Mason's Mate

by Abigail Raines

  “Of course, sweetheart,” Christine says, reaching over to squeeze her arm. “It killed me when they made me leave without my babies. Oh, but Jason? Is Jason alright?”

  She looks back and forth between us and we glance at each other. I lick my lips and read Alice as not wanting to explain. “Jason was pretty staunch about following the rules of Hardwidge?” I say, attempting to be diplomatic. “Which made him very cruel to Alice. He wanted to force her to help him build another pack like it.”

  “He held me hostage,” Alice says quietly. “He beat me. Mason’s brothers caught him but he got out again and attacked us. But...I’m not afraid of him anymore.” Alice frowns as if just realizing this herself. “That asshole comes back, I’ll kill him myself.”

  I watch Christine take that in. She takes a deep breath and plays with the wedding ring on her finger before taking a shaky sip of coffee. “That’s just awful. I’m so...I am so sorry, Alice. I wish I had been there to teach him a better way. I wish I had been able to raise you both right outside of Hardwidge.”

  “Do you?” Alice says tearfully. “So does...Did you try to get us back? Did you write? Did you ever…” Alice wipes her eyes and it kills me a little. I wrap an arm around her and squeeze her shoulder. “Please tell me you tried to get us back, mom.”

  “They...they made me leave,” Christine sputters. “If I’d come back, they might have killed me. I couldn’t...They didn’t let me take you with me.”

  “I thought you might have tried,” Alice says quietly, holding her mug in her hands. She stares down into her coffee like it might give her some answers.

  “I was just so afraid,” Christine says sadly. “I thought they’d try to kill me if I came back to save you and Jason. But of course, I wanted to. You must believe me, Alice. I wanted to come for you every day. I wanted to write you letters at least, let you know where I was if you ever got out. You don’t know the pain I felt every single day thinking about the two of you stuck with that awful pack. I suffered for knowing, sweetheart. I thought about you always.”

  “Yeah,” Alice murmurs. She ducks her head and curls in on herself a little bit and something about it really bothers me.

  The wolf in me is restless and impatient on Alice’s behalf. All of this is wrong somehow. And now I see Alice turning inward, looking nearly as shut down as she was when I found her in the goddamn cave. I have a sudden urge to rip those stupid wind-chimes down. I have an urge to scream at this woman. I might be biased and it’s not my place. I chew on my bottom lips and growl under my breath a little, frustrated.

  None of this seems right.

  “It’s alright,” Alice mutters. “I’m sure you…”

  “I wanted to,” Christine presses. “You must believe how I wanted to.”

  “Yeah…” Alice looks up, her eyes glassy. She’s staring out the front window through the gauzy white curtains, out at the sparkling cerulean lake. The whole place is nothing but serene. It would have been a lovely place for Alice to live once, especially coming from Hardwidge. I feel like Alice is registering this too and I squeeze her tight when I see a tear slide down her face. “I just um…” She gets to her feet and Christine looks up in alarm but Alice isn’t leaving. She shakes her hands out. She looks as restless as my wolf feels. “I just can’t help but um…”

  “What is it, sweetheart?” Christine says.

  “Don’t…” Alice shakes her head. I see her working up her courage and I have to bite my tongue not to jump in. She should handle this herself and I know that. “Don’t call me sweetheart!” She finally cries, wiping her eyes. “Don’t call me that.”

  “Oh...well, alright,” Christine says, clearly at a loss. “I know it might take some time-”

  “It might take some,” Alice mutters, rolling her eyes. “You felt bad. You felt bad? You felt so much pain? Did you?”

  Yes, I think, clenching my fists. Tell her.

  “You felt so much pain,” Alice goes on, trying to hold back her tears. “It was so hard for you everyday living in this cozy little cottage by the lake with your hubby? Knowing your daughter was being abused every single day? Knowing I would starve if I couldn’t hunt? Knowing that I’d starve if I couldn’t shift at all because I was so scared? Was it painful, Christine? Was it so painful for you?”

  “Oh, please don’t,” Christine whimpers. Her hands shake and she covers her face as if hiding.

