by Lila Rose
Out Gamed
Lila Rose
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
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Out Gamed Copyright © 2019 by Lila Rose
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Cover Design: Letitia Hasser
Cover Photograph: Wander Aguiar
Editing: Hot Tree Editing
Interior Design: Rogena Mitchell-Jones
All rights reserved. No part of this eBook may be used or reproduced in any written, electronic, recorded, or photocopied format without the permission from the author as allowed under the terms and conditions with which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution, circulation or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly. Thank you for respecting the work of this author.
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Out Gamed is a work of fiction. All names, characters, events and places found in this book are either from the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any similarity to persons live or dead, actual events, locations, or organizations is entirely coincidental and not intended by the author.
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First Edition
Chapter One
Nancy
Throughout my fifty-five years, I’d experienced a lot. Some moments had been so great I couldn’t have been happier than at those times, because I’d been surrounded by a lot of love. My children were my life. If they weren’t happy or content, I couldn’t settle until they were. I didn’t realise how much of my love, my life, or my happiness also depended on Richard.
When I lost him, a whole chunk of myself ripped free from my body and died along with him. My heart and soul would never be the same. Ever. He was the man of my dreams, the man I couldn’t see my life without, and yet, there I was, in the world without him. After three years of losing him, somehow, I still survived.
Only I did it each day with pain in my existence.
No one, not my daughters, son, or sons-in-law, knew I’d wished for death. I’d prayed for it because I didn’t think I could live on without him. I’d yearned for death every waking moment for a long time hoping to see his face, hear his voice, or touch his warm skin once more.
Only God had another wish for me. There must have been some reason he wanted me to stick around. I just didn’t know for sure what it was. It could possibly be for my grandchildren. I also realised, though, ending my life would have been selfish. It would have hurt so many I would never want to upset in any way.
So, with my grandkids as my only focus, they became a new light in my life.
Ones that lifted me up and kept me going after I’d been weak, hurting, and suffering. I hadn’t been able to stop crying unless they were around. I hadn’t been able to stop aching and feeling hollow unless they were there.
Though I’d been better in the last year, I couldn’t stop the dull ache of not having my Richard with me. He was the man I’d love for the rest of my life. So, while we celebrated birthdays, weddings, and every special occasion, I’d keep loving him each and every day.
Not letting anyone take his place.
I’d endure each passing day without him in it and cherish the dreams I shared with him most nights.
It was the other nights I didn’t care for.
The nights that had me waking and feeling so empty.
Those nights were the ones where I dreamed of losing Richard over again.
While I stood surrounded by friends and family, I couldn’t help but think of the dream from the previous night.
As I sat on the couch, I looked over at my handsome husband, who a lot of the times drove me crazy, but I still loved him. I winked at him when he glanced my way before asking, “Are you ready for bed, honey?”
“Always ready when you ask like that.” He grinned. Even though I knew we wouldn’t be making love that night since Richard hadn’t been feeling well all day, I still liked to go to bed with him at my side, and he knew it. I grabbed the remote, turned off the TV, and stood from the couch. Richard groaned as he straightened from his chair. He took my hand as I went to pass, and stopped me, turning me into him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and smiled up at him as his palms slid up my arms to my shoulders.
“Have I told you lately how damn lucky I am to have you in my life? To have you agree to be my wife and have our kids? Even when I’m ready to throttle you a lot of the time, I wouldn’t change anything in our lives.”
My eyes warmed as I teased, “I can’t exactly remember me agreeing to be your wife, more the fact you had got me knocked up with Zara.”
“It was my plan all along.”
I laughed. “Sure it was.” When I was nineteen and found out I was pregnant, it had been a shock, especially since Richard and I hadn’t been dating long, but he was right. I wouldn’t change any of it. Sobering, I said, “What’s brought all this on?”
He shrugged. “I was thinking about us and how gifted we’ve been in our lives. I don’t think I tell you enough I love you.”
I smiled softly. “You tell me nearly every day, but I can always use more.” Reaching up, I pressed my lips against his. “Love you forever and always, my Richie Rich.”
“Of course you will. You’ll—” His hands dropped to his chest, his eyes widening. “Nance,” he groaned.
Shards of my heart broke off and swept throughout my body, slicing me over and over. I gripped his arms and cried, “No, Richard, no!” Being a nurse, I knew the signs. My experience kicked in, and somehow through my fear, I managed to get him sitting, check his vitals, and call an ambulance. In that time, Richard had not one, but two heart attacks.
Panic sliced through me, threatening to take me to the ground and give up. But I couldn’t. He needed me. He had to be okay. The thought of him not surviving this…. It killed me to even think that.
In the ambulance on the way to the hospital, I rang Zara and Mattie. They were going to get to the hospital as soon as they could, and also call our foster daughter, Josie, in Melbourne. Somehow, I managed to keep it together through the calls, but when I hung up and looked down at Richard, my eyes welled. Despite the oxygen mask, his breathing was still shallow. Fear spiked in my veins and clawed at my chest. I shook my head again and again. This can’t be happening. His hand came out towards me, and I took it as a sob caught in my throat. Bending, I tightened both hands around his one, and rested my head on his shoulder.
