Frank Mildmay; Or, the Naval Officer

by Frederick Marryat

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.

  He will lie sir, with such volubility, that you would think truth were a fool: drunkenness is his best virtue, for he will be swine-drunk, and in his sleep he does little harm. SHAKESPEARE.

  When Captain G--- made his appearance, he seemed to be in the mostamiable humour possible. As soon as he saw me, he said, "Ah, this iswhat I like; never break your leave even for five minutes. Now that Isee I can trust you, you may go on shore again as soon as you please."

  This speech might have done very well to any person before the mast; butas applied to an officer, I thought it rude and ungentlemanly.

  The caterer had prepared lunch in the gun-room: it consisted ofbeef-steaks and broiled bullocks' kidneys, with fried onions; and theirsavoury smell rose in grateful steams up the sky-light, and assailed thenostrils of the skipper. His facetious small-talk knew no bounds; heleaned over the frame, and looking down, said,--"I say, somethingdevilish good going on there below!"

  The hint was taken, and the first lieutenant invited him down.

  "I don't care if I do; I am rather peckish."

  So saying, he was down the hatchway in the twinkling of one of his ownfunny eyes, as he feared the choice bits would be gone before he couldget into action. We all followed him; and as he seated himself, hesaid--

  "I trust, gentlemen, this is not the last time I shall sit in thegun-room, and that you will all consider my cabin as your own. I loveto make my officers comfortable: nothing more delightful than anharmonious ship, when every man and boy is willing to go to hell for hisofficers. That's what I call good fellowship--give and take--makeproper allowances for one another's failings, and we shall be sorry whenthe time comes for us to part. I am afraid, however, that I shall notbe long with you; for though I doat upon the brig, the Duke of N--- andLord George --- have given the first Lord a damned _whigging_ for notpromoting me sooner; and between ourselves--I don't wish it to gofurther--my post commission goes out with me to Barbadoes."

  The first lieutenant cocked his eye; and quick as were the motions ofthat eye, the captain, with a twist of one of his own, caught a glimpseof it, before it could be returned to its bearing on the central object,the beef-steaks, kidneys, and onions. But it passed off without aremark.

  "A very capital steak this! I'll trouble you for some fat and a littlegravy. We'll have some jollification when we get to sea; but we mustget into blue water first; then we shall have less to do. Talking ofbroiling steaks--when I was in Egypt we used to broil our beef-steaks onthe rocks--no occasion for fire--thermometer at 200--hot as hell! Ihave seen four thousand men at a time cooking for the whole army as muchas twenty or thirty thousand pounds of steak at a time, all hissing andfrying at once--just about noon, of course, you know--not a spark offire! Some of the soldiers, who had been brought up as glass-blowers atLeith, swore they never saw such heat. I used to go to leeward of themfor a whiff, and think of old England! Ah, that's the country, afterall, where a man may think and say what he pleases! But that sort ofwork did not last long, as you may suppose; their eyes were all friedout, damn me, in three or four weeks! I had been ill in my bed, for Iwas attached to the 72nd regiment, seventeen hundred strong--I had aparty of seamen with me; but the ophthalmia made such ravages, that thewhole regiment, colonel and all, went stone blind--all except onecorporal! You may stare, gentlemen, but it's very true. Well, thiscorporal had a precious time of it: he was obliged to lead out the wholeregiment to water--he led the way, and two or three took hold of theskirts of his jacket, on each side; the skirts of these were seizedagain by as many more, and double the number to the last, and so allheld on by one another, till they had all had a drink at the well; and,as the devil would have it, there was but one well among us all--so thiscorporal used to water the regiment just as a groom waters his horses;and all spreading out you know, just like the tail of a peacock."

  "Of which the corporal was the rump," interrupted the doctor.

  The captain looked grave.

