by Dee, Cara
“He wanted to see if his Aquaman figure could swim and fell in,” Darius replied.
“Oh God.” Gray was glad it wasn’t worse than that, but the worry lingered. Even though the stream was shallow, perhaps three feet at most, it would be deep enough to scare Jayden, who probably couldn’t swim.
“I don’t think he’s soaked through.” Darius climbed the steps and headed inside, kicking off his boots in the entryway. “I pulled him out the second he was down—I managed to grab his arm.”
Gray followed them toward the bathroom and tried to get his heartbeat to calm the fuck down.
In the meantime, Jayden wouldn’t stop crying.
“I got you. We’ll get you dry and warm in a minute.” Darius pressed a kiss to the side of Jayden’s wet hair and sat down with him on the closed toilet. “Let’s get these off, yeah?”
Gray grabbed a fresh towel from the cabinet under the sink before helping with the clothes. Jayden’s jacket was heavy and drenched, as were his jeans and boots. The top of his head wasn’t wet, so he couldn’t have gone under completely.
“I don’t know w-why I’m crying,” he sobbed. “I’m not a c-crybaby.”
“Oh, sweetheart. It’s okay. You got scared.” Gray threw the wet clothes into the shower while Darius got rid of his hoodie and tee. The latter was almost dry. “Do you think a hot cocoa with extra whipped cream might help?”
“Maybe,” Jayden cried. “We should t-try.”
Gray suppressed a pinch of mirth and wiped the boy’s cheeks with his thumbs. Sweet kid, tears were really streaming down. “We definitely should. Do you wanna help me, or should I meet you and Darius in the living room?”
Darius cleared his throat. “I don’t think he’s letting go anytime soon.” He winced slightly, and Gray saw that Jayden was digging his fingernails into Darius’s neck.
Gray offered a look of sympathy and wrapped the towel around Jayden’s shoulders. “Maybe if you get comfortable on the couch.”
Darius inclined his head and rose from the toilet.
Gray helped him get rid of his leather jacket, which had gotten properly wet. “Go. I’ll hang this to dry for you.” When he was alone, he blew out a heavy breath and shook his head. Part of him felt guilty for enjoying normal, everyday hurdles. For weeks, everything had been recovery this, recovery that. Nightmares, panic attacks, and anxiety. But with Darius and Jayden, he was given glimpses of what people went through on a daily basis.
He’d missed it so much.
After hanging Darius’s jacket on a towel rack, Gray picked up the wet clothes and threw them straight into the hamper. Then he washed his feet and headed to the kitchen.
It seemed Jayden was beginning to calm down, though he still wouldn’t let go of Darius. It was a precious sight, despite it all. Darius sat in the middle of the couch with Jayden on his lap, and he was murmuring something to the boy that was too quiet for Gray to hear.
He gathered the fixings for hot cocoa near the stove and poured milk into a saucepan.
“I’m not letting you go, buddy. I promise.” Darius was bringing Jayden’s hands from his neck to his sternum. “See? You wouldn’t be able to get away even if you tried.” He proved his point by wrapping his arms around Jayden and hugging him to his chest. “I’ve got you.”
Jayden sniffled and hiccupped on a whimper. “Okay.”
Gray knew firsthand the comfort provided when Darius promised that he “got you.”
“I wonder if the levees broke,” Darius murmured.
Gray understood what he was talking about right away, and it didn’t seem implausible at all. When was the last time Jayden had cried?
“I’ll tell Adeline to mention it to William.” Gray grabbed some paper towels and went to wipe the dirty footprints off the floor in the living room.
“The counselor, right?” Darius asked.
Gray nodded. “He’s the one who recommended the psychologist I’m supposed to go to.”
“Which you haven’t.”
“We’ve talked on the phone,” Gray defended. “I’ll get to it.”
Darius chuckled quietly. “I’ve heard that before.” He made a face. “I’ve said it too.”
Exactly. He was the last guy who could get on Gray’s case about therapy, considering the years of sessions Darius had ignored.
