Untamed Winter

by Cassandra Lawson

  While she had good reasons for wanting to avoid taking a mate, she wasn’t sure Jase would agree with her. She’d never heard of anyone finding a second true mate, even if the first died. Shapeshifters sometimes found love after losing their true mate, and many even marked that mate. Still, they never had that same connection again. Many never found their true mate, so she could argue that Jase would be fine without her. The only problem she had with her logic was it was selfish to take the choice away from him. Before talking to Jase, she hadn’t felt the same guilt. He was much different from what she’d expected, and she found herself liking him after only a short interaction.

  In cougar form, Vexx was fighting her instinct to return to Jase. When his teeth had been on her, she’d practically purred at how good it felt—how right it felt. With her impending heat cycle making it hard to think, she was having trouble remembering all her reasons to avoid letting Jase claim her. She needed to talk to him and tell him the truth, but the idea terrified her. Fear was not something she was used to experiencing.

  Vexx shifted when she saw Winn by the creek. The water was cold at this time of year, but Winn still stood knee deep in the creek, looking up at the sky.

  “I’m surprised my father let you wander off like this,” she told Winn, laughing when the other female scowled at her. “Don’t look at me like that. My father is a little overprotective under normal circumstances. After your attack, I’m surprised he didn’t try to order you to take a guard with you everywhere. Then again, I get the impression you’re as good at taking orders as I am.”

  Winn smiled, and it looked more relaxed than earlier that day. “Something tells me I’ve never been very good at taking orders.”

  “Why are you in the creek?” Vexx asked. “It’s a little cold.” As a shifter, Vexx didn’t feel the cold as much as humans, but she still had little interest in playing in the icy creek water.

  “The water is soothing,” Winn explained. “For some reason, I feel connected to this creek. I also sensed something dark touched it recently, but I can’t figure out where. The water is trying to speak to me.”

  “Are your powers similar to water nymphs?” Vexx asked.

  Winn cocked her head to the side and thought for a moment. “I don’t think I’m familiar with the water nymphs. I know what they are, but I don’t understand their powers.”

  Vexx nodded. “It must be hard not remembering so much about your life. You’re going to think I sound crazy when I admit this, but I almost envy you. There is so much I wish I could forget.”

  Winn studied her curiously before moving out of the water. “I suppose losing your memory can be one way to run from your problems. Do you want to talk about the problems you’d like to run from?”

  “Only if you promise not to tell my father,” Vexx replied, knowing her father wouldn’t be happy about her situation with Jase. He’d be thrilled about Jase being her mate, but he’d be angry at her for trying to hide that fact from Jase. It was likely to end in one of his lectures involving the many reasons he should have beaten her as a child. It was a common theme when she made him angry. The first few decades, it had been funny. Now, the rant was more punishment than she imagined him beating her would be.

  “As long as it’s not putting you in danger,” Winn agreed.

  “It’s not,” Vexx assured her, knowing Jase wouldn’t hurt her, even if he did find out about her deception. With an internal sigh, she reminded herself that it wasn’t an if situation. Jase would find out about her deception.

  Winn nodded. “Then tell me what’s going on.”

  “I’ve found my mate,” Vexx began. “This is such a mess.”

  “But finding your mate is a good thing,” Winn argued.

  “How much do you know about witches?”

  “I remember a little about witches,” Winn replied. “You’re lucky you can shift with your mixed heritage, from what I understand.”

  “I’m like a mini-shifter,” she admitted. “I’m the size of a small cougar, not a shifter or even your average cougar.”

  “Not to be insulting, but you’re not very big in your human form either,” Winn reminded her.

  “I know,” Vexx grumbled. “That’s why it was so easy to convince my mate I’m still a child when he saw me. I’m actually smaller than my youngest sister, and she’s likely to grow more.”

  Winn looked confused. “How could he have mistaken you for a child?”

