by Lila Rose
“Julian—”
He leaned in and kissed my cheek. Once close, he whispered, “I know, mumma bear. That hurt never goes away, but it’s about learning to live with it and still get what you want.”
When he shifted back, I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it or anything about my life right then. While they were only trying to reassure me, I still ached too much from losing Richard. Something they could probably see, but still, I tried again with, “When are you all going to believe me when I say I’m fine with how my life is?”
He shrugged, smiled, and then walked off, leaving me exasperated.
My kids, even if not by blood, knew me too well. Sometimes it was good, like they would know what I’d want for a gift without me hinting at it too much. Other times, like the ones where I tried to guard my emotions from them, it was frustrating. It meant I couldn’t hide things from them.
Maybe one day that would change… that I’d no longer need to conceal the depth of my feelings, and perhaps eventually, I would be content in life without Richard. All I had to do was wait for that day to come and then finally, my kids would trust what I said.
I just had no idea if that day would ever truly arrive.
Chapter Two
Gamer
There were moments in life when a person knew they wanted something or someone and would do anything to get it, so certain it was just supposed to be.
One of those moments was when I minded Easton’s dogs for him when he was away dealing with family issues. Those dogs were now classed as mine. In the time we’d spent together, we’d bonded. Besides, they were too goddamn cute to ignore how they’d seeped into my heart.
Another of those certain times was even more present. Certainty slammed into me when I spotted Nancy in the living room. I’d heard about her and her humour on so many occasions, long before I’d met her… well, if you could call staring from a distance meeting. Not only did she look like her daughter, Zara, a lot, only Nancy was sexier, but I’d also seen her, heard her, and smiled at the thought of having her as mine over the years. Only, I hadn’t done anything about it as I knew she hadn’t been ready.
When my eyes landed on her at Easton’s as I came down the hall, she was staring off in her own little world. A troubled world, I quickly realised, and something tugged at my chest. Sad thoughts seemed on her mind, making her frown and looking pained. I didn’t like seeing it. I wanted to go to her and make her smile, laugh, or just take notice of me. It was likely she was thinking about her deceased husband. When Ivy caught her attention, a switch appeared to flip and she came back to herself.
My heart stuttered at the change, but I could still tell the sadness lurked. I had no idea if anyone else saw it though. She was a woman who was happy being around people she cared about.
Her smile crushed then moulded my heart into a rhythm just for her. Sounded fucking stupid, but her smile had the power to brighten a whole room.
When she spoke teasingly to Easton, her voice was raspy. It called to me, urged me to react, to draw her eyes my way. I piped up with, “I don’t.” When everyone in the damn roomed turned to me, I wished I’d kept my bloody mouth shut.
Confusion passed over Nancy. “Don’t what?”
Fuck. I couldn’t back down since she was talking to me. “Bat for the other team.” I threw in a wink and felt like a douche for it. “Just thought you should know.” Jesus, shut the fuck up, man. I caught Zara’s eyes widen at my obvious attempt to flirt with her mum in front of everyone. She seemed surprised, but her small grin told me she thought it okay, and hell, that gave me hope.
Nancy’s glare took me off guard. But when her words about her age followed, understanding filtered through me. She thought I was messing with her. I smirked, shook my head, and then straightened from leaning against the door frame. “Darlin’, I ain’t messin’, and age is just a number.” With that, I walked from the room, kicking myself for even saying anything in the first place. Especially in front of everyone. But, I wanted her to notice me. Notice my attraction towards her.
For the rest of the time at Easton’s, I steered clear, but she caught me looking at her a couple of times. Each moment her brows would dip. Even though I hated the thought of making her uncomfortable from my stare, I couldn’t help looking. She drew me in—her voice, her actions, her whole self.
