Terminal Regression

by Mallory Hill

  Chapter 34

  <<<

  Mom brought me updates on the state of affairs when she came home from work every day. The artists were loving their new gossip assignment, though their tendency to embellish the truth wasn’t really what I’d had in mind when I set out to abolish the lies and illusions. Still, they were supporting the cause, and I was truly grateful to have them on my side.

  But one day, everything changed. Mom came home with a message I hadn’t anticipated. And I kind of wanted to kill myself.

  The trains had been shut down. All of them. Market delivery, passenger, even the baby train. No one knew why, and no one knew how to fix it. The trains were controlled by Terminal B.

  “So what do we do now?” Mom asked expectantly. She didn’t seem worried, but why should she be? This was all my doing, and so I must have thought things through enough to have a plan for the inevitable backlash. What kind of a revolutionary would I be if I hadn’t?

  I tried not to freak out. I didn’t know the full story or what was happening over on the other side. Maybe the trains had just conveniently broken down in the midst of my mission. Maybe they were just trying to scare us back into conformity with a little demonstration of their authority. Or maybe this was bad. Maybe this was really bad and I’d just destroyed life as we knew it.

  “Um,” I began uncertainly, “that’s a great question… Any thoughts?”

  She shook her head, but of course she still had a million things to say on the matter. “It’s ridiculous. What makes them think they can do this to us? It’d be one thing to turn off that silly ticket system, but interfering with market donors puts the whole city at risk. They’re sending a terrible message. I certainly hope your father knows what he’s doing.”

  I did too. Dad wouldn’t let us go on like this. We needed the market deliveries for basic survival. All the agricultural endeavors within Terminal A were only designed to be for scientific, recreational, or trendy diet purposes. They couldn’t sustain our entire population. But while I doubted the leaders would let us starve, I wondered just how long it would take for them to agree on a protocol.

  “Mom, they’re not market donors,” I said, trying to buy myself some planning time. “Everything from the market gets shipped in from Terminal B. I’ve told you that.”

  She nodded. “I know. I just can’t quite wrap my head around all that yet.”

  “You told me you always believed there was life out there.”

  She raised an eyebrow, fully aware that I was accusing her of something. “Just because you believe in something doesn’t mean you can’t be a little surprised when you find out it’s really true. Faith isn’t supposed to be perfect. The mystery of it is what makes it fun.” She went to the sink to wash off the day’s paint splatters. “Of course, if they keep being so secretive with this delivery crisis, we will have a serious problem on our hands.”

  She was still so calm, just casually scolding the system while going about her business. Stuff like this was supposed to terrify people. Not just oversensitive freaks of nature like me either.

  “How serious?” I asked, trying to gauge her understanding of the situation.

  “Well, serious enough. Somebody will have to do something about it. It’ll be such an inconvenience too. You know, they’ll probably call together the community representatives for this one. Drag us out to that dark little office and have everyone argue for a good long time.” She sighed, but that was all. That was her version of the end of our world.

  “Yeah, okay. When will that be do you think?”

  She shrugged. “Who can say, really? Probably before anyone even has the chance to come up with a solution.”

  I nodded. “Well, first of all, we need to increase ration restrictions and make sure shoppers are monitored. Then you need to get the word out that no one should panic. The stuff is still out there, it’s just a matter of shipping. I can try to contact Dad at the ticket office, but if that doesn’t work, I don’t know.”

  I did know. I’d have to go back. Back into that tunnel, back into that world, back to the land of the dead. I’d have to kill myself all over again and try to reason with these people after effectively destroying their entire institution. Everything I’d risked, Dad’s job, Will’s life, it was all for nothing unless I got this straightened out.

  Mom dried her hands off and sat down next to me. “Well, honey, why don’t you come along? I’m sure the council would love to hear your ideas.”

  I got nervous suddenly. It was one thing addressing the artists, but the city council? The top representatives from every community? Sure the whole universe was at stake or whatever, but how could I face this superhuman conglomerate and even pretend I had something valuable to say to all of them?

  But I’d started this. I’d made the mural, I’d made the decision to stir up trouble, so now I had to see it through.

  Mom got the call later that night. Getting up the next morning was a real chore, but I had to go. It was my civic duty, my revolutionary responsibility. Will would have been proud of me.

  I hated how I’d left him. I’d abandoned him to the mercy of the very system that was trying to kill him. He’d be on his own now, with no one but my overprotective father to vouch for him. I hoped they were treating him well enough. With any luck, this time off was making him healthier, so I had to imagine he couldn’t be too miserable. But I knew he had to be lonely. I felt it myself every day I woke up without him.

  Heading to the council meeting, I tried to imagine what he would do if he were in my place. Will had always been confident. He had the kind of self-assurance a revolutionary needed. He’d be able to march into that room and tell the council what was what without even thinking about running away or throwing up or giving up on life in general. I had to channel that somehow.

  We passed the mural on the way. As was the usual these days, there was a group of protesters nearby. This time, they were shouting at the wall, as if someone on the other side could somehow hear them and put everything back in order.

