Nightingale Point

by Luan Goldie

  Tristan Roberts came over too. He was from her school, one of those loud, obnoxious boys everyone seemed to know.

  ‘Oh, shit, did you break your leg?’

  ‘No, she ain’t broken her leg. This is my brother.’

  They looked nothing alike.

  ‘Ain’t you cold?’ Tristan pulled the drawstrings on his hoodie tighter. ‘Running round out here? That’s long.’

  She could see Dad coming across the field now, his face red from fatigue and panic.

  ‘I’m fine, really. Thanks. I need to get home.’ She tried to rise but the pain shot through and she winced. He grabbed her again; the pain was almost worth it.

  ‘Get off her. Pam.’ Dad was closer. ‘Pam, Pam.’ He pushed past Tristan and put his hands either side of her face. ‘I knew I should have been watching you. What happened?’

  ‘She’s all right, man, she just tripped, innit,’ Tristan said.

  ‘Who are you? Why are you two even near my girl?’

  ‘Dad, stop it. Tristan goes to my school.’

  Tristan looked confused. He obviously didn’t recognise her. It confirmed she had no presence at her new school; she was nobody.

  ‘I’m Malachi. We live in the same block. We were making sure she was all right. That’s all.’

  ‘Well, she’s fine ’cause I’m here now, ain’t I?’ Dad snapped. ‘Come on. Let’s get you home.’ His grip on her arm was tighter than it needed to be. She could see Malachi noticed it too.

  ‘This looks bad, Pam. Don’t think you’ll be running again for a while.’ Dad looked relieved, happy because injuries meant she had no reason to go out.

  Even now, with the injury long healed, he still won’t let her out, but then he has other reasons for wanting to keep her inside the flat these days. She pulls the curtains open and the room brightens, but even the sun’s glare is not enough to chase the perpetual gloom out.

  Dad inspects his roll-up for life before roughly squeezing it onto a saucer. It’s from her nan’s set, cream with tiny brown corgis around the edge, once used for special occasions but now reduced to holding ash.

  ‘I’m going to the bookies,’ he says. ‘Will be back for dinner. We’ll heat up that corned beef.’

  ‘They’re fighting again,’ she says.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Next door. Can’t you hear them?’

  They stop for a moment to listen to the searing soap opera from flat forty-two that plays itself out so regularly. It sounds particularly theatrical today. What is the woman shrieking about this time? She always seems to be arguing with her teenage daughter over something. Pamela longs for that kind of relationship, one so freely volatile that you could scream and shout at a parent, rather than stand there and soak up their disappointment.

  ‘They been at it all morning,’ he huffs. ‘Their voices go right through me.’

  Pamela tries to block out the domestic so she can focus on Dad, her own situation. She tries to assess his mood by the way he clears his throat and collects his wallet. She wonders at her chances of success and waits to pick her moment.

  He looks straight at her. ‘Why you dragging those about?’ He nods towards the pair of pink and lilac trainers in her hands.

  The tip of her ponytail tastes chemically; he always buys the cheapest shampoo.

  ‘I won’t go anywhere other than around the field. I promise.’

  ‘You’ve only been home a few days. You expect me to let you start running wild again?’ He holds his anger in so well, but she can see it behind his eyes, ready to pop like glass. ‘No chance. You’re staying in.’

  ‘You know it rained the whole month I was at Mum’s. I haven’t been out running in ages.’

  He shakes his head again.

  ‘I want to go round the field a few times. It’s the middle of the day,’ she tries. ‘You can watch me from here.’

  ‘Told you. I’m going out.’ His keys jangle as he taps his pockets and walks away, her chances dissipating.

  ‘What about swimming? Can I go to the pool?’

  He laughs. ‘Yeah, right, the pool. Why? You arranged to meet someone there, have you?’

  ‘No. Dad, please.’ She follows him into the hallway, not content to let it end there. She knows she’s already in trouble anyway. ‘So you expect me to stay in all day listening to that?’

  The walls leak more cries from the quarrelling neighbours.

  He checks the handle on his bedroom door: locked. ‘You can use the phone. Call one of your mates for a chat.’

  ‘I don’t want to chat. I want to go out. I want to run.’

