Forever and Ever (Complete #1-7)

by E. L. Todd

  “Well, we were raised together, so it was pretty much forced,” I said with a laugh.

  “And how did that happen?”

  “Our parents are such good friends, they’re family. That oddness carried on to us. If you come to Christmas, you’ll see what I mean.”

  She looked down at the table and examined her nails.

  “I’m sorry I put you on the spot. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. But it’ll be fun. I’d rather you hang out with us than spend the holiday alone.”

  “It does get pretty quiet…”

  I didn’t press for an answer.

  “Maybe you should ask your parents if it’s okay first.”

  “Believe me, they’ll say yes. But if you want me to ask, I will.”

  “And where would I stay?” she asked hesitantly.

  “With my family, of course. We have extra bedrooms.”

  “And they’ll be okay with that?”

  “Seriously, it won’t be a big deal. My family is very welcoming. If I brought a homeless person with me, they’d make them feel just as welcome.”

  “Well, I guess you could ask.”

  I smiled. “Great. You’ll have a good time, I promise.”

  “Will the rest of your family ask if I like anal?” she teased.

  I laughed. “I’ll make sure they don’t.”

  103

  Theo

  The studio was closing over Christmas break, and I was eager for time off. I was also excited I didn’t have to see that nuisance for two weeks. Every time I looked at her, my body tensed in annoyance.

  She was a snooty know-it-all. She had to be the best at everything and rub it in everyone’s faces. She was a pain in my backside. And just because she was beautiful didn’t dim all her imperfections. I wasn’t sure why everyone adored her. I wished she would just go away. I’d been looking for a job at a different studio just to avoid her. Every time I ran into her at work, I wanted to scream.

  After a long day of work, I walked into the locker room and showered. The warm water ran over me and made the chill escape. Then I dried myself off and tied the towel around my waist. Having a coed locker room hadn’t been a problem until Alex started working there. I didn’t care if she saw me, but I didn’t want to see her. It was best if we just stayed away from each other.

  I came around the corner and saw her with a towel around her body. She was facing the opposite way, putting lotion on her arms. Her shoulders were chiseled and defined with muscle. Her torso was long, making her curves more prominent. The top of her spine was noticeable because everything was so tight. She had wide hips that were covered under the towel. I stared at her for a second before I gathered my bearings, remembering how annoying she was. Then I noticed the scars. She had a long one down her neck and another on her right arm. I recalled her mentioning she was in an accident. That must be where they were from.

  “Can you get away from my locker?” I hissed.

  She tightened the towel around her body and looked over her shoulder. “Excuse me?”

  “You’re standing in front of my locker. Now go away.”

  “My locker is here too, jackass.”

  “I was here first.” I walked forward and got right behind her. My arm touched her bare back, and I felt the warmth underneath. Then I pulled out my clothes, trying to pretend she was invisible.

  “God, I feel sorry for you,” she snapped. “You’re the saddest person I’ve ever known. Were you the fat bully on the playground?”

  “Were you the dorky girl sitting in the sandbox eating dirt?” I pulled my shirt on. “If me teaching you some manners makes me a bully, then fine. I accept that.”

  “I’ve met a lot of jerks in my life, but you have to be the worst.”

  I gave her a straight face. “This is me caring.” I didn’t change my expression and kept staring at her. “And this is me not caring. Do you see any difference?”

  “Fuck off.” She pulled her towel up and covered her chest.

  “Same to you.”

  “And Merry Christmas, Grinch.”

  “I know Santa is going to bring you a box of coal because you’re nothing but a nuisance. I feel bad that your family has to sit through dinner with you. Do you annoy everyone you come in contact with?” I pulled the rest of my stuff out of my locker and didn’t look at her.

  She grabbed her pile of clothes off the bench and hid her face.

  “I’m sure your family hopes you aren’t coming home for Christmas this year.” I grabbed my jeans then pulled them on.

  She carried all her things then headed to a different aisle.

  When she was gone, I breathed easier. I hated looking at her. Just that pissed me off.

  A moment later, she left the locker room with a bag over her shoulder. When I heard the door shut, I knew she was gone. “Good riddance.” I sat down then put on my shoes.

  Gerald came in a second later then opened his locker. “Two weeks off. Excited?”

  “Like you wouldn’t believe. School and work have been dictating my life for too long.”

  “I know how that is,” he said with a laugh. “What are you doing for Christmas?”

  “Seeing my family in New York. My mom makes awesome pecan pie. I’m excited for that.”

  “Cool,” he said. “You’ll be gone the whole two weeks?”

  “No, just for a few days. Then I’ll be back in my apartment playing video games and drinking beer.”

  He laughed. “Sounds good.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Going to California to see my family.”

  “I guess you won’t be getting a white Christmas this year,” I teased.

  “Actually, I’m excited to get away from the snow.”

  “That’ll be nice,” I said.

  “Alex is excited because she’s never been to California. We’re going to go to Disneyland while we’re there.”

  I froze. “Alex? The girl who works here?”

