Her sigh was soft and throaty as she tipped her head back and closed her eyes. His strokes were firm and concentrated, becoming faster and harder as he worked her into a breathless state until she was begging him not to stop.
“Never,” he murmured.
He closed his mouth over her breast as her nails bit into his flesh before her fingers found the back of his head, coaxing and luring him at the same time. He never wanted to stop. He wanted the privilege of doing this every night for the rest of their lives. She crashed and thrashed, moaning his name as his body demanded the same kind of release.
“Condom,” she muttered as he was about to close the deal. Pointing at her nightstand, she said, “In there.”
Condoms. Right, of course. How could he have been stupid enough to think she’d ever let him make love to her without a barrier? Those days were behind them, long gone, and that thought was almost as troubling as the reason for the half-empty box of condoms in her nightstand.
He’d used the rest. Dr. D-Bag. The son of a bitch who took her away from him. Right here in this bed. Her bed.
“Hey,” she said, grabbing his hand when he curled his fist around the foil packet. “Is everything okay?”
“The past,” he bit out, knowing he should keep his mouth shut if he wanted this night to continue. “It can be a cruel bitch, that’s all. You ever wish you could hit the reset button and we could start all over? No past. No pain. No other lovers. Just you and me. Here and now.”
“Here and now is all we have,” she said, curling her hands around his face. “It’s the only thing that matters. I don’t care about what happened before, and you shouldn’t either.”
She was right. She was giving him a chance to wipe the slate clean, and instead of taking full advantage of the opportunity, he was getting hung up on shit that didn’t matter. Screw that.
“I don’t,” he assured her, emphasizing it with a kiss. “I don’t care about any of that. ‘Cause right now, in this second, you’re mine, Gracie.” You’re mine. He hadn’t said those words to her in so long. He could almost feel them ricocheting around the room, echoing in his ears.
A slow smile spread across her face as she absorbed his statement. “Is that so? Then what are you waiting for? Take me. Make me yours.”
He was ready in seconds, balancing his weight on his elbows as he hovered over her. Last time had been fast and dirty. This time, he wanted slow and sensual. He let his lips set the pace as he slowly inched inside her, absorbing her moans as he filled her.
What had started out gentle ratchetted up when she clasped him in her tight heat, biting his shoulder as her hips grinded against his, making him veer off his course.
“Baby, I…” He couldn’t find the words to express it, but her body reminded him he didn’t need words. Not when he had a more powerful means of communication at his disposal.
He pulled back, his eyes locking with hers as he followed a steady rhythm while watching her watching him. There were no words. No kisses. Yet he felt a stronger connection to her than he ever had. It was as though he felt everything she was feeling, absorbing every emotion. Taking away her pain. Heightening her pleasure. Expressing his love for her in the only way he knew how.
And before long, he was absorbing her release, letting her fall apart as he kissed her cheek, her ear, her jaw while she slowly descended and her heartbeat returned to normal. His rhythm sent the message that he never wanted it to end. Because he didn’t. He wanted this feeling, this experience to last forever.
“This,” he said, hooking her gaze with his, “is it for me. You. This. Feels better than anything else.” Even winning a world championship.
“Me too.”
Her eyes drifted closed as her grip on him tightened. She drew him close, burying her head in his neck as they rode wave after wave of intoxicating sensations. Bliss. Ecstasy. Heaven. That’s where she took him. But not before he took her there first.
When they were finally satiated, he reluctantly broke free and slipped out of bed to dispose of the condom. When he returned, she was lying on her back, facing away from him, the sheet pulled up under her arms.
His heart beat an unsteady rhythm, because even though he was no master at reading body language, hers spelled trouble. He climbed into bed behind her and pulled her close. He was intent on reassuring her with words and actions. Hell, he’d calm her fears any way he could.
“Hey,” he said, brushing her hair off her face. “You okay?”
She nodded but continued to stare out the open curtain framing her window.
“You want something to drink?”
“No, but help yourself if you’re thirsty.”
He was, but he was more interested in what she was thinking and feeling than quenching his thirst. He dropped a kiss on her shoulder when he couldn’t stand the silence any longer. “You gonna tell me what you’re thinking?”
“I always feel too much for you. I swore to myself I wasn’t going to get in too deep again, but I can’t do this,” she said, gesturing to her rumpled bed, “without feeling something. It’s just not possible.”
“You think it’s possible for me?” Since he’d been the one to break her heart the first time, he had to be the one to convince her this time would be different. That was his job. And he always took his job seriously. “It’s not. I’m falling for you too. Just as hard.”
She closed her eyes, but not before a tear trickled down her cheek.
He felt his heart clench. He never wanted to be the reason for her tears again. “Don’t cry, baby. We’ll figure this thing out.”
“How?” She sniffled. “It’s not possible. You know that, and so do I.”
