by Carol Ashby
“Good night, Valeria.”
The mixture of eagerness and uncertainty in his eyes tore at her heart. She’d tried to keep the quaver from her voice, but did he hear it anyway?
Valeria lay in her bed, praying with every fiber of her being that he would choose to follow Jesus before he had to leave and while she was still strong enough to resist telling him she loved him. Just as fervently, she asked for the strength to let him go if he chose not to stay.
Decimus lay on his bed, almost convinced that she loved him already, wondering what it would take for her to admit it, and doubting whether he should try to get her to since he had to leave. He’d never shirked his duty, but how could he bear to leave her even to fulfill his duty to return the legion gold? He tried not to think about whether any future was possible for a tribune and a Christian, even if she confessed her love.
Chapter 41: Duty and Desire
Decimus had not slept well...again. Thoughts about leaving her soon had plagued him until exhaustion finally silenced them. She’d almost finished making their breakfast when he awoke.
Galen was already back from doing his early morning chores. “About time you woke up. I was hoping you’d come with me to work in the high meadow again.”
Decimus glanced at Valeria, but she said nothing and gave no sign of objecting. She must know he’d healed enough to go.
“Sounds good to me.” Good to be away from the farmyard, away from where he’d keep seeing her and being reminded of what he was about to leave.
Valeria was leaning on the rail of the corral, watching Astro and Baldric’s fourth mare...for the most part. Her gaze kept drifting to Decimus where he leaned against the wall of the new stable, waiting for Galen to get some tools from the cattle shed. It drifted, but she didn’t let it linger. That hurt too much.
Her eyebrows popped up when Baldric rode out of the trees leading another horse. The mare was as splendid as the ones he’d already brought.
“Baldric, is your herd really so fine that this is one of your least important mares?”
He chuckled as he slid from his horse and tied the mare’s lead to the top rail of the corral.
“You have a good eye for horses. She is not one of the least important. I chose her because she is ready to breed to your Roman’s stallion before he leaves. I want you to have one of his foals. If it is a colt, you should have a good stallion to build your herd. We can discuss trading her for a different mare later if you decide you do not want her.”
“She’s so beautiful―how could I not want her? This is way beyond a fair price, and I probably shouldn’t take her...but I will. I know you know how grateful I am for this.”
She stroked the mare’s neck. “Too soon Astro will be leaving.”
The sadness in her voice caught Baldric’s attention.
She was looking across the mare’s back to where the Roman was standing on the far side of the corral. He knew that look; it had been his own as he watched his Elka slipping away and there was nothing he could do to save her.
He placed his hand on Valeria’s. “Tell me what is making you so sad.”
She looked up at his face. Her eyes glistened.
“You were right about him. He loves me as a woman, not just a friend. I see it now in how he looks at me. I hear it in the tone of his voice. I thought he was joking when he told me I was beautiful so often, but he meant it every time.”
Baldric stiffened, and her eyes widened. “Oh, he never did anything he shouldn’t, so don’t be angry with him. I didn’t even realize it was happening, and I never meant to, but I’ve come to love him as a man. I know he must leave soon. I don’t want him to go, but I can see there’s no future for us. I know how much you loved Elka and how you love Olga now, so I know you understand. I love him with all my heart, but I mustn’t try to get him to stay, even though I want him to so much.”
“So he has hurt you after all.” Baldric frowned as he watched her struggling to hold back her tears.
She gripped his arm with both hands.
“Please don’t try to kill him. You’ll both end up hurt or dead, and that would break my heart. You were right that he’s dangerous.” She paused. “I’ve seen the wolf kill, but he only did it to protect us.”
Baldric’s head snapped back. “He killed here?”
“He killed the last two of the robber band when they were trying to kill Galen.” She looked down at the ground. “And he killed a man to rescue me.”
Baldric’s look softened. The Roman had spoken truth when he said he would protect her with his life.
“So he told you about our first conversation. No need to worry, child. I do not want to kill him. You could never love him if he had not kept his word to me. Does he know you love him?”
“No, and he must never know. I can’t marry him; he doesn’t follow the Way. He mustn’t think he should ask.”
Baldric’s eyebrows shot up as he stared at her. So many times she had told him that was why she couldn’t marry one of his sons. He had not understood before how serious she was when she said it.
“Well, your Roman must leave soon and return to his legion. That will be for the best. He will never know what you are giving up and what he is losing.”
She released his arm and hung her head. Her gaze was fixed on the ground where her toes drew lines in the dust.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and drew her into its protective circle. “I know too well what it is like to be left by the one you love. Believe me that your heart will heal in time.” He tilted her chin upward until she was looking at him. “When it does, and if one of my sons is a follower of your Way, I would still be proud to have you as my daughter-in-law.”
