Rebel & Her Beast

by Queen Pen

  Noella turned back to me, “get some rest, girl. I already know Maddey and Doc are going to want us all to turn up all week long, so sleep while you can.”

  “You don’t have to tell me twice,” I said as they turned and walked out the door.

  I got off the bed and grabbed my cellphone out of my bag so I could text my dad that I made it to the hotel safe. I tapped out my message and hit send. When I was done, I sat my phone on the wireless charger that was stationed on the bedside table and pulled the comforter back so I could get a nap in. Before I dozed off, I made a mental note to hit up Twin Stonerz as soon as I woke up.

  three

  “B

  el! Wake yo ass up!” My eyes popped open and I flinched at Ryder’s face staring at me, just inches from my own.

  “Oh my God, Ryder! You scared me half to death!” I said, slapping her on the arm. She was lying in bed right next to me with her face all up in mine like the weirdo that she was. This was nothing new, though. Most nights, Ryder and I ended up sleeping in the same bed, especially if Kobra wasn’t around.

  “Well, you been sleeping for four hours and I need to talk to you, so nap time is over.” She said, blowing her breathe in my face. Luckily, it smelled minty fresh, so I didn’t comment on her closeness. Instead, I sat up and stretched.

  I hadn’t realized how much I needed that sleep until I got it. I was so used to late night study sessions and early morning classes that sleep had become my absolute last priority. A lot of the time, I avoided sleeping, too, because of the dreams that sleep brought. This had been the first time in months that I had a dreamless sleep and I felt refreshed but also ready for more.

  I looked down at Ryder who was still laying down, staring up at me. I rubbed my eyes and stifled a yawn before looking back at her.

  “What’s wrong, Puddin’?” I asked, smoothing the hair away from her face.

  Ryder got up and off the bed slowly and then began to pace. Before I could ask her, what was wrong, the door opened and Briella and Noella walked in the room. A smile spread across my face at seeing Briella with baby Farrah in her arms with two fur-ball puppies trailing behind her. Farrah was getting so big and I couldn’t believe that the first time I met Briella, she was pregnant with her. Now, Farrah was one and a half and looking more and more like her mother each day.

  “Hey, boo!” I squealed as I gave Briella and Farrah a hug while Noella sat down on the couch that sat opposite the bed. “How do you guys keep getting in my room?”

  “Our room keys work for every room on this floor. You have to slide the touch screen to lock if you don’t want anyone to come in,” Noella pointed to a panel just inside the door that currently read unlock.

  I nodded my head and noted that for later. Farrah reached out for me and I happily took her into my arms while Briella asked, “How you been, Bel? I haven’t seen you in forever.” Briella sat down next to her sister on the couch and I smiled.

  The twins looked exactly alike but I could tell them apart, easily. It was something in their face that made them distinguishable, to me. Not everyone saw it, though. Most people mixed them up constantly. It had gotten better in the past few months, though. Briella kept her hair in a short bob since they got it cut last year while Noella was growing hers out. Her curls now reached the bottom of her shoulder blade. Noella also had a ton of tattoo’s where Briella only had one. It was a tattoo that her, August and Noella got soon after Jakiah died. It was her name with wings around it on their wrists.

  “I been good. Busy with school but I can’t complain,” I said as I sat back down on the bed and bounced Farrah up and down on me knee. She squealed happily which caused me to laugh.

  “You still at the top of your class?” Briella asked, with a smile as she scooped her puppy off the floor and nestled him next to her, while Noella’s dog jumped around at her feet.

  “Yeah,” I said bashfully. I was not the type to brag, but I couldn’t lie, I was proud as hell of myself.

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough catching up,” Ryder said, causing us all to look at her. She was still pacing back and forth, and I instantly got worried. Ryder only paced when something was really bothering her.

  “Ry, what’s wrong?” I asked.

  “Yeah, you’re making me nauseous with all that pacing,” Noella piped in.

