I set my coffee down in the cup holder and increased the speed on the highway. “We’ll find him. Don’t worry.”
“How could you tell I was feeling so hopeless?”
“That’s the way of any case. Moments of defeat and hopelessness. Thoughts that you’re not good enough. You had some wins before; you’ll get some more again.”
“Maybe, we should re-interview all of the victims’ parents. Perhaps, there’s a detail that was overlooked.”
“We can, but I would rather do the neighbors first. These mothers have dealt with one of the most traumatic situations in their lives. Due to the girls’ bodies being found, most of the parents will no longer want to interview. Many. . .have been hospitalized or put into a mental health center. Others won’t leave the house or let anyone in.”
“I don’t have kids, but I understand how that could ruin a person.”
“I feel the same way. Sometimes this job makes me not want to have children at all.”
“No. Don’t say that.” She gazed at me in shock. “You can’t let fear stop you from one of the most rewarding experiences in life.”
“There’s other rewarding experiences.”
“There are, but I think you probably would be a good father.”
I quirked my brows. “Why?”
“You have a protective nature about you. I would surely let you watch my children.”
“Interesting.” I returned my view to the road. “I’ll have to tell Stein that you said that.”
She grinned. “I see. So, you’re thinking about having kids with him?”
“Funny.” I grinned. “No. He declared that I would be a childless bachelor all my life.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Someone’s going to grab you up one day the moment you’re not paying attention.”
“And what about you?”
She sighed. “I want a husband and kids. I even want the nice house with the backyard and the cuddly dog.”
I shook my head. “The whole white picket fence dream.”
“Complete with rose bushes and a cute little apron that won’t get in the way of my gun holster.”
“Oh, you think you’ll still be an agent as you build this dream?”
“I can.”
“My father was barely there. He was a superior agent, creating units and saving many facets of the world from his research. But as a father, he was mediocre at best.”
She frowned.
“All I’m saying is that parenting and being a top agent could be difficult.”
“The best things in life are difficult to have. I don’t want easy.”
I nodded. “Fascinating.”
“What?”
“You may have convinced me that marriage and kids may not be a bad thing at all.”
“Of course, it isn’t Alexander. People are constantly doing it.”
“Doesn’t mean it’s right.”
“But it does mean that it can feel really good. And humans love to feel good.”
I concurred, “Not a bad point either.”
The rest of the ride grew quiet. As I sat behind the steering wheel, I wondered about this possible new way of thinking. Could my life include the whole white picket fence dream in a world that bred serial killers? Was it crazy to save myself from possible heartbreak and stress by not trying marriage and kids at all? Or was it better to try—to jump into these possibilities simply for the fact that. . .it felt really good?
We entered Fullbrooke and more thoughts came. Ponderings of how good it just might feel to come home to a wife and child. The warmth. The laughs. The love.
While I had not been impressed with my father as a parent, I worshiped him, nonetheless. When I was a kid and knew he was coming home, I would wait by the window and stare out the glass, getting excited. When his car pulled up, I ran out of the door and hugged his legs. That didn’t stop at any age. Even when I was a teen, I sat by the window and waited. And when he came home, I controlled my excitement. However, I still hurried outside and greeted him, but at that time, it was with a shake.
Yet, that handshake was everything to me. The most important part of the week. Because it was the hand of my father—a symbol of love and protection.
As I parked the car in front of Saint Mary’s Inn, I realized that deep inside, I craved for that moment still. But I didn’t want to shake or hug my father. I yearned for a smaller version of me to run my way and seek my love.
Haven took me out of my thoughts. “Are you okay?”
I cleared my throat. “Yes.”
“It’s just that the windshield wipers are on and you’ve been staring at them the whole time.”
Frowning, I shut them off as well as the car. “Something was on my mind.”
“The case?”
“No. Something bigger than that.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “Are you hungry?”
“No. I’m going up to the room to take a shower and pass out.”
I nodded. “Tomorrow is Sunday. You should take a break. I don’t have my agents do anything on that day.”
“I haven’t seen my mother yet. I promised her I would go to church with her.” And then she gave me a wicked grin. “You know what? You should come too.”
“Oh.” I widened my eyes. “No. . .I don’t think—”
“You should definitely come. For one thing, our Unsub could be in the church. Unfortunately. Two, the whole place has witnesses so you may learn something. Third, if everyone sees you there, they’ll warm to you from now on.”
I let out a long breath. “So, you’re saying that if I go, perhaps Pastor Miller will stop referring to be as that whiteboy?”
“There’s a strong chance of that happening.”
I groaned. “I’m still not sure if I should—”
“We have dinner at Pastor Miller’s house afterwards; I’ll let my mother know now.” She pulled out her phone and opened the door.
“Oh. Wait.” I hurried to catch her, getting my keys out of the car and climbing out. “Haven!”