He truly understood...and cared. Valeria’s quivering smile told him she knew it.
Baldric took his mare from the corral and mounted. He watched Decimus watching Valeria across the corral as he leaned back against the wall of the new stable with his arms crossed.
“I will speak with your Roman before I leave.”
Valeria’s eyes widened, and she laid her hand on his leg. “What are you going to say to him?”
He patted her hand and smiled down at her. “Nothing you told me. Just something he needs to hear. I will not hurt him.”
He nudged his horse and trotted around the corral. As he approached, the Roman uncrossed his arms and moved away from the wall. He still favored his left leg and stood so he kept his weight off it.
Baldric dismounted and stepped close. He turned his back so Valeria would not see his face and spoke softly. “When will you return to your legion?”
The Roman met his steady gaze and kept his voice low as well. “I should be able to ride well enough in a few days, but Astro’s gait was too unsteady when I tested him yesterday. I’ll go when he’s able to carry me back to the capital. I don’t know when that will be.”
Baldric nodded once. “I have brought Valeria her mare to start her herd, but she will need a stallion. It would be good if you gave her yours. It is a small payment for saving your life. When you are ready to ride, send Galen to me, and I will give you a horse big enough to carry you.”
“Your offer is almost acceptable. I’ll gladly leave my stallion with her, but I’ll only borrow your horse until I can return it or pay for it. Agreed?” Her Roman offered his arm to close the deal.
Baldric eyed him thoughtfully, then grasped his forearm. “I will have a horse ready for you.”
He remounted and looked down at Decimus. A corner of his mouth turned up slightly. “Perhaps there is Roman honor after all.”
Decimus nodded slightly to acknowledge the compliment and almost smiled in return.
As Baldric turned his horse, he looked back over his shoulder. “Farewell, Roman.”
“Farewell, Baldric.”
Valeria’s gaze never wavered from them. Although she hadn’t heard their words, she saw how they clasped arms and almost smiled at each other. The two men who we
re most important to her were no longer enemies. If there had been enough time, they might even have become friends.
Galen came from the cattle shed with the tools and handed some to Decimus.
As they headed up the trail, the only sign that Decimus had once been lying in her cottage near death was a slight limp. That might never go away completely. It was obvious to her and probably to him that he was healed enough and it was time to leave. It was good that he’d be working in the meadow where she wouldn’t keep seeing him and being reminded of what she was about to lose.
For Decimus, supper was bittersweet. Life with this family, the love and laughter at this table, had revealed the emptiness of his life before the ambush. He was torn between his desire to stay and his duty to return, but he really had no choice. He was a Roman tribune who would fulfill his duty, not a child who would satisfy his own desires.
He tried to act as if everything was the same as before, to conceal the growing sadness, but would even his skill at hiding his thoughts be enough?
Valeria wasn’t fooled by his cheerful mask. He was withdrawing from them, preparing to leave.
In the beginning, she’d only planned to take care of him until he was healed and could go back to his legion. Now she’d give anything for him to become a follower of Jesus and remain with her for the rest of their lives.
Her heart ached for him to stay, but her head knew that he would go.
The table was cleared, and they gathered for prayers. It was Valeria’s turn to pick.
His eyes were expectant as he waited for her to make a choice.
How many more nights would they have Decimus with them? What did he need to hear before he had to go? She needed exactly the right thing for him to read. Jesus, guide me. Please, reach him before it’s too late.
She found the place in the codex by John, and handed it to him.
Rhoda snuggled in his arms as he began to read. “Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.
“This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.
“You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.
“This I command you, that you love one another.”
Decimus’s eyes sought Valeria’s face as he finished. Her eyes were glowing, but were those tears in them?
She laid her hand on his where it rested on the edge of the codex. “Always remember, Decimus. Jesus loves you.”
She bowed her head and began their prayers. “Father, we thank You...”
He gazed at her face while she prayed. She knew he was preparing to leave. Would she try to get him to stay? How would he ever be able to leave her if she begged him not to go?
As Galen and Rhoda settled into their beds in the loft, Valeria finished banking the fire. She took her shawl from the peg before stepping onto the porch.
When Decimus followed her, he found her already sitting on the bench. As he sat down next to her and took her hand, he would have given anything for them to be standing one more time at the edge of the porch with his arms around her. Was she thinking the same?
They sat for a long time in silence, bathed in silver moonlight, staring at the stars.
She spoke first. “You’ve been quiet tonight.”
“Sometimes there’s nothing you can say.” He turned to face her. “Sometimes a man has to choose to do what he doesn’t want because it’s the right thing to do.”
She was gazing into his eyes. Hers filled with a sadness that reflected what must be in his own. She slowly pushed a strand of hair back from his forehead.
