by A. P. Moraez
Ash shrugged again, bringing his hands to rest over Logan’s waist, under his coat. It was warm, like all the rest of him. “I wasn’t when we were kids, but then… then during my time living on the streets, when I found that abandoned church to hide in…” He paused and let out a heavy exhale. It was difficult to explain. “I don’t know… things just changed. Mostly, I couldn’t get my hands on any books, and you know how I love reading. So, one night, I found a stack of still unused Bibles in a cabinet, wrapped in plastic and everything. I started reading them and the messages would comfort me.”
Sapphires contemplated him, hanging on to every word, glistening more than usual. “Oh, love,” Logan half-whispered before he leaned down to press a gentle kiss onto Ash’s forehead, “I didn’t know any of that. Pretty sure you let that part out when you were telling us your story.”
Ash smiled sadly. “Guess it didn’t seem relevant at the time.” He paused for a second, gathering his thoughts. “But yeah, during that time I started clinging on to those messages and… and I started praying at night. For better or for worse, it was that old church that probably saved me from freezing out on the streets. In turn, I started clinging to faith as much as I clung to the building itself.” He gave out a little shrug. “It was better to cling on to some belief than to just… give up. At the time, it made sense to me.”
Logan was nodding. “I get it,” he said, voice still low and clearly affected by Ash’s story. “I totally get it. Of course we can go to the Duomo. It’s beautiful inside. You’re gonna love it.”
“You’ve been there already?”
“A time or two. I’ve had two friends who married there when I lived here.”
“Oh, right.” Ash shook his head, trying to get rid of the funk thinking about his past always threw him in. “Alright, let’s go, then?” He tugged on Logan’s hand, taking a step in the direction of the doors. “You said you were starving. I don’t want to delay dinner too much longer.”
Logan rolled his eyes, lips tugging up into his trademark lopsided smile. “You know I’m a bit of a drama queen sometimes. One more hour won’t kill me.” He hugged Ash to his side and started toward the door. “Let’s just say bye to Nick and Alec first.”
Both men were thankfully standing next to Alec’s station, close to the big doors, talking. Both turned to them with the biggest smiles when they saw them getting nearer.
“You guys can’t stop being all gross, can you?” Alec shot, eyes scanning and purposefully stopping at Logan’s and Ash’s joined hands.
Nick slapped him in the arm. “You know, Logan’s right, you are turning a bit green. Should we be concerned?”
They all shared a round of laughter.
“Ash and I are going already,” Logan announced, “Guess it’s goodbye for now.”
Nick’s expression immediately fell, and Ash’s heart clenched a bit. He wished they had more time to stay, but Logan wanted to travel somewhere he was keeping extremely secretive about the next day, so they had to be ready to go first thing in the morning. They’d probably go have dinner and then rush to the hotel, and travel early next morning.
“Well,” Nick said on a sigh, “thank you again for coming to the rescue in such short notice. I really don’t know who else I could’ve called. You saved my launch.”
Logan’s face brightened on a big smile. “You know you can always count on me.”
“Oh my God, guys,” Alec cried. “Seriously, stop. You all are so sweet my teeth are starting to ache.”
They laughed again, then Nick stepped forward and enfolded not only Logan, but Ash too, in a big hug. “Thank you guys for coming, and travel safe,” he said. “Damn, it sucks that we can’t have more time together.”
Nick took a step back and eyed them both one at a time, then settled his gaze on Ash. “I’m really happy to have met you, Ash. You don’t know how much.”
“Me too.”
“Yeah,” Alec said, as he came and gave Ash a tight, brief hug, “you’re not so bad. Better than half the folk around here, actually,” he added, giving the room a side-eye. He stole a hug from Logan too, then punched him in the arm. “And you,” he said, voice firmer, eyes narrowed, “don’t you dare disappearing on us for years again, okay? If I don’t see you for more than a year again, I’m coming to the States and hunting you down.”
Logan burst out laughing. “I have been kind of an asshole, haven’t I?”
