Chapter Seventy-Two
As soon as Max pulls onto the drive, Maddy eases Sam out of his seat. She holds him tightly and runs indoors. As quickly as she can, she strips the clothes off his hot little body, lays him on a towel in her lap and sponges him down with tepid water.
‘We’d better get him to the doctors.’ Max looks at his watch. ‘The surgery should be open.’
Maddy ignores him. ‘Hold him for me,’ she says. Max sits on the side of the bath with Sam on his knees, facing him. Maddy wets a sponge under cool water and dabs the pink skin on his back, drawing out the heat. ‘He’ll be fine as soon as I get this temperature down.’ She repeats the process while Max chatters to him in a silly voice. Soon, Sam stops grizzling.
‘That was almost a smile,’ Max says.
‘You see, he’s feeling better already.’
‘He’s still burning up. We ought to get him checked out.’
‘He’s staying here with me.’
‘What about this rash? What if it’s…’
Neither of them can say meningitis but she knows they’re both thinking it. She wipes her forehead. He’s going to be fine. She will not lose another child.
She turns back to the sink and glances in the mirror. Her mother tells her not to give up, that Sam will be fine. Behind her Max has laid Sam across his lap and is taking off his nappy. She spins round. ‘Don’t do that?’ she yells.
‘He needs changing and it’s keeping in the heat.’
‘I’ll do it.’ She tries to take Sam from him but Max has already undone the tabs and the heavy nappy falls to the floor. There is a tiny crescent-shaped mark the size of a five pence piece on Sam’s lower back. Maddy’s eyes lock with Max’s. Before she can do anything, he’s turned Sam around.
‘Maddy?’
For a long second she watches him digesting what he’s seen. Her hand grips the sponge. Barely a drop of water left in it.
‘This is unusual, isn’t it?’ he asks, swallowing hard.
Maddy blinks.
‘I mean it’s like the one they showed on the news – on baby Charlie.’
‘Is it? You’re the father of both of them. There are bound to be similarities.’ She opens her hand and the sponge springs back to life.
‘I suppose so.’ He frowns and lays Sam across his legs and puts a clean nappy on him, but Sam’s body becomes floppy.
‘What’s wrong with him?’ Maddy sobs.
‘Call the doctor,’ Max says in a quiet voice.
‘We can’t,’ she screams.
‘Maddy – now!’
She doesn’t move, her eyes fixed on Sam.
‘Please!’ he shouts.
Sam’s neck and limbs hang loose.
Max gently passes him to her and he dashes into the bedroom. She catches sight of her mother’s flushed face in the mirror. She is crying.
Sam is quiet in Maddy’s arms when Max comes back in.
‘They said Dr Carey has just finished another call nearby, so he’s on his way here now.’
In a matter of minutes there is a loud rap at the door.
Max answers it and races back upstairs, followed by the doctor.
‘You were lucky to catch me,’ Dr Carey says, taking out his stethoscope.
Max describes what’s happened. The doctor shines a light in Sam’s eyes. He checks his neck and breathing. The rash has calmed down.
‘It’s probably a virus,’ Dr Carey tells them. His left eye twitches every time he speaks.
‘Thank God. I thought it was… worse.’ Max wipes his face on his sleeve.
‘Give him Calpol and keep sponging him down. These things often go as quickly as they come. Always worth getting it checked out though.’
Maddy nods.
‘I didn’t know you’d had your baby already, Mrs Saunders. When was he born?’
‘Saturday.’ She steals a glance at Max. His face has darkened.
‘I see. I must be thinking of another patient.’
Her eyes fix in a stare. She nods.
‘He’s a fine weight, considering. Are you feeling well in yourself? You look exhausted if you don’t mind me saying. Do come and see me if you need anything and when you’re ready to discuss contraception. Don’t leave it too long.’ Max shows him out. She can hear them whispering.
When the doctor has gone, Maddy gives Sam some medicine and takes him into their bedroom. Max follows in silence. Once she’s rocked Sam to sleep, she lays him in his crib and covers him with a cotton sheet. Max lies next to her on the bed. She tries to hold his hand, but his arms are rigid and he pulls away. He shuts his eyes. Soon her eyes close too.
