by Sean Covey
The researcher then followed the lives of each of these kids up through high school. Remarkably, those who had resisted eating the marshmallow had done far better in life than those who couldn’t wait. They were better adjusted, more confident, more popular, and more dependable. They also did much better in school.
So, what do marshmallows have to do with not dropping out of school? Lots, actually. Quitting school might be compared to eating the marshmallow now. That juicy marshmallow tastes really good. And dropping out of school may taste delicious at first too. For example, if you quit, you can immediately start making more money to buy things, like a car. You may be able to afford your own apartment. And you immediately get rid of the headache of homework and grades.
On the other hand, by dropping out now, you are sacrificing two marshmallows later. And that’s a poor trade-off. The two marshmallows later show up down the road in the form of stronger skills, a better-paying job, a nicer car, more opportunities to help others, and a greater appreciation of everything around you.
Oh, sure, you’ve heard all the reasons for sticking it out and staying in school. But have you really thought about them carefully?
Do you realize that if you don’t finish high school, the penalty will be low-paying work for the rest of your life?
Why? Because you won’t have the skills you need to get a better-paying job.
A young teen named Yolanda said it well. “My mom has this little saying: ‘Pay now and play later or play now and pay later.’ What she means is if I pay now and do what I have to do in school, I will be a successful person; or I can play now and then pay for it later when I have a job maybe working at McDonald’s flipping burgers.”
Making $8 to $10 an hour may seem like good money right now, but it won’t be enough. Trust me. Just compare it to how much more you can make if you finish high school, or even better, go on to college. Here’s some salary information provided by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Even though these figures will change from year to year, the differences always remain consistent.
If you multiply these numbers over a lifetime of work (40 years), the difference is even more glaring.
LIFELONG EARNINGS
High School Dropout
$981,766
High School Graduate
$1,354,080
College Graduate
$2,304,640
In addition, if you drop out, kiss good-bye to ever having access to any of the great jobs below, all of which require at least a high school degree and usually some college or vocational school.
accountant
administrative assistant
architect
automotive mechanic
commercial artist
dental hygienist
dentist
doctor
economist
engineer
engineering technician
FBI agent
geologist
graphic designer
hotel manager
insurance agent
investment banker
IT technician
journalist
lawyer
management consultant
medical lab technician
nutritionist
pharmacist
priest, rabbi, or minister
psychologist
public policy analyst
public relations director
real estate agent
registered nurse
scientist
social worker
software developer
stockbroker
surveyor
teacher
university professor
veterinarian
zoologist
BABES AND BABIES
If you drop out of high school, at first it may seem like you can make it. But as your needs increase, or if you decide to get married and have a family, you’ve got your work cut out for you.
As a young person just starting out in the world, you can get by without much money at all. You just need a few roommates to split the rent and a healthy appetite for peanut butter and ramen noodles. You’ll manage, for a while. But you’ll get sick of cheap food and loud roomies eventually. As you get older and all your friends start careers and settle down, you’re going to begin to envy all the things they have: a nice home with some privacy, a new car, vacations, the latest phone and computer. One day, you’ll fall in love, get married, and maybe even have kids. At that point, you’re going to need a bigger house, a bigger car, and lots of diapers and childcare, too.
Here’s a table showing how much you need to live alone, get married, and have a family.
MONTHLY BUDGET
EXPENSES
SINGLE
FAMILY
Housing (apartment or house)
$560.00
$817.00
Taxes
$372.00
$600.00
Transportation
$493.00
$638.00
Food
$271.00
$781.00
Other Necessities
$401.00
$772.00
Healthcare
$273.00
$832.00
Childcare
$0.00
$1,205.00
TOTAL MONTHLY BUDGET
$2,370.00
$5,645.00
Let me save you some math. You will not earn enough to live comfortably and independently by working in retail or waiting on tables. But what other work will you find without a high school diploma, let alone a college degree?
To earn enough to meet the budgets here, you’d need to earn roughly $27 an hour, if you’re single. For a family, both of you will need to earn $31 an hour to support yourselves and your kids.
If you can’t earn this kind of money, you will be uncomfortably poor, broke, or up to your neck in debt. Being broke isn’t romantic or fun. It’s exhausting. You end up arguing over money all the time with the person you love. It’s not like the movies, folks.
Do some high school dropouts do well? A few do. But it’s like playing the lottery. The odds are stacked against you. Why take the chance?
Here are the brutal facts:
• Dropouts have a much harder time finding and keeping jobs: 30 percent of dropouts are unemployed.
• Dropouts are often labeled as people who don’t complete things.