Gray’s situation was different. He was doing everything he was supposed to. He talked about his nightmares with Darius, he was starting to listen to himself and pick up the signals for when he was getting overwhelmed, he was taking shit slowly, and he took his anxiety meds if he had to. With Darius, Gray could talk about everything because they’d been through it together.
“I don’t think a shrink can help me more than you already do,” he admitted, bringing the dirty paper towels back to the kitchen. “You know what I’ve been through.”
“Not all of it,” Darius pointed out patiently. “Therapy ain’t just about talking, knucklehead. The head doctor will help you work through triggers and make sure your mind heals properly. Like a doctor ensuring a fractured leg heals right. Otherwise, resetting it is gonna hurt like a motherfucker.”
Oh, so he had to come here and be all logical. Fuck that.
Gray checked the milk and stuck his pinkie finger in to see if it was hot enough. Ouch—it was. He poured a few spoonfuls of cocoa into the pan, then some sugar.
As he stirred the cocoa, he glanced over at Darius and Jayden, ready to make a deal. “When we’ve found Jackie, we’ll both go to therapy. Okay?”
“Fine.” Darius shrugged, more focused on Jayden. “How’re you feeling, buddy?”
He sniffled and shook his head. His cheek rested on Darius’s chest, and he had his eyes closed.
“Not ready to talk yet?” Darius murmured.
Jayden shook his head again.
Gray swallowed uneasily and wondered how the hell Darius could be so wonderful with the boy and not fall head over heels in love with the dynamic they shared here.
Gray was lost, that was for certain. In the midst of nightmares and anxiety, he lived the dream and only feared the day he had to wake up. This was what he wanted with every fiber of his being.
“Do you have to go camping tomorrow?” Jayden croaked.
To Gray’s surprise, Darius didn’t miss a beat.
“No, we don’t.” He gave Jayden a big squeeze and pressed his lips to the top of his head. “We can wait a couple days.”
“What about the aquarium, Jayden?” Gray wanted to make sure the kid didn’t miss out on something fun.
“You can’t fish there,” Jayden muttered. “You just look at the fish.”
Gray stifled his laugh with his head in the fridge while he grabbed the heavy cream.
Darius didn’t stifle crap. He laughed gruffly and said he’d have to tell his pop about that one.
“You’re funny,” he told Jayden. “So, we do something else tomorrow. Gray’s brothers have been asking him to come to the hockey rink after practice sometime.” Oh, that sneaky fucking bastard. Darius was taking the opportunity to make Gray leave the cabin more. He turned to Gray with a casual expression. “You think Gabriel and Gideon have practice tomorrow?”
Very funny. The twins had practice every damn day, and Darius knew it.
It’d been Mom’s idea. Gabriel and Gid had asked Gray to come by with his gear when they’d have the rink to themselves, and Mom had suggested Gray could bring Jayden. Who she really wanted to meet. Gray hadn’t mentioned anything about a future adoption, but given how much he talked about him… Yeah, she wasn’t stupid.
“I know how to ice-skate a little,” Jayden claimed and wiped his nose on his arm. “Malley and the others took us to a rink once. It was outside in the winter. I liked it.”
“It’s settled, then,” Darius said. “We’ll all go to the rink tomorrow.” He looked over at Gray again. “You think you can pull some strings so we could go earlier? I’m guessing it’ll be pretty late if we go after the last practice.”
Of course he could pull strings. He knew what the schedule looked like.
He also knew he would have to come face-to-face with Craig, because he was Gabriel and Gid’s coach.
Gray might as well pack his anxiety meds right now.
“Sweetheart, don’t forget your backpack.” Gray ran after Jayden and handed him his bag.
The door to the facility opened at the same time, and Adeline stepped out as she pulled a scarf around her neck. “Oh hey, boys. I was hoping I’d catch you before I went home.”
“Hi!” Jayden jumped up the steps. “We had grilled cheese instead, cuz Darius skipped work to hang out with us.”
“He did, huh? Well, grilled cheese is amazing.” Adeline watched in amusement as Jayden ran past her. She turned to Gray. “Did you have a nice day?”