Was he being totally unfair?, he wondered as he rolled onto his back. He covered his eyes with his forearm, trying to paint a picture of their future. It wouldn’t take shape. The colors and images were hazy. Even the profiles were blurred. He couldn’t imagine her in KC, where she knew no one and couldn’t find work. She wasn’t a personal trainer. She was a business owner. Sure, maybe she could get a job working behind a desk in some gym, but that would never be enough to challenge a woman like her. Gracie loved being the mastermind behind the growth of their business, and anything less would leave her feeling hollow.
Just like life without baseball would leave him feeling. Then he imagined his life for the last ten years, a life that consisted of the game and not her. That too left him feeling empty and scared. She was right. There was no easy answer, and the more time they spent together, doing what they’d just done, the harder it would be to say good-bye when the time came.
She rolled onto her side, facing him. “I know how much you hate waffling—”
“Yet it seems I’ve been doing little else since I came back to town.” He stole a glimpse at her. “At least where you’re concerned.”
“Then you’re having second thoughts too?”
“Second, third, and fourth,” he confirmed, sighing. “I want to be with you. But I sure as hell don’t want to hurt you again. And I don’t want to get hurt either.”
“And this,” she said, resting her hand on his chest, “only brings us closer.”
“Yeah, which means it’ll hurt even more when baseball tears us apart again.”
“I’m glad you get where I’m coming from.”
How could he not. The writing was on the wall. Stay the hell away from her.
“I want to find a way,” he said, rolling onto his side to stroke her face.
“I know you do.” Her smile was sad. “And if there was one, you would. But there isn’t.” She closed her eyes. “Ethan, if we’d stayed together, everything would be different now. I’d have built a life wherever you got a contract. I’d have finished college there. Started a business there. Made friends there. But I’m not a kid anymore. I’ve invested a lot of time and energy and money into the life I’ve built here.”
“I know you have.” And he could never ask her to leave it behind. That wouldn’t be fair.
He kissed her, letting her know she didn’t have to explain. He got it.
“But I’ll miss you too,” she said, brushing his hair off his damp forehead. “So much. It was hard enough letting you go before. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do it again.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Putting you through this. I should have kept my distance—”
“You couldn’t. Any more than I could. We’re like a magnet drawn to steel.” Her lips twisted up at the corner. “Impossible to keep the two apart. The force is too great.”
“It is.” He licked his lips as he focused on hers. “That’s why I’m thinking maybe I should sell my place here.” It was the last thing he wanted to do, but he couldn’t put her through this every off-season. Or worse, find her with someone else the next time he paid a visit.
“What?” She sat up, gripping the sheet that covered her. “You can’t do that! You love it here. This is your home too. Your family and friends are here. I can’t let you—”
“Sssh.” He covered her lips with his fingertips. “I could still see my family. Maybe we could just arrange not to be here at the same time. Bella mentioned something about you going to visit some friends from college a few times throughout the year. Maybe I could come back then. Or Bella and my parents could come visit me. I don’t know. We’d work something out.”
“But that’s not fair. You shouldn’t have to sell your home because of me.” Her shoulders slumped. “I’d feel terrible.”
“Don’t.” He brought her into his chest, knowing it was the last time he’d be able to hold her like that. “This isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I let it go too far. I should have known better.”
Chapter Eleven
“I can’t believe you’re selling this house,” Bella said, reaching for a throw pillow on the sofa and hugging it as she sat on the arm of a chair. “You love this place. Need I remind you it was the first house I ever designed?”
“Of course not.” Ethan knew how much this house meant to Bella. It meant a lot to him too. But he couldn’t keep it and rent it out—he’d be too tempted to come back. And coming back was definitely not an option. “If you love it so much, I’ll give it to you.” That would alleviate the temptation. As much as he loved his sister, he couldn’t share the same roof with her ever again.
“Thanks, but I have no intention of moving. I worked on my house for two years before I got it perfect, remember?”
“So it looks like I don’t have an option. Unless you think Mom and Dad would want it?”
“You know they’ll never move,” Bella said, rolling her eyes. “We were raised in that house. They say it has too many memories.”
He knew that because he’d offered to buy them a bigger, better house dozens of times and they’d always refused, claiming their little house was perfect for them.
“Then I guess that’s that,” he said, reaching for his cell. “I’ll call the realtor and get the ball rolling. I’d like to have this thing wrapped up before I head to spring training.”
“I don’t want to pry,” Bella said, flopping down beside him on the sofa, “but can you please tell me what the hell’s going on between you and Grace? Why’re you doing this?”
“It hurts too much being around her.” He smiled when she laid her head on his shoulder, just like she used to when they were kids watching movies on the couch. “Hurts me. Hurts her. I mean, given how I feel, knowing I can’t be with her, it’s just too damn hard.”
“And you don’t do hard, right?” She smirked at him. “You always take the easy way out?”
“Well, no, but this is different. If there was an answer, we’d have found it by now. She doesn’t want to live in KC, and I can’t live anywhere else. End of story.”
“You make it sound so cut-and-dried.”
“It is. It has to be.”
