Her Shadowed Wolves (House of Wolves and Magic Book 3)

by Helen Scott

  Guilt was crawling over my skin like ants, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was the one responsible for putting their lives in danger. All of them had suffered since they met me. Did the good really outweigh the bad? I wasn’t sure anymore.

  “Come on, angel, let’s go and see Tate. Hell, if he’s got a shower in his room, we could all get cleaned up. How does that sound? A nice hot shower all to yourself?” Roman’s voice was gentle, like he didn’t want to trigger another crying episode again.

  “Why don’t I go and find some food?” Micah asked. “I’ll get some burgers or something and bring them back to the room. We’ll feast tonight.”

  “On grease and French fries?” I croaked out.

  He nodded.

  My stomach growled in response. “Sounds amazing.” My lips tugged into a small smile. I could feel that my eyelids had already gone puffy from my emotional meltdown. They didn’t happen often, I couldn’t let them, but when they did, they were spectacular. This was actually one of the milder ones.

  “You two should go together,” I said. “Jax’s wolves are here, and I don’t want them to take you too.”

  “Too?” Roman’s voice was sharp.

  “They’ve taken Blake. I don’t know where or how, but one of Jax’s lieutenants came and spoke to me while I was at the vending machine. He’s not in danger right now, but when you get back, we should talk.”

  “That explains the anger earlier. I thought it was a little weird for you to be mad at a doctor. I mean, his bedside manner was shit, but still. It didn’t seem like you,” Micah said as he held up the candy bar wrappers and took a bite of the goo that had mushed out of the ends. It still looked like a candy bar at the very ends, but the middle pieces? Not so much.

  “If they’re around, then that’s all the more reason for one of us to stay with you,” Roman growled out. Them taking Blake was affecting him more than I thought it would.

  “They won’t take me. They promised in a way, but I wouldn’t put it past them to take one of you as an insurance policy. Besides, I could use some time alone to get my head straight. Unless you want to deal with my crying and vomiting some more?” I said, trying to joke, but it fell flat.

  “We would deal with you however you came. We’d be happy to do so, as long as you don’t leave us,” Micah said quietly.

  I was still getting used to the guys actually having emotions, since so many of the men I’d spent my formative years around had thought expressing emotion was akin to cutting their own dicks off. “I’m not going anywhere. I just don’t want to lose you either, any of you. I don’t think I could survive it.” The last part came out as a whisper, emotions that were too overwhelming to actually think about sneaking through when my guard was down. It was true though. I didn’t know if I could survive if one of them died.

  Each of them felt like they owned a piece of my heart and my soul, and not only did I love them romantically, but they were truly my family as well. Just the thought of one of them dying was enough to make me feel like I’d been struck by lightning, the thought of them being hurt made me nauseous, the whole world seemed tilted on its axis whenever one of them was gone for too long.

  Maybe that’s what I was feeling now, with Blake being gone and sick. I wasn’t sure, all I knew was that I wanted to see Tate, sit down, and relax in a quiet room, away from everything else. “I love you,” I said, knowing I’d been quiet for a while.

  The guys could see I had a lot on my mind, and I was so thankful that they were patient with me. Neither of them made any snarky remarks or asked me where my mind had gone, they simply said, “We love you too.” Just like that, the two of them almost completely in sync with one another.

  “We’ll go and get food, but only once we see you to the room, deal?” Roman asked.

  I nodded. That was a reasonable request, considering everything crazy that was going on in our lives right now. The three of us walked back inside, and Roman spoke briefly with the nurse who’d checked us in. I watched as she gave him some directions, and then we were off.

  We went past the hallway where I’d had my panic attack earlier, past the one with the vending machines where I found out that Blake had been taken, and eventually found an elevator bank. A couple floors and a few doors later, we were standing in front of Tate’s room.

  “Don’t leave the room, beautiful, please. It’d make me feel a lot better about leaving you if I knew you weren’t going to go out adventuring,” Micah said, bringing his knuckles up to brush against my cheeks.

  “I’ll stay right here. I promise.” I pushed up onto my tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the cheek a moment before doing the same to Roman.

  “We’ll be back as quickly as we can. Just stay safe.” Roman’s words were a low growl that I knew meant only I could hear them.

  I nodded and opened the door quietly after knocking a couple times. No voice told me to come in, but I wasn’t about to stand out in the hallway. The handle was one of those flat metal levers that you just had to press toward the door to get it to open, probably to make things easier on the nurses and doctors who were in and out all the time. I pressed it in as quietly as possible and eased the door open when I didn’t hear any response.

  A quick glance behind me told me that Roman and Micah were still standing guard. I waved them off and slid into the room, only opening the door the minimum amount for me to get through. Once it clicked shut behind me, I saw why I didn’t get any response to my knock—Tate was passed out.

  For the first time in a while, I had the opportunity to sit and try and do exactly what I’d told the guys, get my head straight. I wasn’t sure how I was going to marshal my thoughts, as they seemed to be spinning all over the place, but as I sat in the armchair that was in the corner of the room, I knew this was an opportunity I couldn’t waste. I was alone, safe, and all I had to do was figure out how to get Blake back without getting any of us hurt or killed. I blew out a breath. How the hell were we going to do that?

