the hospital parking lot and a field with some oaks and pines along the edges. It was early evening. Rain was falling, and everything looked utterly dreary, but I was inside, warm and dry, and I had a bed to look forward to.
My door, which was ajar, opened slowly, and Vin peaked around the edge. He grinned when he saw me on my feet.
“Are your parents off?” I asked.
He nodded. “I almost had a heart attack, though, when I went back up to ICU and your bed was bare.”
I shuddered. “Sorry. I asked Priscilla to tell you. I guess this room became available sooner than they thought. Someone just wheeled me down.”
“Don’t worry. Priscilla caught me right after I came in.” He looked around appreciatively. The room was small, but it had an identical recliner to the one he’d been sleeping in. And best of all, it had a door that closed. Which he did, firmly, and crossed the room to me.
We both froze. It was the first time we’d faced each other standing up. I realized right away that he was taller than I was by a good couple of inches. It wasn’t that he was overly tall. I’d always been short.
“I’m taller when I have shoes on,” I said, realizing he was sizing me up at the same time.
He flushed a little. “No, it just seems so weird. I mean, we know so much about each other, we’ve kissed each other, but I didn’t know how tall you are.”
“You mean, how tall I’m not,” I said dryly.
He smiled. “Are you sensitive about being short?”
“I’m not short. I’m one of the larger owls. Saw-whets are short. Pygmy owls are practically microscopic.”
Vin laughed and put his arms out to rest on my shoulders. “Dude, you’re perfect.”
I moved closer and let my hands glide up his back. My head fit very comfortably on his shoulder. But just for a moment, until he lowered his head and kissed me. It was our first real, standing up kiss, and it lasted for a long time. Even though we had to be careful, as our bodies pressed closer, that we didn’t get tangled in the IV line that disappeared into my chest.
“You’re becoming you again,” he said after we’d broken for air.
“I am?” I felt like I was becoming someone new, and personally, I thought I looked a little scary with my eyes that were no longer quite human, despite my form.
A little like my grandfather. I shuddered.
“Yeah. I can feel it in the way you hold yourself. Your strength is coming back.”
“I ate a whole piece of toast just now. Yay, me.”
He laughed. “I meant your inner strength.”
I snorted. “I lost that, and whatever pride I had, when the great horned owl grabbed me. It’s going to bother me to be outside even in human form.” I didn’t mention that even the window bothered me.
“I have more respect for you than I have for anyone I’ve ever known.”
“Utterly unfounded.”
“Did you read a lot?”
“Huh?”
“Your vocabulary. The way you talk. I’d never peg you for only making it to your sophomore year.”
Books. Another memory thoroughly pushed away for three years. “Yeah, I used to read a lot. My mother was an English major. She got bored reading children’s books to me, so she started me on Dickens and Twain when I was about four. And I’ve got a good memory, so vocabulary stuck.”
We watched an ambulance pull into the parking lot. It disappeared into the bay below. Somebody was having a bad day.
“So, you’re from Moonview Lake, in upstate New York,” Vin said quietly.
I ran a hand through my hair. “I wondered if you were going to check and see if I had a Facebook page.”
He pulled out his new phone with a smile. His parents had bought it for him that morning.
Vin tapped the phone a few times and held it out to me. He’d pulled up my Facebook page. Three years since I’d made a post… I couldn’t remember what the last one had been. Something foolish and innocent, probably. I glanced down and was immediately trapped by my cover background photo. It was Sea Foam under full sail, her ice-green hull glowing against dark water, a much younger me at the helm. I started to take Vin’s phone to look closer, then pulled my hand away. I couldn’t. Not yet. That was one memory that wasn’t going to surface without a lot of pain.
“Okay, sorry,” Vin said, blanking the screen.
“It’s all right.” I sank down into the recliner.
Vin sat down on the arm of the chair with a laugh. “This is a switch, Riel. Usually you’re the one perching on the chair and I’m in it.”
I grinned. Another nice thing: a private room. We could talk without whispering.
I drew a deep breath. “Moonview is a small town in the Adirondacks,” I said. “It’s on a lake. Not as big as your lake, but pretty good-sized. I lived with my parents and my grandfather.” I hesitated. “My mother is very cultured. She taught me it was worse to say ‘ain’t’ than to say ‘damn.’ My father—well—I never knew him before the accident. But he’s amazing. My parents owned a small marina and then got into the boat-building business.”
“Sea Foam?” he asked quietly.
I couldn’t. Not yet. I said nothing.
Vin sighed and looked out the window at the growing darkness. I usually could judge his mood, but this time, I wasn’t sure what was unsettling him. Was he feeling the apprehension of my upcoming release?
