(Mis)Trust

by Sarah Ann Walker

  I've never lived alone or decorated a place with just myself in mind. Not that I'll do much decorating only to leave in 4 months, but at least I can make it feel like my own space. Plus, with Selena and Griffin upstairs, I'll always either have company, or I'll go up and see them if I get lonely.

  "Saige? Table 4 needs their drinks," Mike yells across the bar. Nodding, I grab my tray of drinks and continue to table 4.

  "Is everything okay? You seem a little off tonight?" Mike asks.

  Looking at Mike, the sudden sense of being a little emotionally better is so strong I pause before answering. "I'm fine actually. Just tired."

  "Okay..." he smiles touching my hand briefly on the bar. "2 hours and we're outta here," he adds and suddenly 2 hours seems like a long time away to me.

  This is my first Friday night since that night, and though I know nothing will happen, I feel the weight of that night suddenly baring down on me.

  I know logically that I'll be walking out and leaving with Mike by my side. And I know I have Malcolm's pepper spray attached to my keychain and the alarm necklace around my neck, but the nervousness is there anyway. I wasn't able to bring the Taser which felt way too intimidating, but with the pepper spray close, I know I'll be fine.

  I'd be safe anyway I have to keep reminding myself, but with the pepper spray I'll feel safe.

  "Ready?" Mike asks after we've closed out everything, locked away the deposit and shut off all the family side lights. Standing with Kelsey, Hailey, Aileen, and Heather, I'm ready.

  When Mike opens to let us all out, I feel almost a collective nervousness which though weird for the rest of them is comforting nonetheless. As Mike sets the alarm and locks the double doors and key locks behind him all of us just wait silently until we're off.

  Walking to the parking lot, I hold my pepper spray as casually as I can waiting for Heather to start and lock her car, then Kelsey, then Hailey and Aileen who are driving together. As a group, we all seem to fear something that really isn't likely. For some reason though they seem to feel something as acutely as my memories sense them.

  Finally Mike and I are locked in his car, breathing erratically, and safe. So safe that I actually huff a quick laugh like I just ran a marathon.

  "You're fine," Mike pats my knee and I know I am.

  "Jeez... Talk about drama, huh? Kelsey looked like she was ready to shit herself," I burst out laughing.

  "I know!" He howls. "Fuck, she was hanging off me all night scared to leave with you in case she got hurt this time," he admits before catching himself. When he does though I see his embarrassed foot in the mouth face clearly. "I didn't mean it like that. Shit, I'm so sorry, Saige."

  "It's okay," I mumble exhausted. "Can we just go?"

  Closer to Selena's, Mike apologizes again, and though I feel like shit by what he said I know he didn't mean to be such an insensitive asshole. I know he didn't so I squeeze his own leg to let him know we're okay.

  Eventually home I make a rash decision. I don't want to be chaperoned for the rest of my life, I have my pepper spray and keys ready, and truthfully, I'm sad by what Kelsey thought and by what Mike said.

  "I'm going to run for it," I announce as we pull up.

  "No fucking way," Mike counters.

  "Yup. I need to do these things by myself. Ya know, like walking alone and stuff?" I smile, but he isn't budging. "I'll text the millisecond I'm in Selena's, and I'm literally going to run."

  "Malcolm will kill me and Selena will cut off my balls. Let’s just go," he opens his door.

  "Mike! Stay in the car. I'm running now," I throw open my door and run like hell for the doors.

  With shaking hands, I open the main door just to stop at the elevators that take for freakin’ ever. And then I'm in. Alone. Safe. Almost home.

  When the elevator doors open, I charge Selena's door practically throwing myself at it as I unlock and slam it behind me.

  And then I laugh.

  Resting my head against the back of Selena’s door, I laugh and shake and exhale the adrenaline and stress I'm nearly choking on.

  "You good?" She asks quietly making me jump anyway.

  "Yes. I walked in alone and nothing happened, and I'm fine." Pulling out my phone I send a quick text to Mike telling him I’m in and safe.

  'I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't mean to be such a prick.'

  'Don't worry about it.' I text back.

  "I need a drink before bed." Already walking to the kitchen to pour myself a drink, I think of Malcolm again. "Are you sure you don't mind if Malcolm comes over tomorrow night?"