“The worst,” Alec answered, trying to keep on his angered facade, but not succeeding much.
“Alright,” Logan exhaled, “time to go.”
“You guys travel safe, uh?” Nick repeated, “And, Ash? Don’t forget my request.”
“What request?” Logan’s eyes jumped between Ash and Nick, seeming both curious and confused.
“Nothing!” Ash cried, voice probably way higher than he intended as he gave Nick the subtlest stink-eye he could manage without Logan noticing.
Logan just narrowed his eyes at them for a moment as Nick laughed his ass off.
They waved them both goodbye and headed out.
ASH LOST HIS breath for a moment once he stepped closer to the Duomo’s doors. The countless statues and architectural design outside, with all the little turrets and pillars, was enough already to have his heartbeat picking up as Logan, Duke, Ian and him approached the doors as a group. The doors, though… they were something else.
“They’re breathtaking, aren’t they?” Ian said as the four of them stopped in front of the massive things. They wouldn’t actually be entering the church through them, since Logan had explained the main doors were rarely opened, but they could come close and admire the art for a moment.
“Yeah,” Ash agreed, eager to touch some of the intricately carved angels and saints all over the doors, but restraining himself. “I only wish we had more time to appreciate it.” He took a step back and craned his neck, looking up as far as possible. “All of it.”
“We can come back some other time,” Logan assured, squeezing his shoulder. “Maybe even take some vacation time off here at some point during the year.”
Nothing had prepared Ash — neither, judging by the gasps around him — Duke or Ian for the splendor of the inside of the church. It was the most magnificent place Ash had ever been in. Row upon row of shiny dark-brown benches spread over the marble floor. At least Ash thought it was marble. It had intricate patterns that reminded him of flowers, but were also beautifully geometric, all in black and cream and orange. The vaulted ceilings, brimming with art and history, were so tall that it was hard to even discern what some aspects of the art actually were.
“Goddamn,” Ian marveled. Then he blinked repeatedly a few times, making the sign of the cross, “Sorry about that.” He cleared his throat. “This place is just beautiful, though. I’ve never seen something like this.” He was talking in whispers, and Ash got it. The whole atmosphere made you feel small and reverent; like someone was watching your every move, but kinda in a good way.
They moved from the side door they’d used to get inside, so as not to block anyone else trying to come in. The place was relatively empty, probably because of the late hour. There were only a few tourists near the altar, taking pictures, and an old man knelt down in prayer in one of the benches to the far right.
Ash led the way to one of the benches closest to the altar, the others following close. Logan’s hand had never left his, and he was thankful for it. For his support and acceptance and love.
They sat down and, not caring much what the others would think, Ash knelt down in front of the altar, joined his hands in prayer and closed his eyes. He tried to clear his mind of all thought and fear and worries, just focusing on relaxing and connecting to whatever power there was out there. Because he wasn’t sure in what he believed in, but he believed the world functioned in balance. If there were people like Leonardo Lazarus out there, and if there were acts of evil being committed all the time, all around the globe, there had to be equal amounts of good out there t
oo. Good people that made the world better, not worse.
A moment later, warmth made itself present at his left side, then his right, and bodies touched both his flanks. Surprised, Ash opened his eyes and peeked from under his lashes, and a wave of warmth and gratitude washed over him at seeing Logan kneeling at his right, eyes closed, and Ian doing the same at his left. Even Duke had settled next to Logan, head down and eyes closed. Everyone had joined him, even though their beliefs were surely different and they probably hadn’t even wanted to come here to begin with.