  “Yeah. She’s coming along.”

  “Are you…together?” Gerald was so much older than her. I just couldn’t picture it.

  “No,” he said with a laugh. “In my dreams. She doesn’t have a family, so I invited her to spend the holiday with me.”

  My heart sped up. “She doesn’t?”

  “No, she’s an orphan.” He said it casually while he changed. “You didn’t know that?”

  I shook my head.

  He sighed then put on his shoes. “She’s a really cool person, Theo. You should give her a chance. If you did, I’m sure you’d like her.”

  I stared at the floor, feeling sick.

  “Something wrong?” he asked.

  I took a deep breath. “Yeah. I’m an asshole.”

  I got her address from Chan then headed to her apartment. It would be easier just to call her, but that didn’t sound personal enough. When I found her apartment, I walked up to the door and knocked.

  I still didn’t like her, but I hated myself for all the mean things I’d said to her. I was insensitive and didn’t know when to shut my mouth. What I said was really uncool.

  She answered the door, her eyes guarded. “What?” Her lips were pressed together tightly, like she was forcing herself not to blurt out whatever she was thinking.

  “Uh, hi.” I had my hands in my pockets. Now that I was face-to-face with her, I wasn’t sure what to do or say.

  “What?” she repeated. “What do you want?”

  “I came here to apologize.”

  Her reserve diminished slightly. “For what?”

  “What I said in the locker room…I was being a dick.”

  “Because you said Santa should bring me coal?” she asked incredulously. “No offense, but you have a lot more to apologize for than that. Of all the things you’ve said to me, that was probably the nicest.”

  I ignored her hostility and tried to focus. “I just feel bad, and I want to take it back.”

  Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. Then the
y suddenly lightened like she realized something. “Gerald told you about me, didn’t he?”

  I shrugged. “It might have come up…”

  Now she was pissed. “You’re only apologizing to me because you feel bad for me. You don’t mean it. Theo, I don’t want your pity. I’m perfectly fine, and I don’t need your sympathy. I prefer it when you’re a dick. At least you’re being honest.” She slammed the door in my face and locked it.

  I sighed then walked away, knowing my visit was absolutely pointless.

  104

  Silke

  I finished my last-minute Christmas shopping and somehow survived finals. I got my mom some new picture frames, my dad a fake tattoo sticker that said, “#1 Dad,” and Slade a new guitar pick. They weren’t amazing gifts, but I was poor.

  When I got home, I realized I still hadn’t put up my Christmas tree. Between school and Arsen, I just didn’t have time. I texted Arsen. What are you doing?

  Thinking about you.

  I rolled my eyes. You always say that.

  Well, it’s true.

  Liar. Come over if you aren’t doing anything.

  Maybe.

  I rolled my eyes again and put my phone down.

  I retrieved my fake tree and decorations from the closet and hauled them into the living room. I sorted through everything while I thought about Arsen. We hadn’t talked about my giving him my virginity since it first came up. I had no idea what Arsen was thinking when I said that, but he did seem moved by the revelation. I pretty much told him my deepest and darkest feelings. I was just grateful he didn’t take off because the revelation scared him. He didn’t speak of it, and neither did I.

  When I had a feeling he was outside, I opened the door. “Seriously, knock.”

  He stood with his hands in his pockets. He wore a gray hoodie with dark jeans, looking hot as usual. He shrugged but didn’t say anything.

  I left the door open then walked inside. He followed me then shut the door behind him.

  “Why don’t you ever knock?” I asked for the hundredth time. “Or just walk in?”

  He didn’t answer my questions. He just looked at my Christmas decorations on the floor. “What’s this?”

  “I got a late start decorating. I thought you could help me.”

  He eyed it for a moment but didn’t say anything.

  “I just need to put the tree in the base then tighten it. Can you help me?”

  He grabbed the base then studied it, playing with the knobs. “I guess.”

  I picked up the tree then adjusted it. “Can you hold the base?”

  He dropped it, but it was upside down.

  “Turn it over.”

  “Oh.” He turned it then held it still.

  I put the tree in and held it upright. “Can you tighten the screws?”

  He looked around before he adjusted them.

  When I let go of the tree, it stayed still. “Great. Can you put the skirt down?”

  “The skirt?” he asked.

  “Yeah.” I handed him the fabric.

  He held it in his hands and eyed it. He looked at the hole then rearranged it in his hands. It was like watching a child assemble a car engine.

  “Have you never seen a tree skirt before?” I teased.

  He looked at me then returned his gaze back to the skirt. He adjusted it under the tree. “Like that?”

  “Yeah.” I turned on Christmas music from my phone then dug in the box. I found the hooks and ornaments, and I started to assemble them.

  Arsen watched me.

  “Dig in and help me.” I picked up an ornament then found the right spot to put it on the tree.

  He looked through the box then inserted a hook inside an ornament. He studied the tree for a long time before he found a spot. He put it directly next to mine.

  “Spread it out,” I said. “You don’t want it to look too congested.”

  He moved it to another place.