She loved big. Anyone could see it. She was sweet, funny, charming, and cheeky as well. She could talk the talk, but when it came down to it, she’d balk like she had with me. With this in mind, I kept my distance. The last thing I wanted was to scare her or make her feel trapped. I just wanted her to think about me in some way. Jesus, I felt like a teenager again with his first crush. Thank fuck none of the brothers knew about my wishing Nancy was mine or they’d either kick my arse or give me shit about it.
Considering it best if I headed out, I left the barbeque early. I had some bookwork to catch up on at the compound. I was sure I felt eyes watching me leave, but I didn’t look. I hoped it was Nancy checking out my arse, and didn’t want to ruin that illusion.
It was lucky I’d ridden to Easton’s because, even on the bike, I struggled to get it out of the front yard since it was packed so the women could meet Easton, Lan’s bed dude. He was a cool guy, easy to talk to. So was Lan though.
Once at the compound, I made my way in. The place was deserted. Almost everyone was either working or at the barbeque still. Meant I’d get more work done in peace without the brothers coming in asking for favours. Like to find someone or check someone’s background or make a fake ID, or anything else they needed. It seemed my workload got bigger every damn day. I did have help with Jase, Blue’s brother. He wasn’t the full two-bob, but he was a great guy and smart, so fucking smart. I was teaching him the ropes on a few things, mainly the business side of all the computer work, and he flew through learning it, so at least some of it was off my back. Though, he’d been off on a trip with his misses for the last month and wasn’t due back for another month.
Dodge, Blue, Memphis, and Jenny had been going out of their minds with worry about him leaving in the first place, but I knew he’d be safe in any situation, especially as he had his girl with him. Plus, the guy was older than how they still saw him. It just took time for people to know it. No matter how he was, it’d be good to have him back assisting me. Then I wouldn’t have to work into the night.
A couple of hours later, I rubbed at my tired eyes. It was no good, I needed a coffee, or ten, if I was going to keep at it. Hawks had too many damned businesses to go over, and I couldn’t wait until Jase was back so he could help.
Walking out of the office, I made my way down the hall. Already, the scent of freshly brewed coffee touched my senses. As soon as I stepped through the doorway to the kitchen, I stopped dead.
The only other person in the room paused too. Their eyes flashed before resuming the sip of their coffee.
Smiling, I strode over to the coffee machine, grabbed a clean mug from beside it, and poured myself a cup while thinking how fucking lucky I was. I turned and rested against the counter, sipping my own drink.
Eyes narrowed my way, my smile grew.
“Are you going to say anything?” Nancy snapped.
“What’d you like me to say?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I don’t know, anything.”
“I didn’t get to tell you before, but you look great today.”
She thinned her lips. “Anything but things like that.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
I waited for more, but she didn’t say anything else. Instead, her attention went to the contents of her cup.
“Do I make you uncomfortable?” I asked. I didn’t want that.
“Yes. No. I don’t know. The things you said… back at… you know… just, don’t say things like that, nor what you said a few seconds ago.”
“Why?”
She shook her head. “It’s not right.”
“Why?”
&nbs
p; “Jesus, Gamer, is that the only word you know?”
“No.” I smirked, sipped my coffee, then added, “And call me Roman.”
Her body stilled as her eyes travelled to my face. “Why?”
I raised a brow at her. Immediately, we both laughed at her mirroring my constant use of why. I liked it, this, us talking, laughing, and watching each other. What I didn’t like was how she kept looking away from me. I wanted her warm brown eyes on me, her slim, yet curvy, short, but damn fit body facing my way. All of her attention turned my way, all over me. Her long dark hair, with a touch of grey, falling down around me as she rode…. Fuck. I had to stop thinking altogether or I’d embarrass myself.
I cleared my throat. “How was the rest of the barbeque?”
With the small jolt of her body, she seemed surprised by my change in conversation, but I wanted her comfortable with me.
“Ah, good. Quiet. Though Ruby and Drake do like to look for trouble all the time.” She smiled fondly, staring off at the wall beside my head.
“Do you have a favourite?”
