Every biker in that club, even though I wasn’t aware of each past, all seemed to have one they were running from. Maybe that’s where their name came from. Stallions—horses love to run. Caged horses desire that freedom. These men were running from dark pasts that hardened them, made them tough as steel.
I would eventually join that team of being tough as steel, but first had much to learn about the man I would become, and the child I once was, as I embarked on a haunted road that was long, lonely, and full of darkness.
CHAPTER NINE
One month later…
“Mama, please don’t send us back there. It hurt.” I was eight years old, desperate for her to hear me, save me, fight for her children.
The same big man, in a suit, who had taken us away last time, was in our living room again. Ignoring my pleas, he took hold of my arm. He didn’t have to grab Jenny’s because she was crying, glued to my side. They knew she would follow me, as always.
I wanted her to run, but she never did. She wanted me to save her…
Being dragged out the front door of one of the many childhood homes we had throughout my life, I watched as my mama stuck a needle in her arm, cash laid next to the burnt spoon and lighter. When she released the band around her upper arm, her crying green eyes glossed over and became hooded. She slumped over onto the arm of the couch and watched as the man took us away—
Sitting in my bed, in the dark, gasping, full of sweat, I tried to recover from yet another memory. Saint had been correct; the memories started coming more and more. I ripped off my wet t-shirt, trying to cool down the body that still wanted to run from all the hands—
I jumped out of my bed. Alone in one was the last place I wanted to be.
The hallway was dark and quiet. Everyone was sleeping. Earlier in the evening, I had excused myself from the party with a visiting club and went to bed. Of course, I couldn’t get any sleep with my mind unraveling. Two doors down from mine, I grabbed her doorknob until I heard the heavy breathing.
Backing away as if the door were deadly, my back hit the wall opposite of a whole different kind of nightmare. Justice was fucking someone. My stomach turned, threatening to vomit right there and make a spectacle of myself. Rushing back into my room, I grabbed my boots, then ran up the Barn stairs and out the front door for the only other best friend I had.
A bolt of lightning crashed down onto a distant hill in Austin Hill Country.
Through the rain, I ran…
In the gym, I flicked on the lights. I didn’t bother to dry off or wrap my hands; I just started punching the bag Justice said could handle my rage. But every time I swung, it was like I felt the thud of a fist on my younger body. Every strike I threw was another reminder of all the hits I had taken, trying to save Jenny and myself.
Just as I had backed away from Justice’s bedroom door, I now backed away from the bag that no longer brought me peace. The air around me became stifling. Wet and heavy. Unbreathable. So, I ran…
Behind the warehouse and under a cover of trees, I ran as a memory demanded to be seen, heard, and felt.
I was running, leaving behind the stranger—who had a hand full of money and drugs—my mother’s boyfriend, his palms open for the cash, and my mother who sat staring at her empty needle. Jenny and I had raced out the back door as if the house was on fire. It was. It was a blaze of threats no one wanted to protect us from.
Powerful rain pelted my bare back. My shirt was inside the house. It was the last thing Jerrod had a hold of as I escaped his grip—him demanding I do what the stranger wanted.
The stranger’s car sped down the road to avoid what I had started by running; unwanted attention. Jenny and I were supposed to go with him, but we ran…
Now my mom was paying the price of my actions. Smacks and punches echoed through the night as—hand in hand—Jenny and I hunted for cover. I worried about my mom, but I worried about Jenny’s tiny and abused body more.
Once in the woods, I could hear Jenny crying, the rain hitting the earth, and my adrenaline pumping loudly in my ears, until his voice overpowered all. He was screaming for her—his daughter. “Jenny!”
Jenny huddled against my side, so I hid us behind a tree.
Then he screamed for me, “You little bastard! Where’d ya take her?”
I was stealing her away, just like she’d begged me.
Jerrod’s hatred for me was immeasurable and unfair to an eight-year-old boy who never could figure out what he had done wrong to deserve such hellish beatings. The summertime, when I had no school, no teachers to see my battered face, was the worst.