  “Have you never decorated a tree before?” I teased.

  He went back to the box and grabbed another one, leaving my question in the air.

  Together, we decorated the tree with lights, ornaments, and ribbon.

  “It looks great,” I said excitedly. I dug in the box until I found the star that went on top. “Can you put this up? I can’t reach.”

  He held it in his hands for a long time, just staring at it. Then he looked at the top of the tree like he was confused. Slowly, he inserted it on top then stepped away, crossing his arms over his chest.

  “We did a great job,” I said.

  He stared at the lights like they were far away.

  “Arsen?”

  He ignored me.

  What was wrong with him? “Are you okay?”

  “Huh?” He turned to me, clearly missing every word I’d said.

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Have you…never put up a Christmas tree before?”

  He looked away and put his hands in his pockets. “There’s a first time for everything, right?” He added a light laugh, but it was full of sadness.

  My heart broke directly in half.

  He wouldn’t look at me. His eyes seemed to be glued to the star at the top of the tree.

  I came to his side and rested my head on his shoulder and hooked my arm around his waist. “I’m happy I get to spend Christmas with you.”

  He moved his arm around my shoulder but didn’t say anything. Then he dropped it and walked away. He headed out the front door then shut it behind him.

  I stood still, unsure what to do. Maybe he needed a moment alone. Maybe I should talk to him. I understood him well, but this time, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know anything about his past. I gave him twenty minutes before I grabbed my jacket and joined him outside.

  He was sitting on the top step as usual, his back to me.

  I sat by his side and stared straight ahead.

  “I’m sorry.” His voice was quiet.

  “There’s no need to apologize.”

  “I’m not…good at this sort of thing.”

  “Being happy?” I whispered.

  He shrugged. “I’ve never liked the holidays…or celebrated them.”

  I hooked my arm through his and leaned my head on his shoulder. Arsen was complicated and deep. His mind stretched infinitely. I’d give anything to know what he was thinking, to understand his thoughts and emotions. I could only offer my ear so many times. He would only open up when he was ready to. “What were your holidays like?”

  He rested his head against mine. He was quiet for so long I assumed he wouldn’t respond. “Nonexistent,” he whispered. “We never had a tree. We never had presents. On Christmas day, my mom was hardly ever home.”

  I wanted to ask him so many questions, but I remained silent, letting him talk. I wanted to know what happened to his dad and if he had any siblings. I wanted to know everything about his life, no matter how painful it was.

  “My mom was a…prostitute.” His voice cracked at the end, like he was embarrassed.

  My heart stopped for a moment in time, soaking in his words. Then it continued onward.

  “I didn’t realize it until I was older. But she would bring strange men to our apartment. She made me stay outside until they were done. And she told me not to knock on the door even if I needed something…”

  I closed my eyes and felt them bubble with tears. Now I understood one aspect of his behavior. And it made me want to break down. I tried not to sniff so he wouldn’t know how sad I was for him.

  “My dad left when he found out she was pregnant. I never knew him. Then one Christmas day, she told me to pack all my belongings because we were going on a trip. I was so excited, I gathered all of my things…”

  I didn’t want to hear the end of this. I couldn’t handle it.

  “And she drove me to a building and asked me to get out. Then she told me she would be right back.”

  I sniffled because I couldn’t stop myself.

  “But she never came…”
His voice was strained, but he didn’t shed a tear. “The building was an orphanage. A lady came outside and told me it was my new home. I never heard from my mother again.”

  I broke down and cried. Imagining him as a child standing on a curb with all his toys was too much. I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed, my chest heaving with the strength of my sorrow. “I’m so sorry…”

  He said nothing, listening to me cry.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Arsen. Now I understand why you always try to push me away…”

  He kept his silence, sitting still.

  I grabbed his face and forced him to look at me. His eyes were coated with tears, but the emotion was barely distinguishable. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Proud?” he whispered.

  “Yes,” I said firmly. “You came from nothing, and you’re so kind and strong.” I kissed his lips gently. “And now I want you even more.”

  “You don’t…think less of me?”

  New tears fell down my cheeks. “Never.” I pressed my face to his and continued to cry quietly. I’d never been in so much pain for another person. It shattered my heart over and over. I was certain I was in more pain over it than Arsen himself.

  “You’re the first person who’s made me feel like I’m worth anything…”

  “You’re worth so much,” I whispered.

  Snow fell to the ground, and the night was dead silent. I let my tears escape, and once they were on my cheeks, they felt cold from the frosty air. It was dark, and the parking lot was barely visible. We sat together, saying nothing. I held him tightly like he might slip out of my grasp.

  “Beauty?” he whispered.

  “Hmm?” I took a deep breath and stilled my tears.

  “Thanks for decorating my first tree with me.”

  My lungs hurt from the strain of my emotions. I was too overcome to say anything. So I said nothing at all.

  Arsen didn’t go home for a few days. It was the longest he’d ever stayed with me. Normally, he would find a reason to leave. But now, it didn’t seem like he wanted to.