  Her question was valid since her scent would have given her away. “I can mask my scent,” she admitted.

  “Really?” Winn asked.

  “Yeah,” Vexx replied. “I do it to avoid males when I’m near my heat cycle or sometimes to hide from my father.”

  “I assume you’re worried about what will happen when your mate finds out you lied,” Winn deduced.

  “More worried about what my father will do,” Vexx admitted, making Winn laugh.

  “Sorry,” Winn said, trying to get her laughter under control. “It’s just funny thinking about you being afraid of your father.”

  “He’s mostly easygoing,” Vexx admitted. “The problem is that he’s also the leader of the clan, and he has to appear strong. My mate is the son of the lynx leader, and my lie will make my father look bad. He won’t want to punish me, but he’ll have to.”

  “So, you’re really more afraid of your father than your mate?” Winn asked skeptically.

  Vexx let out a sigh. “I’m just afraid in general. Jase might hate me for what I’ve done.”

  “Are you worried he’ll refuse to accept you as his mate because of this?” Winn asked.

  “Something tells me Jase will take me as his mate out of honor, even if he doesn’t want a half-breed. I shouldn’t be telling you any of this. My father will be mad at you for keeping it from him if he finds out. He probably won’t be shocked by my actions considering my history of bad decisions.”

  “Why not just tell your mate the truth?” Winn asked. “Maybe he’ll understand if you explain what happened.”

  “Neither of his brothers have shifter mates. Jase needs to find a strong shifter female. I’m not right for him,” she explained.

  “I still don’t understand your reasoning,” Winn admitted. “You’re able to shift, and you’re very strong. Why would you think you’re not the right mate for him?”

  “The lynx send their half-breeds away when they turn twenty-seven if they don’t shift,” she explained sadly. “With my witch genes, there is no telling if my off-spring will be able to shift. Usually, half-breeds who can shift have offspring who can shift, but that’s not always the case.”

  Winn nodded thoughtfully. “Things could always change by then. Besides, you don’t know how your mate will react to any of this.”

  Vexx sighed. “Even if that’s true, Jase still needs a full-shifter as a mate, not a mutt.”

  Winn laughed again, making Vexx frown.

  “You laugh at me a lot,” Vexx complained.

  “You don’t really have such little self-confidence that you see yourself as a mutt,” Winn told her.

  “No,” Vexx admitted. “Still, it’s what I think Jase will feel when he finds out.” She paused, considering her own words. “Until I said that, I hadn’t realized how much I fear being rejected by Jase. Maybe I’m avoiding telling him the truth because it’s safer for me to reject him before he hurts me.”

  “I’ve never met him.” Winn paused. “At least, I don’t remember meeting Jase. I guess it’s hard to tell when I have no memory. He might be like you believe, but if you just met him, how do you know?”

  Vexx sighed. “I don’t, but I’m not sure I want to take that chance. I could always ask my father to let me travel up north. His brother has a clan up that way, and I’m sure he’d let me stay with him if I asked. My father would probably agree, thinking it’s a good opportunity for me to meet more available males.”

  Winn’s only response was an arched eyebrow.

  Vexx laughed. “You’re right. T
hat idea doesn’t deserve a response. I have to tell Jase the truth.”

  “Yes, and the sooner the better,” Winn told her.

  “I’ll tell him after my heat cycle,” Vexx assured her. When it looked like Winn was going to argue, she added, “It will be better if he makes a decision without my heat cycle influencing him. I’ll have to stop masking my scent when I tell him the truth.”

  “I suppose you have a good point,” Winn admitted, not sounding completely convinced.

  Scenting the air, Vexx knew her father was coming. “My father is almost here, so I’m going to take off.”

  “Stay,” Winn coaxed. “Your father has no idea what happened, so there’s no reason to run.”

  “He has a way of figuring out when I’m trying to hide something,” Vexx pointed out.

  “Obviously not, since he hasn’t figured this out yet,” Winn argued.