  “You didn’t even try?” Alice says, hissing. “You didn’t even try once? I thought maybe you did is the thing. I kept imagining you trying to get to us. At least sending us letters that were taken before we could see them. I thought maybe there was something… You could have tried to get help, you could have tried to go to another pack and asked them to please help you rescue your children and you didn’t even try?”

  “I didn’t know what to do!” Christine says, now crying herself. “I was afraid!”

  “I was afraid too!” Alice says, thundering now. “I was afraid when I called Xander Tremblay and talked to Mason and told them where Dax was keeping their brother and they could have killed me and you know what, I fucking did it anyway and they weren’t even my children! If they’d been my children, I would have been willing to die for them! I would have loved them!”

  “I’m sorry, I’m not as brave as you,” Christine whispers, wiping her eyes.

  “You should be!” Alice says, fuming. She’s still standing up, looming over Christine and it’s an upsetting moment but I have to bite back a smile. I even have an urge to pump my fist. “You should be sorry!” I watch her take a deep breath and run her hands through her hair. “I thought I needed this to move on. I needed to find out what happened, why you never came for us. I thought I was going to get some story about how you tried and failed so many times, how they stopped you or threatened to kill us if you kept trying. I don’t know. I had so many different ideas in my head. I didn’t let myself think that you just went about your new life and left us.” She casts me a little look and I stand up, getting the sense that this visit is pretty much over.

  “Alice…”

  “No, but I’m glad I know,” Alice says, sniffing. “I’d rather know than keep wondering. I’d rather know the truth than a lie. And now I never have to think of you again.”

  “Please…”

  “Bye, mom,” Alice whispers.

  I follow her out the door and back to the car. She never looks back.

  Chapter Fourteen: Alice

  We don’t talk all the way to the car or even while Mason pauses for a minute as if waiting for me to change my mind, before he begins our drive back down the mountain. I stare out the window at the trees passing by, and the occasional quaint little cottage or cabin, and that idyllic lake sparkling in a blue as we speed our way down.

  I feel strange. It’s as if some little part of me has still been back at Hardwidge all this time but now I feel like I’m really gone. I feel as if I’ve just left it behind me as much as I can. It won’t ever really be behind me. It will always be a part of me. You can’t forget your past and you can’t ever really take it out of your self. It’ll always catch up to you. I’m not sure I realized that until now. I’ll always be dealing with my life at Hardwidge to some degree. And yet in another way, I feel…

  Free.

  “Can you pull over for a second?” I say, turning to face Mason. “I just need something.”

  We’ve been driving for twenty minutes now. We’re back on Mount Shasta’s main drag, surrounded by stores selling sleeping bags and inflatable rafts. Mason nods and finds a parking space in front of a burger joint and glances at me, questioning.

  “Are you alright?” He says. “Or do you need to use the restroom or- oof!”

  I cut off Mason with a crushing hug and he chuckles softly as he squeezes me tight. I know things now that I didn’t know before. One of them is that I could have done this without Mason (assuming I had some other form of transportation) but it would have been awful. That’s a thing I don’t think I ever
understood when I was young and living at Hardwidge and dreaming of a prince to come save me and it’s something I didn’t understand when Mason did come save me. I needed to save myself. That’s what I did when I called Xander Tremblay’s number. I saved myself. I remember now how much fear I felt when I made that call. I was sure that Dax would somehow know. I was sure that I would die. But I did it anyway. Because I needed to jump into the unknown and hope the unknown was freedom. I can do a lot of things for myself, I think. But it would be easier and more fun and better if Mason is there with me.

  “I love you,” I say softly, and I have to smile when I say it because saying it makes me feel so good suddenly, even after that confrontation. I left so many dreams and fantasies up in that quaint little cottage across from the lake. But I know I have better ones now with Mason. Because they’re real.

  Mason tightens his grip on me and says, “I love you too.” He leans back and kisses my cheek and strokes my hair. “I’m sorry that was so hard. I wish it had been different.”

