by Carol Ashby
Raising a man from the dead after four days was beyond what he found normally believable, but if her Jesus really was a god, it could be possible.
The Jewish Sanhedrin did exactly what he expected. Any ruler would be worried when Jesus entered Jerusalem with the crowd hailing him as king. Nothing would draw a Roman reaction faster. But with such a response from the people, why did Jesus immediately begin telling his followers that he had come to Jerusalem deliberately to be killed?
He was suddenly aware that Rhoda was standing in front of him.
“Ready to help us take the frames out?”
Valeria beamed at him. “If you want to stay and finish reading, Rhoda and I can take them all. You’re almost to the best part.”
Decimus stared at her. The best part? How could the crucifixion of a man anyone cared for be the best part?
He blinked to break the stare and masked his amazement. “I’ll help take them out. If it’s the best part, I don’t want to hurry through it.”
Valeria’s glowing eyes confirmed the wisdom of his choice of words. He was in no hurry to finish her book, but reading it had proven less disturbing than he expected. He’d be willing to read the final pages to her later.
After supper, prayer time followed what had become the regular pattern. Decimus read what Galen had selected, and he sat quietly holding Rhoda during the prayers. But something was missing. That sense of peacefulness and contentment was gone, and he didn’t know what he could do to get it back.
Galen and Rhoda were quiet in the loft by the time Valeria finished banking the coals. As she headed to the porch, she paused in the doorway. Then she stepped back into the cottage and took her shawl from the peg where it always hung. She smiled at him before she stepped out into the darkness, but she didn’t hold out her hand and wait for him.
Decimus’s shoulders sagged. She’d taken her shawl. There would be no reason to put his arm around her. But maybe that was best since he wouldn’t be faced with the temptation to draw her close and kiss her like he did last night.
He followed her onto the porch. She was already sitting on the bench, gazing into the distance. She’d made sure there’d be no temptation by sitting instead of standing at the edge.
He sat beside her, and she smiled at him as she took his right hand and placed it in her lap. She laced the fingers of her left hand with his while she traced one of the veins on the back of his hand with her right forefinger.
He watched her fingers as she continued to caress his hand with her fingertips and the side of her thumb. It felt so good, but he wished she’d stop. It made it harder for him to resist taking her into his arms. It made him think about how much he was missing holding her close with her hands resting on his arms, her fingers playing with his hair.
“Look. There’s a falling star.” He turned his eyes to the sky and tried to focus his attention on something other than her only sitting beside him instead of standing in his arms.
If only he could put his arm around her shoulder and draw her closer, but she wasn’t ready for him to do that...not yet. Tonight, he had to settle for having her hold his hand. He’d been afraid last night that even this would no longer be possible. Time to be patient and wait for her feelings of friendship to grow into love. There was still a little time left before he had to leave.
They sat in silence, watching the stars for many minutes. Finally, she stood.
“Time to go in.”
He stood as well, torn between relief that she still wanted him to spend this quiet time with her and regret that he was no longer holding her in his arms while she did.
He followed her to the foot of the ladder. She paused and turned to face him.
“Thank you for letting us go back to the way we were. I couldn’t bear to lose you as my dearest friend.”
“I want us to be whatever you want.”
She began to climb. Halfway up she paused again. “Good night, Decimus. Rest in peace.”
“Good night, Valeria.” He watched her climb into the loft and disappear.
Valeria lay in her bed, thanking God that she’d been able to show Decimus how important he was to her without revealing her love. If only he would choose to follow Jesus so she wouldn’t have to hide her love any longer!
Decimus lay on his bed, wondering what he could possibly do to make her want his love as well as his friendship.
As he fretted about their future, his whole body jerked. A wrenching thought tore through him. They might have no future, even if she decided she wanted one. In his contentment living with her family and with his eagerness to win her love, he’d lost perspective.
He wasn’t free to follow his own desires. He was a Roman tribune on track to become quaestor, praetor, and provincial governor, like his father before him. He had a duty to family and Rome that he must fulfill.
Baldric understood the problem; that was why he’d asked him not to hurt her.
Would he be forced to make a choice between duty and love?
Could he climb to the political summit without marrying noble Roman blood with the right political connections? Not many had done it before him. But there were some, and he was already excelling without a political marriage.
Surely he could figure out some way to satisfy both. He could make sure there was a future for them, if only she would tell him she loved him.
Chapter 40: Almost
When Galen came back from his chores the next morning, Decimus was sitting at the table, smiling at Valeria. He turned as Galen closed the door.
“What do you say, Galen? Don’t you think we have the most beautiful cook who ever made a delicious breakfast for her men?”
“I guess so. I know it’s delicious, and I’ll let you decide if she’s the most beautiful.” He grinned at them both.
Valeria slapped her brother on the shoulder as he walked past her to the table. “You’re no help. Don’t encourage him.”