She was already on the phone, twisting her hips back and forth. I meant to yell out her name one more time, but that bottom grabbed my attention. Instead of stopping her, I let myself fall captivated to the swish of those hips and the jiggle of that plump ass.
It looks like I’m going to church.
I wondered if God would be mad that I was coming to his house due to a sexy woman.
Maybe, Haven will take me through the secret passageway when she gets bored and we can smoke a cigarette and look at dirty magazines.
Doubting I would be so lucky, I shut the car door and headed to the Inn.
Church with Haven’s mother?
On one side, it would be good to explore this part of her life. I had already decided last night that I wanted to know more about Haven, and I. . .yearned to do more with her. Not many ideas came to my head besides getting her naked and spending quality time. But anything could grow out of simple moments and I yearned to truly learn what made Haven tick. Meeting her mother could be an awesome idea.
This could be good. I’ll be able to investigate the case more, as well as learn about Haven.
Chapter 19
Sunday in the South
Haven
Alexander wore a suit to work. Therefore, I thought I had already seen him in one. But when he walked me out of Saint Mary’s Inn this Sunday morning, I realized I was wrong.
I did my best not to drool as I checked him out. I even moved at a slightly slower pace to get a nice view of that muscled behind.
God is good. He knew what I needed this morning. Thank you, Jesus.
It looked like the suit had paid Alexander to be on his body. Classic, yet all designer. Indigo blue in pure premium wool. Clearly custom made. Thoughtful construction. Not tight, but superiorly forming around his muscled body and revealing more as if he was naked. I could see every firm layer, every delicious bulge, every shift and flex of muscle on his thighs, back, and arms.
He’s going to give half the woman in church dirty thoughts and messy panties. Pastor Miller won’t have any idea what will be going on in the minds of his members today.
Alexander strolled over to the passenger side and opened the door.
I grinned.
He shrugged. “We’re not working, so now I can be a gentleman.”
“Thank you.” I wanted to say more, but that vision of sexiness and his sweet behavior had taken most of my words away.
I need to go to my own room this week. Things are going to get out of hand.
Sleeping in the room with him was a difficult task. Of course, the whole time he was thoughtful and gave me space. But last night, he went commando as he wore gray sweatpants to bed. Again, those pants did nothing to hide the size of his length. As he walked around his cock swung back and forth like a long, thick pendulum. Many times, I very much yearned to yank those damn sweats down.
As if things couldn’t get even dirtier, he always took his shirt off before sleeping on the couch. In those moments, I lay in the moonlit darkness, spying like a pervert and enjoying the way the light bathed his chiseled body.
The man was gorgeous and sexy. The more I stayed in his room, the more I would want to touch and taste him.
“Is everything okay.” Alexander took me out of my thoughts. He remained by my door, waiting for me to get into the car.
I cleared my throat. “Oh yes. Everything is fine.”
Things are just as fine as you are.
I blushed and climbed into the car.
Oh God. Stop objectifying the poor man.
He closed the door. As if he knew what he was doing to me, he walked in front of the car instead of behind, giving me a great view of that heavenly behind in the designer suit.
Yes, Lord. You are the creator! You sure know how to make a man.
I bet Jesus was up in the sky shaking his head at me this morning.
It’s your fault, God. It really is. I didn’t do that.
He climbed in and filled the car with his lovely cologne.
I smiled at him. “Are you ready for church?”
His cheery expression shifted to nervousness. “I think so.”
“What? Why do you think so?”
“This is not just a church. I’m going into an environment full of people who believe I’m the reason why the Fullbrooke Six haven’t been saved.”
“They more blame the cops.”
“They don’t think I care.”
“They will when they see you at church.”
He started the car. “Pastor Miller isn’t a fan.”
“But, he did invite you.”
“He did.” Alexander drove us off.
“You still look nervous.”
He shrugged. “There’s other things at play.”
“What?”
“Your mother.”
Shocked, I widened my eyes. “My mother? She’s nothing to be nervous about.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not going to be trying to make a good first impression.”
I giggled. “You don’t have to make a good impression with her. She’s going to like you.”
“I hope so.” He drove us out of the parking lot. “And I do have to make a good impression.”
“Do you?”
“I’m hoping to. . .”
I stared at him. “What?”
“I’m hoping to be around for a while.” He adjusted his tie. “In your life. Which means her life. It wouldn’t be a good idea to get off on the wrong track.”
My heart warmed. I wasn’t prepared for that admission. While I’d been full of lust every moment, I was around him and ready to jump his bones since staying in his room, I hadn’t caught the same energy from him.
He’s feeling the same way I do?
I turned my attention back to the front window. “So. . .you want to be in my life?”
“At least discuss that possibility, after the case. . .of course.” He lifted one of his hands an inch from the steering wheel as if he was going to make a point, and then he put the hand back on the wheel. “We’re practically. . .”
