by E. L. Todd
He didn’t come closer to me. His eyes darted to the floor as he processed what I said. “I’m a monster.”
“No, you aren’t,” I said firmly.
“You don’t know anything about me.” He shook his head slightly. “If you did, you would run.”
“Try me.” I took a step forward. “Tell me everything, and I promise I won’t go anywhere.”
He seemed tempted by the idea. But then he closed off again. “If I tell you, you’ll leave. And like I said before, I’m selfish. I want to keep you as long as I can.”
“You aren’t selfish. You just need me as much as I need you.”
He flinched slightly at my words and his eyes changed. Emotion passed through like a bolt of lightning. It happened so fast and so suddenly that I wasn’t sure if it even happened. Arsen seemed to be at a loss for words.
“Now stop finding reasons to push me away. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I haven’t done anything to deserve such trust, especially from you.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “You always take care of me even if you try to act like you don’t.”
“No, I don’t,” he argued.
“Last night, you took me home and made sure I was safe. Then you stayed all night and brought me breakfast. That’s just one instance. What about the night you stayed outside my apartment and watched Hunter bring me home, needing to know I got here safely?”
He seemed startled by my words. “I don’t know what you’re talking about…”
“I saw you, Arsen. Don’t lie to me. You’re horrible at it.”
He clenched his jaw and didn’t deny it again.
“You’re always looking out for me, putting me first. You try to cover it up with your lies and stories, but they never work. You watch me sleep, you listen to me when I vent after having a bad day, and you’re always there for me when I need you. Face it, Arsen. You are my rock.”
He stepped back and ran his fingers through his hair, clearly uncomfortable that I’d noticed all those things.
“Arsen, it’s okay. Stop pretending to be indifferent to me.”
He paced the living room then faced the wall, closing off from me.
“Is it really the end of the world that I know you care about me?”
He was silent for so long I didn’t think he would answer. “It scares me…”
I took a step closer to him. “It doesn’t scare me.”
“It should. For the first time in my life, I have someone who cares about me despite all my darkness. But the fact that you’re such a wonderful and beautiful person makes it difficult. If I let you care for me, I’ll hurt you.”
“No, you won’t.”
He shut his eyes for a long time. “You only know a sliver of me, a part of me at this moment in time. There is so much more you don’t want to know.”
“Then tell me,” I said firmly. “Tell me everything. Then you’ll know if I stick around or not.”
He closed his eyes again then bowed his head. “I’m not ready to…”
I didn’t press him on it. I was sure it would be terrible, but it was something we could get through together. Judging by the way he was, I knew he’d had a hard life. I was fortunate enough to have everything I needed in life. I never worried about having a home where I felt safe. Arsen was a reminder that not everyone had what I had, and when my parents were annoying, I should remember that. “Beast?”
His eyes opened in response to that name. “Beauty?”
“I’m yours and you’re mine. Okay?”
He nodded slightly.
“Now let’s take it one day at a time.”
He took a deep breath. “Okay.”
“Don’t pull that shit anymore. I won’t put up with it. I mean it.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I understand.”
I came closer to him until my chest was pressed to his shoulder. I moved my face against his cheek then closed my eyes.
His arm moved around my waist and he held me close to him.
“I missed you so much…”
His arm tightened around me. “I haven’t slept in two weeks.”
“Then let’s go to bed.”
He turned his face and pressed his lips to my forehead. “You know I don’t want to sleep.”
I didn’t either. I missed him emotionally, but also physically. Whenever we made love, everything was better. It was just him and me, and nothing else existed. The spiritual connection between us was what I loved most. Our souls touched, and when I felt his, I knew he was pure. “Neither do I.”
He lifted me from the floor and pulled my legs around his waist. Then he carried me down the hall to my bedroom. Once he laid me on the sheets, he moved on top of me and rubbed his nose against mine. Whenever Arsen didn’t think about all the obstacles we faced and how impossible our relationship was, he lived in the moment. Those were the times I cherished, the ones I replayed in my mind when I thought about him.
He positioned himself over me but didn’t kiss me. He stared into my eyes like he was afraid he wouldn’t get another chance. His eyes searched for something inside me, something I couldn’t understand. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
96
Theo
I fist-bumped Gerald when I walked inside the dojo studio. “How was your weekend, man?”
“Good. How was yours?”
“It was alright.” I fucked Blondie again. She was good in the sack, but annoying at every other time. If I weren’t horny and in need of something cheap and fast, I would have tried harder to land a different chick.
He tied his gloves around his hand. “That new chick Alex is awesome.”
My skin immediately prickled with unease. When anyone mentioned her, I was instantly annoyed. The students loved her the second she walked in the door, and everyone was so fond of her. But if you asked me, she was a brat with a bad attitude. I ignored her whenever I was around her, and she did the same to me. The last conversation we’d had made me despise her. The fact that everyone loved her made it worse. “Yeah…”
“I heard through the grapevine she kicked your ass.” Gerald smirked and didn’t bother hiding it.