  19

  Nina

  “Did you get your food?” a woman asked.

  I spun to figure out who was in Tate’s room with me, only to find that I wasn’t in Tate’s room any longer. The area in front of me was a small cabin, thin and long, with a roaring fire in the middle. It was only the opening in the wood that made up the roof that prevented the whole place from being filled with smoke.

  It was toasty and warmer than I would have expected, considering there was a large hole in the roof. On either side of the central corridor where I was standing, there were raised wooden benches topped with wooden planks which ran the length of the cabin. They looked like they were set up for sitting and working on one side and sleeping on the other, with blankets and furs covering the bench. On the sleeping side, the bench was framed with intricate carvings that reminded me of the busts that were on ships in pirate movies, or maybe even the ends of longships.

  “Did you hear me, dear?” The woman’s voice came again, and I realized that on the other side of the fire stood the woman who’d helped me through my panic attack earlier. Her strange, swirling gray eyes seemed to glow in the low light of the cabin.

  “Where am I?” I asked as I looked around once again, confused as to how I found myself in a cabin, when the last thing I remembered was being in the hospital room with Tate.

  “You’re dreaming. I wanted to have a chat when you weren’t as distracted as you were earlier,” she said, moving around the fire and sitting on the bench that was off to the side. The shadows and light flickered over her face, making her look both beautiful and completely average at the same time. It was almost as though my eyes were seeing two different images at the same time.

  “You’re the woman who helped me and gave me money, but how did that happen if you’re imaginary?” I was beyond confused, and this was unlike most of my dreams. Well, except for the ones with that woman in them. My dreams were generally more mundane, being caught at work with no clothes on or falling from my apartment or
some other tall building, just normal stuff.

  “I’m not imaginary. I’m real. You’re here with me right now. If you want, you can pinch yourself, try and wake yourself up, but you won’t be able to. At least not until we are done.”

  I did as she suggested and pinched the skin on my forearm. Hard. So hard that I winced. Okay, so if this was actually a dream, then I was stuck in it until she was done with me. That didn’t seem like a normal dream thing either, but maybe it was time I stopped trying to make sense of things and just accepted them for what they were. It certainly didn’t feel like I was in control of my life anymore, if I ever had been.

  Looking back up at the woman I asked, “So who are you, and what do we need to talk about?”

  “I’m who you’ve been looking for, the one you think has all the answers.” She grinned and spread her hands to the side, as though she was much more impressive than she looked. She carried herself like a queen and seemed to expect me to treat her as such.

  Suddenly, my brain switched back on and I realized that she was telling me she was the oracle. Was that even possible? I mean, I guessed the oracle was some kind of witch, but was she really powerful enough to transport me within my dreams? I had no idea.

  “You’re the oracle,” I said aloud, forcing her to confirm my suspicions.

  She nodded. “And your mates are in danger.”

  “What do you mean?” I demanded as I crossed my arms over my chest. She may have been a powerful witch, but I wasn’t about to bow down to her.

  “You know exactly what I mean. Garmr has been taken, Geri is healing, and you are all floundering with no idea what you’re doing. At this rate, Fenrir will be too powerful to stop by the time you’re ready to face him.” She began stripping some dried leaves from a branch, the scent of lavender perfuming the air.

  What the fuck was she going on about? “Blake has been taken, and Tate is healing. I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

  “Of course you don’t. I suppose no one has spoken with you about this yet?”

  “About what?” I growled out, losing my patience.

  “I cannot keep this up forever. Forcing you to project like this is draining. You will need to find me, and then we can talk properly.”

  “I’ve been trying to, but I have no idea where you are!” I shouted, my self-restraint gone.

  “You will find me when the sun rises over the mountain and a raven casts a shadow over your heart, when the scent of lavender fills your lungs along with the scent of pine, when persimmon juice stains your lips.” The whole time she was speaking, she faded away, as did the cabin until it was just me and the fire. The crackling noise and the warmth from the flames were all that existed until another noise rushed in and I woke up.

  I was back in the hospital room with Tate. Was this real though? Or was I starting to lose my mind? If I was asking either of those two questions, I feared the answer was yes. I pinched myself and it felt real, so I had to trust that this was reality. At least it was where I should have been, though I would have preferred to be in the cabin. At least that place didn’t make my nose burn from the intensity of the scents. The cleaning products they used were probably supposed to smell of lemon or something equally refreshing, but they didn’t. It just reeked of chemicals.

  For a moment, it was overwhelming, and I was grateful that the room was dark because I knew the lights on top of the smells would’ve just been too much. I sat and focused on my breath, steadily breathing in and out, using my diaphragm, trying to let my body adjust to where we were once more. Why was it that the warm, crackling fire and the cabin that I’d just been dreaming about were more preferable to me than almost anywhere else? It was like an ancient calling deep within me that being in the woods, being surrounded by nature and all its beauty and brutality, was where I was meant to be.

  A sharp breath drew my attention, and I glanced over at the bed to find Tate’s eyes flickering open. The dark orbs glanced around the room as he tried to remember where he was.

