Craving His Forbidden Innocent

by Louise Fuller

  He breathed out slowly. It felt weird not to recognise his feelings—but why should his feelings be immune to change? Over the last forty-eight hours he and Mimi had more or less rewritten their shared history, and it appeared that he’d spent the last two years spectacularly misjudging her in about as many ways as it was possible to misjudge a person.

  Remembering her remark about the view from his high horse, he felt his mouth twist. That horse had bucked him off—big-time.

  A movement out on the deck tugged at his gaze and he glanced over. His eyes narrowed and his body hardened with crashing predictability at the sight of Mimi leaning over the table. She was obviously just playing around with angles, as she had been doing most of the morning, but thanks to the feverish desire gripping his body it took less than thirty seconds for his brain to summon up a vision of her leaning in much the same way over his bed...wearing nothing but those heels she’d had on in the restaurant...

  Breathing in sharply, he stood up. He needed to move—get some fresh air, get some perspective. Or at least stop what Alicia would call objectifying women.

  Alicia.

  He gritted his teeth. He had completely forgotten about his sister in all this, but now he felt his chest tighten. He was fairly sure he knew how Alicia would react. With her wedding so close, she was predictably loved-up right now, and he could imagine that nothing would give her greater happiness than for her brother and best friend to fall in love.

  Except they weren’t in love.

  In lust, definitely—but love? That feeling of being intertwined with someone else’s essence? That was something he had never felt.

  Of course in a perfect world he would choose what Alicia had with Philip, what his parents had shared for twenty-two years. But it was the aftermath of his mother’s tragic death, not his parents’ happy life together, that he remembered the most.

  In the weeks and months following the accident all their lives had been knocked off course. Alicia had been just fourteen, and she had been devastated, but his father had never recovered from losing the woman he loved, and for a time it had felt as if they were orphans.

  He’d hated seeing his sister so upset and his father so broken. All he’d wanted to do was take away their pain, to protect them from a cruel and unjust world, and now he wanted to do the same for Mimi.

  He could protect her here. Here, they were safe—she was safe—from the predatory press and a public hungry for gossip.

  But they couldn’t stay on this island for ever.

  He glanced down at his laptop. Back in the real world he had responsibilities—a business to run, a family who needed him. What was happening here with Mimi wasn’t real, and it wouldn’t—couldn’t—survive any kind of brush with reality.

  And yet this thing with Mimi felt more real than any relationship he’d ever had, and although it might sound crazy he felt closer to her than to all the other women he’d dated.

  But was it that surprising?

  One way or another Mimi had been in his life for the best part of a decade.

  And now she was in his bed.

  Only, what did that mean?

  For him? For her? For both of them?

  It was a question he’d been asking himself in a variety of ways since leaving her bedroom, and he was still no closer to answering it. But maybe he didn’t actually need to know what any of it meant when they would both be back in England tomorrow.

  Ignoring the tension in his back at that thought, he made his way outside.

  On the deck, Mimi was now talking to Claudia. There was nothing remarkable about that, except the fact she was speaking in Spanish. Agreed, she was not particularly fluent, but he found it oddly endearing that she was bothering. In fact, he was surprised that her making such an effort mattered so much to him.

  He stopped beside her. ‘Muy impresionante!’

  Turning she blushed. ‘Gracias... I think.’

  He felt his own skin prickle as she met his gaze. ‘I didn’t know you spoke Spanish.’

  ‘That would be because I don’t.’ She turned to the housekeeper, smiling. ‘As Claudia can confirm.’

  Claudia shook her head. ‘I was the same as you when I started speaking English. What is important is to try.’

  From the direction of the kitchen a buzzer went off, and she excused herself and went back into the house.

  For a moment neither of them spoke, and the silence was broken only by the gentle rhythmic splash of water against the side of the deck.

  After the fierce intensity of their naked coupling it felt strange seeing her clothed, out here in the daylight, and he could tell from her stillness that his feelings mirrored hers.

  His mind rewound an hour, his blood beating hot and fast as he remembered how she had felt and tasted, her lack of inhibition, her curiosity and hunger. Before today he would have said that sex was just sex, for typically the hunger that possessed him passed as quickly as early-morning mist when it was satisfied, but with Mimi the opposite seemed to be true, and instead of fading his body was still hard and aching.

  He looked down at her. She looked so young, so wary, and he felt the ache of guilt at the part he had personally played in robbing her of her confidence. It might not have been intentional but, whatever she had said earlier, he could tell from the tension in her shoulders that she was waiting for things to fall apart.

  He felt a sudden need to reassure her, to rebuild her trust in people. In him. There had been too much confusion between them, too many lies in her life already, so he needed to be honest.

  He hesitated before taking hold of her hand and pulling her closer. ‘Are you still happy?’

  Her blue eyes were searching his face.

  ‘Yes, but...’ She paused. ‘I don’t know how this part works.’

  ‘I don’t know either,’ he said softly. Watching her frown, he shrugged. ‘I like women, and I like sex, but the aftermath is not my thing. Usually I have a reason to leave—or I create one.’ Lifting her hand to his mouth, he kissed the palm. ‘But I’m not ready to leave just yet, and I thought you might not be either, only—’

  His pulse twitched. Since when had he decided on extending his stay? Or asking Mimi to join him?