  "Of course not. He's more than welcome. But will you feel comfortable alone with him here?"

  Turning to her with my wine glass I nod. "Absolutely. He doesn't scare me for whatever reason, and I enjoy his company. Oh, I have to text him I'm home."

  Walking to the couch, I settle in, dump my jacket and kick off my shoes. Drinking quickly, I need the relief of a drink, and the calm of a buzz so I'll sleep tonight. I'm tired but I'm still adrenaline shaky and I know I'll never sleep like this.

  "I'm going to bed," Selena walks past me. "See you in the morning. Come get me or crawl in my bed if Griffin tortures you too early, okay?"

  "Never. He's too cute to torture me. Night, Selena."

  "Night."

  Pulling out my phone I decide to brush my teeth and get ready for bed before I text Malcolm and pass out.

  'Hi. I'm home. Alarmed and secure. I hope you had a good night. Oh, Selena is fine with you coming over. So I'll see you tomorrow.'

  'What took you so long? Did you crawl home or just wait to text me?'

  'I had a drink first, got ready for bed, and I'm texting you now.'

  'I was ready to send out a search party!!!'

  'Dramatic much?'I text actually giggling as I type. Malcolm dramatic? Please. I think I have the market cornered on that one.

  'You haven't seen me watch chick flicks. THAT’S dramatic.'

  'What the hell does that mean???'

  'I cry like a baby when the guy gets the girl at the end'. Smiling, I can't see it.

  'I doubt it. But I bet like every other man on the planet you DID cry at the end of Marley and Me.'

  'Like. A. Baby.'

  'Typical. Anything else I should know?'

  'I choke up when a woman sings the national anthem. The 1984 Whitney Houston Super Bowl National Anthem= Bawl my eyes out. And I like chocolate ice cream when I have PMS.'

  'PMS??? Lol'

  'Yup. I'm super moody, but chocolate ice cream seems to help. You?'

  'PMS? Sweet and Salty. Like chocolate pretzels, or M&M's melted in buttered popcorn. Yum!'

  'Sounds good. I'll bring the M&M's tomorrow, you supply the popcorn?'

  'Deal. Good night Malcolm.'

  'Night Saige.'

  Pulling up my blankets I snuggle in but can't wipe the smile off my face. Feeling almost giddy and excited I realize I really like Malcolm.

  *****

  Spending the day with Griffin while Selena works, I'm exhausted. The little bugger had me up at 6:30 and considering for the second night in a row I've slept less than 4 hours I'm surprised I'm even functioning.

  If I've learned anything from this last month here it's the fact that I was spoiled living with Tyler. We got up when we wanted to and slept as long as we wanted. I may have been studying like a mad woman for 2 months prior to my exam, but I always had enough sleep. This living arrangement? Torture.

  Making dinner for the 2 of us Griffin talks nonstop and asks constantly when his mommy is coming home. He asks all the time, but usually my opened arms makes him crawl in and forget his mom for a half hour or so which makes me feel special. Smiling, I know Griffin really loves me, and I love having him love me.

  20 minutes later after snuggling with Griffin and asking about his day, Selena is running around getting ready for her date with Dave.

  "What changed between you two?" I ask in the bathroom doorway.

  "I don't know. Dave
was just so good about everything lately. Taking and watching Griffin, and helping me out a little. Then we were talking in the kitchen and he asked me out of the blue if he could take me out on a date. So I said yes without even really thinking about it."

  "And how do you feel about it now?" Taking the curling iron from her I get the longer back pieces she can't reach.

  "Excited, but not overly so. I know Dave. Christ, we were high school sweethearts, college break-ups, back togetherers, then married. So I don't actually expect much, or expect him to stay all grown up for me. But it'll be nice to just get out and get laid," she smirks when I pause with her hair in the air. "What? He's my ex-husband, Saige. So that's like freebie sex."

  "Got it," I grin back curling more hair as she starts her makeup. "Shake it out," I wait as she does so I can find the uncurled hair while she applies mascara carefully. "Are you nervous?"