  “That’s because I didn’t feel this guilty before.” Vexx hugged her quickly. “Thank you. I really am glad you’re here.”

  Not waiting for a reply from Winn, Vexx hurried away, knowing it was smart to avoid facing her father just yet. With her confusion after her encounter with Jase, she was afraid she’d let something slip. Her father definitely wouldn’t be so understanding about her reasons for delaying telling Jase the truth.

  Chapter Twenty

  Cord looked really angry when he stalked toward her.

  “Didn’t I tell you to stay near my clan’s homes?” he demanded.

  “Is this really how you want to apologize for earlier?” Winn asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “I already apologized,” he reminded her. “As for you, you agreed to stay safe.”

  “I am safe,” she argued. “We’re still on your land, and there are plenty of cougars nearby.”

  Cord opened his mouth to argue and then closed it before letting out a sigh. It was then that she realized his anger was with the danger to her. “You were seriously injured, and you could have been killed.”

  “And you saved me,” she reminded him.

  “What if I’m not there next time?” he asked, sounding almost helpless. Even without her memory, she was sure he was a strong leader who rarely worried he couldn’t handle any situation. In this case, he was being more cautious with her safety than he needed to be, but she suspected his emotions regarding her having disappeared from his life for so long were also playing into it.

  Winn moved toward him, wrapping her arms around his waist and breathing in his scent. Having a mate was a new experience. Feeling anything for anyone was strange and unfamiliar. It was about more than just her memory loss. She suspected it had been a long time since she’d felt anything. There had only been. . . “Quinn,” she breathed out.

  Cord jerked back in surprise. “What about her?”

  “I know her,” Winn explained. “You know her, too, based on your reaction.”

  Cord started to pull away, but then he stopped himself. “This is a huge fucking mess.”

  “Part of my memory coming back is a huge mess?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

  Cord laughed. “Not that. It’s just that I want to keep you away from all things vampire at the moment, and I’m worried you’re going to want to see Quinn.”

  “I don’t remember anything about vampires,” she remarked. “Is Quinn a vampire?”

  “Quinn is part mage and part shifter, like you. She only recently developed ties to the vampires,” he explained. “She’s actually living among them, and while I consider the leader of the local vampire settlement an ally, I’d still rather not have you see him just yet.”

  “Why do I need to avoid the vampires if they’re your allies?” she asked.

  “Vampires are somehow involved in your attack—not my allies,” he added. “I’m not worried the local vampires will try to hurt you, but I have a feeling I’ll butt heads with the leader of the local settlement on how best to protect you.”

  Winn nodded, considering what he’d said. “I want to meet Quinn, when it can be safely arranged. I feel a strong connection to her, and I’m sure she’s very important to me.”

  “That’s strange since, to the best of my knowledge, you’ve only met once,” Cord remarked.

  Winn thought for a moment before responding. “I’m certain she’s the reason I’ve stayed in this area. I should have left, but I couldn’t leave Quinn.”

  Cord flinched, before laughing at his own reaction. “I can’t believe I’m jealous of Quinn.”

  “My relationship with her is much different from my relationship with you,” she told him.

  Cord chuckled, snaking an arm around her waist to pull her close. “I know how ridiculous my jealousy is, but I can’t help it.”

  “How do I know Quinn?” she asked. “You said I only met her once, but how did I meet her?”

  “I don’t know all the details,” he admitted. “You saved her life. You are a very powerful female, Winn.”

  “I don’t feel powerful,” she told him, sighing against his chest.

  “Give yourself time,” he soothed. “I’m sure you’ll be back to your old self soon.”

  “I hope not,” she uttered softly.

  Cord pulled back some to meet her eyes. “Why don’t you want to be back to your old self?”

  Winn opened her mouth to speak but closed it, not sure how to describe her feelings. There was something in her memories she didn’t want to face. The brief flashes she got of her memories all involved longing and loneliness. “I don’t want to lose what I have.”