  “Me too,” I say, shrugging. “But I’m glad I did it. I needed to know who my mother really is.”

  “Yeah.” He nods and winces a little, looking uncertain. “I know I didn’t talk much. I just um… Thought maybe you needed to handle that stuff yourself? You know?”

  “I did!” I say, sighing heavily. “It sucked but… I’m done with it. I got what I needed.”

  “Right.”

  I kiss Mason on his mouth, resting there for a moment with him before taking a deep breath. “Can we go home now?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Mason says with a wink.

  The ride back to Quinton feels faster, as I guess rides back often do. It’s also lighter. I feel almost physically as if I’ve left some great weight behind. We listen to those podcasts of Mason’s, though I chime in on occasion because they raise so many questions I have about the world and then we get lost in conversations that zig one way and zag the next. It’s funny but at Hardwidge I really didn’t speak that much at all. But then, I guess there weren’t many people worth talking to or anyway they weren’t easily drawn out. I used to talk to Andy sometimes but he was shy and not very curious about the world outside other than wanting to live in it rather than Hardwidge. But now with Mason, I feel like I can never shut up. We just click well. Yet other times we’re quiet and we don’t need to talk too much and that’s okay too.

  We stop and eat in Oregon. We go for the best burger we can find sometimes. Mason makes a point of it. He says I need to make up for years of missing out on burgers. I don’t see what the big deal is until we stop and I get one and it seems like the best thing I’ve ever eaten. When I tell him so, he laughs at me but I know he’s just teasing.

  “You say that about everything you eat!” Mason says, as I scarf down french fries.

  “I don’t think that’s true.” It occurs to me that I can dip my fries in the Ranch dressing that came with my salad and when I try it, that seems like the best thing I’ve ever tasted. “Alright, that might be true.”

  “Maybe my new mission is to try to find a food that you don’t like,” Mason says, smirking at me across the table.

  “That sounds fun!” I say. It sounds like a kind of game. The idea of playing silly games that don’t mean anything and yet do with Mason of all people, sounds exceptionally fun. “Especially because I think you’re going to lose. I bet I like everything.”

  “I’m not sure you realize what kind of crazy foods there are out there in the world.”

  “I’m willing to find out.”

  “Well, I got my work cut out for me,” Mason says, but he looks vaguely worried when I dip a fry into ketchup, ranch, and mustard. “Oof. I really do.”

  We stop a few more times just for Mason to stretch his legs and when we get to a good spot, I wait around while he goes on a quick run before driving again. For a while I pretend to sleep in the car with Mason, but I’m not even really sleeping. I lean my head against his shoulder and I don’t miss his soft little smile before I close my eyes. I just feel as if I want to enjoy these moments on the last stretch of road before we get to Mason’s house. It all feels so pleasant. The car is warm but not hot and Mason has his window cracked so there’s a cool breeze as we drive. I’m not hungry or thirsty and if I was, there’s a crazy amount of snacks and water in the backseat. I’m healthy and well fed and I feel safe. And the man I love is sitting beside me driving us home, happy that I’m doing something as simple as leaning on his shoulder. I can smell him; his wolf, the faintest hint of cologne, his sweat, his soap… I rest in all those feelings and sensations and on one hand, I never want it to end, and on the other I can’t wait to see what comes next. I’ve never felt like that in my life, I realize.

  I’m not even scared of Jason anymore. I can’t believe how scared I was of him before. Jason seems like a flea now.

  “What are you smiling about?” Mason says gently. We’re stopped at a light and he squeezes my shoulder and kisses my hair.

  “Everything,” I whisper.

  “Good,” Mason murmurs into my hair.

  “I’m going to have some snacks...” I reach into the back seat and find some chips and water and share them with Mason and he puts on music because the podcast we were listening to has ended. Mason is partial to what he calls “dad rock” and I don’t quite get why it’s called that but I find it pleasant anyway and the soft guitars and crooning voices fit the mood on our long drive home.

  “Hey, Mason…”

  “Yeah?”