• Dropouts often just jump from job to job instead of building a career.
• Dropouts aren’t even considered for most high-paying jobs, even if they’re qualified.
• Increasingly, in most countries, a high school degree is not enough. Says Vlad, a teen from Russia: “Today in Russia, you’re almost nothing if you don’t have a university degree. You won’t find a job without it.”
I can just imagine the marketing poster now:
BREAKING THE CYCLE
Often the main reason teens drop out of school is that everyone else did. Their mom or dad dropped out. Their cousins did. Many of their friends did. Perhaps no one in their family had ever finished high school or gone on to college. So, why should they?
Sometimes we inherit bad habits or patterns that are passed down from generation to generation. For example, if your father is an alcoholic, the chances are good that his father was an alcoholic. The same pattern applies to child abuse, drug addiction, poverty, and dropping out of school. That’s often why dysfunctional families keep repeating themselves in the next generation.
The good news is you have a choice. You have proactive muscles and you can flex them suckers. You can be the cycle breaker in your family. You can stop that bad habit from getting inside you and pass on good habits to your kids and to your nephews and nieces. Wouldn’t it be a great thing to be the first one in your family to go to college and to pass on that pattern to your children and grandchildren?
I remember talking with Sammi, who wanted to break the cycle she inherited. Sa
mmi said:
I’ve been with friends that have dropped out of high school. One of them who I work with at McDonald’s was held back three years. He was 20 years old and a junior. I looked at him and I just realized, I can’t be like that. I can’t be working at Wendy’s or McDonald’s for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be like my father and my stepdad. I don’t want to be looking back saying, “Oh, I wish I would have done this. I wish I would have done that.”
Making the decision to stay in school may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. You may have a difficult family life and virtually no support at home for succeeding in school. You may be full of self-doubt and fear about your ability to follow through with something. You may hate the very thought of going to school even one more day. But, I promise you, you’ll thank yourself forever if you stick it out. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Two marshmallows tomorrow always beat one today.
Surviving and Thriving
I’m going to list a word—you fill in the blank with the first word that comes to mind. Don’t think too much; just write down or make a mental note of whatever pops in your head.
Teachers: _____________________________________
Grammar: _____________________________________
Homework: _____________________________________
Report Card: _____________________________________
Tests: _____________________________________
Lunch Lady: _____________________________________
I tried this with a group of teens and got answers like:
Teachers: WARDENS
Homework: DEATH
Tests: CRAM
Grammar: HARD
Report Card: JUDGMENT DAY
Lunch Lady: JIGGLY ARMS
What about you? When you think about school and academics, do you get positive vibes or get sick? It’s different for everyone. But there’s one thing all teens have in common: Everyone struggles in one way or another. While I was in school I hated the stress, standardized tests, and climbing ropes in gym.
There are lots of challenging things about school. The four challenges I hear about most are:
1 “I’m stressed out.”
2 “There’s too much to do and not enough time.”
3 “I just don’t care.”
4 “I’m just no good at school.”
The good news is there are remedies that really work. So, let’s take a look at each.
Challenge 1: “I’M STRESSED OUT”
“What is it about school that most stresses you out?” I asked some teens. Here’s what a few said:
“It seems that everything from soccer practices to basketball games to homework overlap and pile up. There is no escaping the endless work. One little break can get you thrown off for days. You don’t do math homework one night and the next night you have twice as much.”
The funny thing is, when you’re done with school, the stress doesn’t suddenly disappear. It only switches. Instead of feeling stressed out about school, you feel stressed out about bills, kids, work, and in-laws. Don’t try to run away from stress. Learn how to deal with it. How? You sharpen the saw, regularly.
Sharpen the Saw
“In case of an emergency, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. First, place the mask over your mouth. Then, place it over the mouth of the person or child next to you.” So says the flight attendant on an airplane. I’ve often imagined the scene. There I am with my oxygen mask, breathing away to my heart’s content, while the two-year-old next to me gasps for air. It seems so selfish.
The more you think about what the flight attendant is saying, the truer it gets. You can’t do much to help someone else unless you’re breathing yourself. That’s why you should never feel selfish for taking time to renew the best thing you’ve got going for yourself—you. If you go too hard for too long and always put yourself last, you’ll eventually burn out or become a stress-case and then what good are you? Never be too busy sawing to take time to sharpen your saw. Replenish the four parts that make you up: body (physical), heart (relationships), mind (mental), and soul (spiritual).
Take this little quiz to assess how well you’re sharpening the saw.
Sharpen the Saw Checkup
CIRCLE YOUR CHOICE
NO WAY
HECK YES!
