by Queen Pen
I recognized that last part for what it was; a command. I was dismissed, so I did what I was told. I stood up to leave and just as I got to the door Jazzy hopped up and flung her arms around my waist. “I like you just the way you are. So does Maddey.”
Without another word, she skipped back over to Ms. Keddle where they resumed their reading. My heart melted at her words. People don’t give kids the credit they deserve. They were wise and saw the world in its purest form. I wiped the rest of my tears off with my sleeve and made my way back down to the living room.
Doc and August were now here along with, Cornelius and Luken. Everyone looked up when I entered the room and I smiled, “who’s ready to get their butt whooped in Uno?”
“Man, Maddey must not have told you! I’m the king of Uno in these parts!” Doc exclaimed.
“Nigga shut yo ass up! I stay whooping your ass in any game. Don’t play yourself,” Maddey growled.
Before long, everyone was arguing about which game they were best at while August got up and hugged me. “Hey, boo. Haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Yeah, I guess I’ve been pretty busy.” It wasn’t a complete lie, but I didn’t know how much she actually knew.
“I’ve heard. Taking on Maddey’s case is a big deal, sis, and you got caught up in a relationship with the man? You definitely have your hands full,” she laughed.
I laughed along with her. I was actually relieved that I had someone that knew about Maddey’s case that I could talk to, other than the man himself. Noella knew, of course, but she hadn’t completely warmed up to the idea of Maddey and I so it would be hard to talk to her. I made a mental note to hang out with August more. She was the only woman I knew here, after all, and she was really cool.
I introduced her to Rori and Careena, who was being overly nice to me. I rolled my eyes at her, “Reena, stop. It’s fine, okay? Let’s just forget about it.”
“Okay, mami, but just know that I am really sorry. I’ll spend my whole life making it up to you.” She batted her eyelashes up at me and I rolled my eyes at her.
“Please don’t,” I laughed and hugged her.
The rest of the night was spent playing games and laughing as everyone got acquainted. I was so happy that Rori and Careena were here. I noticed that Careena and Luken laughed extra loud at each other’s jokes. Everyone was kicking back and having a good time. Maddey even grabbed me off the floor and set me on his lap, while he and the guys were playing poker. “I need your good luck, baby.” He whispered in my ear.
In that moment, I knew that everything was good and that I had nothing to worry about. I knew that he and I would have to talk about it, but right now, I was content to enjoy the night. I relaxed into him and enjoyed the beat of his heart and the movement of his hands as he rubbed up and down my thigh in between his turns.
When the game was over, Maddey kissed me on the cheek and whispered, “my good luck charm. I’ll thank you properly for helping me win, later.”
I smiled devilishly. I couldn’t wait.
Sixteen
“W
here the fuck is this bitch, Madame, at Rebel?” Maddey barked at me.
“Maddey—”
“I don’t want to hear shit else unless you’re telling me the location of the bitch!”
I was chasing Maddey around our room trying to calm him down as he angrily got dressed. I followed him to a lockbox in the corner of the room, next to the bed, that I hadn’t noticed before. He punched in a series of numbers and opened it to reveal more money than I had ever seen in one place at one time before, and a few guns.
“Maddey!” I yelled, grabbing his attention.
He whirled around on me as he stuffed a gun in a strap at the side of his hip. He was breathing hard and so was I. A glorious week had passed since the game night and Careena and Rori had left early this morning. We’d spent the week eating, shopping and lounging around. Maddey spared no expense for us to have fun and do what we wanted. I finally got to get out and explore the strip and I couldn’t have been happier that it was with those two.
It hadn’t all been fun, though. The strip was a recovering addict’s nightmare. I had to keep a close eye on Careena and Rori, while we were out and about. There were smoke shops on every corner, people offering free drugs, and the drinking was outrageous. It had my nerves on edge. That wasn’t the only thing that had me on edge, though. I knew that Maddey was going to bring up what he’d learned from Careena that first night they were here, I just didn’t know when.