In her grave of sleep, a worm of sound burrows in her ear. A soft rustling at first. Then, click. She forces one eye open by a hair’s breadth. Lying on her side, all she can see through the little crack is the empty space next to her. The rustling starts again and seems to be coming from behind her. The room falls silent once more. Too quiet. She tries to move again, but sleep paralyses her. Another soft click. An unmistakable slam of a car door. At last her eyes flick open, released from a catch. The engine fires up and tyres crunch over thousands of tiny stones to the smoothness of the road. She rolls towards the empty cot and a scream erupts from her throat.
She leaps out of bed and runs downstairs. Max’s jacket and the baby’s changing bag have gone. She grabs her mobile phone and quickly slips on a pair of trainers. Her mother’s voice is loud and clear: He’s betrayed you again. She runs next door to Sarah’s house and bangs hard on the buzzer until the door opens.
‘Maddy, what’s wrong?’ Sarah puts her hands out to her, but Maddy can’t stand still, turning this way and that.
‘He’s taken Sam, can you pick Emily up from school today?’
‘Slow down a second, what are you talking about? Who’s taken Sam?’
‘Max has.’
‘What, he’s alive?’
‘He turned up last night and now he’s trying to give my baby to someone else, because he’s been lying to me about where he’s been, and I can’t trust him and I need to have Sam back with me in my arms, because I can’t lose another child, I can’t.’ She starts shaking and Sarah comes forward and holds her arms, rubbing them up and down.
‘Hey, it’ll be all right. Slow down a second. Why would Max give your baby to someone else? Surely he’s just taken him out and he’ll bring him back soon?’
‘No, he won’t, you don’t understand. I need to go after him now.’ Maddy pulls away from her and opens the car door.
‘You’re not making any sense. Are you sure you’re okay?’ Sarah grabs her keys. ‘Let me come with you.’
‘No, I have to do this, and I need you to be here for Emily.’ Maddy climbs in the driver’s seat.
‘You’re sure about this? You don’t seem yourself, will you be all right?’
Maddy starts the engine. She bites her lip. ‘You’ll look after Emily for me, won’t you?’
‘Of course.’
* * *
Maddy heads straight to Cambridgeshire. There can only be one place Max is taking him. Why doesn’t he understand that Sam is her baby? She glances up at the rear-view mirror where her mother is smiling her approval.
The voice on the radio says that snow is forecast. The moon’s frozen face hangs in the pale blue sky. Silver trees laden with frost line the A1. Everything sparkles in the low sun. It’s as though she is entering another land. Her foot presses harder on the accelerator. There is no sign of him up ahead. She needs to get her baby back before he gives him away.
Maddy doesn’t remember driving to Lawn End. The last thing she remembers is the light dancing on the trees. When she arrives it feels as though she was at home only moments ago. The thin moon is high amongst the grey clouds. She stops at the end of the road, more from habit than anything else and it takes her a moment to realise that Max’s car isn’t there. Her breathing quickens. How has he not arrived yet? A rising dread snakes from her stomach to her throat. She grips her neck.
Has she made a mistake, has he taken Sam somewhere else? Where can they have got to? Her mind flashes images of Max’s car overturned and on fire, Sam screaming trapped in the back. It quickly morphs into Max’s grinning face, driving far away where she’ll never find them.
Her pulse won’t stop racing. Should she knock on the door? Wait for the sign, her mother’s voice tells her. She turns the car around, and parks opposite the entrance to Lawn End, by the hairdressers, tucking her car behind another. From here she can see if Max does turn up, but he won’t see her.
Fifteen minutes tick by. A Volvo drives slowly past. Her eyes fix on the number plate, CPN 999. Time seems to pause. It’s clearly the sign she’s been waiting for: CALL POLICE NOW 999. She picks up her mobile. Her thumb hits the number nine three times. ‘Please help me, my baby has been stolen.’
Chapter Seventy-Three
It’s not long before Max appears, hurtling around the corner. Without a second thought, Maddy jumps out of her car and runs down the street after him. He’s unstrapping Sam from his seat when she reaches them and, as he lifts Sam under his sleep-suited arms, she tries pulling him to her.