  "Not really. I mean my expectations are fairly low," she laughs. "So I can't see Dave doing anything that would truly shock me anymore. He pretty much did that for the 2 years we were actually married, right?" Nodding, I know some of the shit he pulled, but I'm sure there's more. "Anyway, like I said, it's just a date with my ex, maybe a nice dinner, and maybe some sex."

  "Will you be coming home?"

  "I plan on it. But would you mind if I don't if I promise to come back super early?"

  "Of course not. Go out and get some sex. It's been forever since the Kentucky guy, right?" I smirk remembering her hilarious story about him wanting to be tied up by her and Selena obliging, only to leave him tied up when he fell asleep.

  "Ah, and Mike. Once!" She yells as I gasp. "Just once, the night you didn't come home."

  "Last Friday?"

  "Actually last Saturday," she blushes. "But it was just a stress fuck, and we both knew it and we've been fine ever since. He understands it was just once," she says almost pleading with me to understand.

  "Oh my god... I don't know what I say. You usually tell me details and I reeeeally don't want any. Mike? Really?" I kind of laugh again I'm so shocked.

  "Please don't tell him I told you," she begs until I glare at her. "I know you won't, but you just have to ask it, ya know? Anyway, like I said it was just once when we were stressed out and we talked about it Sunday morning and decided it wouldn't happen again."

  "Was it good? Never mind. I don't want to know. Yes, I do. Gah! I feel like a pervert, but I'm so curious."

  Grinning she admits, "It was good, Saige. Not Dave good, but pretty good for a 25 year old. Fuck... I'm like a cougar now," she says as we both start laughing.

  "Ah, I think you have to be in your late thirties or early forties or something to be a cougar. So you're just the sexy older woman," I laugh again as she blows a kiss at me through the mirror. Wow, Mike?

  "I've got to change," she pulls away from the curling iron in my hand. "Then I'll put Griffin down before I go."

  "What are you wearing?"

  "My slutty red dress with the slits up the sides."

  "Well, you're certainly getting laid in that," I giggle when she shakes her ass for me to her bedroom.

  CHAPTER 19

  Jumping on the couch with Griffin, he crawls on me immediately. Snuggling in between my side and arm, he talks and talks to my constant uh huhs and reallys while Selena finishes getting ready for her 8:00 date with her ex-friggin-husband, which I still find hilarious.

  "Are you hungry for your bedtime toast now?"

  "S'please," Griffin says not even blinking from another annoying show.

  In the kitchen making Griffin his bedtime toast, I'm just finishing when Malcolm arrives. Opening the door with the toast still in my hand he asks, "Is that for me? Cuz mine is better," he grins lifting the biggest bag of M&M's I've ever seen in my life.

  "Shit! Hide those," I groan hoping Griffin hasn't seen them.

  "Hi," Griffin squeaks behind me as Malcolm actually tucks the M&M's in the back of his jeans under his jacket.

  "Hi, you must be Griffin," Malcolm squats super low to shake his little hand. "Can I come in for a visit?"

  "Yup. MOMMY! There's a boy comin’ over!" Griffin yells already walking away with his toast to the couch.

  "A boy? Usually I get giant or monster, or actually my godson calls me Gigantor, but I'm pretty sure Agnes put him up to that," Malcolm shakes his head walking in when I pull the door wide open.

  "Gigantor? I guess he hasn't met your brother Tatum."

  "Nope," he smiles looking as handsome as ever- when he smiles.

  "Can you hide those in a cupboard," I motion to his back.

  "The lower ones so you can reach?" He teases.

  "Hi, Malcolm," Selena walks toward us looking absolutely beautiful in her hot red dress with her blonde curls bouncing over her shoulders.

  "Wow. You look beautiful," Malcolm leans in to kiss her cheek as they hug. "I guess this is a special date?"

  "Not really. It's with my ex-husband," she laughs. "So as I told Saige, my expectations are very low."

  "Well, if it doesn't work out I have a dozen friends who would kill to go out with you."

  "Gerard Butler, Malcolm. You're as smooth as Gerard Butler with the sexy growly handsome-faced thing, too," she shakes her head pained. "Why can't you be into a 29 year old, height and weight appropriate woman with a kid?" She grins bumping my hip.

