The Light in the Hallway (ARC)

by Amanda Prowse

  really know what this … thing, is between us.’ She rolled

  her hands in front of her.

  ‘No, I guess we’ve kept it vague, feeling our way,

  giving the other a get out of jail free card, not made too

  many plans, left the option to bail in place.’ He thought

  he’d make it easy for her. And in hastening her words a

  little easier on himself too.

  ‘Yes, I guess so.’ She paused and took a breath. ‘But

  things have kind of taken me by surprise.’

  ‘Right.’ He coughed, watching as she filled her cheeks

  with air and blew out slowly, as if a little light-headed.

  ‘For God’s sake, just say it, Bev.’ He looked her in the

  eye. ‘Just say it.’

  And so she did.

  ‘I’m pregnant.’

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  Nick had heard the words, but it was as if she spoke in a

  foreign tongue, because surely the words he had heard and

  what she had meant to say must be two different things.

  ‘You’re…?’ He felt his heart boom in his chest and his

  palms were a little clammy.

  ‘I’m pregnant.’

  Nick bent forward and rested his elbows on his thighs;

  he felt the ground rush up to meet him. He took slow,

  steady breaths so he didn’t topple from the chair.

  ‘You’re pregnant?’

  ‘I am.’ She nodded and, whether consciously or not,

  placed the flat of her palm over her stomach.

  Nick continued to breathe slowly and then stood;

  the room suddenly felt quite airless. He walked to the

  window and threw it open, letting the breeze suck the

  net curtains out into the cool evening air.

  ‘It’s a shock, I know.’

  He turned sharply, almost having forgotten she was

  there, so preoccupied with his own thoughts, which were

  a raging torrent of confusion.

  ‘Are you sure, Bev?’

  She nodded briskly. ‘One hundred percent.’

  He could see that her eyes were searching and thought

  about what this might be like for her, having to give this

  information – just as tricky, he suspected, as it was for

  him to hear it.

  ‘Are you okay?’

  She nodded.

  ‘How … How pregnant are you?’ he managed, com-

  ing back now to sit next to her at the table.

  ‘Only just. About ten weeks.’

  Nick mentally did the maths. ‘That was very early on

  when we…’ He faltered. He might have got this woman

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  pregnant, but still didn’t know her well enough to talk

  about the mechanics of sex without the gauze of embar-

  rassment. It spoke volumes.

  ‘I don’t know what to say!’ He gave a nervous laugh.

  ‘That makes two of us.’ She pulled the sleeves of her

  jumper over her wrists.

  ‘Have you thought about what you want, about how

  you might…’ Again he faltered.

  ‘I’m keeping this baby.’ She cut to the chase and for

  the first time he pictured Oliver and having to tell his

  son the news. ‘I’m thirty, Nick, not a kid. I didn’t plan

  it, didn’t consider it; we are so new.’

  ‘We are that.’ It was his turn to agree.

  ‘But I do know that this might be my one shot at be-

  ing a mother and I’m going to take it. I like you, Nick.

  I might even love you, a bit.’

  He took her hand into his, and this one small gesture

  was enough to make her tears brim.

  ‘But I don’t expect you to jump on board and commit

  to anything you don’t want to or feel obligated to. I really

  mean it. I’m used to being on my own and I’ve dealt with

  a lot of shit by myself, and I can do this alone if I have to.’

  Her tears were heart-rending and he felt a pull of

  something in his chest that felt a lot like love.

  ‘But I am on board! You’re pregnant; how can I not feel obligated?’

  ‘Christ, way to make a girl feel special.’ She withdrew

  her hand.

  ‘That’s not what I meant; that’s just how it came out.’

  He placed his hand on her arm. ‘What I meant was, how

  can I walk away when you’re carrying my baby? My

  baby! This baby!’ he repeated, as if this fact was starting

  to sink in.

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  ‘What baby?’

  He and Beverly turned to the voice that had asked

  the question from the kitchen door; neither had heard

  Oliver come down the stairs.

  ‘Oliver!’

  His son ignored Beverly and addressed him directly.

  ‘I said, what baby, Dad?’

  Nick looked from his son to the mother of his unborn

  child, sitting at the table. ‘It’s still very early days…’

  ‘I have literally just this second told your dad,’ Beverly

  explained, now with her hand over her stomach in pro-

  tection of sorts.

  ‘Told my dad what?’ Oliver leant on the door frame

  as if he needed the support.

  ‘I’m having a baby,’ Beverly almost whispered, and Nick

  hated that the announcement that should be made with

  whistles and fanfares was muted and apologetic. It wasn’t fair.

  ‘Actually, to say we are having a baby would be more

  accurate.’

  Oliver gripped the wall and looked like he might faint

  and Nick understood. The news was still sinking in for

  him too, and with each moment of realisation he had to

  fight to keep calm.

  ‘Come and sit down, Olly; we need to all talk about

  this, all of us.’

  ‘There’s nothing to talk about.’ Oliver’s voice was

  steady, and in that moment Nick knew he would prefer

  the shouts of anger that were predictable.