  “Hold on, before you tell us, am I going to need to make a run to Twin Stonerz downstairs? I can be there and back in fi—”

  I couldn’t even finish my sentence before Ryder threw three pre-rolled blunts and a lighter on the bed beside me. My eyes got big and I looked back up at her, “oh no, Ryder, what is it?”

  I wasted no time handing Farrah back to Briella and then walking to the balcony and opening it up, so that I could light a blunt and blow the smoke outside. We all looked at Ryder as she continued to pace. I knew that if she went out of her way to get me some ganja for this conversation, that it was some serious shit. While Noella was my best friend, Ryder was my sister and when something was bothering her, it bothered me, too.

  “I’m going to bring Farrah back to our room with Prince,” Briella said worriedly before rushing out of the room. We stayed silent as we waited for her to come back. A minute passed and she walked back in the room.

  “I think I’m pregnant,” Ryder blurted out before she fell to the floor in tears.

  I put the blunt out quickly and ran to Ryder’s side. Noella and Briella dropped down on the floor next to her as well. We fell into a chorus of “It’s going to be okay” and “shhh, we will get through this together.”

  I made eye contact with Briella and Noella and knew that they understood just as well as I did what this was really about. Ryder had confided in the three of us about her past miscarriage and how hard that had been for her and Hood and how they were finally ready to try for another baby the day that he was murdered.

  My heart ached for her, but I wanted to try and get her to see that it was a positive thing. Seeing her and Kobra’s relationship bloom over the past year has been beautiful. They were childhood best friends and although Hood may have been Ryder’s soulmate, Kobra was as well and he was her second chance at a normal, happy life. I knew that she was conscious of that but sometimes, she felt guilty and as if Hood was looking down on her in disapproval.

  I personally thought that Hood would want her to be happy. I knew that he would want this for her, and she needed to be reminded of that. “Sweetie, first things first, let’s take a test and see one way or another,” I said, lifting her chin, so that she was looking at me.

  She nodded her head sadly, “I brought a couple of tests. They’re in my purse.”

  Briella stood up and grabbed Ryder’s purse from the chair in the corner where it had been discarded. She pulled out two pregnancy tests and then walked over to Ryder and reached her hand out. Ryder allowed Briella to pull her up and we all stood up with her. I lead them to the bathroom and slid the glass door open. We piled inside and Briella handed Ryder a test.

  We stood there awkwardly for a moment before Ryder said, “uhm…can I get some privacy, please?”

  “Oh, yeah. Of course,” I stammered as the twins nodded their heads in agreement.

  The three of us shuffled back to the living room and Noella and I sat on the couch, while Briella took the chair. I scooped up one of the yapping puppies, while Noella grabbed the other one. We deposited them on the couch between us and they both crawled onto my lap and laid down. I petted them idly as I got lost in my thoughts. We trained our eyes on various spots around the room, trying to avoid looking through the glass walls at Ryder peeing on a stick.

  The moments creeped by as we sat silently, waiting for Ryder to come out. I stood up and put the puppies on the couch where I had just been and then I walked over to the balcony and grabbed my discarded blunt. I lit it up again as I stood out on the balcony and enjoyed the view along with the hot air on my face. I let my mind wander while I smoked.

  A few minutes later, out of the corner of my eye,
I saw Ryder exit the bathroom and head towards the living room. I put the blunt out again, this time in an ashtray that sat on a table outside and headed in to see the results.

  Ryder had tears in her eyes, but didn’t speak. Instead, she simply nodded her head and held up the two tests that confirmed that she was indeed pregnant.

  Before I could say anything, Briella spoke, “Ry, this is not a bad thing. You know that, don’t you?” Ryder shrugged her shoulders and slid down onto the couch next to Noella.

  “She’s right. I was in shock, when I found I was pregnant, too. After everything I went through last year, there was no way in hell I wanted to bring a baby into this world, but once I got over the shock, I got excited, you know? I realized that I had a good circle of people around me and that Amir would be a great father, just like Kobra will be.” Noella said, as she rubbed Ryder’s back in small circles.

  Fresh tears dropped from Ryders face, “Kobra is going to be the best daddy, but will I be a good mom? What if I have another miscarriage and what the fuck does Hood think of me right now?”