  "You found it warm in that country?" inquired the surgeon. "Warm!"exclaimed the captain; "I'll tell you what, doctor, when you go whereyou have sent many a patient--and where, for that very reason, youcertainly will go--I only hope, for your sake, and for that of yourprofession in general, that you will not find it quite so hot as wefound it in Egypt. What do you think of nineteen of my men being killedby the concentrated rays of light falling on the barrels of thesentinels bright muskets, and setting fire to the powder? I commanded amortar battery at Acre, and I did the French infernal mischief with theshells I used to pitch in among them when they had sat down to dinner:but how do you think the scoundrels weathered on me at last? Damn me,they trained a parcel of poodle dogs to watch the shells when they fell,and then to run and pull the fuses out with their teeth. Did you everhear of such damned villains? By this means, they saved hundreds ofmen, and only lost half a dozen dogs--fact, by God; only ask Sir SydneySmith; he'll tell you the same, and a damned sight more."

  The volubility of his tongue was only equalled by the rapidity of hisinvention and his powers of mastication; for, during the whole of thisentertaining monodrame, his teeth were in constant motion, like thetraversing beam of a steamboat; and as he was our captain as well as ourguest, he certainly took the lion's share of the repast.

  "But, I say, Soundings," said he, addressing himself familiarly to themaster, who had not been long in the vessel, "let us see what sort ofstuff you have stowed the forehold with. You know I am a water-drinker;give me only the pure limpid stream, and a child may lead me. I seldomtouch liquor when the water is good." So saying, he poured out atumbler, and held it to his nose. "Stinks like hell! I say, master,are you sure the bungs are in your casks? The cats have beencontributing to the fluid. We must qualify this;" and having pouredaway one half of the water, which, by the by, was very good, he suppliedthe vacancy with rum. Then tasting it, he said, "Come, miss puss, thiswill rouse you out, at any rate."

  A moment's pause, while he held the bumper before his eye, and then downit went, producing no other emotion than a deep sigh. "By the bye,that's well thought of--we'll have no cats in the ship (except thosewhich the depravity of human nature unhappily compels the boatswain touse). Mr Skysail, you'll look to that. Throw them all overboard."

  Taking his hat, he rose from the table, and mounting the ladder, "Onsecond thought," said he, addressing Skysail again, "I won't throw thecats overboard; the sailors have a foolish superstition about thatanimal--its damned unlucky. No! put them alive in a bread-bag, and sendthem on shore in the bum-boat."

  Recollecting that my dinner-party at the George was to take place thisday, and remembering the captain's promise that I should go on shorewhenever I pleased, I thought it only necessary to say I was going--merely passing the usual compliment to my superior. I therefore went tohim, with a modest assurance, and told him of my engagement and myintention.

  "Upon my honour, sir," cried he, putting his arms akimbo, and staring mefull in the face; "you have a tolerable sea-stock of modest assurance;no sooner come on board than you ask leave to go on shore again, and atthe same time you have the impudence to tell me, knowing how much Iabhor the vice, that you mean to wet your commission, and of course toget beastly drunk, and to make others as bad as yourself. No, sir; I'dhave you to know, that as captain of this ship, and as long as I havethe honour to command her, I am _magister morum_."

  "That is precisely what I was coming to, sir," said I, "when youinterrupted me. Knowing how difficult it is to keep young men in order,without the presence of some one whom they respect, and can look up toas an example, I was going to request the honour of your company as myguest. Nothing, in my opinion, could so effectually repress anytendency to improper indulgence."

  "There you speak like a child of my own bringing up," replied CaptainG---: "I did not give you credit for so much good sense. I am far fromthrowing a wet blanket over any innocent mirth. Man is man after all--give him but the bare necessaries of life, and he
is no more than a dog.A little mirth on such an occasion is not only justifiable, butpraiseworthy. The health of a good king like ours, God bless him!should always be drunk in good wine; and as you say the party is to beselect, and the occasion the wetting of your commission, I shall have noobjection to come and give away the bride; but, remember, no harddrinking--no indecorum--and I'll do my best, not only to keep the youngbloods in order, but to add my humble powers to the hilarity of theevening."

