by Ianto Watt
Anyway, even though the Cavaliers lost their King, they didn’t give up. Good for them, because one of the first rules any good Barbarian learns is, just when you think you’ve lost, something good will happen. And usually, it happens the same way it did in Troy. Your enemy gets drunk with the euphoria of apparent victory and power, then he lets down his guard. Then they start fighting amongst themselves. Which is exactly what happened when good old Lord Protector Oliver Cromwell died and his wimpy son came to power. Funny how even non-kings want a dynasty.
Thus the Roundheads got out-maneuvered when they lost their unity of command. Just like when Alexander the Great died and things passed on to his generals. Bad timing, Al. So, Charles II sails back from wherever he had been hiding since daddy lost his head, and amazingly the bickering and divided idiots in Parliament welcomed him back! Go figure. Actually, the real reason they fell apart was guilt. So many of these Roundhead-types who had taken part in executing Charles knew in the back of their minds, the instant that the deed was done, that there was a chance that the Cavaliers would eventually prevail. And if and when that happened, these former conspirators too would lose their heads in revenge. And so, when Mr. Iron Fist (Oliver Cromwell) died in 1658, a bunch of these Roundheads began to try to honey up to the Cavaliers Lords who were still powerful (in spite of Cromwell, who couldn’t dissolve the House of Lords). Soon enough, the rumours flew, and everyone was looking at his neighbor, wondering if he had made a deal. Wondering further if anyone knew that they themselves had been trying to make a deal (like Col. Richard Ingoldsby, the weasel).
So, without so much as a shot being fired by the Cavalier side, Charles II, the son of the murdered King Charles I, returns home in 1661 and is made King, as if nothing had ever happened in the past 19 years! Round II goes to the Cavaliers! Game tied, 1-1.
Oh, one little note; Oliver Cromwell, before he died, had decided to informally allow some wealthy Jewish merchants to re-enter the country, which had been free of the Jews from the time of King Edward I in 1290. These Jews were part of a spy ring that had helped get information to Cromwell about the (Holy Roman) Stuart clan who were trying to re-establish the Catholic monarchy in exile. Cromwell allowed one of these Chosen Ones to obtain a Broker’s License in the City of London. And when Charles II returned victoriously, he too allowed them to stay and expand their settlement and financial practices; usury. That was in return for the financial help they had given him while he was in exile. See what I mean about covering all bets?
And isn’t it a bit funny how the Anglish, weavers of The Black Legend, demonized Spain for her expulsion of the Jews in 1492 and her pursuit of the secret Jews who remained? Remember, we talked about the Marranos, (aka Conversos), who helped the Muslim invaders rule Spain for 770 years during the Reconquista, the world’s longest war? Anyway, the Anglish have been silent evermore about Edward I’s order to expel the Chosen Ones in 1290, which was 202 years before Spain did the exact same thing. Oh, sure, they will say that there was never an Anglish Inquisition. To which I reply, oh yes there was. But it wasn’t aimed at secret Jews, it was aimed at secret Catholics. Especially the Welsh ones. But the funny part is it was the openly apostate Anglishmen who were hunting down those who wouldn’t follow suit. But it’s all gone down the Memory Hole, especially at Oxford, home of the world’s greatest scholars. Supposedly.
Alright then, grandson, we’ve gotten quite a ways down the path of describing just how Angland went from being a faithful part of Holy Rome to becoming the pre-eminently Pagan Imperial Rome of today. And the key to distracting everyone’s attention from this act of religious backsliding was the Anglishmen’s success in convincing the French to do the same revolutionary act, in spades. Yet it was the Anglish who taught them their revolutionary trade. But let’s not go there for now, let’s get back to the real story, the original story of European regicide that led to the re-paganization of Angland. Let’s see what happened next.