She handed two bowls to Rhoda and carried two over herself. When she placed one in front of Decimus, he captured her hand.
“I don’t need much encouragement.”
She blushed when he flashed her the teasing smile before letting her go.
As Galen scraped the last of his third serving of porridge out of his bowl, he turned to Decimus. “I still have work to do in the high meadow. Want to come help today?”
“Sounds like a good idea. I’ve been curious about what it looks like up there for a long time.”
Valeria didn’t think it was a good idea at all. “It’s a hard climb.”
“It can’t be any harder than building a stable, and that wasn’t a problem.”
The twitch at the corner of his mouth betrayed his irritation. Stubborn man―he ought to know she was only watching out for his own good.
Then his face softened. “But I will let you wrap my leg. That works well for this stallion.”
The smile he flashed at her made her blush. The twinkle in his eyes said he was joking, but the warmth in them revealed the love behind the joke. He needed to decide to follow Jesus soon. It was getting harder to keep from showing how she felt.
“Then I’d better do it now so Galen can get a whole day’s work out of you.”
The heat of his gaze warmed her neck as she knelt in front of him with the wrappings. “That should do for now. We can check it when you come down for lunch.”
“Thank you, physician. I don’t know what I’d do without your services.”
He followed Galen toward the door, but he paused to grin at her before he stepped outside.
As lunchtime approached, Valeria kept her eye on the meadow trail. She needed to see for herself whether the climb had been too much for his leg. He would tell her it was fine even if it wasn’t.
She set her sewing aside as Decimus came into view. He favored his leg, but he and Galen were talking and laughing as they walked toward the porch. Probably no harm done.
“Hey, Val! Hope y
ou made us a big lunch. I’m starving again!” Galen grinned at her as he washed his hands before going in.
“Don’t worry. I know how to feed my hungry men.” She patted Galen’s arm and went in ahead of them.
Decimus followed her to the table. “Your men appreciate all your effort.”
As she placed the bread and cheese in front of him, he placed his hand on hers. She didn’t pull it away as she smiled at him. “I know.”
After a good day’s work in the high meadow, one thing was clear to Decimus. His leg didn’t hurt any more climbing up and down the hill than it did when he was just sitting. As much as he hated to admit it, his leg was no longer a good excuse for staying. But was Astro a reason?
He drifted over to the corral and leaned on the rail. Valeria’s deal with Baldric was fulfilled; his stallion had earned her mare. Astro had just finished with the fourth mare and for the moment was ignoring her. He’d performed as if his shoulder had never been cut.
If Astro was ready to carry him back to the capital, it was his duty to return. Every time he moved his scroll box, its weight proclaimed the hidden legion gold. In his head, he knew he was duty-bound to return that gold and resume his post as tribune as soon as possible. In his heart, he wasn’t sure how he’d ever be able to leave this place and these people, especially the woman who’d so completely captured his heart.
His leg would be strong enough for the long ride in a few days. Was Astro ready to carry his weight?
He got Astro’s bridle from the cattle shed. One whistle, and the big stallion sauntered over. Astro bumped Decimus with his head, and he rubbed the star blaze. He entered the gate and stroked the stallion’s neck before he slipped the bit into his mouth and pulled the bridle into place.
His leg wasn’t quite strong enough for mounting Astro from the ground, so he led him out of the corral and over to the stump. Astro shook his head and looked expectantly at him as he stepped up on the stump, seized a handful of mane, and swung his right leg across the stallion’s back. He settled into position and turned Astro’s head away from the corral as he nudged him into a walk.
Everything seemed normal as he walked Astro to the edge of the trees. There Decimus turned and urged him into a trot. The horse’s gait was unbalanced as he favored his left shoulder. Decimus reined in and dismounted.
As he led Astro back into the corral, relief flooded through him. The stallion wasn’t healed enough to ride.
He patted Astro’s neck before removing the bit from his mouth. “Not yet, boy. Looks like you get a few more days with Rhoda spoiling you.”
I get a few more days, too.
He wanted to be certain she loved him before he left. He didn’t want to leave her at all, but it was impossible to stay with his duty to return the legion’s gold.
These Christians had shown him a kind of life that he’d never imagined and that he really wanted, and for a while he’d forgotten who he was and what duty required of him. He had to take the gold back to Mogontiacum as soon as possible, but then he would find some way to reconcile duty and love.
Valeria glanced out the cottage door as Decimus was leading Astro to the stump. A knot formed in her stomach as she watched him mount and ride to the edge of the woods. Where was he going? Was he leaving now? When he turned and tried to trot back, the knot relaxed. He was only testing Astro’s recovery, and clearly the stallion wasn’t healed enough for them to leave.
As Decimus limped back into the cattle shed to put the bridle away, her stomach clenched again. He couldn’t leave yet, but he was thinking about it.
Her shoulders drooped. He was a Roman tribune. He’d always planned to return to his legion.
