by A. P. Moraez
Amadeo just stared at him with something funny in his blue eyes, then he turned to Logan and said something in Italian, indicating Ash with his thumb. Logan burst out laughing and patted his friend on the arm.
“I know,” he said.
Amadeo, smiling, took a step back and whirled around. “Follow me.”
They did. He led them directly to the kitchen. There were five more guys in a frenzy of activity, some washing dishes, others cooking. The place smelled beyond dreamy. Pasta boiling and spices and wine. Ash hadn’t paid much attention to his stomach before, but now that his system was attacked by all the delicious aromas, it rumbled. Thank God no one seemed to notice.
“Here,” Amadeo beckoned, already sliding back chairs around a huge wooden table that stood at the far back wall, away from the stoves, “be at home. The food is coming soon.”
He left, then, going to the other men and probably giving them some orders. They all looked briefly in the direction of the table, but then focused on their tasks again.
Ash sat next to Logan, while Ian and Duke took the opposite seats.
“So that’s the double surprise, uh?” Ash asked. “How many years since you last visited him?”
“Six? Seven? Yeah, probably seven.”
Ash shook his head. “I seem to be getting a pattern here. All your friends complaining about how you neglect them, I mean.”
Logan had the decency to look ashamed. “I know. I… I just wasn’t in a good place to be good company through the last several years. I will try to be better from now on. To visit more often.”
“You should,” Ash said, taking Logan’s hand in his and squeezing it, to let him know he wasn’t really mad. “They all seem to love you so much.”
“Yeah,” Logan answered, bringing Ash’s knuckles to his lips and kissing them briefly. “I know.”
Someone patted his shoulder and Ash jumped a little in surprise. It was Luiza back, holding a pink, glittery notebook and an equally pink and glittery pen.
Ash rose with a smile and accepted the objects. To her, he wrote, To beautiful Luiza, with the most beautiful shy smile in Italy. With love, then signed his name. When she got her things back and took a look at the note, her eyes filled up with tears. Ash felt bad about it for about half a second, but then those feelings disappeared when she seemed to win a fight against herself and jumped on him, hugging him tight. When she stepped back, they were both laughing. She planted a soft kiss on his cheek, “Thanks, Ash. You’re, like, the best. I can’t wait to show it to all my friends.”
Like a hurricane, she whirled around and shot out of there, probably going back to her post at the front doors. Still smiling, feeling great about himself just because he’d made so many people happy today, including that sweet girl, Ash sat back on his chair. He didn’t miss how Amadeo, stirring something at the nearby stove, was throwing looks at him from under his lashes, a little smile playing on his lips.
“What is he preparing for us?” Ash asked Logan. Duke and Ian were deep into a conversation about cars. Typical straight guy stuff.
“You remember that pasta I cooked for you the first time we…” he looked pointedly to the other men at their side, “…you know.”
Ash’s cheeks warmed. “Yeah.”
“Who you think taught me how to make that?”
“Amadeo?”
Logan smiled and nodded. “I asked him to make some for all of us.”
“How did you guys meet?”
A fond smiled covered Logan’s lips. “I used to eat here all the time, back when I was just starting my career here in Milan. I lived in an apartment nearby. One day I just passed right in front while taking a walk. I guess at some point Amadeo and I became friends just because I’d come here at least three times a week.”
“That’s cool. He seems like a nice guy.”
“Yeah,” Logan responded, gazing at his friend with clear affection in his eyes. “It helped a lot, having a place to come eat that ended up feeling like home; like family. Other than Nick, Ian, Diana, and some other guys from the job, Amadeo and his family were the only people I could call friends for all the years I spent here.”
“What about his wife? Do you know her?”
“Sure. She works finances, though. Doesn’t come here a lot, if I remember well.”
“Here you go!” Amadeo announced, at the same time he deposited a humongous pot of steaming pasta in front of them. It smelled so good Ash wanted to cry. “The guys will come soon with the bread and the wine.”