“I won’t take her back there,” he proclaimed from a distance. I knew he was lying. Jarrod always did. In my bedroom late at night, he always promised it would be the last time…
His next explosion confirmed my fear. “Bring her back! Now!” His empty palms not only wanted to sell Jenny for the night, but also wanted revenge for me screwing up the sale.
I hoped he would settle for revenge.
I told myself, never will I feed her to hell if I have a chance to stop it.
Once again, I stared into the green eyes my mother had passed on to both of us. My hand went over Jenny’s mouth, begging her not to scream when I sacrificed my body up so she could be spared. I whispered, “You stay here.”
Some may think a five-year-old would be too young to understand, but that’s a lie adults like to tell themselves to feel better. Violence is violence, and any kid who witnesses it—no matter the age—can feel the menace of it.
Raindrops raced down her little distraught face as she shook her head, begging me not to leave her, but I felt I had no choice. It was either her or me. The madman wasn’t going to rest until he had his fill.
Taking a deep breath—preparing for the attack to come—I stood behind the tree.
Then I ran…
I took off in plain sight as a distraction. Drunks were easily persuaded, sometimes.
The moon shone off my wet body as if God was helping me pull the attention from the innocent, hiding from her insane, biological father. His eyes set upon me, and I became his singular goal. I ran fast and hard, but my legs weren’t long enough or fast enough to carry me away from the torture to come.
I didn’t regret giving.
I didn’t regret my decision to keep her safe.
I didn’t regret the severe beating.
I only regretted Jenny having to see it all.
A five-year-old can never be the same when she witnesses her older brother brutally attacked until he’s knocked unconscious. Before my eyes shut for the night, I begged God to keep Jenny safe ‘til I awoke.
God did help me that night. He helped me help Jenny.
I woke up on my side as the sun barely showed itself in the sky. Or maybe it was just that I could only open one eye. Mud was all over the grass where I had been left after being knocked senseless. Jenny had snuggled to my chest for warmth. She must have come to me during the night once the coast was clear. She had mud staining her cheeks—
“Giver?”
I jumped in the dark, as I sat, leaning against the tree, desperate to be free of the horrid memories. “Sapphire?”
Cautiously, she knelt in front of me but was careful not to touch me. “Yes, I went to check on you but found your room empty—”
“You check on me in the middle of the night?”
Her long, wavy blonde hair was wet and sticking to her shoulders. “Well, I won’t anymore, if it makes you mad. I just didn’t want anyone to bother you again.”
“No.” Rain dripped from my face. “I’m not mad. That is very nice of you.”
Her exhale could barely be heard over the storm, but it was there. “I decided to check the gym. Don’t worry. I didn’t go inside. Just peeked. It was empty. So, well… then… I found you here.”
I felt worn to the bone. Absolutely stripped clean. No strength left. “I’m tired.”
Even though it was dark, I could see kindness in her big blu
e eyes. “Want me to help you back to bed?”
I shook my head.
After a pause, she asked, “Want me to stay here with you?”
I nodded.
“Okay.” She sat down. “Do you want to talk?”
I shook my head, watching her wrap her arms around her bent legs. “You cold?”
“No. I’m good.”
It wasn’t sincere, but I chuckled. “Did I teach you that lie?”
She laid her cheek on her huddled arms. “It’s okay.”
“Another lie?”
Slowly, she inhaled. “Yes.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been mean to you.”
“It’s okay—”
I lifted a brow, daring her to lie again.
Her shoulders slumped. “I mean, I understand why.”
“Why do you think I do it? Push you away?”
Softly, she confessed, “Because you are so sad.”
I looked away. I was sad for so many reasons it was hard to count them all. “Don’t make it right, though.”
“No, but excusable.”
I stared at her. “Thank you for coming and finding me. I don’t want to be alone.”
“I won’t leave you. I’ll stay until you’re ready to go home.”
Home… I had just been remembering a time and place that represented a horror story, not what I have here. Especially in front of me. “Saph?”