  ‘Please, Oliver, come and sit down,’ Beverly tried.

  ‘No matter what happens, you and I will always be joined

  together; this little one is your family.’

  Nick stared at her, confident that whilst spoken with

  the best will in the world, her words were not helpful.

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  Oliver ran back up the stairs and returned only minutes

  later with Tasha, her hair mussed and her glasses askew,

  a coat on over her pyjamas and trainers on her feet.

  ‘Where are you going?’ Nick shouted.

  ‘To Auntie Di’s!’ Oliver yelled as he slammed the

  door behind him.

  ‘Perfect.’ Nick slumped down onto the bottom stair.

  ‘Bloody perfect.’

  He looked up at Beverly, who stood opposite him now.

  ‘Would you like me to head home?’

  ‘Yes.’ He stood and took her hands into his. ‘I would

  like you to head up the stairs home. I would like you to

  walk through the front door and be home. In short I want

  you to be home with me and I want to be home with you.’

  Beverly let her head drop to her chest as her tears fell.

  ‘I’m having a baby,’ she managed through her tears.

  ‘I cry a lot!’

  ‘Don’t cry. You’re not going through this alone. We

  are having a baby.’ He pulled her close and kissed her


  scalp. Looking over her head to the lounge he saw himself

  and Kerry kneeling at either end of the rug, while Oliver

  tried and failed to take his first steps. Falling back onto

  his fat-nappied bottom.

  He can’t do it alone; he needs you to support him…

  ‘And I will, I will support him every step of the way,

  for always.’

  ‘Or her.’ Beverly reached up and kissed his face.

  And it was only then that he realised he had spoken

  the words out loud.

  ‘Do you think I should call Di? Or go after him?’

  Beverly shook her head. ‘No, I think you should

  let him have his protest and pour his heart out to his

  Auntie Di, who will love it. And then in the morning

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  you should go and bring him home. We need to make it

  right with Oliver. I can’t be the reason for any disruption

  or unhappiness, because if I am then I will always be that

  person and I won’t stand a chance. We can’t have a hostile

  atmosphere, especially not in Oliver’s home, his refuge.’

  ‘You’re right.’ He sighed, wondering how he was going

  to fix this and thankful that Beverly was willing to try.

  ‘But right now can we please go to bed?’

  Nick waggled his eyebrows in her direction.

  ‘And you can forget that; growing a baby is bloody

  exhausting.’

  * * *

  Nick walked up the path and knocked on his sister-in-law’s

  door. Having spent the majority of the night staring at

  the stars through the window, with his thoughts pulled

  between pure joy and deep concern, he was exhausted.

  ‘Nick.’ She stared at him from up high on the front step.

  ‘Di.’

  ‘I suppose you want to talk to your son?’

  ‘I want to talk to him and bring him home, yes.’

  She shook her head. ‘Well, you’ve really done it now.’

  ‘Done what?’ He looked at her quizzically.

  ‘You think this is a game? A joke?’ She paused. ‘A

  baby, Nick? Really? What were you thinking? You’ve

  only known her five minutes!’

  Nick bit his bottom lip and listened.

  ‘And what is she after? Jumping into Kerry’s shoes so

  quickly. And what about Oliver, that boy deserves more,

  deserves better. And don’t get me started on—’

  ‘Get rid of it…’ Nick cut her off.

  ‘What?’

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  ‘Get rid of it.’ He looked up and into his sister-in-law’s

  face. ‘That’s what you said to Kerry when she told you

  she was pregnant. You said, get rid of it. You said she

  was ruining her life. You said that poor little mite didn’t

  stand a chance with me as its dad. That’s what you said,

  and Kerry sobbed when she told me. We were only kids

  and we needed every ounce of support from wherever

  we could get it. And support came from many places,

  but not from you. Never from you. You were furious,

  judgmental, angry for some reason, and it bothered Kerry,

  upset her, and it upset me.’

  ‘I love Oliver!’ He noted the emotion in her voice.

  ‘I know you do now.’

  ‘I always did!’ she shouted. ‘From the moment he was

  born, that lovely baby!’

  ‘Yes, but if Kerry or I had listened to you he would never

  have been born, and make no mistake – he was and is the greatest achievement of my life, Di. The very best thing

  I’ve ever done, and if this new little one turns out to be half the person Oliver is then I will be the luckiest man alive.’

  Nick looked up over Diane’s shoulder to see Oliver

  standing behind her; he didn’t know how much he had

  heard. The boy walked forward with Tasha not far behind.

  ‘Thank you for having me, Auntie Di.’

  ‘Any time, you know that,’ she managed through her

  tears, swiping at her eyes with a balled-up tissue. ‘I am

  always here for you.’

  Oliver and Tasha walked slowly by his side. Nick

  didn’t know what to say or how to say it. He suddenly

  felt rather old and a little tired.

  ‘You two go on home; I’ll see you there in a minute.

  I just need to go and fetch Treacle from Nan’s.’