My head immediately snapped in his direction. “She did not!”
He shrugged. “That’s not what I was told.”
“She’s a liar,” I hissed. “She failed to mention the part about me not hitting her because I’m a nice guy.”
He laughed. “She wasn’t the one who told me.”
“Then who did?” I demanded.
“Chan.” Another laugh escaped his lips. “Apparently, she made you hit the mat three times.”
I slammed my fist onto the counter. “It was only twice.”
Gerald was enjoying this immensely. “If it’s more than never, then it’s too many.”
I wanted to strangle her. She just waltzed into my studio and took it from me. Now everyone thought I was a lesser man because of the rumors. My students didn’t respect me as much, and the boys teased me for it. “I went easy on her. I let her take me down.”
He shook his head. “Not what Chan said…”
“What does he know?” I snapped.
“Uh…a lot.” He raised an eyebrow. “Since he’s the founder of this dojo.”
“Whatever,” I hissed.
Gerald clapped me on the shoulder. “Maybe you should take a shot of liquor to cool off or something.”
I marched away and headed to the staff locker room. I was stomping everywhere I went, the anger emitting off me in waves. Every time I pictured Alex’s face, I wanted to scream. She was such a pain in the ass. She really didn’t bother correcting the rumor? She knew I went easy on her. She had to have known. How arrogant was she? She really thought I was that easy to defeat? Where was her integrity?
I headed to my locker then pulled out my gi.
“Don’t worry. I come in peace.”
I turned and saw Alex reaching for her bag. It was on the bench beside me.
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The only words I wanted to say were too harsh, so I looked into my locker and ignored her.
She sighed. “We’re going to work together for a while, so maybe you should just be a man and try to make an effort…you know…since you weren’t a man before.” A grin stretched her face.
Was this a joke? Did she just insult me? First, she let people think I was weak, and then she rubbed it in my face. What the hell was wrong with her? There were a million cold things I wanted to scream at her, but I kept my mouth shut. Even though she was rude to me, I still couldn’t be mean to her. I just felt too guilty. I forced myself to look back into my locker and get ready.
“Come on, Theo. I was just teasing you.” She put her hands on her hips and smiled at me. “Let’s get a drink after work. I’ll buy.”
“Leave me alone.”
“Loosen up, man.”
I slammed my locker closed and glared at her. Before I said something I would regret, I looked away.
She rolled her eyes. “I’ve met a lot of men who are insecure about strong women, but you have to be the worst.” She turned around and walked off.
I watched until she disappeared down an aisle. My blood was pounding in my ears, and rage was consuming me. I grabbed my gi and got dressed before I did something stupid.
I was teaching my class the roundhouse kick. They were an advanced group, but nowhere near a black-belt level. The boys were in high school, and a few in junior high.
I demonstrated the move again. “Plant your foot down and turn your hips. You should land in a ninety degree turn from where you started.”
The boys stared at me blankly.
“What don’t you understand?” I asked.
Tyson, a larger boy, raised his hand.
“Yes?” I asked.
“We heard Master Alex defeated you in a challenge. Is that true?”
You’ve got to be kidding me. “We sparred for fun. It wasn’t a challenge.”
Another boy raised his hand. “But we heard she threw you down three times.”
“Twice,” I hissed. “And that’s beside the point. It wasn’t a challenge.”
A boy spoke out of turn. “But you still lost, right?”
“I didn’t call on you.” I put my hands on my hips and stared him down.
“Is she stronger than you?” another boy asked.
This was going south. “No,” I snapped.
“He didn’t raise his hand,” the previous boy said. “Why did you answer his question but not mine?”
This lesson was absolutely pointless. They weren’t concentrating and all they cared about was my match against Alex. I wasn’t sure how they even knew about it. When I heard a quiet giggle reach my ears, I turned and saw Alex on the other side of the room. She covered her mouth to stop laughing but it didn’t help. The laughter reached my ears.
I gave her a look that would make my students cry.
She pulled her bag over her shoulder and walked out, still laughing.
God, I wanted to strangle her.
“Did you see that play?” Conrad asked.
I was staring at my beer, lost in thought. “Huh?”
“The kicker did the kickoff but intercepted the ball. I’ve never seen a play like that.”
I didn’t care about the play. “Yeah…”
Conrad eyed me nervously. “You okay, man?”
“Just had a long and torturous month.”
“Deana blowing up your phone?”
She was the least of my problems. “Yeah…she’s pretty clingy.”
“Why? You only went out once.”
I shrugged. “I fucked her a few times.”
Conrad laughed. “I wouldn’t even stoop that low.”
“You’ve been chasing one girl for a whole month because you’re obsessed with her.”
Conrad drank his beer. “You have a point.”
Should I tell him about Alex? It’d been plaguing my mind every single day. I had to see her at work all the time, and it was driving me crazy. My whole world had been flipped upside down. She tried to make my life a living hell, and the fact that I had absolutely no allies didn’t help. I just wanted to get rid of her, but I didn’t know how.