I was relieved that he had waited until they left, but he really didn’t waste any time. As soon as the door closed on them after a tearful goodbye, Maddey asked the inevitable question. “What the fuck does she mean y’all met in a brothel?”
My heart dropped and I avoided the question by moving around him and towards our room, hoping he would take the hint. He didn’t. When we made it into our room, he slammed the door closed and cornered me. I had no choice, but to explain everything to him. Through tearful eyes, I explained about Madame and the brothel, but before I could finish the whole story, Maddey became enraged and wanted to know where he could find Madame.
“She’s dead.” I finally said, once he had calmed down enough to process what I was saying to him.
Maddey eyed me, most likely trying to decide if I was telling the truth. He relaxed a little more and walked over to the bed and sat down. I tentatively followed him and sat down next to him. I waited for him to say something, anything. He sighed and said. “This is a lot, Rebel. I won’t lie and say this shit doesn’t scare me. Do you know what I do for a living? This casino isn’t nothing but a front. There are drugs flowing in and out of here and come to find out, you’re a drug addict?”
I was crushed. Tears pricked my eyes as I swallowed the lump in my throat, “was. I was a drug addict. I haven’t touched a drug aside from cannabis since I got out of that place, and I’m not an idiot. I know what you really do, Maddey. It doesn’t bother me.”
“I don’t know, man. Have you even been checked for STD’s and shit?” He grumbled.
It was a valid question, but I still flinched when he said it. I refused to let any tears fall, though. I blinked rapidly so my eyes would dry out before responding, “yes, Maddey. I have, and I haven’t been sexually active in the past few years…since then. I’m clean.”
He ran his hand down his face, “I don’t know. I don’t know if this shit is going to work. You’ve been through a lot and I’m liable to fuck your whole world up. I don’t think you really understand who you’re laying down with at night. You don’t know anything, man. Have you forgotten that I killed three people?”
I jumped off the bed and pointed my finger in his face. All of my emotions surfacing at once, “You act like you’re the only one that has killed before!”
There it was. The thing I tried to ignore. The secret that haunted me in my sleep. I did my best to pretend like killing Lil Wolf was just that, a nightmare, but it wasn’t. It was my reality and Maddey was forcing me to face the facts.
I barreled on, despite his surprised expression. “I killed a man, Maddey! I killed him! He killed Jakiah, Hood, Ryder’s grandmother and he was two seconds away from killing Ryder.” My voice broke and tears fell out of my eyes and splashed onto my cheeks. “Sh- she gave me the gun and I used it. I killed him, Maddey! Someone is dead because of me, and do you want to know the worst part about it? If I could do it all over again, I would.”
I was hysterical, now. The tears wouldn’t stop as my vision blurred and was replaced with the memory of that day.
Ryder shoved the gun in my hand and said something, but I wasn’t listening. She jumped out of the car and I watched in shock as she knelt down next to Kobra and a body lying on the ground. I watched as she hopped up and barged into the house. I snapped out of my daze and hopped out of the car, yelling her name and finally comprehending the sound that was coming from inside the house as gunshots.
“Ryder! Ryder!” My throat was r
aw from screaming so hard. I knew that she needed me. She couldn’t go in that house alone. I ran past Kobra who was crying and holding Jakiah in his hands, yelling for someone to get help. I only faltered for a moment as I looked down at her lifeless body before continuing my sprint towards the house.
I swung open the door but was pulled back by strong arms. “You can’t go in there!”
I couldn’t tell who it was, nor did I care. I flung my head back and heard a loud crack as it connected with my target, who I would later find out was Prince. “Shit!” He yelled before dropping me.
I flung the door open again and then ducked down as the gunshots became more pronounced. I saw August and Doc ducked behind a couch but kept moving. The only route that Ryder could have safely gone was up. I crawled up the stairs that were littered with glass and I even saw some spots of blood.