Her eyes flashed to me. “Grandchild?”
I nodded, a smirk fitted to my lips.
She scoffed. “No, I love them all the same, like my kids.”
“You like being in Ballarat?”
Her brows dipped. “Yes,” she drew out. “Why?”
I shrugged and moved on to another topic. “Heard Zara say before you’re the best cook there is. Do you have a favourite meal you like to make?”
“Desserts, any type. Richard used to—” She froze and glanced from me to the wall. “Just dessert.”
Fuck. Had I stuffed up? Did she feel she couldn’t talk freely with me, even if it was about a man she loved or still did?
In a quieter tone, I asked, “What was his favourite?”
Her lips thinned and she shook her head. “Why do you want to know?”
I went for the truth. “He’s a big part of your life. Knowing things about him will tell me stuff about you. I’d never want you to shy away from talking about the man who loved you, who cared for you, who gave you the kids you have, the family. Even though I didn’t know him, I’d still like to know about the man who captured your heart.”
Her chest rose and fell rapidly. I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. She blinked a few times before sucking in a deep breath and looking my way.
“He liked tiramisu. If he could have it every night, he would have.” She studied me for a moment. “You confuse me.”
I nodded. “I’ve been known to do that to people.” Then I smiled. I didn’t miss the twitch to her sexy mouth. “For me, I’ve always had a thing for candy apples.”
She snorted, rolled her eyes, and said, “A lot of boys do.”
“Darlin’, I ain’t no boy. I’m all man.”
Her pulse jumped in her neck. “So….” She looked away, but not before her eyes did a quick scan of my body. I wanted to yell in elation. Yeah, she just checked me out. If I were a peacock, I’d be preening in front of her. Light pink spread across her cheeks; she seemed flustered by the fact she’d given me a once-over. I had to get her to relax again. “What’re you doin’ in the compound this late anyway?”
“Talon and Zara are talking with Dodge. I’m waiting for them since they drove me here. The grandkids went home with Grady and Deanna a while ago.” She bit her bottom lip. “How come you’re here so late?”
“Bookwork.”
“Not video games?”
I chuckled. “Only on Wednesdays.” I winked.
“So no….” She shook her head and her cheeks pinked even darker. I had to know why.
“No what?”
“Nothing.” She shifted, her arms crossing her chest. “I better go”
“Come on, Nancy. I thought we were gettin’ along. Finish what you were gonna say.”
She shook her head again, but then said, “It’s stupid. I need to go find Zara.” She started for the door, but I got there first, stepping in her way. Her eyes widened as her hand fluttered up to her neck and gripped the soft skin there. “Roman,” she whispered.
I closed my eyes and let her voice rolling my name reach me deep. Yeah, I fucking liked hearing it. I stepped closer, hearing her gasp when my hands slid to her waist. “What were you gonna say, pumpkinhead?”
Her head jerked back, her eyes lit, her mouth opened, and she laughed hard.
Just what I wanted to hear.
“You idiot. Pumpkinhead? Seriously?”
Grinning down at her, I asked, “What? Don’t like it? What about doll face?”
She shook her head still laughing and slapped my chest. “Worse.”
“Pickle nose?”
She snorted through her laugh. “No!”
I didn’t want to, but I knew I had to. Even when all I wanted to do was wrap her tight and kiss the hell out of her. However, I moved back and threw my hands up in the air. “Fine, none of those. But I’ll find one.”
She was still smiling. “If that’s your suggestions so far, I say you need to give up.”
“Hell no, I’ll find the perfect pet name for you.”
Her head twitched to the side, all mirth left.
Fuck.
I’d messed up once more.
“What in the fuck is goin' on in here?”
Turning, I stepped in front of Nancy to protect her, only I knew right away she wouldn’t be the one needing protection.
Shit, maybe the lightness to the moment hadn’t dropped away from Nancy because of me. It could have been from the male fuming in front of us.
“Ah, hey, boss,” I offered.