“Yeah?”
I hurt. I hurt so deep inside that I couldn’t reach the pain or find a way to gain any relief. It was agony. The cold sensation left me with a chill beyond what the rain was causing. I felt I was back on that lonely island; lost in a dark sea no one had ever heard of.
“Giver?”
I had nothing to offer. Not to Justice, not to anyone, but I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I didn’t want to be cold anymore. I didn’t want to feel the memories and how they excluded me from the rest of the world. But… felt I was deserving of what I was getting. I had hurt Delilah. That was all that mattered now. “Never mind.”
Her arms slowly fell from her legs. “Giver? Can I please come to you? I won’t do anything you don’t want.”
The hope that she could offer a glimpse of warmth…
I couldn’t answer. I didn’t dare open my mouth as I feared I would start sobbing, begging her for salvation. Anything other than what was tormenting me.
Ever so slowly, she got to her knees. “I don’t lie.”
Please help me.
Unrushed, her hand reached forward… “Nothing you don’t want.”
My eyes shut in pain as my face curled into her warm palm. I inhaled, searching for humanity and compassion.
Her tenderness was the flag of mercy I needed. I didn’t fight her as that hand gently tilted my mouth so I could taste empathy. Behind closed eyelids, my eyes welled as soft lips pressed to mine. A sharp intake escaped me as I begged for more of the soothing touch. After all the memories had battered me to the core, this kindness was like homemade chicken noodle soup; something my mother never made me.
So, I took.
I opened my mouth and took all Saph was willing to gift this exhausted soul.
She gave.
With organic sympathy, her other hand cradled my face, her mouth blending with mine. The sensual kiss went beyond a dance of tongues. It was like we were communicating, comprehending each other’s pain. She was a club girl—a whore, in a sense. There was no way to deny she had her issues, too. This night, we let them fuse together and found peace in each other’s arms.
With her in my lap, I apologized. “I’m sorry I haven’t been kind to you.”
Her voice was gentle and sweet. “Be kind to me now.”
As I slid inside her, we both groaned at the satisfying union that was our attempt to fill the gaping holes in our souls.
Later, with both of us spent and after she had fallen asleep in my arms, my distraction completely over, I took Sapphire in my embrace as I stood. She was tiny. Blonde hair with waves—
Another memory hit like a blow to my damaged soul. With Jenny still asleep, I carefully picked her up and carried her inside the quiet house. I knew it was safe now. My mom and Jarrod would be sleeping off the night for hours to come. Limping, with my arms full, I passed my mom’s bedroom. They indeed were sleeping… together.
My face pulsed with the swelling caused by the man my mom was holding for comfort. With my stomach turning, I wondered why she never came to find us. How could a mother lay with the abuser, while her kids slept outside all night, in the cold rain?
Sadly, I knew the routine. Later in the morning, my mother would wince when she saw my injured face, and then would whisper her apology. She would scar me, once again, by trying to fill me with repeated lies. Hollow lies.
She’d whisper, “He promises never to do it again, honey. You just have to be a good boy, okay?”
“Mama, why do you keep sending us away?”
The hand holding her steaming cup of coffee would tremble. “Oh, that’s just to help pay the bills, baby.”
The sky was showing signs of dawn coming as I stood there, holding Sapphire. I had never seen the connection before that moment, but was quickly realizing she and I were two of a kind. Neither of us saw cash in our palms for our sexual acts but were paid by having a roof over our heads. She was paying her dues now. I had already paid mine, long ago.
Begging myself to breathe through pain I was yet to understand, I kissed Saph’s forehead, pulling her closer. I needed to breathe her in, feel she was safe.
Sapphire, eyes still closed, wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and sighed.
My lungs filled with calmness as I leaned my head to hers, walking us back to our home. The house was still quiet as I carried her down the stairs, into the Barn, in need of a shower and sleep. I would have slept soundly, too, had Justice’s door not opened. I stood at my own door, staring at her.