  ‘Okay.’ Oliver gave him a small smile.

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  Nick let himself in and walked into the kitchen, where

  his mum stood at the stove frying up bacon and eggs.

  ‘Morning, son. Breakfast?’

  ‘No, thanks, Mum.’ He turned to the table, where

  Eric and Jen sat tucking into toast and tea, waiting for

  their bacon and eggs.

  ‘Morning, Edna!’ Eric lifted his mug in a salute.

  ‘God, how can you look and sound so chirpy after

  the amount you drank last night?’ Nick shook his head.

  Eric grinned. ‘Because I’m happy.’

  ‘And why are you so happy exactly?’

  ‘Because I love your sister and because I think she

  might love me. We are still ironing out the details.’ As if

  to prove it, he placed his free hand along Jen’s shoulders

  and pulled her to him and she didn’t punch him or push

  him away; in fact, she looked quite pleased.

  ‘Is this true? You might love my friend?’ he asked his

  sister affectionately, reflecting on their conversation when

  she had confessed as much.

  ‘As I said, I’m considering that possibility, yes.’ She

  looked down, her blush spreading.

  ‘I’ll say this only once. I’ve known you a long time,

  Eric Pickard, but if you hurt my sister I’ll break your face.

  She is one in a bloody million.’

  Jen beamed at him. ‘Cheers, Nick.’

  ‘Well, I don’t know what to make it of it all.’ His

  mum flipped the fried egg in the pan. ‘Eric stayed over

  last night but there was no sign of the bed-in-a-bag, if

  you get my meaning.’ Jen and Eric laughed. Nick pulled

  a face as unwelcome images floated into his mind. His

  mum continued. ‘It seems like these two are finally doing

  the right thing and he’s jetting off to Australia!’

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  ‘I know,’ he agreed. It was terrible timing.

  ‘Although I’m quite looking forward to waving him

  off. I need the rest from all the cooking, and at last I can

  run the fridge down and take it easy a bit…’

  Nick was perplexed. It was only a short while ago she

  had shed tears at the thought of him leaving.

  ‘Looking forward to it? You do know where Australia

  is, Mum?’ He took a breath. ‘It’s a long way…’

  ‘Calm down, you dweeb.’ Jen shook her head at her

  brother. ‘He’s only going for a month.’

  ‘A month?’ Nick laughed with something that felt a

  lot like relief. ‘But I thought you had a plan to start over, a new life…’ He stared at his best friend.

  ‘Yes, son, but plans change. Plans change. I reckon

  I’d like to invest in your business and maybe have my

  own private place to park my bike at the new flash offices

  and a fancy title, of course. Plus, Jen said I could
go to

  cubs if I wanted and that she’d get me the uniform and

  everything, so I’m staying here.’

  Nick felt the swell of happiness in his gut. This was

  good news; it was, in fact, absolutely brilliant.

  ‘You’re a bloody weirdo!’ His sister laughed.

  ‘Yes.’ Eric took a bite of his toast. ‘But I’m your bloody

  weirdo.’

  ‘We’ll see.’ Jen sipped her cup of tea. ‘We’ll see.’

  With Treacle on her lead, Nick decided his news could

  wait. He wanted Jen and Eric to have their moment.

  He walked slowly home, laughing to himself at the

  turn of events. It seemed his friend was right: the waiting

  game paid off after all. Nick paused in his driveway and

  looked up at the house. His eyes were drawn to the small

  rectangular window above the front door, from where the

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  light shone. This light in the hallway was at this moment

  more than just an aide to ensure a stumble-free trip up the

  path; it was a beacon, a sign of the life that lay behind the door, the promise of a warm welcome, a cup of tea and

  company. Music filtered from Oliver’s bedroom window,

  Nick could see him and Tasha dancing in shadow. It was

  a house full of life and light. It was home.

  He put the key in the front door and let Treacle off

  her lead before walking with some urgency towards the

  sound of crying.

  Oh, no … Oh, please, no!

  Beverly sat at the kitchen table with her head in her

  hands, sobbing.

  ‘Oh, God! Oh, no, Bev, what happened? Is it some-

  thing Oliver said?’

  She nodded and gasped for air, her eyes swollen.

  ‘Something he did?’ His mind ran riot and he felt the

  swell of anger. How dare he reduce her to this? What gives him the right?

  Again she nodded. Reaching up she grabbed Nick’s

  arm and pulled him down into the seat opposite hers.

  ‘What happened?’ he asked softly.

  Beverly took a deep breath and reached for the kitchen

  roll, into which she blew her nose.

  ‘He … He came in with Tasha and … and went

  upstairs.’ She paused and took another breath and then

  wiped her eyes. ‘Then he came straight back down again

  and … and sat where you’re sitting and he…’

  ‘He what?’ Nick felt the tightening of his jaw.

  ‘He said he wanted me to have this.’ She opened up

  her palm to reveal Kerry’s watch, and suddenly it be-

  came clear that she was crying happy tears, happy tears

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