Feeling thankful and warm inside — hopeful, even — Ash closed his eyes once more and prayed. As the faint sound of voices echoed through the ample, ancient room, Ash focused on his breathing and the sound of his friends breathing evenly around him and just prayed. One by one, the faces of each member of his family appeared in front of his eyes. Tom and Martha, Jeff, Soph and little Trav, Cass and Peter; Billy, and even Lauren and Grace. Ash concentrated all his intentions and whatever it was that made him wake up each morning and face a new day, and prayed for them. He asked for their safety and health. Asked for help so that they could find Lazarus and put an end to the hell they were living. Then he let his mind be filled by Logan’s eyes, his smile, and tightening his eyes shut even more intently as he asked the same for him; as he prayed for not only their survival, but also for the survival of their relationship. He wouldn’t dare express his worries to Logan, for sure the man would find him ridiculous. Ash knew how strong their bond was, he wasn’t an idiot. He loved Logan so much, sometimes it scared him. Nonetheless, he feared. He feared that by the end of all this hell Logan’s image of him would be too soiled and stained; that their relationship just wouldn’t survive. That their love wouldn’t be enough when measured against the extent of Leo’s hate.
When he finally opened his eyes, not knowing exactly how much time had passed, he was met with warm sapphires that greeted him, patient. Duke and Ian were already standing, near the altar, talking and gesturing at the art all around them.
“Hey,” Logan whispered, “Finished?”
Ash nodded, groaning as he rose to his feet; he extended a hand and helped Logan do the same.
“How do you feel?”
“Lighter,” Ash promptly answered, “calmer.”
“Good,” Logan answered, then leaned down and pressed his lips to Ash’s forehead, enfolding him in his arms. “Ready for dinner now?”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s go, then.”
They gestured to catch the other men’s attention, then followed along the wide corridor on their way out the side door they’d used to come in. Ash took a last look over his shoulder, feeling indeed lighter and grateful for having had the opportunity to visit such an amazing, wonderful building. Even if his prayers didn’t amount to much in the end, he’d be grateful for today, always.
“YOU REALLY WON’T say where you’re taking me?”
As soon as they’d left the Duomo, Logan had gotten all giddy and excited, but he refused to tell him why. The man liked his food, alright, but surely all the grins and smiles about the place they were heading to just couldn’t be all about the food.
“Nope. It’s a surprise.” His lips twisted for a second. “Actually, it’s a double surprise.”
“A double surprise?”
“Yep.”
Ash shook his head and turned his gaze back outside, where downtown Milan, with its mixture of Renaissance and modern architecture, morphed and changed around them. They were driving fast, as per usual, since it was Duke behind the wheel, and the more minutes passed, the more curious Ash got. It was a cold winter night, but it wasn’t snowing as it surely was back home. There was a reasonable amount of people strolling around the streets, probably going to a late dinner themselves, or just enjoying the chilly night.
At some point, they rushed through a long street that seemed to be lining the sidewalk of some sort of park, judging by all the green and trees Ash could see before the night swallowed them in the distance. If it were indeed a park, it was huge.
As if reading Ash’s thoughts, Logan said, “This is Parco Sempione. A beautiful place. We can visit tomorrow if you’re up for it.”
“I’d love to.”
“It’s way more beautiful during the warm seasons.”
“We’ll have to come back another time.”
“Hell yeah.”
They drove in silence along the long avenue, until Logan broke it. “It’s two streets down. Place is called Amadeo’s,” he explained to the Duke and Ian, on the front seats of the Mercedes.
Duke grunted his understanding, and in no time at all they were parking at a sidewalk. The whole street had a quaint vibe to it, illuminated mostly by ancient-looking, all-black lamp-posts. The light of the one directly next to where Duke had parked the car bathed the hole-in-the-wall restaurant with its sign indicating in cursive, elegant letters: Amadeo’s.
The front doors were closed, probably to keep the chill out, but the glass that constituted most of the walls to its side let them see the place was full to capacity. It was probably a popular place, even though it surely wasn’t that big.
Logan took him by the hand and the four of them started for the front doors.
“Logan,” Ash whispered, “the place seems full. D’you make a reservation?”
The glint in Logan’s eyes were back full force, and he shook his head. “Nope. Don’t need to.”
“But the place is, like, packed. We won’t find seats.”
“Ha!” Logan barked out. “They’ll have seats for us, trust me.”