“Don’t leave me,” I begged, my voice catching. “Please, don’t leave me.”
“Love you, Nance,” I heard whispered behind his mask.
I shook my head against his shoulder. “Don’t,” I pleaded. “Don’t,” I cried.
“Nance, love you always and forever.”
“Always and forever,” I murmured into his ear, my voice clogged with emotions while my stomach churned in turmoil.
Within moments of arriving, he was rushed into testing, but the news wasn’t good. They gave him until morning.
Morning.
How was I supposed to deal with news like that?
I couldn’t. I didn’t want to, but I had to. For Richard and for our children.
A hand on my arm dragged me from my thoughts. “Nancy, are you all right?”
I smiled shakily at Ivy. She was a good friend to my daughter Zara. I knew she noticed my smile wasn’t fully
there when her brows pinched.
I kept at it and reached for her hand. I nodded. “I’m fine.” It was then I noticed deep sea-blue eyes staring at me. It was one of the Hawks brothers—the club my son-in-law Talon was president of—leaning against the door frame at the entrance of the hall to the living room of Easton’s home. Shock at his attention had my lips thinning. Then I snorted to myself and glanced behind me to see where his attention really sat. No one stood there. Worried, I nibbled my bottom lip. Perhaps I had something on my face, but surely Ivy would have pointed it out.
When the front door opened to Easton’s house, it drew my attention away from the biker with the intense stare and nice, but naughty half smile.
Ivy sucked in a sharp breath. “Oh my,” she muttered.
Oh my, indeed. Easton was damn hot. It was the first time we’d set eyes on the man. We’d arrived en masse to meet him for the first time because he was a part of Lan’s life—Lan being a friend to us all and the Hawks MC.
I heard the back door open and saw Lan there, his eyes only for Easton. He walked right up to him, since Easton looked about ready to run. Not that I could blame him; there were a lot of us there to meet him. Lan leaned in and kissed him, the move natural and sweet. When they whispered to each other, I smiled broadly; they looked wonderful together.
Honestly, I couldn’t have been prouder of the people around me. Since Talon had claimed Zara as his woman, then his wife, our lives had become richer with so many amazing people. The men in Talon’s club were rough and gruff, but they all had big hearts, and it showed by the way they supported one another.
“Come on,” Deanna, Zara’s best friend, called. “Enough monopolising his time. You can have him later.”
Lan ignored her for a moment more and muttered something to Easton, who grinned and replied with a chuckle, “I’ll be fine.”
“All right,” we all heard Lan say before he nodded and turned to stand beside his guy. “Everyone, this is Easton. Easton, everyone… who I’m sure will introduce themselves. Don’t scare him off. I want him to stay long-term.”
“OMG, that is the cutest thing to say ever,” my son-in-law Julian cooed. People laughed, and I was one of them. Julian was a beautiful, extraordinary man, and I couldn’t have been happier when our son, Matthew, told us he was in love with Julian. I knew it would stick and they’d last the distance, and they had. Now married, they also had their own daughter, my grandbaby Aelia, thanks to the help from Zara.
Lan took the ice from Easton’s friend Oliver, who we’d met earlier, then kissed Easton one last time before he headed for the back door.
“Hey.” Zara smiled. “I know you won’t remember all of our names, but I’d like to try and introduce you to those around here.”
Easton smiled warmly and nodded. “I’d like that.”
“Great. I’m Zara. Talon is outside with all the guys. He’s the president of all Hawks chapters. I’ll introduce you to him later. My tribe consists of Cody, who’s outside with the men, Maya, Drake, and Ruby.” She pointed to my grandchildren, all of them good—sometimes cheeky—but sweet and thoughtful kids. “Next to me is Deanna. Her two are Swan and Nicholas. That’s Ivy, who’s a couple of months pregnant. Same as Mally, who I’ve been told you already know.” Easton nodded and waved at the already smiling and waving Mally, Lan’s cousin’s wife. Zara went on, “Clary, with her bundle of joy playing on the floor is Logan. My mum, Nancy.”
Not being able to help myself, I stepped up and said, “You’re damn handsome, young man. Are you sure you bat for the other team?”
Easton snorted through a laugh. “Yes.”
“I don’t,” was called out. I, along with everyone else, turned to the only biker guy left in the room. He still stood leaning, with his huge arms crossed, against the hallway door frame. His voice was deep, yet playful.
Confused, I dropped my brows and asked, “Don’t what?”
“Bat for the other team.” He winked, and I tensed. “Just thought you should know.”
My cheeks blazed with heat. Why would he think I would want to know that? The room fell silent. Not even the children made a peep.