BODY
I eat pretty well, get enough sleep, don’t stress too much, and get a lot of exercise. I keep myself in good shape.
1
2
3
4
5
HEART
I make an effort to make friends and to be a good friend. I take time for important relationships. I get involved in things.
1
2
3
4
5
MIND
I try hard in school. I feel like I’m learning new stuff all the time. I read a lot. I have hobbies.
1
2
3
4
5
SOUL
I spend time serving others. I take time to think deeply about things. Irenew myself spiritually in some way regularly (examples: writing in a journal, going for nature walks, goal setting, reflecting, reading inspiring literature, playing a musical instrument).
1
2
3
4
5
So, is each part getting the attention it needs? If you gave yourself a 2 on Heart, maybe you need to spend more time with friends and family. If you gave yourself a 3 on Body, slow down a little and start taking care of yourself. Like the tires on a car, if one part of you is out of balance, the other three parts will wear unevenly. For example, it’s hard to do well in school (mind) when you’re exhausted (body). It also works the other way. If you’re in tune with yourself and motivated (soul), it’s so much easier to be a good friend (heart) and give your best at school (mind).
There are so many ways to reduce stress by sharpening the saw. Here’s what some teens told me when I asked how they dealt with stress.
• “I go running. It gives me a better perspective on my problems and helps me find solutions.”
• “I allow myself one hour to feel sorry for myself and I cry.”
• “I take a bath, read my journal, and sleep.”
• “I play ball.”
• “I lift weights to release the endorphins.”
• “Helping others helps you forget about your own problems.”
• “I just get out of the house.”
Walking Zombies
Let’s go right to one of the biggest problem areas in the physical area—sleep. Research shows that sleep deprivation contributes to depression, lower grades, accidents, and emotional problems. Admit it, when you’re tired, you blow things out of proportion. That little rude comment someone made about your haircut suddenly seems like an unforgivable offense. Or that upcoming history exam seems so huge it’s more than you can bear. That’s what happens when you’re a walking zombie. You get overwhelmed and you start thinking wrong. Here are four sleep tips to consider:
1. GET WHAT YOU NEED. Most teens only get about seven or so hours of sleep a night. Some less. All the experts say that you need between 9 and 9.25 hours a day. Figure out how much sleep you need to be at your best and then, knowing when you need to get up, calculate when you need to go to bed. Remember, sleep is brain food.
2. GO TO BED EARLY. GET UP EARLY. I can’t prove it, but I believe there’s wisdom in the old saying, “Early to bed and early to rise, keeps a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.” Some health experts believe that every hour of sleep before midnight is worth two after. I know this works for me. There’s something magical about going to bed early and getting up early.
3. BE SOMEWHAT CONSISTENT. For example, if you typically get to bed around 11:00 P.M. most weekdays, don’t go to bed at 3:00 A.M. every Friday and Saturday night, then sleep in until noon. Weekend binge-sleeping can really mess you up when you
try to get back into the groove of your normal schedule. You didn’t hear me say that you shouldn’t have some fun and stay up late on weekends. Just don’t be so extreme. Keep your bedtimes within a range of a couple of hours.
4. RELAX BEFORE BED. Instead of gulping a can of Red Bull or some other energy drink before hitting the sack, try relaxing. Take a bath, write in your journal, read the comics. A few minutes of chill time before bed can make all the difference.
These tips are not rules, just guidelines. There’ll be times you’ll want to stay up late with your friends and times when you’ll have to stay up to finish your homework. Or, maybe you have to work while going to school to help your family and you can’t get as much sleep as you’d like. My point is: Do the best you can, use moderation, and be wise. If you’re feeling depressed, confused, or stressed out, a steady stream of good night’s rests may just be the cure you need.
Challenge 2: “THERE’S TOO MUCH TO DO AND NOT ENOUGH TIME!”
“I’m really busy,” said one teenage guy. “I pretty much do everything. I’m in band and I’m on the badminton team and then there’s driver’s ed and I have two jobs and I teach a private lesson every week. I’m in five clubs here at school and I’m in a bunch of honors classes.”
So much to do. So little time. How can I possibly do it all? You can do it all, or at least most of it, if you’ll be more careful with your time. As Benjamin Franklin put it,
Wouldn’t it be great if every day had 25 hours? Think about what you could do with an extra 7 hours per week. Well, you know what? I’ll bet you you’re wasting at least 7 to 20 hours each week and don’t even realize it. To prove my point, track how much time you’re wasting in four specific areas. Fill in the chart as we discuss each area.