He was about to leave them to eat, always smiling, when Logan stopped him saying, “Hey, Adal, I forgot to tell you Ash doesn’t drink alcohol. Would you have some grape juice? If you don’t, water is fine.”
Amadeo’s eyes widened for a bit. “Oh, of course!” He was back in just a few moments, flying back from the fridge at another corner of the kitchen. “Here, here,” he said as he deposited a huge jar of juice right in front of Ash. “This is the best grape juice this side of Milan. I just got a restock just last week!”
“Thank you so much, Amadeo,” Ash responded. “You didn’t need to worry. Water would’ve been fine.”
“Nonsense.” The man rolled his eyes, then patting Ash’s shoulder. “I can’t have someone as important as you come here and eat my food with water.” He scrunched up his nose at the end of that sentence, as if the very idea offended him. “Anyway, I’ll leave you boys to it. If you need anything,” he focused his gaze on Logan, “you know where the fridge is and where the stuff is, be at home.” He winked and left them.
Ash was baffled. Him? Important? He wasn’t too sure about that, but decided to take it. It was nice being treated so nicely and familiarly by someone he’d met only a few minutes ago, even if he wasn’t sure why that was.
For the next few minutes, they just stuffed their faces with food. Duke and Ian had moved along and were discussing about football now, and Ash decided to not even try and butt in, lest he’d embarrass himself. His knowledge of football extended only to watching the occasional game with Cassidy, mostly when they’d be at one O’Farrell gathering or another and Jeff and Tom would make them watch. And even then, they reserved themselves to only paying attention to the players’ bodies and that was it.
Everything was sooo good. The pasta cooked to perfection, the Bolognese sauce rich, and the bread still warm and fresh from the brick ovens drilled into the walls. Focused as he was on his food, Ash startled when, a few bites in, Logan’s low voice growled so close to his ear that his warm breath fanned his left cheek, “Baby, this is really not the place for you to start making those sounds. You know what that does to me.”
He couldn’t help smiling as he hazarded a look in Logan’s direction and was met with molten sapphires and slightly parted lips stained with sauce. He checked to see that Duke and Ian were still in the middle of their heated argument and leaned in to speak at Logan’s ear, “It’s the payment you get for making me hard all day.”
When he leaned back, Logan’s jaw was ticking. He stared intently at Ash for a second, then shifted his eyes back to his plate. He took a bite then washed it down with a bit of wine.
“So, seeing me model is a turn on for you?”
Ash’s cheeks warmed. “Uh… duh,” he said, “how could it not be?”
One corner of Logan’s mouth lifted a little, “That’s good to know.”
“I didn’t know how intense it’d be. I’d never seen you working before.”
Logan turned to him with widened eyes. “Like, ever? You haven’t seen any of my stuff?”
“No. I told you before. I didn’t wanna risk seeing you when I thought you… when—”
“I know,” Logan reassured, bringing a hand to rest over Ash’s forearm, “but we’ve been together for close to two months now.” He looked devastated, and Ash wanted to kick himself. “You haven’t even peeked at some movie clip? A runway show from back in the day?”
Ash bit his lip, guilt-ridden, then he shook his head. “No. I’m
sorry.”
Logan’s saddened expression lasted only a couple seconds more, before it morphed into a devilish smile and his eyes refilled with desire. “We’ll have to remedy that. Especially now that I know how it…” he leaned forward and lowered his voice, “…affects you.”
“Yeah,” Ash agreed around one more forkful of delicious pasta, “totally. I’d love that.”
“The bastards are quick, aren’t they?” Ian grumbled, cellphone in hand.
“What’s up?” Logan asked, as he finished his glass of wine.
Ian flipped the phone in his hands. It was a video of a few hours back, when Logan had surprise-kissed Ash at the end of Nick’s event. Someone had posted it on Facebook and it had already surpassed two million views. Honest to God, the sheer numbers overwhelmed him sometimes. He tried not to think too much of it, but it was mind-blowing to think that that amount of people was already in to his personal business that had happened not even two hours ago.