Then she straightened. It couldn’t be God’s plan for him to leave right now. He was learning about Jesus, but he hadn’t decided to follow him yet. Surely that must be the reason God had her find him and rescue him. Surely he couldn’t leave before that happened. When it did, then she could tell him she loved him, and maybe he would stay. Maybe he would choose his love for her over his devotion to Rome.
Decimus ran his hand through his hair as he waited for their prayer time to start. Rhoda went to the cupboard and brought back the codex by Luke. She grinned at him as she climbed into his lap. “Is there something you’d like to read tonight? I’ll find it for you.”
His eyebrow rose at the question. Odd, but he actually had something he wanted to read.
“I’d like that story you read when I first came, that one about the man who was robbed and the Samaritan.”
Rhoda beamed. “That’s one of my favorites, too.”
As she turned to the right spot in the codex, Decimus glanced at Valeria. Her beaming smile and sparkling eyes proclaimed her own delight with his choice.
He cleared his throat and began. “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho...” As he read the story, gratitude that Valeria had stopped for him flooded his heart. She hadn’t merely saved his life. Because of her, he understood what it meant to love.
“'Which of these three, do you think, was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?’ He said, ‘The one who showed him mercy.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Go and do likewise.’”
Valeria placed her hand on his as he finished. “You can’t imagine how glad we are that Rhoda and I did what Jesus told us. We all love you, Decimus.”
Her eyes sparkled as she squeezed his hand.
He looked deep into her eyes, then at Galen and Rhoda. “I love you all, too.”
He hadn’t meant to say that. He’d never said that to anyone before, but it felt so good to say those words to the three people who meant the most to him in the whole world.
Valeria began their prayers. “Father, we thank You so much that You brought Decimus to us and that You’ve given us a chance to know and love him. We thank You also...”
As he held Rhoda in his arms while they continued their prayers, he felt the peacefulness and contentment again. He would miss this so much when he had to leave.
Galen and Rhoda had climbed into the loft. Decimus sat on the edge of his bed, watching Valeria bank the fire for the night. When she finally walked to the door, she took her shawl from the peg.
He suppressed the sigh. She was still making sure he wouldn’t need to hold her in his arms, but it was probably wise for her to help him avoid that temptation. He wasn’t entirely sure he could restrain himself if he held her too close.
When she smiled at him and held out her hand, he rose quickly and joined her.
With their fingers intertwined, she led them to the bench again. They sat for a long time in silence, her small hand enveloped in his large one.
Finally, he turned to face her. “I must tell you something.”
She turned toward him with an expectant but slightly apprehensive look on her face. He took that as permission to continue.
“Last night, you said I was your dearest friend. You probably know this, but I feel the same. There’s no one in the world more important to me than you.”
He wanted to tell her right then how much he loved her, that she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. But a declaration of love instead of friendship might frighten her as much as his kiss had.
He stopped the sigh before she heard. He probably shouldn’t tell her he loved her anyway. He must leave soon. She would never understand how he could say he loved her and then leave to fulfill his duty to Rome.
He half expected her to blush and look away, but his earnest gaze held her eyes transfixed. He took a deep breath and plunged ahead.
“When you don’t care deeply about someone, you take what you want for your own pleasure and don’t care what that might do to them.” He looked down at her hand in his. “I’ve done that too many times.” He raised his eyes to hers again. “But this is different. When you really care, you take only what she gives freely when she’s ready to give it. Our friendship is like that. I can wait until you tell me w
hat we are to be. More than anything, I want to make you happy.”
He was sure that was love in her eyes as he revealed his heart to her. There was no trace of fear, and she didn’t turn away. Her gentle smile was almost a caress.
How he’d longed for this moment, but was it wrong to ask for her love when he couldn’t stay, even though he hoped to return and take her with him?
She laid her hand on his cheek, and he placed his on top of hers to hold it there.
“Oh, Decimus. You’re not ready for us to become what you want us to be, but I hope you will be very soon.”
His head tilted. What did she mean, that he wasn’t ready? He was ready for anything, everything with her―when he’d discharged his duty.
Did she know he would have to leave soon to return the gold? He was afraid to ask. Anticipation of something painful merely prolonged the suffering, and he didn’t want to cause her pain any sooner than he had to.
Valeria wanted to tell him right then that it was because he didn’t follow Jesus, but something stopped her. She didn’t want him to pretend just so she could love him. It had to be real, or it was no good. It also had to be soon. She wasn’t sure how much longer he would stay, but it wouldn’t be long. He wasn’t the kind of man who would abandon his duty without good reason. She closed her eyes so he wouldn’t see how much that thought distressed her.
She finally opened her eyes and lifted their hands from his cheek. “Time to go in.”
She led him back into the cottage. At the foot of the ladder, she pushed a strand of hair back from his forehead. “Good night, Decimus. Rest in peace.”
She was halfway up the ladder, but she paused when Decimus spoke.