Talon crossed his arms over his chest and glared. Zara peeked over his shoulder and waved. She didn’t seem worried I was alone with her mum in the kitchen.
“Wanna tell me what’s goin’ on?” Talon asked.
Nancy sighed behind me. “We were talking, Talon. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I talk to your guys all the time, and you don’t get your jocks in a bunch.”
His jaw clenched before he snarled, “That’s because my guys don’t look at you like they wanna take a chunk outta you.”
“Honey—” Zara tried.
“Talon,” Nancy snapped over her daughter. She stepped around me and pushed her son-in-law back with her hands on his chest. “We are not doing this.”
“Would it be the wrong time to ask for Nancy’s number?” I called out.
Nancy looked over her shoulder in shock. Talon sneered, gripped Nancy’s shoulders and shifted her sideways, then started for me. Zara curled both her arms around her husband’s waist and yelled, “Talon, no hurting him.”
“I’ll do more than fuckin’ hurt.”
My hands came up. “Boss—”
“That’s fuckin’ right,” he snarled. “Remember your place or I can cut you fuckin’ lose and you’ll never—”
“Talon Marcus,” Zara snapped. “You’re being over the top.”
Talon pointed at me. “You and I are gonna have words where there won’t be women stoppin’ what’s to come.”
I nodded. If I wanted anything with Nancy, I knew it’d take time and be a hell of a fight to prove myself to Nancy and her family.
“You’re both being stupid,” Nancy clipped. She stomped to stand between Talon and me. “There’s nothing going on so there won’t be any arguing, fighting, or maiming anyone.”
“Nancy,” I said lightly. She met my stare, hers a little wary, but she gave me it anyway, wanting to know what I was about to say. That meant something, didn’t it? “Don’t worry about us.”
“I won’t, because there’s nothing to worry about.”
Talon looked smug. I didn’t like it. I had to make my intention clear to not only him, but Nancy. My gut churned at the thought of Nancy running from the room, away from me and what I wanted for us.
“Darlin’, this is happenin’.”
Her eyes widened.
“It ain’t happenin’, fucker,” Talon growled out
. He took hold of Nancy’s wrist and steered her towards the door, all while Zara followed with a smile on her face and with Nancy looking back at me puzzled.
“What did he mean by that?” she asked near the doorway.
“Nothin’,” Talon bit out.
“I’ll call you, Nancy,” I said loud enough to be heard.
“You fuckin’ won’t,” Talon yelled back from down the hall.
Footsteps approached my way again. I tensed, wondering whether I’d pushed Talon too far. Zara poked her head around and rattled off a bunch of numbers. “That’s her number.”
I smiled wide, fucking glad I had a good memory.
“I’m trusting you, Gamer. So don’t stuff her around or I will let Talon loose.”
I held back my snort, knowing Talon would have his say no matter what his wife said or did. Still, I was damn grateful for her obvious approval of me with her mum. “I won’t fuck her over, Wildcat.” I couldn’t, not when I was looking for a forever kind of thing with Nancy.
She nodded after a moment.
“Kitten,” Talon barked. She disappeared, and I heard, “What’d you say to him?”
“Nothing, honey.”
“Zara?” Nancy asked. Even she sounded suspicious.
“Let’s get home. I’m tired.”
Was she tired of me or the situation or the late night? I didn’t know, but I wanted to.
Christ, I hoped Nancy would give me a chance.
Just one.
Chapter Three
Nancy
This is happening. His words rolled around in my mind on the drive home while I ignored Talon’s ranting—by faking sleep—about how a brother should know better than trying to cotton on to a mother-in-law.
Roman had been serious. Even though I acted dumb, I saw it in his eyes. He’d meant what he’d said. He wanted something to happen between us. I just couldn’t understand why. He was so much younger than I was. He could easily have anyone he wanted; he was sexy enough.
God, I wasn’t supposed to even think about how good-looking he was.