  I thanked him for his kind condescension. He then gave a few directionsto Skysail, the first lieutenant, and ordering his gig to be manned,offered me a passage on shore.

  This was, indeed, a mark of favour never before conferred on any officerin the ship, and all hands spontaneously turned out to see the sight.The first lieutenant cocked his eye, which was more than saying, "Thisis too good to last long." However, into the boat we went, and pulledaway for old Sallyport. The harbour tide rolling out, we, passed closeto the buoy of the _Boyne_.

  "Ah! well I remember that old ship; I was midshipman of her when sheblew up. I was signal midshipman. I was in the act of making thesignal of distress, when up I went. Damnation! I thought I nevershould have come down any more."

  "Indeed, sir!" said I, "I thought there had been no one on board at thetime."

  "No one on board!" repeated the captain, with scorn on his upper lip,"who did you get that from?"

  "I heard it from a captain I served with in America."

  "Then you may tell your captain, with my compliments, that he knewnothing at all about it. No one on board! Why, damn me, sir, the poopwas crowded like a sheepfold, and all bellowing to me for help. I toldthem all to go to hell, and just at that moment away we all went, sureenough. I was picked up senseless, I was told somewhere in Stokes Bay,and carried to Haslar Hospital, where I was given over for threemonths--never spoke. At last I got well; and the first thing I did wasto take a boat and go and dive down the forehold of my old ship, andswim aft to the bread-room."

  "And what did you see sir?" said I.

  "Oh, nothing, except lots of human skeletons, and whitings in abundance,swimming between their ribs. I brought up my old quadrant out of thestarboard wing, where I was adjusting it when the alarm was given. Ifound it lying on the table just where I left it. I never shall forgetwhat a damned rap we hit the old _Queen Charlotte_, with our larboardbroadside; every gun went slap into her, double-shotted. Damn my eyes,I suppose we diddled at least a hundred men."

  "Why, sir," said I, "I always understood she only lost two men on thatoccasion."

  "Who told you that?" said Captain G---; "your old captain?"

  "Yes, sir," said I, "he was a midshipman in her."

  "He be damned," said my skipper; "to my certain knowledge, threelaunch-loads of dead bodies were taken out of her, and carried to thehospital for interment."

  As the boat touched the landing-place this accomplished liar had time totake breath; and in fact I was afraid he would have exhausted his stockof lies before dinner, and kept nothing for the dessert. When welanded, he went to his old quarters at the Star and Garter, and I to theGeorge. I reminded him at parting that six o'clock was my hour.

  "Never fear me," said he.

  I collected my company previous to his arrival, and told my friends thatit was my determination to make him drunk, and that they must assist me,which they promised to do. Having once placed him in that predicament,I was quite sure I should stop his future discourses in favour oftemperance. My companions, perfectly aware of the sort of man they hadto deal with, treated him on his entrance with the most flattering marksof respect. I introduced them all to him in the most formal manner,taking them to him, one by one, just as we are presented at court--tocompare great things with small. His good humour was at its highestspring tide; the honour of drinking wine with him was separately andrespectfully asked, and most condescendingly granted to every person atthe table.

  "Capital salmon this," said the captain; "where does Billet get it from?By the bye, talking of that, did you ever hear of the pickled salmon inScotland?"

  We all replied in the affirmative.

  "Oh, you don't take. Damn it, I don't mean dead pickled salmon; I meanlive pickled salmon, swimming about in tanks, as merry as grigs, and ashungry as rats."

  We all expressed our astonishment at this, and declared we never heardof it before.