  “We’re at the hospital, getting you and Blake fixed up,” I said quietly, trying not to startle him.

  When his gaze landed on me, it settled, the panic that had seemed to be building within him fleeing, and we just watched each other for a moment.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked, rubbing my shoulder in the same place his worst wound was.

  “Some pain, but nothing I can’t handle. Where’s everyone else?”

  “Roman and Micah went out to get some food,” I replied, unsure what to tell him about Blake.

  “How’s Blake doing?” Tate asked, as though he’d read my mind or maybe sensed the hesitancy in my voice.

  “As far as I know, he’s okay,” I said, choosing my words carefully.

  “What’s wrong?” Tate demanded as he pushed himself into a sitting position.

  Before I could answer, there was a faint tap on the door and it opened almost immediately afterward, a nurse bustling in. Her aqua colored scrubs looked bright in the otherwise pale room, and it wasn’t until that moment that I realized how bland the room was. There was nothing but beige and cream as far as the eye could see.

  “Welcome back, Mr. Roque. I’m your nurse tonight, Hannah. I’m just going to check your vitals real quick. How are you feeling? If you need help describing your pain level, there’s a chart on the wall to your left.” Her words were brisk and efficient, but not unkind, just the kind of speech someone gets used to giving multiple times per day.

  Tate glanced over at the sign with smiley faces in multiple states of happiness and distress. “I’m at a six. It’s uncomfortable, but nothing I can’t handle,” he replied using the same phrase he’d used with me, which made me wonder if it was actually true or not.

  “I’ll let Doctor Santiago know, and we’ll see if he wants to check you over himself. I doubt it, but it’s best to be sure with these things.” She gave us a smile and wrote her name and the doctor’s name on a white board by the door before saying, “If the pain gets worse, let us know and we can up the dosage of your pain medication, though I know you said you didn’t want that. It’s just something to keep in mind.”

  He didn’t want that? Why not? My mind spun with possibilities, and when I looked over at Tate, he wouldn’t meet my gaze.

  “Just press the call button if you need me,” Hannah said before heading back out into the hallway.

  I stood and walked over to the other door that opened up off the room and was relieved to find a bathroom, equipped with a shower and everything. Just the sight of it made my skin feel itchy and dirty. I knew as soon as I had a chance, I was going to use it, even if it was just to rinse off. Fresh warm water was more than we’d had in days.

  After making use of the facilities, I came back out into the room, only to find Tate dozing once again. When he heard the door to the bathroom close, he opened his eyes and an awkward silence fell between us.

  When I sat down in my chair once more, I decided to bite the bullet and asked, “Why don’t you want any stronger pain meds?”

  He sighed as though he’d known this question was coming, and I just waited. I’d give him all the time he needed to gather his thoughts and form a response. It wasn’t like we were in a rush anyway.

  After a very long pause, long enough that I was starting to wonder if he was even going to answer, he said, “My father was an addict. It’s not a path I want to go down, especially since it seems like human hospitals always jump to the highest pain management they can as quickly as possible. I know that’s probably a biased view, but it’s how I feel. I don’t want to be him, which is why I don’t take any strong pain meds, why I don’t drink, why I barely even let myself have a cup of coffee every day. I don’t want to be dependent on anything. Just the idea of that makes me sick. Plus, you deserve a mate with better self-control than that.”

  “I understand. Honestly, your self-control is already really impressive, so it doesn’t surprise me that you have a deeper motivation other
than just, I don’t know, treating your body like a temple or something.” I offered him a small smile.

  “Now are you going to tell me about Blake?” he asked.

  The door swung open, and Micah appeared with a stack of pizza boxes in hand. I prayed to whoever was listening that at least one of those pizzas was a supreme. If they were all meat lovers or something like that, I’d go crazy.

  “The food is here!” he called out, like he was Santa delivering presents.

  Suddenly, the thought of eating real food while covered in mud and someone else’s blood, as well as my own, was too much. I got up and walked toward the bathroom. “I need to rinse off before I eat. I’ll be out in a sec.”

  Micah looked at me like I was crazy, and though I smiled at him, I knew he could sense something was wrong.

  20

  Micah

  As soon as we walked in, it was obvious that Nina was feeling off. I tried not to pay too much attention to the mate bond, because it was overwhelming and seemed like an invasion of privacy to me, but in this case, I thought a quick assessment was justified. When I looked though, I wished I hadn’t.

  My mate was a mess of guilt and anger with a touch of self-loathing and a whole mess of worry. It all made sense of course, but that didn’t make my heart ache any less for her. Hadn’t she already been through enough in her life? Why were the fates putting her through this?

  “I’m going to check on her,” I said quietly enough that I knew only Roman and Tate would hear me. They both nodded, and I moved toward the door that led to the bathroom.

  After knocking quietly on the door, I tried the handle, and it moved to let me in.

  “You okay in there, beautiful?” I asked before opening the door all the way.

  “Fine, I just need… I need to be clean.” Her voice was off and I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I pushed the door open and slid inside before closing it behind myself.