‘Maddy, no, please.’ Max swings Sam away from her and bangs on the door, calling out to Alison.
‘But he’s my baby.’ Maddy’s heart pushes into her throat. She reaches for him again. Max dodges her, moving around the side of the car. Sam’s almost close enough for her to kiss his sweet-smelling skin.
Alison runs out of the house crying, ‘Charlie!’ Jamie follows holding a TV remote ready to zap her but smiles when he sees the baby. Max lays Sam in Alison’s arms and she sobs into his downy hair as she takes him into the house.
A trickle of lava runs through Maddy’s veins. Sam is your baby, take him back, her mother’s voice instructs her. Where are the police? They need to come and save him. She pushes past Max, into the house. ‘I want my baby,’ she whimpers but Max holds her arms, keeping her away.
A rumble of thunder cracks open the sky followed by a sudden deluge of rain. Max shuts the front door and tells Maddy to wait there, but she doesn’t want to and she wonders if the storm is inside her, too, because she can feel it building. Jamie is in the living room she has come to know so well. He steals a glance at her over his shoulder then flicks from one channel to the next, the volume rising, louder and louder so it hurts Maddy’s ears. She wants to hold Sam so much, kiss his flushed cheeks. When are they going to give him back to her? A flash of lightning illuminates his startled face. Alison sits on the sofa holding him, kissing his cheeks, his hair, his hands, but he wants to be with Maddy, she can sense he wants his mummy. Alison descends into noisy heaving sobs, clutching Sam so tightly that Max gently loosens her grip, whispering to her as he does. When Sam roots around her chest for milk, she lifts her top up and after a few false starts, she breast-feeds him, rocking back and forth.
A crescendo of rain wipes out all other noise. Maddy imagines standing outside soaked to the skin, screaming to be heard, watching Max through the glass, in this other life of his. She relives the moment she first saw inside this house. The shock of seeing the same wallpaper and stair carpet as theirs. Max’s face beaming out from photos with his secret family.
Maddy’s head clouds over. She steps back and leans against the front door, her eyes half closed. Max is standing near, watching her. Why doesn’t he speak? She longs to hold her baby, smell the warmth of his clean skin, hear his snuffling breathing sounds.
Alison looks up as though it’s the first time she’s noticed anyone else there. She stands, jigging Sam up and down on her hip, her face red and puffy. ‘What’s she doing here?’
‘Come on, Maddy, let’s go.’ Max touches her shoulder.
‘You know her?’ Alison is incredulous.
‘Look, this is all a horrible mistake,’ Max says.
‘What do you mean?’
‘She’s not well.’
‘Did she take Charlie?’
Their voices warp in Maddy’s head. She sways like a repelling magnet.
‘He’s my baby!’ Maddy screams and lurches forward, but Max grabs her arms.
The rain stops as suddenly as it started. A door slams at the back of the house.
‘What the fuck is going on?’ A man stomps into the hall, wearing combat trousers, Doc Martens, and a tiger tattoo on his forearm.
‘What’s he doing here?’ Max yells.
‘She took my baby!’ Alison points at her.
‘Did she now.’ The man flares his nostrils.
‘What have I ever done to deserve this?’ Alison yells at Max.
Maddy can’t look at the scarlet blotches on Alison’s face, the blood pumping through the veins in her neck.
The man muscles towards her.
‘Max!’ Maddy cries out. Max steps between them so he’s face to face with the man.
‘What did she call you?’ Alison asks.
‘Get out of my way,’ the man snarls at Max.
‘Give my baby back,’ Maddy cries out.
Max turns to Maddy and tips up her chin so she has to look in his eyes. If only she could hate him.
‘This isn’t your baby,’ he says gently. ‘Alison’s baby has a birthmark on his back.’
‘He’s mine,’ Maddy whimpers and reaches out for Sam.
‘Get her away from me!’ Alison moves backwards clutching the baby to her chest. ‘I remember you.’ She jigs him up and down, pointing at Maddy. ‘It was you in the hospital, wasn’t it?’
‘Will you shut up for one minute?’ Max yells.
‘Watch it,’ the man says.