  "I thought not," said he, "for it has only lately been introduced intothis country, by a particular friend of mine, Dr Mac--- I cannot justnow remember his damned jaw-breaking Scotch name; he was a great chymistand geologist, and all that sort of thing--a clever fellow, I can tellyou, though you may laugh. Well, this fellow, sir, took nature by theheels and capsized her, as we say. I have a strong idea that he hadsold himself to the devil. Well, what does he do, but he catches salmonand puts them into tanks, and every day added more and more salt, tillthe water was as thick as gruel, and the fish could hardly wag theirtails in it. Then he threw in whole peppercorns, half a dozen pounds ata time, till there was enough. Then he began to dilute with vinegar,until his pickle was complete. The fish did not half like it at first;but habit is everything, and when he showed me his tank, they wereswimming about as merry as a shoal of dace; he fed them with fennel,chopped small, and black peppercorns. `Come, doctor,' says I, `I trustno man upon tick; if I don't taste, I won't believe my own eyes, though_I can_ believe my _tongue_.'" (We looked at each other). "`That youshall do in a minute,' says he; so he whipped one of them out with alanding-net; and when I stuck my knife into him, the pickle ran out ofhis body like wine out of a claret bottle, and I ate at least two poundsof the rascal, while he flapped his tail in my face. I never tastedsuch salmon as that. Worth your while to go to Scotland, if its onlyfor the sake of eating, live pickled salmon. I'll give you a letter,any of you, to my friend. He'll be damned glad to see you; and then youmay convince yourselves. Take my word for it, if once you eat salmonthat way, you will never eat it any other."

  We all said we thought that very likely.

  The champagne corks flew as fast and as loud as his shells at Acre; butwe were particularly reserved, depending entirely on his tongue for ouramusement; and, finding the breeze of conversation beginning to freshen,I artfully turned the subject to Egypt, by asking one of my friends todemolish a pyramid of jelly, which stood before him, and to send some ofit to the captain.

  This was enough: he began with Egypt, and went on increasing in thenumber and magnitude of his lies, in proportion as we applauded them. Ashort-hand writer ought to have been there, for no human memory could dojustice to this modern Munchausen. "Talking of the water of the Nile,"said he, "I remember when I was first lieutenant of the _Bellerophon_, Iwent into Minorca with only six tons of water, and in four hours we hadthree hundred and fifty tons on board, all stowed away. I made allhands work. The admiral himself was up to the neck in water, with therest of them. `Damn it, admiral,' says I, `no skulking.' Well, wesailed the next day; and such a gale of wind I never saw in all mylife--away went all our masts, and we had nearly been swamped with theweather-roll. One of the boats was blown off the booms, and went cleanout of sight before it touched the water. You may laugh at that, butthat was nothing to the _Swallow_ sloop of war. She was in company withus; she wanted to scud for it, but by Jupiter, she was blown two milesup the country--guns, men, and all; and the next morning they found herflying jib-boom had gone through the church window, and slap into thecheek of the picture of the Virgin Mary. The natives all swore it wasdone on purpose by damned heretics. The captain was forced to arm hismen, and march them all down to the beach, giving the ship up to thepeople, who were so exasperated that they set her on fire, and neverthought of the powder which was on board. All the priests were in theirrobes, singing some stuff or another, to purify the church; but that wasso much time thrown away, for in one moment away went church, priests,pictures, and people, all to the devil together."

  Here he indulged himself in some vile language and scurrilou
s abuse ofreligion and its ministers. All priests were hypocritical scoundrels.If he was to be of any religion at all, he said, he should prefer beinga Roman Catholic, "because, then, you know," added he, "a man may sin asmuch as he likes, and rub off as he goes for a few shillings. I got mycommission by religion, damn me, I found my old admiral was apsalm-singer; so, says I, `my old boy, I'll give you enough of that;' soI made the boatswain stuff me a hassock, and this I carried with meeverywhere, that I might save my trousers and not hurt my knees; so thenI turned to and prayed all day long, and kept the people awake singingpsalms all night. I knelt down and prayed on the quarter-deck, maindeck, and lower deck. I preached to the men in the tiers when theycoiled the cables, and groaned loud and deep when I heard an oath. Thething took--the admiral, said I was the right sort, and he made acommander out of the greatest atheist in the ship. No sooner did I gethold of the sheepskin, than to the devil I pitched hassock and Bible."