  She blinked. ‘Only what?’

  ‘Only I didn’t give you much choice about coming out to Argentina, and no choice whatsoever about coming all the way out here. I was out of order, and I’m sorry for how I acted.’

  She bit her lip. ‘It was out of order, but I can understand now why you did it. You had your reasons, and you were right.’ She held his gaze. ‘We did need to talk.’

  ‘And now we have...so theoretically there’s no reason for us to stay any more.’ He stared down into her eyes. ‘I guess what I’m asking is do you want to go back to England? Or do you think you might have a reason to stay for a couple more days?’

  He could almost follow her thoughts, fear battling with longing.

  ‘I don’t know if that’s a good idea.’ She hesitated. ‘But I really want to make this wedding film sing, and if I had more time here I think that would help me get a feel for what will work best. But I suppose I just need to know what’s happening...’ A flush of pink suffused her cheeks. ‘With us, I mean—’

  His heart kicked against his ribs. At least one of them was being honest. He stared at her in silence, fighting against the protective feeling produced by her words, concentrating on the facts. It had taken guts to ask that question—more guts than he had, apparently—so the least he could do was be brave enough to answer it.

  Pulling her closer, he smoothed her hair back from her face. ‘It’s simple, really. I want you and you want me. We both know it’s not permanent, but that doesn’t mean it’s not real, Mimi.’ He took a slow breath, recalling his earlier thoughts. ‘And it is real for me—as real as you are, here in my arms.’

 
She nodded. ‘For me, too.’

  His heart beat faster—not just with desire but relief. ‘So will you stay?’

  She hesitated, then nodded again.

  Lowering his mouth to hers, he kissed her quickly, closing his eyes to block out the uncertainty in hers. He didn’t do love and he couldn’t love Mimi. She was too young, too much of a responsibility, and he already had enough responsibilities to last a lifetime. He could never truly right the wrongs of the past—his or anyone else’s—but she deserved to be happy, and for the next few days he was going to do everything in his power to make that happen.

  * * *

  ‘Where are we going?’

  Frowning, Mimi glanced over to where Basa sat beside her, his dark hair blowing in the wind. One of his staff, Lionel, was driving them up a bumpy and quite steep grassy hillside, and she was having to grip both the underside of her seat and Basa’s hand, just to stop herself from sliding sideways.

  Turning, he squeezed her hand. ‘It’s not far now.’

  ‘That doesn’t answer my question,’ she complained.

  He smiled, and as she watched his lips curve upwards her heart felt too big for her ribs and her question seemed suddenly irrelevant.

  ‘I don’t want to risk spoiling the surprise,’ he said.

  ‘It would have been a lot easier choosing what to wear if you’d given me a clue,’ she grumbled. ‘Now I don’t know if I’m underdressed or overdressed.’

  His dark eyes rested on her face, then dropped over the curve of her breasts beneath her wrap top. ‘As far as I’m concerned if you’re not naked then you’re overdressed.’

  Mimi felt her skin grow warm. She still found his hunger for her incredibly exciting, and just thinking about his hands and mouth exploring her naked body made her mouth turn dry. The last two days had passed with incredible speed, and this was their final morning in Patagonia. Basa had woken her before the sun had even risen and her body had instantly softened in response.

  But he’d rolled them both out of bed and dragged her into the shower.

  She’d felt disappointed...a little crushed, actually...until he’d pulled her closer, and kissed her fiercely. Then he’d dropped to his knees and she’d felt his hands grip her hips before he’d started kissing the tops of her legs.

  Her breath fluttered in her throat as she remembered the feel of his flickering tongue as it had eased between her thighs, nudging against the tight ball of heat there, his warm saliva mixing with the warm water.

  She’d had no idea that she would feel as if her actual bones were melting, and afterwards, when he’d gently turned her away from him and thrust into her, his arm around her waist, anchoring her to his body, she had felt both his power and his tenderness.

  Now, pressing her knees together, she glanced over at Basa’s profile. She couldn’t imagine any other man being so expert, so fierce, so generous—couldn’t imagine being with another man. But that would change, she told herself. It would have to change. And at least this way there was no time for her to mess it up.

  As they reached the top of the hill the ground flattened and she saw there was another car already parked. Two men were leaning against the car, and spread out over the springy grass was a huge pale blue and white hot air balloon.

  She swallowed a breath.

  ‘We haven’t left the island since you got here, and I can’t let you go back to England without seeing something of my second homeland,’ Basa said quietly. ‘This way you’ll get to see so much more.’

  The thought of going back to England made her chest feel too tight, and suddenly her eyes were burning with tears.

  But she smiled past the ache in her throat. ‘I’ve always wanted to do this...’

  His eyes held hers. ‘So let’s go sail along the silver sky. Here—’ he handed her a quilted jacket ‘—you’ll need this.’

  It took thirty minutes to inflate the balloon. Their pilot, Butch, spoke very good English, but with a strong Spanish accent.