  "Who says I'm not?" He teases right back.

  "Would you like a drink?" I interrupt their teasing a little annoyed. Really? Right in front of me?

  Wow, I'm feeling jealous again, and I swear to god I was never jealous with Tyler. With this guy though, I'm constantly irritated when I have no business feeling anything at all. Plus, it's Selena, and she would never poach on my not man, I internally groan at myself.

  Christ, I'm changing just like my mother did. I'm different now since Tyler cheated, and I hate it. I was never insecure or jealous before and I’ve never acted like this or even felt this way before.

  "Saige?"

  "What?" I bitch before catching myself.

  Looking concerned, Malcolm asks what Selena usually does. "What are you thinking about?"

  Leaning against the counter beside me his arms are crossed waiting. He probably thinks it has something to do with when I was hurt, and usually he'd be right. Not this time though. This time I'm completely irrational regarding him.

  Turning to fake smile, I pretend, "Nothing at all. What can I get you?"

  "A beer?" He says not buying the I'm fine story at all.

  "Sure." Lifting the 2 brands Selena has in the fridge he takes the domestic and waits for me to pour a vodka and orange for myself before walking to the living room with me.

  Sitting on the couch, Malcolm takes the chair beside me trying to make small talk with Griffin who can't look away from the TV long enough to answer Malcolm.

  "It’s bedtime, honey," Selena points to the clock. "Remember when your show started at the o'clock and ends at the thirty it's time for bed? Well, it’s the thirty now, so bed time."

  "Just one more show?" Griffin begs in the cutest voice imaginable and I don't know how the hell Selena always sticks to her guns. I swear Griffin could get a car out of me if he begged me with that voice.

  "Not tonight, baby. Auntie Saige and her friend Malcolm are going to stay here while mommy goes to work. But I'll come in and kiss you goodnight when I come home, okay?"

  Working up his proper pout, I almost interject that it's fine, but Selena glares at me quickly stopping my potential protest for him. God, she's so mean, I pout back at her.

  "Let's go brush your teeth. Say goodnight to Auntie and Malcolm."

  "Good night," he says with an actual quivering lip. Hiding my smile behind my hand I reach for his climb on Auntie Saige hug and kiss his hair and cheek.

  Squeezing him tightly, I cave because of his pout. "Tomorrow I'll take you to MacDonald’s Play Place, okay? But you can't tell mommy. So if you go to sleep now, it'll be tomorrow when you wake up, okay?" I whisper to Selena raisi
ng her eyebrow at me behind his back.

  When Griffin pulls away, he fails like most 3 year olds do. "I won't tell mommy about MacNonalds," he says so seriously I fight my laughter.

  "Good. It's our secret, okay?" I nod back as Selena rolls her eyes at me.

  "Good night, Griffin. It was nice meeting you," Malcolm stays seated beside the couch but offers his hand as they pass.

  "Good night," Griffin smiles much more cheerfully than when his mean mom told him to the first time.

  "Bribery, Saige?" She shakes her head walking away with Griffin.

  "When is she leaving?"

  "Dave told her he'd be by at 8:00 after Griffin went to sleep. I guess they don't want to confuse him if he sees them together."

  "Makes sense. How long have they been divorced?"

  "Only a year, but they've been separated for 2 1/2, since Griffin was just turning a year old. He doesn't really know them together, so they’re trying to keep things very separate for now."

  "Okay. He's in. I told him there would be no MacNonalds if he got out of bed, so I think he'll stay down," she rolls her eyes at me again.

  "What? I'll make him drink milk," I laugh. "Plus, I haven't had a date in years, and I love dating Griffin because he actually loves me back," I cringe immediately when I realize what I said.

  "Saige..." Selena whispers. Shaking my head quickly so she’ll stop, I see Malcolm turn to look at my face which is instantly flaming red.

  "Go finish getting ready. Dave'll be here in 10 minutes," I shoo her away.

  Sitting silently, the air around me is crackling with desperation and I wish I had shut my mouth. What a pathetic thing to say about a 3 year old, and in front of a man no less.

  "You seem really tense right now. Is it bothering you having me here? I understand if it is," Malcolm says like he'll leave if I say yes.