  How long he might have gone on with this farrago, it is difficult tosay; but we were getting tired of him, so we passed the bottle till heleft off narrative, and took to friendship.

  "Now I say (hiccup), you Frank, you are a devilish good fellow; but thatone-eyed son of a gun, I'll try him by a court-martial, the first time Icatch him drunk; I'll hang him at the yard-arm, and you shall be myfirst lieutenant and _custos-rottorum_, damn me. Only you come and tellme the first time he is disguised in liquor, and I'll settle him, damnhis cock eye--a saucy, Polyphemus-looking _son of_ a--(hiccup) aWhitechapel bird-catcher."

  Here his recollection failed him; he began to talk to himself, and toconfound me with the first lieutenant.

  "I'll teach him to write to port-admirals for leave--son of a sea cook."

  He was now drawing to the finale, and began to sing:--

  "The cook of the huffy got drunk, Fell down the fore-scuttle, and Broke his gin bottle."

  Here his head fell back, he tumbled off his chair, and lay motionless onthe carpet.

  Having previously determined not to let him be exposed in the streets inthat state, I had provided a bed for him at the inn; and ringing thebell, I ordered the waiter to carry him to it. Having seen him safelydeposited, untied his neckcloth, took off his boots, and raised his heada little, we left him, and returned to the table, where we finished ourevening in great comfort, but without any other instance ofintoxication.

  The next morning, I waited on him. He seemed much annoyed at seeing me,supposing I meant, by my presence, to rebuke him for his intemperance;but this was not my intention. I asked him how he felt; and I regrettedthat the hilarity of the evening had been interrupted in so unfortunatea manner.

  "How do you mean, sir? Do you mean to insinuate that I was not sober?"

  "By no means, sir," said I; "but are you aware, that in the midst ofyour delightful and entertaining conversation, you tumbled off yourchair in an epileptic fit?--are you subject to these?"

  "Oh, yes, my dear fellow, indeed I am; but it is so long since I lasthad one, that I was in hopes they had left me. I have invalided forthem four times, and just at the very periods when, if I could haveremained out, my promotion was certain."

  He then told me I might remain on shore that day, if I pleased. I gavehim credit for his happy instinct in taking the hint of the fit; and assoon as I left him, he arose, went on board, and flogged two men forbeing drunk the night before.

  I did not fail to report all that had passed to my mess-mates, and wesailed a few days afterwards for Barbadoes. On the first Sunday of ourbeing at sea, the captain dined in the gun-room with the officers. Hesoon launched out into his usual strain of lying and boasting, whichalways irritated our doctor, who was a sensible young Welshman. Onthese occasions he never failed to raise a laugh at the captain'sexpense, by throwing in one or two words at the end of each anecdote;and this he did in so grave and modest a manner, that without a previousknowledge of him, any one might have supposed he was serious. Thecaptain renewed his story of the corps of poodles to extract the fusesfrom the shells. "I hoped," he said, "to see the institution of such acorps among ourselves; and if I were to be the colonel of it, I shouldsoon have a star on my breast."

  "That would be the dog star," said the doctor, with extreme gaiety.

  "Thank you, doctor," said the captain; "not bad; I owe you one."

  We laughed; the doctor kept his countenance; and the captain looked verygrave; but he continued his lies, and dragged in as usual the name ofSir Sydney Smith to support his assertions. "If you doubt me, only askSir Sydney Smith; he'll talk to you about Acre for thirty-six hours on astretch, without taking breath; his coxswain at last got so tired of it,that he nick-named him `Long Acre.'"

  The poor doctor did not come off scot-free; the next day, he discoveredthat the deck leaked over his cabin, and the water ran into his bed. Hebegan, with a hammer and some nails, to fasten up a piece of paintedcanvas, by way of shelter. The captain heard the noise of the hammer,and finding it was the doctor, desired him to desist. The doctorreplied, that he was only endeavouring to stop some leaks over his bed:the captain said they should not be stopped; for that a bed of _leeks_was a very good bed for a Welshman.