Logan grunted, seeming utterly unbothered. He’d probably been under the public eye for so long that these things didn’t affect him anymore. Ash, on the other hand, was new to this and he was sure his face was as red as a tomato as he watched the video till the end and, again, registered the amount of people that had seen it.
“It was bound to happen,” Logan said, scooping up a bit more food onto his plate. “The place was crawling with media.”
“It isn’t bad, is it?” Ash asked. Logan and the others looked at him with confused expressions. “The press, I mean. It’s not gonna cause Nick any problems?”
Logan barked out a laugh. “Nah. If anything, it’s just gonna make people get even more interested in his brand. It’s good publicity. People love a good romantic story to gossip about.”
“What if he loses clients because of what we did? Like, the ones who don’t… who aren’t that accepting.”
Logan snorted out a laugh. “Nick wouldn’t want to do business with people like that anyway.”
Ash still wasn’t convinced. “I just don’t want to cause problems to him and his brand. He was so nice to me. Maybe we shouldn’t act like that in such big events anymore.”
Logan’s expression darkened. “Listen,” he said, stopping everything he was doing and taking both Ash’s hands in his, “You’re mine. We’re together. I won’t hide my love for you just to make people comfortable.” He squeezed Ash’s hands. “It felt natural for me to want a kiss from the person I love the most after a successful evening, that’s all. And it won’t cause any problems, I promise. Let’s not let something like that spoil our evening, uh?”
Logan’s words moved him, touched him deep, somewhere special. Ash found himself squeezing Logan’s hands right back and sharing a secret smile with him. He was right, Nick didn’t need business from homophobic idiots, and Ash wasn’t about to let other people’s opinions spoil the perfect day he’d had so far.
On that note, they finished dinner and, by the point Amadeo finally considered them properly fed, Ash was so full he thought he’d burst. He’d stuffed himself full of pasta, bread, and juice, unaware that the boisterous old man still had dessert waiting for them. The cup of coffee and bowl of tiramisu were absolutely divine. Ash ended up sharing one with Logan, since there was no way he’d be able to finish one by himself.
It was way past nine when the warmth of the kitchen and his full belly, plus the exhaustion of the busy day started making Ash sleepy.
“Ready to go back to the hotel?” Logan asked, probably noticing how Ash had been fighting against the heaviness of his eyelids through the last few minutes.
Ash nodded. “Yeah. I’m exhausted, actually.”
“Let’s go, then.”
They all rose from their corner table. Once they crossed the doorway to the main areas, Amadeo met them with a smile. “Going already?”
“Yep,” Logan answered for them. “How much do I owe you?”
Ash couldn’t help laughing when the restaurant owner started yelling expletives in Italian at his boyfriend.
“Alright, alright,” Logan laughed. “I’m sorry I mentioned it.”
Apparently, the very idea of accepting money from Logan offended the man to no end.
Amadeo lifted a finger between them right before he said, “Wait here,” and disappeared inside the kitchen through the door they’d just crossed. One moment later, he was back before them, holding a huge Tupperware. “Just some extra tiramisu for tomorrow,” he explained.
“Oh,” Ash said, moved by his kindness, “you really didn’t have to.”
The man settled his light blue eyes on him and studied Ash for a moment, a serene smile on his wrinkled face. He had deep laughter lines, like he’d had a good, happy life.
“Of course I did,” he finally said, thrusting the pot right into Ash’s arms, then lifting a hand to pat him firmly on the arm, “you made Luiza smile today. This is nothing.”
What was it with these Italian people? They couldn’t give his heart a break, apparently.
“Well, then,” Ash half-laughed, “thank you so much. For this and for dinner.”
Amadeo barked out a laugh. “It was my pleasure. And please,” he added, throwing Logan a side-eye, “don’t let this one turn into a stranger again. Whenever you want some good food and to see an old man, I’m right here.”
They said their goodbyes and moved along to the front doors. Luiza rounded her desk to give everyone, including Duke and Ian, hugs goodbye.
“She’s such a sweet girl, isn’t she?” Ash said, smiling, on the way to the car.