“We did, but some plans have changed.” He proceeded to tell her everything that’d transpired today, mostly about Jayden’s meltdown and how they wanted to spend some time together tomorrow too.
Adeline promised to let William know about the developments and managed to convince Gray this was a good thing. “The way he lived before, I bet he wasn’t able to be vulnerable. I think this is a sign of him letting go. He trusts you and Darius, hon.”
Gray smiled a little and hoped that was true. The evening had definitely improved anyway. They’d closed themselves in, eaten grilled cheese sandwiches, cinnamon rolls, and watched movies.
It was only mildly disturbing that Darius was slowly turning Jayden into a fan of old movies, as long as they had tanks, submarines, planes, or battleships.
Gray reluctantly admitted that Darius was right. They’d had the perfect day up in the cabin today, so tomorrow they should venture out.
Adeline agreed when Gray told her.
Then she got a mischievous glint in her eye. “Have you told Chloe that you and Darius are together yet?”
“Dammit, woman.” Gray scowled and ignored how his face burned. “We’re not together. We’re… I don’t know.”
“Uh-huh.” Adeline snorted. “You might want to figure that out, though.” She looked behind her to see where Jayden was. He wasn’t paying attention to them. He stood in the hall, having stowed away his jacket and boots, and was digging through his backpack. Adeline faced Gray again, this time with a gentle, albeit serious, expression. “Jayden talks about you and Darius all the time. In his eyes, you three are a unit.”
Fuck.
“If that isn’t the case, some structure and limits might be in order,” she advised.
Gray rubbed a hand over his mouth and glanced into the hall. Jayden was waving at someone. Then he called out for Justin, and Gray watched as the floppy-haired little boy walked over. He had dark-blond hair and blue, curious eyes, a cute button nose, a shy expression, and a small scar on his chin.
He was wearing the pajamas Gray had bought him.
“He talks to Jayden?” Gray asked.
“Hmm?” Adeline followed his gaze and saw the boys. “Ah. Yeah, more and more. They’re wonderful for each other. Jayden brings Justin out of his shell, and Justin has grounded Jayden a bit.” She paused. “Jayden has a protective nature about him. He keeps an eye on Justin.”
That didn’t surprise Gray. Jayden was observant and rushed to your side if you needed help—or woke up from nightmares.
“I should talk to Justin before I go home,” Adeline murmured. “I think he’s looking forward to visiting the aquarium with Jayden.”
“Shit.” Gray hadn’t considered that. He felt stupid. And selfish. “Does it have to be the aquarium? He’s more than welcome to join us at the rink. Just sign me up as a temporary volunteer or something.” Hockey had been his whole thing when he’d volunteered here his senior year in high school and the summer that followed. He and the staff took the kids and families to the rink for some exercise and to get out of the house.
Adeline hesitated. “Justin isn’t as easygoing as Jayden. He frightens easily, and both Luis and I will be in Seattle. We can’t come get him.”
“I understand,” Gray answered. “It’s up to you. You know his needs, and you know me.”
“It’s not about your capability,” she reassured. “I loved having you here—and unlike my dear son, you have patience in spades.”
Gray chuckled. Abel had volunteered at the same time—for a short while, at least.
“I’m thinking about your anxiety,” Adeline went on. “You can’t postpone your recovery without it coming back to bite you in the butt. I talk to your mother almost every day, you know. She’s worried too.”
“What?” Gray frowned.
Adeline shifted her weight from one foot to the other and closed the front door. “Anybody can see that you love Jayden. You’re great for him, and you don’t hesitate a second to go the extra mile. If I didn’t believe you would make a terrific parent for him, I wouldn’t recommend the daily visits.” She took a breath. “With that said, by always putting other people before you, it’s possible you shove your own problems aside. And it doesn’t have to be a conscious choice. I’m also not saying this is how it has to be—I’m saying it’s a risk you should be mindful of.”
Gray nodded slowly, getting it. Darius had told him that running from something didn’t always involve being on the run physically.
“How do I balance that with the fact that taking care of Jayden genuinely makes me feel better?”