  He stops by the front door and gently takes her plait in one of his hands. ‘No.’ So calm. So fixed. ‘I don’t trust you out the flat. In fact, I don’t even know if I trust you to be alone in the flat.’ He lets the long plait fall and kisses her on the head.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, how can I be sure that the minute I go out your little boyfriend won’t come running up?’

  ‘Because I don’t have a boyfriend anymore. Remember?’

  He holds her gaze but what can he say? He knows he ruined it for her; he ruined everything.

  ‘Dad?’

  He turns to face her, keys now in his hands as he opens the front door. ‘Yeah? Come on, Pam, what you wanting now?’

  I hate you. ‘Nothing.’

  The door closes and she listens for the Chubb lock, but hears no footsteps. He’s still outside; maybe he will change his mind and give her permission to start living again. But then, seconds later, there is the distinct clank of the security gate and the crunch of it being locked: the confirmation that she will spend today locked inside her home. Trapped.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Chapter Four ,Tristan

  Tristan had already picked the clothes from the floor, stacked the videotapes and lined up his and Malachi’s trainers by the front door. He now sits on the window ledge, his place of choice, observing the world nine floors below him. He is wearing white shorts today, white T-shirt, white socks, white trainers, and a large cubic zirconia stud in his left ear. It’s a good look. He feels pristine. He wonders if he should hoover but decides against it, as nothing will make the carpet, so full of cigarette burns and bleach stains, look any better.

  Malachi walks in and slumps himself back into the Malachi-shaped dent on the sofa.

  ‘So what’s wrong with Mary’s TV?’ Tristan asks his brother.

  ‘Nothing. One of her grandkids must have unplugged the aerial.’

  Tristan laughs, once again glad that Mary never asked him to fix stuff around her flat. It’s one of the perks of having a brother like Malachi, who is not only the clever one, the tall one and the ‘traditionally handsome’ one, but also the one that can ‘fix stuff’.

  ‘Did she make you watch Ricki Lake with her?’ Tristan laughs. ‘Girlfriend, you need to get a new man, get a man with a job,’ he mimics in an American accent.

  Malachi shakes his head and pulls a pile of books onto his lap.

  ‘Mal, you all right?’

  ‘I’m always all right.’ He holds his book in front of his face.

  ‘You’re proper squinting. You need glasses, man, stop denying it. Specs will complete this whole student look you’ve gone for.’

  Malachi puts the book down and pulls some keys from his pocket. ‘Mary’s spare keys,’ he says as they slide across the table into a pile of papers. ‘Tris, if you drop out that window I can’t save you.’

  ‘You don’t always need to save me,’ Tristan snaps. ‘I’m almost sixteen – old enough to vote and go to war.’

  ‘You need to be eighteen to vote.’

  ‘Whatever. Don’t need my big brother saving me.’

  Malachi always thinks he needs to play the hero, but looking at his outfit today he’s the one that needs saving. Where did he even buy a pair of green trousers? No wonder he can’t keep a girl.

  Malachi starts writing a shopping list, like Nan used to, except Nan wouldn’t
have subjected them to pasta five nights out of seven.

  ‘What?’ Malachi looks up from his list of cheap meals. ‘Why’d you keep staring at me?’

  ‘Nothing. Was thinking, we should go West End, man. Get some new clothes for summer and that.’

  ‘New clothes? Cool, right after I figure out how to stretch my last money over our meals for the week.’

  ‘You were a lot more generous with the old purse strings when you were getting some action.’ Tristan is fed up of Malachi’s sulking. It’s been going on for ages now. All over some girl. She wasn’t even that fit. Proper Plain Jane. No need to get so upset over her. Tristan would never let a girl mess up his head the way Pamela messed up Malachi’s.

  He starts tapping a beat on the window and runs through his latest lyrics. ‘It’s Saturday, I’m out to play. Girls get ready ’cause I’m gonna pay, pay your way, so you can stay, in my bed, but I ain’t gonna stay. Yes. You like that one, Mal? I was born to do this, man.’

  But there’s no applause from the one-man audience on the sofa, only another huff.

  ‘Pay your way, so you can stay, in my bed, we do it hard all day. So what you saying, Mal?’

  Malachi raises his eyebrow. ‘Keep working on it.’