He couldn’t be… flirting with me, could he? That would be ridiculous and annoying and… I didn’t know right then, but I felt peeved by it. I glared over at him and told him some truths. “I’m old enough to be your mother. It’s okay for me to mess about, but it’s another story for young men to play people.”
He smirked his full lips, shook his head of dark buzzed-cut hair, and straightened. “Darlin’, I ain’t messin’, and age is just a number.” With that, he walked out of the room, and I followed him with my eyes, shocked by his words.
“Age is just a number.” Pfft, please.
He “ain’t messing.” Yes, sure I believe that.
“Nancy, I think he was just coming onto you,” Julian said, sounding serious.
I scoffed, still glaring in the man’s direction. Finally, I said, “Don’t be stupid, Julian.”
“He’s not, Nance,” Deanna offered; she also sounded serious.
I shook my head and turned back to everyone. “It doesn’t matter if he was or wasn’t. Richard was the love of my life, and no one could replace him.”
“Doesn’t mean you can’t be happy,” Zara said quietly.
I studied my daughter. My eyes softened knowing my girl wanted me happy. “I am happy, baby,” I told her, smiling. Knowing it wasn’t a full one, I hid behind humour and added, “Besides, I have the super-powered vibrator Julian got me.”
“You got my mother a vibrator?” Mattie, my son, bellowed. He held his little girl in his arms. She looked up at him and giggled, slapping him in the cheek.
“Now, poppet,” Julian cooed. “I love you, but our mumma bear has got to have some—”
Dear God.
“Julian! Mattie!” I cried and threw my hands in the air when I glanced out back and saw men looking in from the outbursts. “Great,” I snapped. “Let’s share that with everyone in the world, my sons.”
Mattie held his free hand to his stomach, as if he felt ill talking about my pleasure. It was kind of funny. “This is why I stay outside,” he said as he handed Aeila off to Julian, and stomped his way out the back.
“Mum, what’s a vibrator?” Maya, Zara’s eldest daughter, asked. A moment later, Maya’s lips twitched. The cheeky girl was messing with her mother. It was perfect. I turned to hide my smile and rearrange my expression before I spun back.
“Yeah, Low. I want to know, too,” Rommy asked. Rommy and her brother Texas were Dodge’s niece and nephew. Not that they got treated that way. After their mother had died, Dodge took them in, even when Low and Dodge’s relationship had been so new, and now they brought the kids up as if they were their own.
Hawks men were big-hearted saviours.
Except for the one who’d just left.
He looked shifty because, seriously, why would he say that to me in the first place?
Low stepped back and looked to the door for an exit, wanting to be anywhere else rather than answering that question. Thankfully, she thought of a way out and said, “Romania, come back to me when you’re eighteen and ask again. Then I’ll answer.”
Rommy seemed to think it over and then nodded with a smile. “Okay.” She went back to building Lego with Swan, Drake, and Ruby.
As Mally, her daughter Nary, and Low drifted over to Easton, Zara, Deanna, Julian, and Ivy got close to me. I knew what was coming. I just wasn’t sure if I could be bothered listening to it.
“Mum—”
“Honey, I know what you’re going to say, and I promise I’m happy. I don’t need some man… guy… boy to keep me happy. I love my life the way it is.” The lie felt bitter. Yet it wasn’t really a lie, only a partial lie. I did love my life, my children, my grandkids, but I was lonely. I missed Richard.
How could I completely love my life without him in it?
“Gamer’s a nice guy,” Julian tried.
I rolled my
eyes. “Gamer? What type of name is that? A pubescent teen name, that’s what it is.” Though admittedly, his body was all man. It had been impossible not to notice. Still… “He probably lives his life playing video games like Space Invaders or something. Spending all his nights up late, and then sleeping all day. He wouldn’t get anything done like a real man should.”
They all stared at me.
Ivy cleared her throat. “Well, he likes computer games, but I’m sure he doesn’t play them all the time. I heard he got his name because he can fix or do anything with a computer, as if it’s all just a game for him. He’s really smart. And hell, he’s really good-looking.”
I took Ivy’s hand in mine. “You’re a sweetheart.” I then glanced to them all. “You all are for worrying about me and my happiness, but I don’t need your worry. I’m fine. I’m happy.” I ensured my smile appeared more relaxed and genuine. “Let’s get out there and enjoy the barbeque.”
They relented and started to gather the kids to take them outside. Only I should have predicted Julian would take hold of my wrist and hold me back for a moment so he could whisper, “I’m sure no vibrator could make a woman feel special or look at them like he was looking at you.”
Smiling at his ridiculousness, and ignoring the extra beat in my chest when I remembered Gamer’s intense eyes, I asked, “How do you think he was looking at me?”
“Like he wanted to take you for a test run between the sheets.”
Shaking off his hold, I patted his arm, trapped between amusement and emotion that caught in my chest. “But the thing about vibrators is that they don’t talk back.” Or die.
He started to smile, but it dropped away. His eyes gentled when he said, “Nor can you get hurt by them.”