  I made eye contact with the twins again and I knew we were all thinking the same thing. I was relieved when Briella spoke up and said it because I wasn’t sure I could. “Ryder, Hood is dead, honey. He isn’t coming back. You can’t worry about what he is or would be thinking right now because it doesn’t matter.”

  Ryder flinched at her words as a steady stream of tears fell from her eyes. I could tell my girl was on the verge of closing herself out to the world again and I couldn’t let that happen. I walked over to her and dropped to my knees, so I was eye-level with her.

  “Baby, if Hood were here,” I made sure to emphasize it in a way to make sure she understood that he wasn’t here, but I would play along with her feelings to put her at ease, “he would want you to be happy. He would want to see you as a mommy, and he would want to see that you are living life. He knew Kobra. He respected Kobra. You can’t drive yourself crazy asking questions that he will never be able to answer.”

  Ryder looked into my eyes. I could tell that she was desperately trying to allow her mind to believe what I had just said. She slowly nodded her head at me and then lunged into my arms. I held her tightly as she sobbed into my neck. Briella stroked her hair while Noella rubbed her back.

  Ryder eventually released me and gave me a weak smile. “Thanks, Bel. This shit is hard. I never imagined a life without Hood and to top it all off, I have to go through this pregnancy without my Granny. God knows that woman drove me fuckin crazy, but I loved her so much. I feel so lost.”

  “Girl, you are preaching to the choir. How do you think I feel? I don’t have parents, grandparents, uncles or aunts. Not to mention, Jakiah…” Briella’s voice caught but she pulled it together, determined not to shed a tear. “I’m not saying that it will be easy, Ryder, but what I am saying is that it’s possible. Take it one day at a time, starting with telling Kobra.”

  Ryder’s eyes got big at the mention of telling Kobra. Noella eyed her, “what? Did you think you would go through the whole pregnancy without telling him?”

  “N-no, I just don’t know how to tell him. Our relationship is really complicated. We never even had the official boyfriend and girlfriend talk. The shit just happened. One day I looked up and we were saying I love you and shit, but there are days where it’s not easy. He still isn’t over Jakiah’s death and I’m damn sure not over Hood’s. When it becomes unbearable, we argue and fight and cry…it’s fucking confusing.”

  “You two are going to have to try and find a way past that, Ryder. For the baby. You need to have a healthy and stress-free pregnancy.” I said.

  Her eyes snapped up to meet mine, “I know that all too well. I can’t lose another baby.”

  I nodded my head at her. I knew my statement would get through to her. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive, but I needed Ryder to take this pregnancy seriously and do whatever she could to avoid stress. If I had it my way, she would be on bedrest once we got home until she delivered her baby. I had finally gotten her to the point to where she was living a normal life again and I refused to let her slip back into depression.

  “Have you thought about going to therapy?” Briella asked. Ryder eyed her like she was crazy, but Briella continued anyway, “Noe and I both go. We started last year after…Madame. We go to this bomb ass woman who knows her shit. How do you think we were able to live normal lives again after that? You saw firsthand how fucked up we were.”

  Ryder shrugged, “I just thought your men helped a lot with that.”

  “Don’t get us wrong, they did, but we needed more than that. Therapy is my saving grace. I still go once a week and I never miss it. Sometimes I go alone, sometimes with Bri and other times Amir will come with me. I think you should start going and maybe eventually, Kobra will go with you.” Noella said.

  Ryder nodded slowly, “okay, but I live in Colorado.”

  “You don’t have to see our doctor, but I think she would be able to help you the most. Would you consider moving back to Cali, just during your pregnancy? That way, Steph could be your OBGYN. She’s mine and you know she delivered Farrah, too. She would be happy to get you through your pregnancy.” Noella said.

  “I would do anything for my baby, but first, I need to talk to Kobra. I’ll tell him tonight, after dinner. I’ll convince him to skip the club so we can talk.”