  Mimi frowned as Basa helped her into the basket. ‘Butch isn’t a very Argentinian name.’

  Butch laughed. ‘My real name is Gonzalo, but everyone calls me Butch because I am from Cholila.’

  ‘Cholila is outlaw country,’ Basa explained. ‘Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid hid out there for a while when they were on the run.’ His eyes hovered over the pulse-point in her throat. ‘Since Butch is in charge, for this ride at least, maybe that makes you and me outlaws too.’

  His smile transfixed her, slowed her pulse and stilled all thought, so that it was perhaps a full five minutes before she realised that the balloon was slowly rising up.

  Her head began to spin. Basa had been right. The sky was silver up here—and blue and pink and gold. The air was crisp, but the rising sun was warm, and then Basa wrapped his arms around her waist and the heat of his body quickly enveloped her.

  ‘There’s the island,’ he said, leaning in, his cheek brushing against her.

  ‘Look at the lake—it’s so blue.’

  From so high, the translucent water was jewel-bright, studded with the dark shapes of ducks and swans. Heart thumping, she gazed down. Beneath them she could see grazing cattle, and Basa pointed out an eagle soaring in the air currents. It was so vast, so open, with huge, grassy plains spreading in every direction, right up to the foothills of the mountains, and all of it was gilded in sunlight.

  She turned to look at him, a painful heat filling her chest. ‘Alicia said you call this place the first step to heaven.’

  ‘I do.’ His eyes, dark like the rocks in the lake, met hers. ‘And now I have my very own angel.’

  Was it the poetry of his words making her feel so dizzy? Or the fact that he wanted to share this beautiful place with her even for a moment? She didn’t know, but it was a bittersweet feeling to remember that tomorrow this would all be just a memory.

  Her heart felt as though it was being squeezed. She thought she had known loss and sadness, but this was a new kind of feeling—an emptiness that made her feel as if she was hollow inside. Her hand gripped the side of the basket. Her pulse was pounding, and she was torn between wanting to capture this moment for ever—his face, his voice, the way he filled not just the basket but this endless sky—and forgetting they had ever met.

  The rest of the flight seemed to pass in seconds, and then Butch brought them down with little more than a bump. Within minutes the two SUVs were powering through the grass towards them.

  Back at the house, she spent the rest of the day trying to ignore the ache that had started inside her up in the silvery sky. She packed, and talked and smiled with Claudia, and watched Lionel build a vast willow frame above a circle of fire for an asado later.

  And then she and Basa walked around the island until the ache became unbearable and she was suddenly frantic for the feel of his body on hers, and in hers, and she towed him back to the bedroom where they made love for the rest of the afternoon.

  Later, they sat by the fire, drinking ice-cold champagne while Lionel and Claudia cooked the meat.

  ‘What you were talking about earlier,’ he said abruptly. ‘About you not being planned by your parents. I don’t understand what my not coming back to the room that night has to do with the way that made you feel.’

  For a moment her mind was utterly blank, but then, as she tried to think of a way to answer his question, she felt something stir inside her. When they made love they held nothing back, so why was she still hiding herself from him?

  ‘Sometimes it feels like it’s my fault,’ she said carefully. ‘That if I hadn’t been born my parents would still be together.’

  ‘Maybe they weren’t meant to be together.’

  She wanted to believe him, and she was sure he believed what he was saying, but he only knew some of the facts.

  ‘I mess things up.’ Her mouth began to tremble and she twisted
it into a mangled smile. ‘Not just my parents’ marriage. I messed up with you. And the film I made has never been seen by anyone except lawyers.’

  ‘You didn’t mess up with me. It was just as much my fault as yours. And whatever those lawyers are arguing, I bet I could find ten different lawyers to say the opposite.’

  Suddenly there were tears in her eyes. ‘It wouldn’t make any difference,’ she said wearily. ‘I’m the problem. I ruin everything.’

  ‘Not everything,’ he said gently.

  She felt her heart contract. He was being so sweet, and she was ruining their last night together. With an effort she smiled up at him. ‘No, not everything.’

  It was getting dark by the time the food was ready, and they ate greedily, licking the meat juices from their fingers. There was also trout from the lake, whole squashes and potatoes cooked in the ashes, and for dessert slow-roasted peaches that seemed to melt in her mouth.

  ‘Like it?’

  Mimi looked up. Basa was watching her, his face half in darkness, his eyes like stars.

  She nodded. ‘It’s amazing. It’s all amazing.’

  He was amazing.

  She had thought he was cold-hearted and judgmental, but she knew now that he was neither. He was kind and loyal and strong, and the idea of being apart from him for even a day was unbearable.

  All of a sudden she felt dizzy—the same dizziness she had felt in the balloon, when she’d been trying to commit Basa to memory.

  Only, there had been no need. Her heart had got there first. She didn’t have to try and remember him. She already knew everything about him by heart—the good and the bad—and that was why she loved him.

  For a moment she sat gazing across the dark stretch of water, stunned by the truth. In a few short days he had become not just familiar, but necessary to her life. It was new and thrilling to feel like this, and yet so old, for she had never really stopped loving him. Why else had she agreed to come out to Argentina in the first place?