Her eyes widened seeing Saph in my arms. “Are you guys okay?
“Yeah. Had a rough night.”
Justice went to take a step toward me, but stopped when the man she had fucked stepped out of her bedroom. My eyes raced to his.
“Holy shit. You’ve grown.”
No. Not him. “Yeah. How’s it going, Art?”
He smirked. “Did you finally fuck your bunny?”
Anger spiked, having me glare at Justice. “She’s no longer only a bunny to me.”
Justice grabbed her chest as if I had just stabbed her. I didn’t care. I felt she had no idea what it was like to be Saph or me. She was the sister of the President of Steel Stallions. Not the leftover wreckage of unfortunate circumstances.
As I said, I didn’t know shit.
In my bathroom, I stood the little beauty on her tired feet and removed her clothes while I waited for the shower to heat up. The girl was exhausted as I pulled her under the hot spray, holding her close to my chest. She barely moved as I washed her long hair. And she didn’t fight me as I dried her off before scooping her back up and carrying her to my bed.
Laying down, I pulled her snug to my chest so I could rest, knowing she was safe. I didn’t want anyone to take her from me.
I slept until soft lips woke me. “Giver, I have to go cook breakfast for the boys.”
“No.” My arms curled around her little waist.
She giggled. “You know you want some scrambled eggs.”
Not even opening my eyes, I rolled on top of her. “I want you.” She was still naked from the shower, so I hiked up her right thigh and surged my hips. She arched as I pushed inside. Grabbing her shoulders, I fucked hard and fast. I knew she was about to leave my bed, so I got one last release before she went.
Trying to stay quiet for me, lips mashed to my chest as I pumped and fucked.
“Let me hear you,” I demanded.
Her head flew back into the pillow as a long, overdue moan escaped her. My body seized as I felt her channel pulse around my dick. My eyes were rolling to the back of my head as I as
ked, “What is that?”
Fighting for her breath, she said, “I’m coming.”
My hips kept pumping, needing more of this sensation she was causing. “Oh my God. Don’t stop.” Suddenly, her channel was dripping wet, allowing me to glide in and out with a flurry of need, quickly exploding inside her.
I didn’t even have a chance to catch my breath before I heard a knock on my door. “Yo, dude. Have you seen,” the door opened, “Saph—”
Peering over my shoulder, I was about to yell at Brat until I saw something I never expected. Pain. Brat stumbled back, banging my door into a wall, all the while staring at Sapphire, underneath me, my dick still pulsing inside her.
Her head lazily lobbed to the side. “Hey, Brat. I’m all good. About to make you some breakfast.” After finally noticing his horror, she asked, “You okay?” truly confused at his reaction.
Swallowing, he blinked as if trying to clear his shock and memory of the sight. “Uh, yeah. Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” He fumbled for the doorknob behind him. “Breakfast? Cool. Uh, starvin’.” He rushed into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind him.
I tried, “Yo, Brat, wait.” But it was too late. He was gone.
Sapphire’s eyes were wide as she stared up at me. “W-What was that about? A-Am I in trouble? Will they kick me out? I have nowhere to go—”
To shut her up, I kissed her. “Stop. You are totally not reading him right. That man is as jealous as can be.”
“J-Jealous? But, why? I’m just a bunny.”
I sighed. I really did. What Saph and I had was a dangerous combo. Two fucked up souls, trying to rescue each other. A recipe for disaster. So, I slid out of the girl I would never be inside again. “You ain’t just a bunny to him. Nor me.” I kissed her. “Thank you for being so good to me last night. I was in a dark place, and you,” I shook my head and sighed again. “You pulled me from it.”
Her eyes watered as she covered her gaping mouth. “I helped you?”
I smiled so big. “Damn straight. Might have even saved my life.”
She hiccupped a tear. “Giver.”
“It’s true.” Even though it was a lie, I told her, “I’d even beg you to be mine if you weren’t already spoken for.”
Bleed Me (Haunted Roads Book 3) Page 10