Ash just took a big breath and went along with it. There was no stopping Logan when he got an idea into his big head, that he’d learned.
When they crossed the double doors, a bell dinged somewhere. They immediately shut them behind them, so that the cold wouldn’t bother anyone.
“Buona sera,” Logan greeted the receptionist that had come to greet them at the door. A young girl that couldn’t be more than eighteen. Straight brown hair that fell over her shoulders and fair skin. She had a kind smile. Ash instantly liked her.
Logan said something else in Italian that Ash couldn’t even dream of grasping. It surprised him when the girl’s eyes widened and then she jumped at Logan, arms tight around his neck in a hug. It didn’t last, though, for she took off running, disappearing through a door in the far back of the restaurant.
“Who was that?”
“Luiza,” Logan answered, cheeks flushed and beaming. “It took her a while to recognize me. Last time I saw her, she was ten, I think.”
“So you know her?”
Logan was about to respond, but a booming shout cut through the room, and Logan spun around.
There was a big, sturdy man, looking to be around his mid-fifties or something, barreling through the tables. He had a smile so big that Ash thought his face would split in half. He was wearing dark slacks, shiny dark-brown shoes and a white net over his full head of dark hair. His light blue eyes were the last thing Ash noticed before the man literally jumped at Logan and both of them were screaming in Italian to each other, calling all eyes to them.
They patted each other’s backs with such force that it had to hurt, but didn’t seem to care about it.
The man retreated from their hug and took Logan’s face in both hands. He was four or five inches shorter than Logan, so he had to stretch his arms up a little to do it. He said something that sounded like he was chastising Logan, and Logan responded in kind. It looked like they were joking; Ash couldn’t be sure.
Seeming to remember himself, Logan stepped back and pulled Ash forward by the hand.
“Amadeo, this is my partner, Ash,” Logan introduced, voice infused with obvious pride. “Ash, this is Amadeo, an old friend of mine.”
“You come here after years and call me old to my face, eh?” Amadeo cried in his heavy Italian accent. Then he turned to Ash and clasped Ash’s already extended hand with both of his. He had big, warm hands, but different
from Logan’s. Ash instantly recognized the calluses that came with working a kitchen for years on end. “So you’re the one, uh? The famous one this one couldn’t shut up about.”
Ash didn’t know what to say. A surprised laugh escaped him and he brought his other hand to cover both of Amadeo’s. “It’s nice to meet you, Amadeo. I hope whatever he said about me is good.”
Logan was looking at them both with his face split in half by his own broad smile. He’d never looked more beautiful.
“Eh,” Amadeo said, making a so-and-so sign with his left hand. “Boy is a liar, though. Never trusted him much.” To Logan, he winked.
They both were laughing again. When Ash let go of Amadeo’s hands, the girl from before, his daughter, was one step behind her father, eyes trained on him.
“Hi,” Ash greeted, extending a hand to her. “Luiza, right?”
She shook his hand, cheeks reddened. “Yeah. I can’t believe you’re here. I just found your music a couple weeks ago.” She had a bit of an accent, but not near as strong as her dad’s. Amadeo had moved on to greet Duke and Ian, and all of them were talking excitedly a couple feet away. She paused, looking at her father for a second, all shy. But then her eyes were back on him. “Would you mind taking a selfie?” She was already pulling her phone from her back pocket. “And maybe signing something for me?”
“Of course!”
She quickly jumped to his side, but didn’t hug him. Maybe it was because she was shy, because Ash could feel that she really wanted to, but maybe didn’t want to come across as invasive or rude. In a bout of confidence he wasn’t sure where it had come from, he draped his arm over her shoulder and pulled her firmly against his side. The selfie ended up pretty nice, both of them with huge smiles and faces flushed against the vintage backdrop of the restaurant.
“Thank you so much! I’ll just grab a pen and paper, okay? Be right back.”
“Sure.”
When Ash turned around, Amadeo and the other men had their eyes on him. It got him flustered. He tried to dissuade the moment with a forced smile as he got back to Logan’s side.