  ‘Ha. You coming out later?’ Tristan asks hopefully.

  ‘No.’

  ‘How comes?’

  ‘Busy.’

  ‘Ah, don’t give me that, it’s bank holiday weekend.’ He picks up one of Malachi’s plastic-wrapped library books. ‘The History of the Urban Environment. Hmm, looks like a riveting read. But I’m sure it can wait. Come on, come out with me.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You seriously telling me you can’t take one day off from studying? Your brain gonna get stretch marks if you carry on like this.’ How long is Malachi planning on hiding out behind his books? It’s getting ridiculous. ‘You gotta get back to normal sometime. Whole estate’s gonna be at this fair up at the Heath. Plenty girls, Mal, plenty girls. Gonna keep me busy. Don’t expect me home early. Don’t expect me home at all. You can have the place to yourself, bring someone over if you want. Get a little study relief.’ He pumps his hips.

  Malachi rubs his eyes and groans. ‘Tris, stop going on.’

  ‘Calm down, bruv. I’m talking about girls in general. I wasn’t gonna bring up Blondie.’

  ‘You just did,’ he snaps. ‘You and Mary are doing my head in with this.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You’re both telling me to move on, yet you’re bringing her up every minute. Why can’t you both drop it?’

  ‘’Cause everyone’s fed up with you sulking about Pamela. Time to get over it. It’s time for a next girl. It’s time, bruv, I’m telling you. That’s why you need to come fair. You need to watch me in action.’ He stands up and performs his lyrics just as he would on stage. ‘Me settle down? You’re having a laugh. A pocket full of Durex, girl meet me in the car park.’

  Malachi throws his books on the table. ‘Don’t you have somewhere to go?’

  ‘Nah, not yet. I’m tryna cheer your long face up. I even put up that hotness for you.’ Tristan nods over to the wall. Earlier he had taped up an A3 poster of Lil’ Kim lying spread-eagle across an animal fur rug. Now that’s the kind of girl worth having a broken heart over, not some skinny little blonde from the flats.

  Tristan pushes the window open further, in need of air after working himself up with all his talent. Now relaxed, he takes his Rizla from his pocket and what’s left of his weed.

  ‘Quickest way to get over one girl is to move on to a next.’

  ‘Outside with that.’ Malachi jabs a thumb towards the front door.

  ‘You serious? The window’s wide open. You can’t smell it if I sit here,’ Tristan says, demonstrating how carefully he will blow smoke out of the window.

  ‘I don’t care. Take it out.’

  ‘Just ’cause you ain’t smoking no more. Why should I have to go out?’

  ‘Out.’ Malachi repeats as he begins flicking through his books.

  ‘Whatever.’ Tristan rubs his brother’s head roughly as he passes the sofa on his way out of the flat. Surely one of the benefits of having a twenty-one year old as your guardian should be that you can openly smoke a bit of weed at home. But no such luck with Malachi and that stick up his arse. Still, Tristan doesn’t mind getting out, jogging down to his much-loved spot, between the sixth and fifth floor, where he selects the middle step.

  ‘I’m more than a thug, girl get to know me, king of the block, T.H.U.G.’

  He likes the echo of his voice in the stairwell and imagines how it would sound on a real microphone. He pictures himself in a recording booth, one headphone on, one headphone off, like the rappers in the videos, all his boys drinking in the studio, some girls dancing about.

  ‘Gimme a kiss, I’ll light up a spliff, take you to Oxford Street, buy you nice shit. Nah, don’t sound right.’ He looks again at his stingy stash. ‘Hard times, hard times,’ he mumbles.

  Then he hears something, someone coming down the stairs. It stops. He cranes his neck to look up and down. Nothing. But there’s someone breathing. It feels like he’s being watched, maybe by one of those crazy girls from the youth club. He had stopped going after he got involved with one too many of them. Some even know where he lives; they’re probably stalking him. Though he wouldn’t mind being stalked by the girl with the red weave – she looked like the kind of trouble he could enjoy.

  Again, the shuffle of feet, heavy, though, not like a girl. Footsteps. He looks up and down but can’t see anyone. He’s being paranoid, but it pays to be paranoid living around here. Last week some woman got her handbag nicked as she was getting out of the lift.