  Cord brushed his lips against hers, making her shudder with need. “You won’t lose any of this. Now that you’ve accepted me as your mate, I’ll fight to keep you, even if it’s you I have to fight.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Winn’s smile was genuine and beautiful, so much so that it took Cord’s breath away. Letting her go a second time had never been an option. Now that she had accepted his mark, he would do whatever it took to keep her with him.

  “Something tells me I don’t like arrogant males,” she remarked, trying to look serious.

  Cord let out a startled bark of laughter. “Sorry, but I find that hard to believe. I’ve always been arrogant, and you seemed to like me just fine even before you lost your memory.”

  Winn echoed his laugh. “I suppose you’re right. I still don’t think I should like arrogant males.”

  “You’re part shapeshifter,” he reminded her. “Shifter females love arrogant males.”

  Winn snorted. “I seriously doubt that.”

  “Then why do you think they put up with it?” he asked.

  “Pity,” she replied with a straight face. “They pity you poor males who can’t seem to control your stupidity.”

  Cord laughed harder than he’d laughed in longer than he could remember. “I really should not be amused by my mate insulting me, but you are something else when you’re giving me attitude. I normally don’t like females with attitude.”

  Winn snorted again. “I might believe that if I hadn’t already met one of your daughters. Am I wrong in assuming they are all spirited?”

  “Spirited?” Cord chuckled at the word. “That’s one way to describe them. Yes, my daughters are all forces to be reckoned with. Vexx is the biggest pain in the ass, but not one of them is ever going to be a docile female. My kittens can take care of themselves.” He always felt a great swelling of pride when he thought about his daughters’ strength. “Fine, I like strong females. You are no exception.”

  “And I seem to like arrogant males,” she admitted. “At least, I like one arrogant male.”

  Cord pulled away from her slightly while holding on to one of her hands, needing to keep touching her, but worried he’d end up ripping off her clothes if he didn’t put some distance between them. “What were you doing out here? Before Vexx came by.” He enjoyed the surprise in her eyes. “Yes, I knew you were with Vexx. She’s good at masking her scent, but she has a harder time in cougar form.”

 
; Winn shrugged, and he got the impression she wasn’t going to tell him about her conversation with Vexx. “We were just talking,” she replied.

  “I’m glad you and Vexx are getting along,” he told her. “She lost her mother a long time ago, unlike my other daughters. My youngest is still with her mother most of the time, and the others are close to theirs.”

  “How old was Vexx when she lost her mother?” Winn asked.

  “Fourteen,” Cord replied, thinking of the fiery witch who’d held his heart for several decades. “She was only with us part of the time, never really fitting in with the shifter way of life, but Vexx was very close to her. Vexx’s mother could be childish at times. It was hard for her to be responsible for long without heading out on some reckless adventure.”

  “You loved her, too,” Winn said, and it wasn’t a question.

  “I did,” Cord agreed. “At first, I loved her with an all-consuming passion, but that faded into a more platonic love. She was a good female, and Vexx would have benefited from having her in her life longer. Something has been bothering Vexx lately, and I hope she’s talking to you about it.”

  Winn looked away. “Are you trying to get me to tell you what we talked about?”

  “As long as Vexx isn’t in any danger, I don’t need to know,” he assured her. “Now, tell me what you were doing out here.”

  “At first, I simply wanted to be close to the water, but something was off. It felt as if something dark had touched the creek,” she admitted. “I wanted to find out what it was.”

  Cord was intrigued and worried. “What do you mean you wanted to find out what it was? Were you planning to hunt down whatever darkness you sensed?”

  She shook her head. “I was trying to get in touch with the elements of nature to see if I could find the source. All I was doing was standing in the creek. I’m not foolish enough to believe I can go out and fight some unknown enemy.”

  Cord relaxed. “Sorry for making it sound like I think you’re foolish.”