“Yeah, she’s always been that way,” Logan responded, throwing a last look at the place over his shoulder.
They got into the car and Ash scooted on the back seat until his head was resting on Logan’s chest. Amadeo’s words followed him all the way back to the hotel, and Ash found himself truly content, for the first time in weeks. It was the best feeling in the world, knowing that he’d made someone smile. That was the real gift behind the fame that was unrelenting as it consumed his whole life more and more every day. It wasn’t the money, or the status, or the number of clicks online. It was girls like Luiza, who were kind and gentle and he got to make smile, even if it were just for a minute.
confessions by the lake
WHO THE HELL was calling him at freaking one in the morning? Ash reached out to find his phone, which he’d left on the nightstand next to the bed. He didn’t even bother not to try and wake Logan; the phone ringing had already managed that.
“Who is it?” Logan mumbled, groggy from sleep, as he rubbed his face with one hand.
“’Dunno. It’s a number from home.”
Back in Colorado, it had to still be fiveish in the afternoon. The caller probably hadn’t considered the time difference.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Reid,” came the familiar voice through the line, “it’s Miller.”
Ash’s heart rate had picked up even before the deputy finished speaking.
“Oh,” Ash said, trying for nonchalant, even though nerves had started making his hands shake. “Miller!” Logan sprung up in bed, eyes immediately alert, gaze glued to Ash’s. “How are you? D’you manage to meet with the guy?”
“Yeah, I did. I don’t know if I believe him, though. He told me some pretty… unbelievable stuff.” There was a pause, the distinctive sound of Miller’s speaker being muffled for a bit, cars honking on the background and the faint sound of conversation. “I need to talk to you, Mr. Reid, and it has to be in person.” Another pause, then Miller added in a half-whisper. “I don’t trust technology to have the talk we need to have. Could be dangerous. I’m… I…” A heavy exhale. “I just wanna hear your side of what Matthew told me before I follow through with my investigation.”
“D’he tell you something important? Something to get you closer to solving Morgan’s homicide?”
“Ash,” Miller whispered. He sounded tired. Exhausted, really; and scared. “If what he told me is true, and I believe you might k
now exactly what I’m talking about, it could be really bad for you. I want you to understand that I’m only calling you before I go back to Hoofslope and disclose our talk to my superiors as a courtesy to both you and the O’Farrells. You and your family have always been a staple of our community, and I feel I… I feel that I somewhat owe it to you to give you a chance to tell your version of what Matthew told me today. You copy?”
Ash dropped onto the soft mattress, involuntarily visualizing his whole life crumbling around him.
Logan’s arms immediately surrounded him and brought him back against his chest. This time, even his warmth and scent weren’t enough to calm his nerves.
“Yeah.” Ash’s voice was too dry. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Yeah, I copy. Miller,” he rushed to say. “I suppose it’s too late now to confess to you, but I know Matthew, from when I was a teen.”
“Fuck, Ash,” Miller growled. “The things he told me, they can’t be true. Please, tell me they aren’t true.”
“I don’t know exactly what he told you, but I swear to you things aren’t black and white. If you just give me a chance to expla—”
“I shouldn’t. I could be risking my badge here. But I will. Because I like you.”
“Thank you,” Ash exhaled the words more than said them. “Thank you so much.”
“When can we talk?”
“I’m out of the country right now. Could we maybe meet once I’m back?”
“When you coming back?”
“In six days. That work for you?”
“Dammit.” A sound of something bumping against something filled Ash’s ear. “Fucking hell, Ash. Goddammit.”
“Look,” Ash said, hating the words that he was about to enunciate, “if waiting six days is gonna get you in trouble, I get it. I don’t want you to risk your job or worse because of me.”
There was a long pause and Logan’s arms tightened around him, hot breath fanning his neck, during all of it.
“Yeah,” Miller finally said, “I know you don’t. That’s why I’m gonna wait. You’re a good guy, Ash. I know the man you are. I just wanna hear you out, okay? Then maybe we can figure something out together.”