The dissenting Roundheads, also known as the Puritans, were furious about having been snookered by the chutzpah of Charles II in his return. In the chaos that followed they resolved to never waver again. A number of them had fled Angland when Charles II returned. They had established a beachhead in Holland, the better to avoid royal retribution. They had even sent a contingent to the New World, a group lionized in America as the Pilgrims, in 1620. These Pilgrims were total socialist idiots who would have died of starvation had not the local Indians helped them. These Puritan idiots were so incompetent that they couldn’t have grown apples in Eden. In fact, new archeological evidence shows they actually descended to cannibalism (eating their own) when their socialist utopia failed. The Indians who saved them were repaid with annihilation, as the Anglish never fail to repay any kindness. Manners count, eh?
Anyway, the Roundheads were still seething, and they continued to press the Crown for more concessions of power to Parliament (specifically the House of Commons, where their power was). But the Stuart dynasty, while still in exile in France and Rome, was always lurking about. And no Protestant King ever felt safe from either the Stuarts or the Dissenters. And with good reason, because soon enough, there was a new King, James II, another Stuart, and a Holy Roman to boot! So, when he had a son (which would guarantee a Catholic succession), things came to a boil. All the Roundheads (and some Anglican Royalists) went and recruited William of Orange, the Protestant son-in-law of James II from Holland to challenge James by landing an army. James II promptly fled. What a wimp. And now Angland had another Bizarro-Christian King. What a see-saw.
The end result was that both sides of the Anglish rebellion against Holy Rome got something of what they wanted. The Roundheads got a King who had agreed to more restrictions on his royal power, which meant he wasn’t really a King in the medieval sense of the word. The Tory Cavaliers, on the other hand, got another Protestant King, even though he wasn’t an absolutely powerful king. And everyone else got nothing. The score was tied. But it was only halftime in Round 3.
The second half began when William and Mary failed to produce an heir, and then Parliament was right back where it had been. The Roundheads and Cavaliers were having to cooperate with each other, in order to stop their joint enemies, the Holy Roman Stuarts. My, that must have been uncomfortable. How difficult it must have been, trying to smile at each other while thinking of how they could kill each other, at a later date, of course. But business first. Stop the Stuarts!
And stop them they did, by finding some silly obscure German royal woman who was a distant relative to James I, but who was Protestant. The result was the Hanoverian Succession, which meant that some German fellow who couldn’t speak English was going to rule Angland. As stupid as this was, it seems to have satisfied everyone (except the Stuarts). And these Germans, whose last name was Saxe-Gotha, rule to this day, although they had to take the slightly embarrassing step of changing their last name to ‘Windsor’ during WWI. After all, it was hard for the lower classes of Angland to believe the Anglish propaganda about how the Germanic ‘Huns’ (another brilliant bit of Anglish propaganda) were bayoneting children when your own King was one of those same ‘Huns’. So, no problem, your highness! The net result, Round III ended as a Tie; the score now stood at 1-1-1.
And here is where it gets very interesting, because a lot happens. Angland had withstood Holy Rome and her Holy Roman Emperor, who had threatened to take the loose reins of the Second Rome when Constantinople fell in 1453. And the Anglish had brought back The Chosen People to help fund their expansionist plans in the New World, although the Spanish and French were way ahead of them there. But no worries, mate. The Spanish spent themselves to death with their gold from the New World, and the French were idiots who were busy trying to fund their wars with beaver pelts they stole from the true Americans, the Indians.
Meanwhile the Anglish Crown, worn by the Idiot Elector of Hanover (Germany) who couldn’t speak English, was spun around by his advisors and he got locked into war with France. Things went OK, but there
were bills to pay, of course, and the people were already taxed to death throughout the British Isles. What? What about that old promise of Henry VIII that he wouldn’t ever have to tax the people after he stole all the land from the monasteries? Well, Henry was dead! Pay up, mate.
The other problem was gold. England had very little. So she sent out a bunch of pirates to steal Spanish and Portuguese and French gold on their ships coming from the New World. You know, fellows like Sir Walter Raleigh and Sir Francis Drake. Funny how you can become royalty in Angland. Just ask The Beatles. And Mick Jagger. At least Keith Richards had the decency to decline such honors. Mick is such a loser. Anyway, the gold began to come in, but there’s only so much to steal. What’s a King to do? And that’s when some smart guy in the King’s Privy Council said, ‘I know, let’s tax the colonists!’ A capital idea. In every sense of the word.