“Have you told her you plan to sell this place?” Bella asked, tossing the cushion she’d been clutching onto the chair next to her. “I know how much she’s always loved it. Maybe she’d want to buy it from you.”
“Are you crazy?”
“What?” she asked, shrugging. “The gym’s doing really well. She could probably afford it.”
Money wasn’t the object. Where Gracie was concerned, it never would be. He’d gladly give her the house, if not for one very important thing. “You really think I could handle that? Her getting married and raising her kids here? In my house?”
“Seems like you can’t have her, but you don’t want anyone else to have her either.”
It may not be fair, but it was true. He clenched his teeth. “I’m not going to apologize for being a jealous, possessive bastard. I always have been where she’s concerned. I’m going to hate every guy who comes after me, every guy she loves and every guy who loves her. But I’m going to despise the guy who gets to marry her. Just like I despised that goddamn optometrist who took her away from me.”
“He didn’t take her away. You gave her away.”
“Shut up.” He didn’t need to be reminded of his mistakes. He had to live with them every day.
“Look,” she said gently, leaning forward to look into his eyes, “I get how hard this is for you. For both of you. And I just want to help you find a way to—”
“You can’t.” He knew he was being a jerk to his sister, but the last thing he needed was someone trying to convince him to hold out hope when he already knew the truth. All hope was lost.
* * *
“You said you’d come to Vegas,” Bella reminded Grace over sushi later that night. “You can’t back out now.”
“What do you care?” Grace asked, reaching for her water glass. “You didn’t want us to come anyhow.”
“That was before.”
“Before what?”
“Things have been a little weird with Loran lately. I think I’d like someone there to act as… you know, a buffer.”
“Weird how?”
“Intense,” she said before taking a bite of her Dragon roll. “He’s been asking me questions about guys I go out with.” She wrinkled her nose. “Acting all jealous and possessive. You know me. That’s not cool.”
“So you’ve still been hooking up with other guys?” Grace was surprised, given their last conversation about Loran. She’d gotten the impression Bella was really into him.
“Just as friends.”
Bella had more male friends than any other woman Grace had ever known. Probably had something to do with her love of sports, beer, and a youth misspent in pool halls. “So when we say hooking up…?”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re worse than Loran. I’m talking about getting a beer, watching a game. Not getting busy.”
“If you say so.” Grace took a bite of her spicy scallop. “But he’s been grilling you about it?”
“Yeah, he has a hard time believing I have so many guy friends and most of them are just that—friends.” She reached for a paper napkin and wiped her mouth. “Just ‘cause he’s a man-whore doesn’t mean—”
“You think he is?” Grace asked, wondering if this could be the guy who broke her girl’s heart. “A man-whore?”
“From what I’ve heard.”
Grace couldn’t claim to be shocked, but a lot of people speculated about professional athletes’ sex lives and it turned out to be just that—speculation. “Your brother confirmed that?”
“Among other people.” She sank back in her chair. “And honestly? I don’t care. It’s not like I’m going to fall in love with the guy.”
“You sure about that? You kinda made it sound like he could be different. You said you really liked him.”
“Yeah well, I kinda changed my stance on that.”
“Why?”
She rai
sed a shoulder as she looked around the crowded restaurant. “I don’t need the hassle.”
“So you’ve been pulling back, playing hard to get?” Grace couldn’t fault her strategy. It must be working if Loran was getting all up in Bella’s business.
“I haven’t been playing at all. I’ve just been doing me. He likes it or he doesn’t.”
“And evidently he does.” She smiled. “Or he wouldn’t care what you do or who you do it with.”
“Enough about me,” Bella said, raising her hands. “I just want to hear you promise you guys will come to Vegas.”
“I can’t travel to Vegas with your brother!” Grace leaned in when the couple at the table beside them eyed her curiously. “You know we’re through. Not that we ever really got started.”
“You had sex with him twice,” she said, holding up two fingers as she grinned. “I’d say you got something started.”
“Aren’t you the one always telling me that sex is meaningless?”
“Not with you and E. With you two, it means something. Every time.”
“Yeah,” Grace said, sighing. “It means we’re too stupid to know better.”
“Maybe you’re too stupid to make it better.”
“Excuse me?” Grace was used to Bella’s straight-talk. She usually didn’t mind it, but Ethan was a sensitive subject and she wouldn’t hesitate to throw up a roadblock if she had to.
“You guys obviously want to be together.” Bella resumed biting her nail after the waitress cleared their plates. “I can’t help but think there must be an angle you haven’t considered. There has to be a way to make it work.”
“Honey,” Grace said, leaning over to swat Bella’s hand away from her mouth, “you know I’ll always love you like a sister, but you have to give up on this silly fantasy of us actually being sisters, ‘cause that’s not gonna happen.”
“It could,” she said sullenly as she crossed her arms. “You don’t know.”
“Trust me, I know.”
* * *
“You’re not going to believe this!” Grace wailed to Ash as she dropped her bag on the floor under the front desk. “Someone broke into my car last night.”
Down the Line (Sports Romance) Page 12