My voice came out shaky. “We’re practically what?”
“Roommates.”
My grin widened. “True.”
“Certain things arise when people live together. We learn things. For example, I happen to know that you like to brush your teeth for ten minutes and follow it up with a five-minute floss. Then you place the brush in the exact toothbrush hole every morning, even though your holder had six different spaces.”
I raised my brows. “Is that weird?”
“No. It’s just intriguing.”
“You’re timing me?”
“I’m studying you.” He stopped us at the light and turned my way. “You also snore.”
“You do too.”
“But not as loud as you.”
“How would you know?”
“Because you’ve never mentioned it.”
“I didn’t want to be rude.”
The red light shifted to green.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t snore.” He sped off.
I chuckled. “You do.”
“That’s beside the point.”
“It actually isn’t.”
“You wear that silk wrap on your head at night to maintain your hairstyle.” He winked. “I googled it.”
“You googled why I wear a silk scarf around my head?”
“It’s intriguing.”
I giggled. “It’s also a little stalkerish, but then again, I’ve noticed things too.”
“Like what?”
“You’re a little OCD. You like everything in its place. You fold the blankets the same way each morning and place them in the right corner sideways.”
“It’s the best angle to take up the entire corner and not be a burden to the rest of the space.”
“Exactly. Just a little OCD.”
“That’s not OCD. That is respecting the room’s feng shui.”
“Last night, you ordered two slices of pizza.”
“Which is normal.”
“Except that you cut an odd triangle out of the slice and then ate it.”
“I don’t like eating the ends of stuff. It’s an odd habit that would enrage my parents.”
“Cutting a shape into a pizza slice to eat it is a bit much.” I laughed.
“You think that’s funny?”
I winked at him. “It’s intriguing.”
“Hmmm.”
That sound made more than my heart warm. My panties would be wet by the time we made it to church. He was so irresistible.
Boy, you better stop flirting with me. I would want nothing more than to be in your arms by this evening.
Silence filled the car.
I directed my view back to the window and tried to maintain my composure. Deep inside my heart, fluttered and lusty butterflies filled me.
He ended the quiet. Seriousness laced his tone. “I would like to compare more notes on our stalking of each other, but we should wait to have the rest of this conversation later. After the case. After all is done.”
“It’s too late for that. Like you said. . .we’re practically roommates. We know more about each other, then the other agents in the unit.”
“We do. We’ve built a certain comfort level. One that I hope continues.” He tapped the wheel with his thumb. “Barron.”
“Haven.”
He sighed. “Haven.”
“Yes?”
“I want to date you.”
I tensed. I knew he was getting there, but still, shock came.
Turning the wheel, he put us on Main street. We would be at the church in less than five minutes.
His deep voice went low. “Your thoughts?”
I tried to keep the nervousness out of my tone. “It’s been a long time since I’ve dated, and my track record has been unimpressive.”
“I agree.”
I scowled at him.
�
��Sorry. I don’t like your ex. He wasn’t worthy of you.” Alexander shrugged. “But you were saying?”
“I’m nervous about you being my supervisor and also a new person that I’m dating.”
“I won’t be your supervisor after this case.”
I frowned. “How do you know that?”
“Because I don’t think you should be in my unit after this.”
I screwed my eyes at him. “Why not? I’ve proven myself. I’ve—”
“You distract me, and you’re too damn beautiful to be hunting serial killers, especially the type we go after.”
Anger replaced the lusty butterflies in my chest. “Thankfully, you don’t get to make that decision.”
“I am supposed to put in the recommendation and I’m not sure I would.”
“There’s someone who can override your lack of recommendation.”
“My father.”
I shook my head.
He tapped his thumb against the steering wheel. “I’m not saying that he listens to me, but he happens to think that gorgeous creatures should not be around evil either.”
“That’s sexist bullshit.”
He frowned.
Infuriated, I gazed out the window.
A few minutes of silence passed. And then he ended the quiet. “So, due to my sexist bullshit, I’m assuming that’s a no on our dating?”
“You’re correct.” I spun his way. “You can’t base whether I should be in your unit off my looks. Forget your gentleman/ misogynist bullshit. If I was a man, surely you would have appreciated—”
“Of course. You’re more than valuable. You’re intelligent and an outstanding investigator. Regardless of your affiliation to this town, you would have pushed us forward in any situation.” He grimaced. “And you’re also right that if you were a man, I would be sending a recommendation to my father to bring you on permanently. I would have already sent it by now.”
“But now you’re not?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You pretty much did.”
He pulled us into the church’s parking lot. Cars packed the place. We may have been a few minutes late. I was sure everybody had barreled into the pews by now.
He cleared his throat. “I haven’t sent the recommendation mainly because I just—”
“You want to have sex with me, and that’s all you have been thinking about verses—”
Missing Hearts Page 18