Adeline’s eyes shone with sympathy. “Your psychologist would know that way better than me.”
Fucking great. “Well, tomorrow is part of my work toward getting better and being able to handle crowds again,” Gray said. “We’re gonna go skating with the twins when they get out of school, then eat an early dinner at Darius’s restaurant. Having Jayden with us gives me something to focus on when I start becoming overwhelmed, so if you believe I’m capable of watching Justin, I would like to invite him along. For the first time ever, Jayden can be the child he is and spend time with friends, and I don’t want to deprive him of that. Additionally,” he said, “you know at least the gist of my history with my old coach, who I will probably be forced to face tomorrow. No amount of meltdowns from a four-year-old who may or may not be autistic could be worse.”
Adeline appeared to be struggling against a smile. “Sometimes I forget how mature you are compared to Abel. Don’t tell him I said that.”
Gray mustered a smirk. Hey, if Adeline and Mom could gossip…
“I will tell Justin he can join you tomorrow,” Adeline said. “Given how many stories Jayden has told him, I’m sure he’ll be happy—in his own way—to spend the day with you guys.”
“Thanks.” Gray nodded. Then he checked the time on his phone. Gabriel and Gid should be home from practice by now. He might as well drive over instead of calling. He needed his gear too.
Texting with them was useless, because it was always “Idk, ask Gid” this and “LOL talk to Gabriel” that. However, if you got them both at the same time in the same place, they only exchanged a look before coming up with a final response to something.
“Lemme say goodnight to Jayden, and then I’ll talk to the twins about tomorrow,” he said to Adeline. “I know they’ll say yes, but I wanna hear if we should rent skates for the boys in town or if they can hook us up.”
“Of course. Sounds good. And you have Justin’s shoe size, right?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Gray hated to admit it, but the most overwhelming part of recovery was still juggling friends and family. He used to think nothing of it. Hell, he’d always loved having a lot of people around him. Brothers, friends, Isla, Mom, work, school, hockey, the occasional party. Rinse and repeat. He’d spend a day with Abel, text buddies from the team, duck out for a quick lunch with Mom, get back to Abel and hit up the rink with a bunch of others, then go home and study for an exam the following day.
The mere idea of that now was e
xhausting.
He suspected it was the reason Darius hadn’t invited Gray to any family dinners. Not that Darius attended those often, but he’d stepped out a few evenings to see his folks—then once to have dinner at his sister and brother-in-law’s place.
Gray was only relieved, possibly because Darius never made him feel like he wasn’t welcome. When they spoke of their families, there was usually a point where Darius said something along the lines of, “When you’re ready, I’ll introduce you…” or “You’ll see for yourself soon.”
As Gray passed the school area in Ponderosa, he figured he might as well tick another friend off the list. He didn’t want Abel to feel neglected. Gray hit call and inserted one of his earbuds, then set his phone down next to him on the seat.
“Yo!” Abel answered. Gray winced, because there was a fuckload of background noise. “Hold on. Leaving the arena.”
Shit. Gray hadn’t considered that Abel might have a game or practice. “I can call back, bud—”
“No, no. Hey, back off! Getting in my car—fucking hell! Phew.” It got quiet in the background. “Someone on the team knocked up another teammate’s girlfriend. It’s paparazzi madness around here.”
Gray spluttered around a laugh and figured maybe it wasn’t a bad thing to catch up with Abel. It was a break from everything in Camassia to listen to his NHL friend’s life of glitz and glamour in Vancouver. And ironic, since Abel hated too much attention. He was only a clown and the life of the party on his own terms.
“Is it illegal to run over reporters?” Abel asked and honked. “Well, what’re you waiting for, motherfucker!”
“Pretty sure it’s illegal,” Gray chuckled.
Abel huffed. “Anyway. What’s up, my long lost brother?”
Gray smirked and turned right. “Just talked to your mom. She called you immature.”
“What the fuck,” Abel spat out. “I’m putting oatmeal in her shoes next time I come down. I’m the maturest guy I know.”
Was that even a word? Either way, Gray cracked up. “Let me guess, you’re gonna blame your sister.”