  “Can we look into that certificate thing that is the same as a high school diploma when we get home? I mean not the second we get home but…”

  “Yeah, of course. It’s a GED. General Education...Diploma, I guess. Yeah, I think it’s just a test that you take.”

  “Yikes.”

  “Hey, you’re a smartie pants,” Mason says insistently. “You’ll study for it, we’ll make sure you’re prepared. You got this. And then you can go to school. I don’t know if you have any thoughts about that but there’s university, community colleges, trade school…”

  The idea of options makes me tingle with excitement and it also makes me nervous but not in a terrible way.

  “Do you know what you’d like to study?” Mason says.

  “I don’t know… I like the idea of working on rules for the packs like we were talking about. As far as treatment of pups and mates and that kind of thing?”

  “Maybe you should study social work?” Mason says, shrugging. “Even if you’d be working with shifters. But you might want to take some classes just for fun too. I think you’ll really like school.”

  “I think so too,” I say, bouncing in my seat a little. “And I need a job!”

  “I have plenty of money-”

  “Ssshh…” I reach over to cover his mouth and see him raise his eyebrow, I take it away again. “I know you do. But just something part-time. I don’t want to feel like I’m not contributing.”

  “Does that mean…” Mason licks his lips and keeps his eyes straight on the road. “That is, I’ve been meaning to ask you if you want to still live at the house for a while or, ya know, forever. Up to you really…?” He smiles over at me hopefully. “Once you’re on your feet and everything…”

  “I’d like to,” I say softly. It’s been difficult to admit that to myself, both because I think I should be on my own just for the sake of it and because I can’t believe I’d be allowed to hold onto something so good. But moving out and getting my own place just because I “should” just doesn’t seem...right. Not when I’m so happy there.

  “Good,” Mason says, letting out a sigh. I see his shoulders relax and laugh a little.

  “Have you been wanting to ask me that for long?”

  “If you ever, for any reason, decided you needed to leave,” Mason says slowly, “I would support you. I would understand if you needed to be going out on your own. But...I love having you around. Every day. I love having you near. I know you must be my mat
e because if I didn’t have you in my life it would be like losing a piece of my own heart.”

  “Mason…”

  “I belong to you,” he says, looking over at me just long enough to make his point before turning his eyes to the road. “I’ll belong to you as long as you let me.”

  I open and close my mouth a few times, blank of anything worthwhile to say in response to that other than, “I can’t believe you just said that while driving and I can’t kiss you!”

  Mason laughs hard at that and right on cue, we hit a stoplight and I tug him forward by his shirt and into a kiss. “I belong to you too,” I whisper. “For as long as you let me.”

  Chapter Fifteen: Mason

  The day after we come back from our trip is a busy one. I take a few minutes in the morning to set up one of my back-up laptops for Alice, showing her at least the basics of doing things online. Luckily, it’s not entirely online. Hardwidge was pretty off the grid, but she did get a chance to go down to the library on occasion and was able to use the computers there every once in a while so she’s familiar with it. I help her find information about getting her GED and options for school and leave her to that and her books before plunging into work. I’m a little behind and it’s a heavy day of catching up and making my clients happy as I put out some fires because people are questioning a few stocks that have taken a dip and research some investments that others are asking about. It’s funny, but on days like these I realize that I really do like my job. I try to do it responsibly. I dissuade my clients from investing in companies that I think are actively harmful to the world. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. I actually “fired” a client once because we disagreed over a company that I thought was bilking the public and the next day half its board was indicted. Felt good about that one. This morning I’m sucked into my work and I don’t even leave my office until two in the afternoon, when Alice comes in to see if I’ve had lunch yet.

  Alice seems cheerful today and excited about the prospect of school and work too. I’ll have to ask around, see if I can find anything she could do for a part-time job. I’m sure she could get something part-time in an office but I have a feeling she’d be much happier in a bookstore or a library if there was something available. I can at least ask the guys if they’ve heard of anything, I suppose. And I really need to take Alice down into town and have her get a real feel for the place. Or maybe she should go with Luna and have that girl’s day out. She’s been cooped up in here too long.