  "There, doctor: now we are quits: that's for your dog star. I supposeyou think nobody can make, a pun or a pill, in the ship, but yourself?"

  "If my pills were no better than your puns," muttered the doctor, "weshould all be in a bad way."

  The captain then directed the carpenter not to allow any nails to thedoctor, or the use of any of his tools; he even told the poor surgeonthat he did not know how to make a pill, and that "he was as useless asthe Navy Board." He accused him of ignorance in other parts of hisprofession; and, ordering all the sick men on deck, rope-ended them toincrease their circulation, and put a little life into them.

  Many a poor sick creature have I seen receive a most unmerciful beating.My wonder was that the men did not throw him overboard; and I do reallybelieve that if it had not been for respect and love to the officers,they would have done so. No sooner had we got into blue water, as hecalled it--that is out of soundings--than he began his pranks, whichnever ceased till we reached Carlisle Bay. Officers and men were alltreated alike, and there was no redress, for no one among us dared tobring him to a court-martial. His constant maxim was--"Keep sailors atwork, and you keep the devil out of their minds--all hands allday-watch, and watch all night."

  "No man," said Jacky (the name we gave him) "eats the bread of idlenesson board of my ship: work keeps the scurvy out of their bones, the lazyrascals."

  The officers and men, for the first three weeks, never had a watch belowduring the day. They were harassed and worn to death, and the mostmutinous and discontented spirit prevailed throughout the ship. One ofthe best seamen said, in the captain's hearing, that, "since the shiphad been at sea, he had only had three watches below."

  "And if I had known it," said the captain, "you should not have hadthat;" and turning the hands up, he gave him four dozen.

  Whenever he flogged the men, which he was constantly doing, he neverfailed to upbraid them with ingratitude, and the indulgences which theyreceived from him.

  "By God, there is no man-of-war in the service that has so muchindulgence. All you have to do, is to keep the ship clean, square theyards, hoist in your provisions, eat them, hoist your grog in, drink it,and strike the empty casks over the side; but heaven itself would notplease such a set of damned fat, discontented rascals."

  His language to the officers was beyond anything I ever could havesupposed would have proceeded from the mouth of a human being. Themaster, one day, incurred his displeasure, and he very flippantly toldthe poor man to go to hell.

  "I hope, sir," said the master, "I have as good a chance of going toheaven as yourself."

  "You go to heaven!" said the captain, "you go to heaven! Let me catchyou there, and I will come and kick you out."

  This was, indeed, showing how far he would have carried his tyranny ifhe could. But our feelings are relieved f
rom any violent shock at thisapparent blasphemy, when we recollect that the poor man was an atheist;and that his idea of heaven was that of a little parlour at the Star andGarter, with a good fire, plenty of grog, and pipes of tobacco.

  He kept no table, nor did he ever drink any wine except when he dinedwith us; but got drunk every night, more or less, on the ship's spirits,in his own cabin. He was always most violent in the evening. Our onlyrevenge was laughing at his monstrous lies on Sunday, when he dined withus. One night, his servant came and told the midshipman of the watch,that the captain was lying dead drunk on the deck, in his cabin. Thiswas communicated to me, and I determined to make the best use of it. Iran down to the cabin, taking with me the midshipman of the watch, thequarter-master, and two other steady men; and having laid thewater-drinker in his bed, I noted down the date, with all theparticulars, together with the names of the witnesses, to be used assoon as we fell in with the admiral.