I heard gunshots ring out when I reached the top stair and then I heard Ryder scream. My heart dropped into my stomach as I saw a body fall in the doorway of a room down the hall. I ran to the room and saw Ryder holding Hood, crying. My heart shattered as I heard her wails of agony. There was a man in a wig and a dress smiling and laughing like it had been the happiest day of his life, too oblivious to notice me. I watched in slow motion as he raised his gun to Ryder’s head. Without realizing what I was doing, I raised my own gun and pulled the trigger.
BOOM!
I looked up at Maddey, as I snapped out of my daze. With tears still falling from my face I sobbed and tried to talk at the same time, “I’m not this delicate rose that needs to be put under a glass dome to be protected. I’ve been through a lot, Maddey. Maybe I’m not good enough for you. Maybe my past is too much for you to handle, but it’s who I am. I thought you out of all people would understand. If you can’t handle that, then fine, but don’t try to make this decision for me.” I walked towards the door and then whirled around on him again. “You do not have the right to judge me. Not after all the shit I put up with from you. Not after everything I know.”
Without waiting for a response, I left the room, slamming the door behind me. I was too shaken up to be around anyone at the moment, so I went to the other side of the suite to the library. I went inside, locked the door and then slid my back against it until I was sitting on the floor. I buried my head in my hands and cried.
A few hours passed of pure emotion being released from my being. I’d never dealt with any of these feelings before and I decided that I would seek help. I needed to talk to someone before I fell into a depression. It was inevitable. As good as I was at warding off unwanted feelings, they still lingered, and it wasn’t healthy. I knew I needed to take the advice that I would have given Careena or Rori, so that’s what I planned to do.
I got off the floor and wiped my face. I felt like crap, but I knew that I needed to get up and get ahold of myself. I sent Noella a quick text asking if I could get her therapists information. She responded quickly, with her therapist’s name and number and she asked if I was okay. I responded that I was and then threw my phone on a nearby couch.
I felt bad with the way that I handled things with Maddey. Sure, he wasn’t particularly nice about the whole situation, but that was Maddey. He channeled all his emotions into anger, no matter what he was feeling. I knew enough about him now to know that he was just worried about me and I shouldn’t have blown up at him.
I sighed as I plopped down at the desk where my laptop and Maddey’s case files were. “I guess I could work on his case,” I mumbled out loud.
I flipped through the files and sorted them out. As I looked at the papers, I thought about the last time that I worked on his case and I realized that it had been before I knew about Jazzy. Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in my head. Jazzy. How had I not thought of this before?
I spent the next few hours gathering information on the witnesses from the case and before I knew it, my stomach was rumbling. I glanced at the clock and it was well past lunch time. I was excited to tell Maddey about my idea, so I decided to find him first and then grab something to eat. I looked around the suite but couldn’t find him. I even checked in on Jazzy, but she was taking a nap and Maddey wasn’t in her side of the suite.
I decided to head to the kitchen where Ms. Keddle let me know that she hadn’t seen him and then offered to make me something to eat. I declined, opting to make myself a sandwich instead and bring it back up to the library. I closed the door again, but decided to keep it open for Maddey and continued to work into the night.
A few days had passed and there was still no sign of Maddey. He didn’t come home at night, or if he did, he didn’t sleep in our room. I’d had enough. His court case was in just a few weeks and I needed to fill him in on my plan.
On the fourth day of not seeing Maddey, I cornered Luken in the hallway. “Have you seen Maddey?”
He shifted his stance, “Oh hey, Bel. Nah, I haven’t seen that nigga. What’s up?”
I sighed, “Luken, I know you want to cover for Maddey, and that’s fine. If he doesn’t want to see me on a personal level, I can deal with that, but I need to speak to him about his case.”
Luken stayed silent, looking everywhere, but at me. Now, I was getting frustrated, “Okay, either you tell me where he is, or I’m leaving, and you will be responsible. I’ll drop this case and go back home right now, but if you tell me where he is, you won’t have to feel the wrath of Maddey and I’ll give you Careena’s number.” I quirked my eyebrow up at him.