So they passed the Stamp Tax, requiring payment of a tax to the Crown for every receipt of sale in the American Colonies. And while this was odious enough, the real problem was that the tax had to be paid in gold. Who had gold in the colonies? Nobody! You couldn’t even pay it with the supposedly good paper money issued by the Crown. And when the colonists got cute and tried to print their own money and pay the tax with that (tit for tat), things got ugly. And uglier.
And that’s when the non-anglish speaking king, King George III, and his Protestant Cavalier-Tory friends, thinking that the game was settled with the Roundheads (many of whom left for the colonies), and being busy with the French, took their eye off the ball. Never do this with a Roundhead. The Dissenter-Roundhead-Puritan-Pilgrim-Whig-Yankees had been busy, seeking to find a way to settle the score by breaking the deadlock of the first three rounds of the Anglish Civil War, and now they had found it. Or rather, the King and his idiot Cavalier-Tory advisors handed it to them, gift wrapped in the royal edict of the Stamp Tax.
And in a delicious bit of irony, that famous Anglish talent for slander and distortion known as propaganda was employed by the colonists (who were Anglish, after all) against the Crown and Motherland. The King and his Tory crowd were excoriated in the colonies as the PR campaign of Thomas Paine reached a fevered pitch. We all know the result. The ham-fisted Tories gave every wavering colonist full reason to doubt the King’s concern for them as citizens, and the rest is history. American history, 101. And since the population of the colonies was heavily weighted towards the north, where all the Roundhead Yankees were, the government was naturally bent towards the Roundhead-Whig-Republicans (I have to shorten this business of showing the gradual process of how the original Dissidents came to be known today as Republicans, or the book will be 1,000 pages long!)
So the result of the Cavalier’s mistake of thinking the game was over (and that they had won, even though the score was tied) was that they lost what was to become the most prolific industrial engine in the world, America. This put the Crown in the position of having to ask (beg) their American cousins for help when they wanted to gut the expanding German Empire around the beginning of the 20th century. How humiliating. And this was obviously not lost on the financiers, who are very astute observers of world events.
We all know the basic story here- the colonists rebelled against their Anglish King, George III, and they won their freedom from both the Crown and Parliament. But this new nation, the United States of America, wasn’t really united. It wasn’t one country but rather it was two, and these two sides were really the same sides that existed in Angland: Tory and Whig. Crown vs. Parliament. The North was Parliamentarian Whigs and the South was Crown Tories. But both were now free of the motherland, and so this round also ended in a tie. Or so it seemed, at least to the stupid Southerners, who again took their eye off the Whig ball, thinking the game was moot. But Whigs never forget, and they never forgive. And for a while, it did seem that all was well, and that America would be the shining City on a Hill, as the Puritans called it. But the next and final round of the war was already in the works.
The North had industrial strength and a homogenous population of hardscrabble Puritan farmers and slave traders. The South however had a racially split population because they were slave-buyers. This was to be their undoing, as they couldn’t match the white population of the North. And if it hadn’t been for the constitutional compromise of counting slaves (as 3/5’s of a human) for purposes of determining seats in the American Congress, the South would have been toast from the beginning. But it wasn’t, and so, the stage was set for Round 5 of the Anglish Civil War.
And this would have the distinction of also being known to everyone but me as the American Civil War. So, after 4 rounds, the score was Roundheads 1, Cavaliers 1, and two ties. Or so the Tories thought.
The stage was now set. The new American Constitution had been craftily drafted to preclude both King and Church (whether Anglican or Roman), and the Roundhead-Whig-Yankees were in control. There was no nobility in America, so they could have all the land they could eat without having to suffer with the Lords of Angland blocking their every move in the House of Lords. There was one problem, however. Actually, two. They needed some cheap labor. Lots of it would be better. But the Indians weren’t buying that routine, so they were slaughtered or pushed west.
And there was still the small matter of there being a bunch of Crown Loyalists in the South. And while these loyal royalists couldn’t openly support the King after the Revolution, they could still emulate the society they had been severed from, which they did. And the large plantations were simply the same as the great landed manors of the Old Dominion, back in Angland. Life in the South, with the exception of climate and the color of the servants, was very much like home to most of these Southern Cavalier-Tories. Life was good. Good, until somebody up North got the smart idea of killing two birds with one stone. Huh?