“Vin?” I asked softly. Then I had a flash of insight. “Did you talk to them about the music?”
Vin shook his head. “Haven’t had time.” He was still looking out the window. Security lights were starting to come on.
“What’s wrong, Vin?”
“Nothing,” he said quickly. Too quickly. “Just let down. Now that you’re okay, I’m feeling a little lost.”
“Oh. I could get sick again if you’d like.”
“Don’t even joke about it.”
“Sorry. Vin, come on. What’s unsettled you?” Was he rethinking our plan to drive to his house as soon as I was released, hopefully in time for his graduation?
He let out his breath. “Don’t take this wrong. But I kind of liked it when you were my secret. Now everything’s changing.”
I opened my mouth. He wanted me back as an owl?
“No, no.” As always he seemed to know what I was thinking. “Never. It’s just that now you’ll have your own life, and….”
“God, Vin.” I held out my hand, palm toward him. After a moment’s hesitation, he matched his to mine. I laced my fingers through his. How could I explain that I had wanted more than anything to be able to do this? “Just seeing my hands again is amazing. But to be able to do this with you….”
“But your life,” he said, looking at our hands. “Your family. Your friends. Your shifter clan. Your boat. Once you make peace with your grandfather, you’ll go back. And I have no place there. I mean, how can I compete with some guy who can fly?”
“Some guy?” I asked blankly.
“Some other owl you’ll meet someday. It’s not like you even chose me, Riel. I was just standing under your tree. You could have dropped that squirrel on anybody.”
“I dropped it on you because I was moving so I could see you better. Because you were the hottest guy I’d ever seen. And the more I’ve gotten to know you, the more I want—I mean—dammit, Vin, I hate words!”
His jaw dropped open. “Really?”
I knew he didn’t mean if I really hated words. “Shifters be damned. I meant what I said. I love you. I want us to be together, wherever we end up. As humans.”
The emotion of the moment caught me, and I rose to my feet. He stood as well. At first we just gazed at each other, and then he smiled, reached out, and touched my face. I closed my eyes and turned my cheek toward his palm, the way I had done with my head when I’d been an owl. I drew a little closer to him, or he pulled me a little closer, I wasn’t sure which. I pressed my face into his hair. And then, because I couldn’t help it, I nipped his ear.
“Ow, dammit! I’m going to get an earring and let you bite down on that.”
“Umm, go ahead,” I said, lifting my arms so they rested on his shoulders. He put his hands on my hips, careful not to trap my damned IV line. “We could get matching earrings.”
“That could be interesting. So… you’re okay with being out?”
“Oh yeah. After three years of being alone, I’m not going to waste a moment.”
“You weren’t alone before the three years?” he asked quietly.
“Oh,” I said, flushing a little. “Yeah, I was alone. Gay’s not acceptable in my grandfather’s clan. But there was a guy I kind of liked my freshman year. Human. Our lockers were next to each other’s. I loaned him a book one day. My favorite—Watership Down. He never returned it. End of story.”
“Okay,” Vin said with a smile. “I’ll never forget to return a book.” He paused while I smiled back. Then he asked, “Isn’t that one about rabbits?”
I nodded. “I could never kill one. Couldn’t imagine it. First stop when I get out of here is a bookstore.”
“So, no more feelings for Locker Dude?”
I shook my head. Then I cleared my throat. “What about Motorboat Dude?”
Vin shuddered. “Oh God, I wish you hadn’t seen that. Anton Larocke. Bastard first class.”
I could attest to that. I nodded.
“His parents and my parents work together. They all thought it would be nice if Anton showed me around town when we moved here. He was quite eager. The second time we went out, he put something in my soda. The next thing I knew, we were parked behind the mall and he was—well, he’s the kind of guy who likes to have people watch him. You know?”
I nodded. I didn’t, personally, but I knew what he meant.
“He never made any move to touch me, but he freaked me out, and I bolted. Whatever he gave me made me sicker than hell. He found me in the bathroom, convinced he’d given me the time of my life. I’ve steered clear ever since.”
“Damn,” I said. I wished I’d done some damage to his engine the way I’d wanted to.
“Really, nothing happened, and it’s over.”
“He acted like he wished it wasn’t.”
“Over,” Vin said firmly. He bent his face toward mine.
And then we kissed. It felt really and truly wonderful and amazing and was everything I’d ever dreamed kissing would be like. Real, standing up kissing with my own feet beneath me. Even with the IV pole looming over us, it was perfect until a damn crow flew by the window. I was so startled that I leaped right over the bed. If Vin hadn’t grabbed the IV pole, it would have hit the floor.
“Damn, Riel! It was just a crow.”