“You drive a hard bargain, Bel.” He sighed. “He’s in the club.” I started to walk away from him, so I could get ready. “Hey! What about Careena’s number?”
I stopped in my tracks. I’d been so excited that I was finally going to get to talk to Maddey that I’d forgotten to give him her number. “Sorry, Luken.”
I rattled off her number after looking it up in my phone. He smiled widely at me and then said, “if he asks, you didn’t hear it from me. You know how crazy that nigga is.”
“Oh, I know. Don’t worry.” I said as I walked away. I went into our room and got dressed quickly in a leopard print dress. I’d straightened my hair earlier, so I opted for a middle part and some hoop earrings. I haphazardly threw on some makeup and then strode out the door. I knew there was a chance that Maddey wouldn’t want to see me, but I wouldn’t take no for an answer. I needed to talk to him about his case and apologize for the things I’d said to him.
I walked through the hotel with purpose and I was able to get right into the club with no problems. I told the bouncer that I was here with Maddey. He’d recognized me from being in there with him before, so he told me that Maddey was in his office. I shuffled through the crowd and up the stairs towards Maddey and Doc’s side by side offices. I didn’t knock, because I didn’t want to give him the chance to turn me away.
I walked right in and instantly wished I hadn’t. Where did this newfound confidence come from, anyway? I thought to myself, dazed by the scene in front of me. Maddey had a woman laying across his desk as he pounded in and out of her. Tears welled in my eyes as I turned my back on Maddey’s glare and the stunned look on the woman’s face. It took me a moment to place her, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that she was the waitress from his restaurant that he had fired.
I sped down the stairs and through the club. I’d almost made it to the door when someone grabbed me roughly by the arm and pulled me into a side room that was dark. The lights auto activated at the same time the door closed, shutting out the thunderous noise of the club. I blinked back the tears and noticed that I was in a banquet hall and Maddey was standing across from me, breathing hard with the veins in his arms and forehead throbbing.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” He shouted. His voiced echoed through the room.
I reared back, “I catch you cheating, and you have the audacity to yell at me?” I couldn’t help it. I let the tears fall freely as I looked at him for an explanation.
“You weren’t even supposed to be here!” He yelled.
>
“And that makes it okay?” I was trying to make sense of his logic.
Frustrated, he ran his hand down his face and then roughly grabbed me by the arm and shoved me against the wall. “Yeah, it does.” When he spoke, I smelled the alcohol on his breath, and I tried to push him away, but he held on tightly. “Why you trying to get away? Do I scare you?” he chuckled.
“You’re drunk,” I tried wiggling out of his grasp, but he pulled me closer.
“Fuck, I missed you, Rebel. Give me a kiss,” He murmured against my neck. I was thrown off my his sudden change and I wanted nothing more to get out of there.
“Get off me!” I screeched with hot tears spilling out of my eyes. I tried kicking him, but he pushed me away before I could connect with anything. I stumbled in my heels and fell to the ground.
“Man, what the fuck ever. I guess you can be a hoe for everyone else but your man, huh? I can’t even get a kiss,” he murmured before collapsing in a nearby chair.
Stunned, I got off the floor and took off my heels, chest heaving. Maddey glared at me and then his face softened. “Baby, I didn’t mean that. I—”
I didn’t let him finish. I hauled off and slapped him with all my might. I glared at him as he touched his busted lip. His jaw ticked, but he didn’t say anything. I looked at him for a few more moments, trying to understand what I did to deserve this.
I spoke slowly and deliberately, determined not to let my voice crack. “I have never been a hoe. Was I sold into sex trafficking as a teenager? Yes, but I was never a hoe. I am a woman who was falling in love with a man who has zero respect for her. That’s my bad, but don’t you dare call me out of my name again. Not that I’ll ever give you the chance.”
I turned on my heels and walked slowly to the door. When I reached it, I turned around, “I was coming to tell you that I had a breakthrough in your case. Don’t worry, I’ll still win this for you, but after that I don’t want to ever hear from you again.”