  Mom’s face twitched a little as their shouts became angrier and more explicit. She took my hand and discreetly pulled me a little closer, whether it was to protect me or herself I couldn’t say.

  Suddenly, there was a loud bang, and my immediate reaction was to duck in cover. But it wasn’t an explosion or a gunshot or anything. Someone had put a sledgehammer to the wall, and the crowd gave a mighty cheer at the tiny dent it made in the massive barrier.

  “Oh my God,” I breathed, unwittingly drifting towards the frenzy.

  Mom tightened her grip on me. “Laura, we need to keep going.”

  They struck the wall again, and this time a powdery dust flaked off from the point of impact. Once again, the crowd cheered, and I broke away to hopefully not make things worse.

  “Whoa, what are you doing?” I demanded before I could evaluate the situation. Sledgehammer guy was a lot bigger than me and definitely a lot angrier. But I tried to seem authoritative.

  “What’s it look like?” he said with an unabashed grin. “We’re tearing it down!” He raised the sledgehammer over his head and his buddies went crazy.

  “Yeah, okay,” I shouted over the noise. “Except you can’t just destroy public property. Look, it’s totally great you guys are so supportive, but you could get in serious trouble for this so maybe just—”

  Mom caught up with me and yanked me away. “Laura, this doesn’t concern us. Let’s go.”

  I shook her off. “You don’t want to go to prison,” I continued. “Trust me, you don’t know what you’re in for.”

  He ignored me and just kept whacking away, oblivious to the fact that it would take a lot more than one man and a hammer to get through to Terminal B.

  “They’ll kill you!” I cried, desperate to make myself heard. “Please! I can’t be responsible for this! I can’t get people killed!”


  What had I done? What had I started? This wasn’t the city I knew anymore. There was so much hate, so much darkness. And I hadn’t been able to tell them the whole truth. I’d demonized the government when all I’d really meant to do was stir up a mild discontent.

  I heard sirens in the distance. Mom was still tugging on me, but I couldn’t let these people go down because of me.

  It was unheard of to run from the police. Only criminals ran; nobody else had any reason to be afraid. But that was before I’d planted the seed of anarchy in their heads. Now they were acting out, acting criminal, and they didn’t even realize it. A squad car pulled off the road, coming to a stop near where the crowd had gathered. It got their attention, but no one even thought about dispersing.

  “There,” Mom said sharply. “We’ll let the officer handle it. Now let’s get to the meeting.” She started pulling on me again.

  “Oh my God, Mom, if you want to go, go! This is important to me, okay?”

  She stared at me. I guess it was pretty out of character for me to disagree with her. I’d spent my whole life trying to make up for sucking at art by going along with whatever she wanted. It wasn’t like I’d had anything better to do. With no job, no interests, no life of my own, following had been all I was good for. But there was something to fight for now, something to save. I couldn’t let her make all my decisions anymore.

  She seemed a little hurt but didn’t say anything more. She tossed her head a little bit and stood beside me to await the cop’s next move.

  He got out of his car in no particular rush, shut the door, and meandered to a more central location. “We got a call about a disturbance,” he said matter-of-factly. “Is everything all right out here?” Sledgehammer guy appeared to be the target of the question, but Mom and I were close enough to him that we also got an expectant glance.

  “The trains are closed,” hammer man explained. “What are we supposed to do? They can’t push us around like this.”

  The cop nodded. “I’m just as concerned as you are, sir. But I’m going to have to ask you to step away from the wall. Once the city’s come to a decision about this, I promise you’ll be made aware.”

  “There are people over there!” the guy shouted in agitation. “We’ve got to get them back! What’s to decide?”

  The cop held his hands up. “Now we don’t know that. We don’t have any proof. There’s no use getting worked up over a rumor.”

  “No, he’s right,” I chimed in, knowing I couldn’t let the truth be reduced to a rumor. “I’ve been there. And I don’t know why they’re doing this, but—”

  “Hold on,” he interrupted. “You’ve been there?” He looked at me like he suddenly recognized me, though I was certain we’d never met. “Are you Laura Baily?”

  Well, hey, maybe we’d met after all.

  “Um, yeah… How do you know that?”

  He stared at me for a while longer. “I’m sorry, but you’re under arrest.”

  I couldn’t have heard him right. I’d done nothing wrong. Technically, I didn’t even exist anymore. I shook my head. “Under arrest?”

  Mom pushed her way in front of me. “There must be some mistake,” she insisted. “We were trying to stop them. I’m Jane Baily, I’m on the city council.”

  The cop fiddled with his belt and got a pair of handcuffs ready for me. “We got an alert the other day that a Laura Baily was in possession of dangerous government information. It said we were supposed to apprehend on sight, but it didn’t make sense. The only Laura Baily we had on file killed herself a few months back.”

  So they were looking for me. Dad must have told the other leaders the truth, and evidently they weren’t too happy with what I’d done to their city. But what did they expect to do with me? They’d shut down the trains; I wouldn’t be returning to Terminal B any time soon.