  The next day, I think he had some suspicion of what I had done, and ithad nearly been fatal to me. It was blowing a fresh trade-wind, and thevessel rolling very deep, when he ordered the booms to be cast loose andre-stowed. This was nothing short of murder and madness; but, in spiteof every remonstrance, he persisted, and the consequences were terrible.The lashings were no sooner cast off, than a spare top-mast fell andkilled one of the men. This was enough to have completed our mischieffor the day; but the devil had not done with us yet. The booms weresecured, and the men were ordered to rattle the rigging down, which, asthe vessel continued to roll heavily, was still more dangerous, and, ifpossible, more useless than the former operation. He was warned of it,but in vain; and the men had not been aloft more than ten minutes, whenone of them fell overboard. Why I should again have put my life injeopardy, particularly after the warning of the last voyage, I know not.I was perhaps vain of what I could do in the water. I knew my powers;and in the hope of saving this unfortunate victim to the folly andcruelty of the captain, I plunged after him into the sea, feeling, atthe same time, that I was almost committing an act of suicide. I caughthold of him, and for a time supported him; and, had the commonestdiligence and seamanship been shown, I should have saved him. But thecaptain, it appeared, when he found I was overboard, was resolved to getrid of me, in order to save himself: he made use of every difficulty toprevent the boat coming to me. The poor man was exhausted: I keptmyself disengaged from him, when swimming round him; supported himoccasionally whenever he was sinking; but, finding at last that he wasirrecoverably gone--for though I had a firm hold of him, he was goinglower and lower--and, looking up, perceiving I was so deep that thewater was dark over my head, I clapped my knees on his shoulders, and,giving myself a little impetus from the resistance, rose to the surface.So much was I exhausted, that I could not have floated half a minutemore, when the boat came and picked me up.

  The delay in heaving the ship to, I attributed to the scene I hadwitnessed the night before; and in this I was confirmed by the testimonyof the officers. Having lost two men by his unseamanlike conduct, hewould have added the deliberate murder of a third, to save himself fromthe punishment which he knew awaited him. He continued the sametyrannical conduct, and I had resolved, the moment we fell in with theadmiral, to write for a court-martial on this man, let the consequencesbe what they might; I thought I should serve my country and the navy byridding it of such a monster.

  Several of the officers were under arrest, and notwithstanding the heatof their cabins in that warm climate, were kept constantly confined tothem with a sentinel at the door. In consequence of this crueltreatment, one of the officers became deranged. We made Barbadoes, andrunning round Needham's Point into Carlisle Bay, we saw to ourmortification that neither the admiral nor any ship of war was, there,consequently our captain was commanding officer in the port. Upon this,he became remarkably amiable, supposing, if the evil day was put off, itwould be dispensed with altogether; he treated me with particularattention; hoped we should have some fun ashore; as the admiral was notcome in, we should wait for him; tired of kicking about at sea, heshould take all his _duds_ with him, and bring himself to an anchor onshore, and not come afloat again till we saluted his flag.

  Neither the first lieutenant nor myself believed one word of this;indeed, we always acted upon the exact reverse of what he said; and itwas well we did so in this instance. After we had anchored, he wentashore, and in about an hour returned, and stated that the admiral wasnot expected till next month; that he should, therefore, go and take uphis quarters at Jemmy Cavan's, and not trouble the ship any more untilthe admiral arrived; he then left us, taking his trunk and all his dirtylinen--dirty enough it was.

  Some of the officers unfortunately believed that we were to remain, andfollowed the captain's example, by sending their linen on shore to bewashed. Skysail was firm, and so was I; the lieutenant cocked his eye,and said, "Messmate, depend on it there is something in the wind. Ihave sent one shirt on shore to be washed; and when that comes off, Iwill send another; if I lose that, it is no great matter."

  That night, at ten o'clock, Captain Jacky came on board, bringing histrunk and dirty linen, turned the hands up, up anchor, and ran out ofCarlisle Bay and went to sea, leaving most of the officers' linen onshore. This was one of his tricks. He had received his orders when helanded in the morning; they were waiting for him, and his coming onboard for his things was only a ruse to throw us off our guard, and Isuppose compel us, by the loss of our clothes, to be as dirty inappearance as he was himself; "but he always liked to make his officerscomfortable."