“Anything else bothering you?”
Conrad could read me like a book. “There’s this girl…”
“Ooh…are you going to ruin her?”
“No, it’s not like that. I hate her. I actually want to strangle her.”
Conrad looked alarmed. “Ah…should I be worried?”
I told him everything that had happened and how she was ruining my life at work.
Conrad tried not to laugh but he was struggling. “She kicked your ass?”
“She didn’t kick my ass!”
“Well, she defeated you…”
“She didn’t defeat me,” I hissed. “I let her win. I didn’t even hit her. You expect me to beat up a girl half my size? It wasn’t even a fair match. I would have killed myself if I hurt her.”
He covered his smirk by drinking a beer. “That’s unfortunate…”
“And now she’s making my life a living hell. She’s telling everyone how weak and pathetic I am. And she knows I let her win. There’s no way she didn’t realize it.”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have pissed her off.”
“What?” I demanded. “She was late to an interview. She deserved to be called out on her shit.”
“But didn’t you assume she wasn’t there for the job because she was a girl?”
“Come on, anyone would make that mistake,” I argued. “How many martial arts trainers do you know that are girls?”
“Well, I’m not the best person to ask since I don’t know any.”
“It was an innocent mistake.”
Conrad let a laugh escape his lips. “She must be enjoying this…”
“You think?” I said sarcastically.
“Is she hot?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” I looked at the TV and watched the game.
“You don’t know?” Conrad raised an eyebrow. “She’s either hot or she’s not. Which is it?”
“She’s okay-looking…” Actually, she was a looker. All the male students were crushing on her. Many of them were wearing their gis a little looser to hide something protruding from between their legs.
“So, like a five?” he asked.
“Why do you keep asking?” I snapped.
He raised both hands. “Why are you being so defensive about it?”
“Her appearance doesn’t matter. She’s a pain in the ass.”
Conrad smirked. “So she is hot.”
“I don’t know…I don’t pay attention.”
He laughed. “I’ll have to stop by the studio and take a peek.”
“If you do, I’ll murder you.” I gave him a firm look. “And I don’t mean in a joking way. I mean, your heart will no longer beat.”
Conrad laughed, not taking the threat seriously. “I know this is old-school but…is there a chance you’re picking on her because you like her?”
“No,” I said firmly. “Why would I like someone who would carry on a lie like that?”
“Alright.” He shrugged. “I’m sure it’ll blow over in a few weeks. People will forget about it and move on. But you want my advice?”
“No.”
“You’re going to get it anyway.”
I waited for him to speak.
“If she’s going to be there for a while, you should just make nice with her. She’s already made your life a living hell. Imagine what else she could do.”
“Forget it,” I said firmly.
“Fine…don’t say I didn’t tell you so.”
I wanted to change the subject and stop talking about that girl. “How’s it going with Beatrice?”
“I asked her out.” He sounded somber.
“She said no?”
“Yeah. She said she just wants to be friends.”
“Sorry, man.”
“I
think I have a chance with her. I’m going to try to spend more time with her and see if I can change her mind.”
I rolled my eyes. “Dude, let it go. There’re so many more chicks out there. Just go find one of them.”
“But Beatrice is the most amazing chick I’ve ever known.”
She was pretty, but I didn’t think she was as gorgeous as Conrad made her out to be. “There are other fish in the sea.”
“But I want this one. If I have to leave my line in the water a little longer, I’ll do it.”
“You know how many times you would have gotten laid if you’d just moved on from her?” I said.
“But I don’t want minnows. I want a whale shark.”
I shook my head. “Enough with the fishing metaphors.”
He finished his beer. “I’ve already put this much work into it. I’m going to push on and see it through. I know she’s into me. I just need a little more time…”
I knew Conrad would strike out, but I didn’t say that. He was determined to land this girl, and I wasn’t going to sway him the other way. I went back to thinking about my archnemesis and how I could get rid of her. There had to be a way…
“Are you going to the work party?” Gerald asked in the locker room.
I dried myself off and kept the towel around my waist. “What work party?”
“Chan is having a work dinner this weekend. It’s at some Italian place.” He dried his hair with a towel then pulled his shirt on.
“But why do we need one? Only ten of us work here.”
“It’s Alex’s birthday.”
I froze and my heart stopped beating. “You’ve got to be joking.”
He laughed. “Nope. He wanted to have a dinner for her.”
“I’m not going,” I blurted. “Fuck that.”
“Well, everyone else is. You’ll look like an ass if you don’t show up.”
“So be it.”
He sat on the bench and pulled his shoes on. “Come on, man. You can’t run away from her. She’s going to be here for a long time.”
“She’s a pain in the ass.”
Gerald shrugged. “She seems pretty sweet to me.”
I glared at him. “You’re on her side?”
“I’m not on anyone’s side. But she’s always been nice to me. It wouldn’t make sense for me to be rude to her just because she kicked your—”