  “Killed herself?” Mom asked. “Well, there’s your mistake. Laura never…” She looked at me, confused but not convinced. “No,” she said, still smiling. “She took the train, she had a ticket, she… Well, tell him, Laura.” She waited for me to deny it, her smile slowly falling when I failed to.

  I didn’t know what to say. I never meant for her to find out, not until everything was resolved and my victory could balance it out. I felt shame twisting my stomach, but I held my tongue. I couldn’t admit it, not like this. Not with everyone already staring at me like I was some freak of nature.

  Finally, I stuck out my arms. “So am I under arrest or what?” I asked, desperate to get out of there before my emotions got the best of me.

  The cop cuffed me while Mom continued to protest, somewhat deliriously now that the bomb had been dropped. I didn’t fight it. I got into the car without another word. What was one more arrest? The most they could do was lock me in a cell. I’d already done my part for the revolution so what was the harm?

  Mom touched the glass of the car window. Her smile was gone. I’d only seen that look once before, in Dad’s painting of her. I looked back at her and couldn’t hold back the tears that started rushing out of me. I’d destroyed her. First the city and now my mom. Everything was falling apart because of me. Everything was wrong.

  Chapter 35

  <<<

  I spent most of the drive trying to muffle the pathetic little whimpering sounds that kept coming out of me. I wasn’t afraid; not for myself anyway. I just couldn’t help feeling I’d made the wrong choice. Desperately, I tried to remember what I was fighting for. Will, Grant, Mimi, Dad, they were all counting on me to bring them back to life. But was it worth it? Was the world I’d created worth living in anymore?

  I wiped a whole mess of wetness off my face and tried to compose myself. All that mattered was getting through this current situation. I could deal with the rest later.

  “So what’s going to happen to me?” I asked through the bars separating me from the officer.

  I saw him glance at me in the rearview mirror. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Usually for something like this you’d end up on the train, but that doesn’t look like much of an option right now.”

  I nodded. “And you know I never meant to upset anyone, right? I only came back to tell everybody the truth.”

  “Look, it really isn’t up to me. I’m just following orders. If you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Okay?”

  I sighed and slumped back in the seat. That would have been fine if I knew whose version of wrong we were going by.

  Once again, I found myself in a holding cell as the officers tried to figure out what to do with me. It wasn’t maximum security or anything, just some metal bars tucked away in a corner of the police station. I could actually see the front doors if I stood in a certain spot. But mostly, I watched the officers bustling around with big fat legal books, entering my arrest into their system, and occasionally checking in to make sure I hadn’t busted out. I didn’t know what Will saw in this job. It was the most ordinary thing I’d seen in my entire life.

  My knowledge of the legal system was limited, but I knew the basics. Cops did the arresting, lawyers did the defending, and judges did the sentencing. The whole process would take weeks, so I had no idea what everyone thought they were doing rushing and reading like that.

  “Hey,” I called out to them from within the confines of my cell. Most of them looked at me, some poised for more action than I could possibly give them. “Can I speak to whoever’s in charge?” I asked, trying to get some answers and maybe speed things along.

  For a long moment, no one responded. Some of them glanced around awkwardly as if they were expecting someone else to step up and answer me. I realized their community leader must have been at the city council meeting.

  I sighed into the silence. “Okay, how about this? Where’d the alert come from? The one that said I was dangerous?”

  Again, it was like these guys were mute or somet
hing. I saw one officer’s eyes drift toward a bulky looking desktop computer.

  “Oh my God, seriously? You don’t know who did this? You just blindly arrested a probably innocent girl because your computer said to? Don’t you get it? That’s them. That’s Terminal B. You can’t arrest me for telling the truth. I was supposed to meet with the council today. Let me go and I can try to fix everything.”

  They started muttering things to each other too quietly for me to hear. But that was fine; it wasn’t like the entire fate of the universe hinged upon me or anything. I crossed my arms and waited it out.

  Eons later, somebody finally came and unlocked my cell. I was completely psyched that it had actually worked, but I tried to play it off like it was nothing.

  “Why, thank you, sir,” I said with as much dignity as I could muster.

  But before I could get too cocky, out came the handcuffs.

  “We’re taking you to the council meeting,” he said as he turned me around and cuffed my hands behind my back. “They’ll decide what to do with you.”

  I groaned, my dignity evaporating. “Why is it so complicated?”

  He was not amused by my attitude. “We have orders to detain and discharge. You know what that means?”

  Losing more confidence by the second, I shook my head.

  “It means, had those trains been running, you’d be dead by now.” He took me by the arm and started to lead me towards the door. “Let’s hope for your sake the council has more mercy.”

  I went outside and was put into another squad car. I didn’t understand. The trains weren’t working; what could the council do to me? It took me far too long to realize I’d been given a death sentence. And without the trains, there was only one way that could go down. Someone would have to actively murder me.

  Death. Real, actual death had finally caught up with me at the worst possible time. All those times I’d wished for something like this, all the times I’d begged on my knees, tears in my eyes, nothing had happened. But now that I actually had something to live for, something to fight for, something worth sticking it out despite the terror and the hurt for, now that I had something to lose, the world didn’t hesitate to take it away.