Not a great horned owl, I told myself. Not the great horned owl. I gasped for breath and tried not to panic.
Vin pulled the curtains over the windows. “You better sit. You are one hot mess, Gabriel Lane.”
“No kidding.” I sank down to sit on the edge, suddenly shivering and cold. I felt like yellow eyes were watching me. I was as scared of that owl as I was of my grandfather. Even though I’d been denying it in my head, it was becoming increasingly real to me that maybe she was someone my grandfather had sent after me.
Vin crouched down. “Riel. Look at me.”
I shuddered and focused on him, on the comfortable red sweatshirt he wore, his faded jeans, his sneakers. Finally, I looked at his face. His eyes drew me in and centered me.
“Thank you,” I said brokenly.
“It’s okay,” he said.
“No, I mean, for before. In the rehab center. Damn. I almost—almost died. While you were holding me.”
His eyes closed for a second. “You are a damn silly bird.” His voice was low. “You want me to hold you?”
I nodded mutely and struggled into bed, under the blankets. He slid in next to me, pulled the blanket over us, and gathered me in his arms. I let myself nestle against him. His strong, steady heartbeat soothed me as it always did. I was so tired of words. I just wanted to be for a while. Go back to what was normal between the two of us.
He held me in warm, wonderful silence, and I slipped gently into sleep.
Chapter Eleven
FOUR DAYS later, on Friday morning, I was set free. It had been thirteen days since the great horned owl attack. Dr. Locere thought I had had an amazing recovery. To me it felt like it had happened far longer ago, to a different person. And at the same time, it felt like it had happened yesterday.
As Charlie wheeled me closer and closer to the main doors of the hospital, my heart began to pound. Vin’s father had lent him his car to drive down to the rehab center, and he had gone to get it from the visitor parking lot. I tried to stay calm, but when the automatic doors whooshed open before us and a blast of wind blew in, I went rigid. “Charlie, stop.”
He slowed down. “What’s the matter? Are you cold?”
The fresh air felt great. It was the open space that bothered me. “No, just give me a minute to adjust.”
I breathed. I also scanned my surroundings, looking and listening. So much life—ants on the sidewalk, a gray squirrel on the trunk of a crab apple tree, two starlings on the ground, a robin singing from the limb of an oak on the far side of the drive. I took courage from the fact they were all calm. They wouldn’t be if there was a great horned owl in the area.
Vin pulled up in his father’s big, black car
and hopped out with a grin on his face. I knew he shared my tension, but he was focusing on the happiness of the occasion.
“Okay?” Charlie asked.
I nodded.
He pushed me out into the sunlight. It felt so good, soaking into my skin. I turned my face to it and closed my eyes a moment. Yes. Free. Alive.
“Look at you, all outside.” Vin bent over me and gave me a kiss.
I managed a laugh as Charlie moved my footrests out of the way and I stood up. No IV line to tangle in as I embraced Vin.
“Well done, both of you,” Charlie said. “Glad I switched to days this week so I could see this moment.”
I turned to him. “Charlie, I don’t know how to thank you enough. And Priscilla. You were both wonderful.” I’d said goodbye to her last night, and to Dr. Locere this morning. “The world is better with people like you in it.”
He clapped me on the shoulder. “I could say the same about both of you. Now off you go. And congratulations on your graduation tomorrow, Vin.”
“Thanks, Charlie.”
I slipped into the luxurious seat, and Vin closed the door. He dashed around to the driver’s side and with a wave, we were off. I couldn’t quite believe it. I kept looking for an attack that didn’t come. I’d been envisioning this moment for days, and it always ended with my grandfather dropping out of the sky the way the great horned owl had done. Terror hovered just below my veneer of calm.
Vin drove the same way he paddled his kayak, with calm assurance. “So,” he said. He was a lot more relaxed than I was. “You said the first thing you wanted to do was go to a bookstore. So I thought we could stop at the mall I went to yesterday and you could pick up anything I didn’t get you.”
“Don’t you just want to head home?” I asked.
He shrugged. “It’s only three hours. I thought we could use a little time on our own first. Unless you think you’ll get too tired.”
“I’m in your hands,” I said, trying to laugh lightly. I was wearing clothes that he had gone out and bought for me yesterday. In my opinion he’d had way too much fun shopping. I’d never worn a Hawaiian shirt in my life. Granted, it was in muted shades of brown and gold and was soft and comfortable, but…. At least he’d gone for quiet owl colors. A rainbow guy I had never been. Beige cargo shorts and dark sandals completed the ensemble. There was a duffel bag full of clothes in the back seat, along with items from the drug store. “This is more stuff than I’d ever owned before, and you still think I need to go to the mall?”