“We must always choose to do what’s right, no matter the cost.”
Relief flooded through him. She understood. She would do her best to make it easier for him to fulfill his duty. She wouldn’t beg him to stay.
Finally, she rose and led him back into the cottage. As she stood at the base of the ladder, she laid her hand on his cheek. “Rest in peace.”
His chest felt like an iron band was constricting his heart. She hadn’t said good night like she always had before. As she climbed the ladder, the lump in his throat kept him from telling her good night as well. It wasn’t going to be a good night for either of them.
Valeria lay in her bed, begging for enough time for Decimus to choose Jesus before he had to leave, for something to happen that would lead him to make the right choice while there was still time. If he didn’t choose Jesus, there was no future for them even if he wanted to stay.
Decimus lay on his bed, wondering how he would be able to say goodbye when it was time to leave, wondering if it was possible to promise that he would return, wondering if it was right to ask her to be waiting for him if he did.
Chapter 42: The Roman Returns
For the first time since the ambush, Decimus was leaving the farm. It was market day, and he’d decided to accompany Valeria and Rhoda to the village. His leg had recovered enough for him to ride, and he was duty-bound to take the gold that still lay concealed in his box back to the legion. Baldric would lend him a horse that could carry him the distance, so it was time to leave. He needed to learn the way to the village. From there he knew which way to go.
He sat on the cart seat next to Valeria while Rhoda rode in the back. The trail from the farm to the road ran along a deep ravine through which a stream flowed.
He craned his neck to peer past the thick brush on the wall of the ravine to the stream below. Somewhere along here, Valeria’s cheek had been torn when the stallion threw her so many years ago.
The quiet gurgle of the water as it flowed past the small boulders in the streambed was a pleasant accompaniment to Rhoda humming to herself, but he couldn’t enjoy it today.
The cart pulled onto the main road and headed north. Soon the rock outcrop with the narrow gap where the robbers had waited loomed ahead.
“We found you right there.” Rhoda pointed to a spot on the road in front of them.
Decimus looked at the spot, then at Valeria. The warmth of her smile belied the shadow in her eyes. “And we’re very glad we did.”
As they passed through the narrow gap, the ambush swirled through his mind. His stupid inattention, his men dying because of it. If he could bring them back, he would. But the ambush had been a gift for him, not a tragedy.
He glanced at her sitting so quietly beside him. There was only a trace of a smile on her lips. He was a master at hiding his emotions, but she’d broken through his mask in a way no other had. He couldn’t keep his imminent departure off his own mind, and she knew something was wrong.
He was duty-bound to return to the legion and take the gold―but he didn’t want to leave. With her and her family, he’d found happiness and contentment like he’d never known before. The thought of leaving her was wrenching. He loved her with an intensity that was beyond what he’d ever imagined possible. She didn’t love him like that now, but she was beginning to love him and she might grow to love him as much as he loved her...in time.
If he left now to fulfill his duty, would he ever be able to return to her, to find out if there was a future together for them? Could there even be a future for a Roman tribune and a Christian wife? Was it too dangerous for her if he asked her to leave this place of relative safety and go with him into the Roman world where Christians were the enemy to be destroyed?
Valeria
guided her cart to its usual place and climbed down to unhook the mare. Rhoda jumped out and led Placida over to the grassy area where she could graze, then ran to find Bertha.
When Valeria turned to get the basket of vegetables, Decimus was ahead of her. He swung the basket up onto his shoulder. How like a man. He wouldn’t let her carry anything while he was still there.
She shook out her striped blanket and spread it in her usual place by the basket seller. After Decimus set the vegetable basket down on the blanket without speaking, he headed toward the trees along the edge of the stream that ran through the village.
The basket seller stared at Decimus as he limped away. “Isn’t that the tribune who helped you?”
Valeria concentrated on arranging her produce. “Yes. Rhoda and I found him near death after the ambush and nursed him back to health.”
“But he’s a Roman officer. What about the governor’s decree? Isn’t he supposed to arrest you and take you all away?”
“I don’t think he will. But even if he does, Jesus commanded us to love our enemies. We had to help him.”
“Oh, Valeria. I hope you’re right. I would hate to see the Romans hurt you.”
She squeezed Valeria’s hand and got a warm smile in return.
As Decimus gazed across the meadow toward the edge of the woods, several flashes of red among the green caught his eye. He stood erect and raised his hand to his forehead to block the sun’s glare. A troop of a dozen mounted Romans emerged and trotted across the meadow.
Decimus stepped to the edge of the trees and stood with his fists on his hips, watching their approach.
When they were within hailing distance, he called out to the leader. “Cassius Severus.”
Cassius reined in. “Who are you that you know my name?”
Decimus stepped out into the bright light of the road where Cassius could see him clearly.