  ‘I’ll give that ghetto ghetto love, weed and sex, and some crazy drugs.’

  ‘No smoking in the stairwell.’

  Tristan is startled. His papers flutter to the floor.

  ‘What the fuck?’ he shouts.

  A man stands at the top of the stairs. He looks down at Tristan. He is tall and chubby, and has crazy bright ginger hair.

  ‘No smoking in the stairwell,’ he commands.

  ‘You what? You spying on me?’

  ‘No smoking in the stairwell,’ the man repeats, and his face breaks out into high red blotches. ‘It’s a rule. You cannot break the rules of Nightingale Point.’

  ‘Fuck off. Go. Go past.’

  But the man stands there, straight-faced. ‘No smoking in the stairwell.’

  There is definitely something off about him; he’s wearing a T-shirt with a picture of Elvis Presley on it, for a start.

  ‘Rule breaker. Rule breaker,’ the man chants.

  Tristan pounces up the stairs and grabs the idiot by the sleeve of his T-shirt. The man is bigger than Tristan but unsteady on his feet and he topples down easily with a tug. He lets out a small cry as he falls, then grabs the bannister and pulls himself back to his feet.

  ‘Stop looking at me!’ Tristan shouts. ‘Move. Go before I chuck you down the next five flights.’

  The man bends over to pick up his glasses. His grey shorts are too big for him and he gives Tristan an eyeful of his white fleshly arse cheeks before he runs off down the stairs.

  ‘Fucking retard.’ Tristan picks up his papers and returns to making the spliff. He empties his tobacco in and sprinkles the little weed he has left on the top. But he’s pissed off now. He has nowhere peaceful to call his own, except for this place in the stairwell, and now some dumb fucker wants to talk to him about rules and try to kill his vibe.

  Tristan lights up and waits a few moments to enjoy his first puff. It takes him a while to chill out again but finally he relaxes into his familiar routine, lounging back on the step and listening to the muffled sounds of the block.

  ‘Oh, look who it’s not.’ Mary’s voice echoes from above.

  ‘Fuck,’ he mutters and rubs the spliff against the steps. ‘Didn’t hear you, Mary. Boy, you’re so silent. Like a ninja.’

  �
�What you doing, sunshine?’ Her little plimsolled feet patter down the steps till she reaches him. ‘I was looking for you yesterday. Malachi tells me you’re not going kiddie club anymore.’

  ‘What?’ He laughs and fans the air between them. ‘Youth club? Nah, nah. I’m too old for that, man.’

  ‘Don’t man me. What is this?’ She pulls the spliff from behind his ear and he awaits the lecture. Mary’s got a lecture for everything these days. It’s almost like when Nan left last summer she handed Mary some kind of oracle of lectures, one for every minor deviance.

  ‘It’s Saturday. I’m allowed a little relief from life.’

  ‘Why not go and relieve yourself with a book?’ Mary rolls her head around like the African American women she’s always watching on TV. She leans towards him and sniffs his T-shirt till he moves away self-consciously.

  ‘What you doing? I’m clean. You know me, fresh like daisies.’

  ‘You stink like drugs.’

  He laughs. ‘Oh my days. Leave me alone. It’s bank holiday weekend.’

  ‘You don’t work. Every day is bank holiday weekend for you. This is no good, Tristan.’ She holds the spliff in her hands. ‘If you smoke too much wacky backy you’ll get voices in your head.’

  ‘Is that a fact? Is that what the NHS is training you nurses to tell people nowadays?’

  It’s obvious how hard she’s trying to hold a look of disappointment in her creased face, so he hits her with his biggest smile. ‘Come on, Mary, marijuana is a natural product. It’s grows alongside roses and shit.’

  ‘Don’t shit me.’

  Her lips soften into a smile as Tristan laughs. She reaches up and puts the white roll-up back behind his ear. Such a pushover.

  ‘You come with me,’ she demands.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Walk me to the bus stop.’

  He groans, knowing this will be Mary’s time to grill him on school, smoking, girls and anything else that needs to be filled in for her regular report back to Nan.

  ‘I can’t walk you, Mary. I’m busy. Meeting friends and going fair later, innit.’

  ‘You don’t have a choice. Come.’