Yes, the Abolitionist movement up North was simply a ruse to accomplish two things- the permanent destruction of the Tory way of life in the New World, and secondly, to steal all the slaves. Huh? Yes, and this is how America has supplanted Angland as the real locus of military and political power in the New Imperial Rome. Let’s look at what Rome really was under the Empire. Slaves and circuses, to put it succinctly. Oh, and conquering armies. Let’s not forget that! In almost every respect, American history has paralleled that of ancient (and then Imperial) Rome.
America started as a republic, complete with a Senate and a written constitution. Like Rome, it abhorred the idea of a King that would seek to rule it. Like the Romans who overthrew the Etruscan King known as Tarquin the Proud, Americans got rid of proud King George III. Like the Romans, Americans had slaves. And like the Romans, Americans fell into a Civil War in which the Republic was destroyed. Lincoln was the American Caesar, and like all the successors to Julius, all succeeding Presidents claim a special kinship with Lincoln. All call him the greatest president. Pardon me, but Lincoln was the worst president.
He killed over 600,000 Americans, more than all her dead from WWI, WWII, Korea and Vietnam wars combined. Why did he do it? Believe me, it wasn’t to free the slaves. He did it to consolidate his grip on total power. Like Caesar, he crossed the Rubicon River with his army, into Rome, which was forbidden by Roman law, as it would make the people of Rome subject to someone who is effectively a king. Lincoln, in mirror opposite fashion, crossed the Potomac with his army, outward, into the Southern states without any constitutional authority, with the intent of crushing the power of the States.
(Note: the best American President was Andrew Jackson, who did 4 things no other president has done; he defeated a foreign invader (Angland, War of 1812), he abolished the first version of the Federal Reserve Bank, he paid off the national debt and finally, he laughed at the Supreme Court when they told him he had done something that was ‘un-constitutional’. But yes, he was a sinner too. He slaughtered the American Indians as well).
So what about slavery? Wasn’t that the real reason for the war, as we’ve all been taught (or, indoctrinated) to believe? Sure. But slavery was
also constitutional. So Lincoln, who openly declared that Blacks were inferior to Whites, and that he would gladly trade his abolitionist beliefs for a military victory over the South, decided to pick an issue that was emotional rather than constitutional. Why? In order to foster the hatred that would be necessary to prosecute the war for total power of a centralized state (versus the federation of sovereign states). In other words, he needed some camouflage.
Well, wasn’t slavery wrong? Sure. So what? Let me ask you this; when two people argue about something, can they both be right? Of course not. But can they both be wrong? Knowing human nature as I do, the answer is simple- sure! And they usually are. But from a math (okay, physics) standpoint, two different objects can’t occupy the same space at the same time. And it’s equally clear that from a meta-physical standpoint, two opposing ideas can’t occupy the skull of one person at the same time, unless they are insane. And they usually are!
So what’s my point? It’s simple; plantation slavery was doomed anyway. It was going to collapse in the coming Agricultural Revolution which began to mechanize farming, beginning in the 1880’s and which any idiot could see coming. It’s not like the railroads, the telegraph, the steamships and all the other beginnings of the modern age hadn’t already been invented. It’s not like the factories hadn’t been mechanized in the North. Everyone knew this was coming, so what would be the use of slaves?
And besides that, why not just buy out the slave-holders, like Angland did (without a civil war) in the 1830’s? And why did Lincoln ignore the multiple offers of the Southern Senators to do just that? Because he wanted war. Total war was the only way to create the all-powerful centralized state that Americans have today. That’s because only total war could crush the Southern culture, which was the real reason for war, besides Lincoln’s lust for power. Lincoln was the penultimate Puritan. Like any good Puritan, he hated anything that wasn’t totally under his control. He also hated anything fun. Have you ever seen a picture of him smiling? Hell no. I’ll bet he never had a single gin & tonic in his life. But he had plenty of servants. They wore blue uniforms and carried rifles. And they used them.