  I couldn’t contain my smile. Ryder was going to be a mom! I was ecstatic, even if she wasn’t just yet. I looked at Noella and Briella and I could tell they were holding back smiles of their own. Before long, Noella blurted out, “Bitch we’re pregnant together!” before tackling Ryder and hugging her tightly.

  We all burst out in laughter and I was happy to see that even Ryder had a smile on her face.

  four

  “W

  hat’s up, preganator?” Kobra yelled when Noella, Amir and I walked into the restaurant for dinner. I saw Ryder cringe in the seat next to him and then reach for the wine bottle. I was about to say something when a look of realization swept across her face and she dropped her hand. Poor baby. There would be no more drinking or smoking for her for a while.

  I took my seat next to Briella and Prince who were already sitting down and Noella and Amir sat on the other side. I waved to August who was sitting across from me and she smiled and waved back. The table was so big it was hard to have a conversation with her, so I just left it at that. I would have time to catch up with her later. Noella’s brothers were seated in various seats around the table as well. She had so many of them that I couldn’t keep up with all their names.

  I knew Bliss because she was the only girl of the crew. She was cool but I think she had a crush on me because she would lick her lips and eye me whenever I was around. Although I wasn’t giving any man the time of day, I was not gay. Not in the slightest, so she was definitely barking up the wrong tree.

  I couldn’t remember Dopey’s real name, but he was the other brother I remembered. He was my smoking buddy. We had smoked ourselves silly on New Years Eve last year. I made eye contact with him and he held up a bong in one hand and a handful of joints in the other hand. I laughed at him and nodded my head while giving him the thumbs up. Only he would carry around a big ass bong in the shape of Cookie Monster.

  I looked around the room and tried to put names to Noella’s other brothers, but I couldn’t remember them. One was big as hell and leaned back in his chair sleeping and the other one had huge glasses and wasn’t talking to anyone.

  My mind started to wander as I noticed the décor of the restaurant we were in. I could see why they named the club Changing Tidez. The restaurant was inside of the club, so the theme was shared between the two. They both had the same glass theme, but it had a cool, underwater effect. All the dishes on the table were blue glass and there were white lights that looked like bubbles floating underneath the ocean. There were coral reefs that added pops of color sitting on the tables and painted on the walls.

  The club w
as completely empty, as well as the restaurant, aside from us. Noella mentioned that Maddey and Doc had closed them both down for a few hours, so that we could enjoy a family dinner together without the distractions. I was starting to wonder where the birthday boys were, when they walked into the room. All eyes were on them as they walked in like a couple of celebrities.

  They looked exactly alike with milk chocolate skin, thick eyebrows and piercing eyes. They both stood at six foot three and were really intimidating to me, especially Maddey. It was easy to tell them apart, though. Maddey had a beard while Doc was clean shaven. Maddey also had a ton of tattoos and Doc had a few but not as many. Doc also dressed more professionally while Maddey dressed thugged out like he still lived in the streets.

  Maddey had on some baggy pants and a black t-shirt with Tupac’s face that read FUCK THE POLICE. He had blacked out Ray Bans on his face, as well as his signature scowl. Doc, on the other hand, was wearing some black jeans with a Givenchy button up. A smile graced his face when he spotted August. He sat down next to her which left the seat next to me the only one open for Maddey, which made me nervous.

  I don’t think I had ever spoken to Maddey before. He always just stared at me whenever I was around him and to be honest, it made me uncomfortable as hell. It was his birthday week, and I was here to celebrate him, so I vowed to try and make conversation with him. I squirmed in my seat as our eyes connected, when he realized he had to sit next to me. His lips quirked up in a smirk as he made his way to his chair.

  As soon as he sat down, waiters appeared with appetizers. I turned my head towards the smell of food as my stomach growled. The ganja I smoked earlier had me hungry and my mouth watering. Everything was family style, so I didn’t hesitate to load my plate up with steak sliders, salmon croquettes and mini chicken cordon bleu bites.

  “Shout out to Briella and her empire for creating a special menu for the week for us!” Doc shouted and everyone clapped while Briella blushed, and Prince kissed her on the cheek.