‘Was it you coming into the house too?’ Alison asks.
‘I’m sorry.’ Maddy’s voice is barely audible.
‘Don’t you think I deserve an explanation?’ Alison cries. ‘I’ve been out of my mind and she stands there saying nothing.’
‘What is wrong with her?’ The man pulls a face.
‘Maddy, are you okay?’ Max touches her forehead.
‘Why doesn’t she speak?’
Every sound is muffled, as though her ears are blocked with water. A wave of exhaustion crashes over her, dragging her under. Her eyes want to close but she forces them open.
‘So, are you going to tell me how you know her?’ Alison asks.
‘Shut up,’ Max yells.
He turns to Maddy, gripping her arms now, pinching the flesh away from her bones. ‘You need to tell me where our baby is, Maddy. Do you hear me?’ He shakes her and her head sways back and forth, clicking and crunching, her eyes opening and shutting like a doll.
The baby is crying again. The sound seems to inhabit the whole house, reverberating like a tight violin string. She aches to hold her baby boy. A kaleidoscope of images spins in her head. A telephone ringing and Emily face down in the bath water. Chloe singing to an audience and finding her dead. The faces of her father, mother and Lisa, the identical wallpaper and the photo of Max with another family. Seeing Alison pregnant and picturing Max falling from a bridge and her baby not kicking, all going around and around and around.
She sinks to her knees, rocking her empty cradling arms. ‘He stopped moving and kicking and they said he was dead inside me and I don’t know why I was carrying a dead baby, is that what I deserved? And they made me take a pill to get rid of him and there was so much blood for days and I waited for you to come home to tell you, but you were missing and I needed to tell my husband first, but I thought you died falling from a bridge and I just needed to tell you that I’d called him Sam and that it wasn’t our fault; the doctors said it wasn’t my fault. But Sam was in the hospital cot waiting for me and it was Chloe who brought him back for us as a gift.’
‘I’m so sorry our baby died and I wasn’t there.’ Max crouches in front of her.
‘What the fuck are you telling me here?’ Alison pulls at Max’s arm.
‘Shut up,’ Max snarls, yanking away from her.
‘Who is this woman?’ Alison’s accusing blister-red face is more than Maddy can st
and.
‘I’m his wife,’ Maddy yells.
‘You fucking bastard!’ Alison thumps Max in the back.
Maddy tries to grab Sam, but Alison twists away and elbows her in the face.
‘I’ve got to save my boy.’ Maddy lunges again, but Alison is too quick, turning away and kicking out behind her.
‘See, he never changed, he’s not worth your breath.’ The man muscles forward and head-butts Max square on the forehead.
‘Fuck off, Ray, if it wasn’t for you and your scum of a father lying to me…’ Blood drips down Max’s face. As Ray turns away, Max surprises him with an uppercut that sends him crashing backwards. Alison screams. The sound of a siren approaching fills the air.
‘We were just trying to protect Ali from your lies.’ Ray holds his jaw, giving Alison a sideways glance.
Maddy’s cold on the floor. Her head is a fug. She cannot keep her eyes open any longer. Max is above her calling her name. The siren grows louder and louder. She is sinking. Noises fade away and she is floating.
Her mum stands before her in a bright halo of light with Chloe. Maddy reaches up and takes Chloe’s outstretched hand. Everything blurs at the edges and folds into black.
Chapter Seventy-Four
Max: May 2020
There isn’t a cloud in the sky and there’s little shelter from the heat. Max is wearing flip-flops, shorts and Maddy’s white straw hat. He carries a basket on his arm as he shuffles across the lawn. He stops and takes a breath and waits for the pain to pass. His leg’s playing him up something rotten today. Doctor says he should use a stick to get about, but he’s not ready for that.
Emily is stretched out on the sunlounger reading a book, her skin is already a fair bronze. Max chucks a rolled-up towel on the grass and kneels too heavily making himself wince. He’s constructed a Moon Garden next to the black garden. He hopes Maddy will like it. There are a million things he wants to say to her. Every night he lies in bed with imaginary conversations playing out in his mind. Sorry will never be enough.
Every Little Secret Page 28