  We arrived at Nassau, in New Providence, without any remarkableincident, although the service continued to be carried on in the samedisagreeable manner as ever. I continued, however, to get leave to goon shore; and finding no prospect of bringing the captain to justice,determined to quit the ship if possible. This was effected by accident,otherwise I should have been much puzzled to have got clear of her. Ifell between the boat and the wharf as I landed, and by the sudden jerkruptured a small blood-vessel in my chest; it was of no great importancein itself, but in that climate required care, and I made the most of it.They would have carried me on board again, but I begged to be taken tothe hotel. The surgeon of the regiment doing duty there attended me,and I requested him to make my case as bad as possible. The captaincame to see me--I appeared very ill--his compassion was like that of theinquisitor of the Holy Office, who cures his victim in order to enablehim to go through further torments. His time of sailing arrived, and Iwas reported to be too ill to be removed. Determined to have me, heprolonged his stay. I got better; the surgeon's report was morefavourable; but I was still unwilling to go on board. The captain sentme an affectionate message, to say that if I did not come, he would senda file of marines to bring me: he even came himself and threatened me;when, finding there were no witnesses in the room, I plainly told himthat if he persisted in having me on board, it would be to his owndestruction, for that I was fully determined to bring him to acourt-martial for drunkenness and unofficerlike conduct, the moment wejoined the admiral. I told him of the state in which I had found him.I recapitulated his blasphemies, and his lubberly conduct in losing thetwo men; he stared and endeavoured to explain; I was peremptory, and hewhined and gave in, seeing he was in my power.

  "Well then, my dear fellow," said Jacky, "since you are so very ill--sorry as I shall be to lose you--I must consent to your staying behind.I shall find it difficult to replace you; but as the comfort andhappiness of my officers is my first object on all occasions, I willprefer annoying myself to annoying you." So saying, he held out hishand to me, which I shook with a hearty good-will, sincerely hoping thatwe might never meet again, either, in this world or the next.

  He was afterwards brought to a court-martial, for repeated acts ofdrunkenness and cruelty, and was finally dismissed the service.

  In giving this detail of Captain G---'s peculiarities, let it not beimagined that even at that period such characters were common in theservice. I have alread
y said that he was singular. Impressment and thewant of officers at the early part of the war, gave him an opportunityof becoming a lieutenant; he took the weak side of the admiral to obtainhis next step, and obtained the command of a sloop, from repeatedsolicitation at the Admiralty, and by urging his claims of longservitude. The service had received serious injury by admitting men onthe quarter-deck from before the mast; it occasioned there being twoclasses of officers in the navy--namely, those who had rank andconnections, and those who had entered by the "hawseholes," as they weredescribed. The first were favoured when young, and did not acquire acompetent knowledge of their duty; the second, with few exceptions, asthey advanced in their grades, proved, from want of education, more andmore unfit for their stations. These defects have now been remedied;and, as all young men who enter the service must have a regulareducation, and consequently be the sons of gentlemen, a level has beenproduced which, to a certain degree, precludes favouritism, andperfectly bars the entrance to such men as Captain G---.

  After the battle of Trafalgar, when England and Europe were indebted fortheir safety to the British fleet, the navy became popular, and thearistocracy crowded into it. This forwarded still more the meliorationof the service, and under the succeeding naval administration, silent,certain, and gradual improvements, both in men, officers, and ships,took place. Subsequently, the navy has been still more fortunate, inhaving an officer called to its councils whose active and constantemployment at sea, previous to the peace of Paris, had given him athorough insight into its wants and abuses. Unconnected with party, andunawed by power, he has dared to do his duty; and it is highly to thecredit of the first lord who has so long presided at the board, that thesuggestions of this officer have met with due consideration; I cantherefore assure my reader, that as long as his advice is attended to,he need be afraid of meeting with no more Captain G---'s.