‘When you say shut you out, what do you mean?’
‘I mean he’s put us on pause, insisting I spend time with Henry. Something about owing it to myself to get to know Henry again. See if we still have feelings for each other. But who does that to someone they’re supposed to be in a relationship with?’
‘Maybe he was trying to be honourable?’
‘It felt like he couldn’t be bothered fighting for me.’
Sally shook her head. ‘The man I saw having a ding-dong with Henry yesterday was definitely fighting. Just without the blood and fisticuffs.’
Lottie groaned and put her head in her hands. ‘God, that was so embarrassing. I didn’t know where to look.’
‘Yeah, but come on, it was also a bit funny, wasn’t it? Henry sort of suggesting he was the best choice because Chewie thought so, and Matt all steely-eyed and tight-jawed, declaring it was what you thought that mattered.’
‘He’s really good at that,’ Lottie admitted. ‘Making sure to ask me what I think. Not assuming anything.’ Suddenly she remembered something else from yesterday. ‘Jim said a funny thing to me just before that whole the-dog-prefers-me exchange. He said if I wanted to know why Matt had been so distant, I should ask him who his ex-wife had an affair with.’
Sally screwed up her face. ‘That’s weird. Why would it matter? It’s not like you knew them back then.’
‘That’s what I thought.’ Suddenly Lottie noticed the time. ‘Shit, I need to get moving. I’ve got a house to tidy, myself to clean and a ruddy meal to make.’
‘You forgot the bit about putting clean sheets on the bed.’ Sally smirked. ‘Or do you like things dirty these days, now you’re juggling various men?’
Lottie did what only best friends could do without offence: she gave Sally the middle finger. Then she darted out of the house, Chewie loping after her.
‘Call me,’ Sally yelled after her. ‘I want to know how the love triangle ends.’
‘There is no flaming triangle,’ Lottie muttered as she climbed into the van with Chewie. But as she thought of tonight, of the conversation she was going to have with Henry, butterflies started to flap in her belly. There might not be a triangle, but there were three humans, which meant three sets of complicated feelings to take into account.
Matt had just locked up and was about to sort out the tills when he heard a knock on the window.
He turned to find Gira indicating for him to let her in.
‘Sorry I’m so late,’ she said once he’d opened the door. ‘I’d hoped to get here before closing, but life got in the way.’
‘No problem. Books by the Bay is always open to our favourite customers.’
She eyed him from beneath her dark lashes. ‘That’s a charming thing to say.’
‘Is it?’
She nodded, smiling. ‘Owning this shop is starting to suit you.’
He winced. ‘Does that mean I was awful before?’
‘Not awful, no, but, well, the jacket and ties were a bit much.’
He glanced down at his shirt and dark blue jeans. ‘Lottie and Amy gave me stick about them.’
‘You seem more relaxed now. Like you’ve grown into the job.’
He considered her words. ‘I’ve not really thought about it, but you’re right. Standing here doesn’t feel new anymore. It feels right.’
‘My friend at the school says you’re working with them on a project trying to get teenagers to read more.’
He rocked back on his heels. ‘I am.’
Gira laughed. ‘You look surprised. Obviously you’ve not rid yourself of all your big-city mentality. People in small towns talk. They know your business.’
‘I’m forewarned, thank you. Speaking of business, how can I help?’
She averted her eyes, and for a split second looked uncomfortable. ‘Um, I came to buy the book for the next meeting. The Suzanne Brockmann one, Gone Too Far.’
‘Yes, of course.’ He turned to take one from the pile he’d ordered the moment Lottie had messaged him with the next book club title. ‘I was surprised by this, as it’s been out for a while now. You usually choose more current titles.’
‘Lottie requested we read this one. It’s a favourite of hers, from The Troubleshooters series.’ Gira paused, taking the book he handed over. ‘It’s about a couple who share an intense relationship, but things don’t go smoothly for them. Lottie says she loves it because the hero, Sam, has a really sharp wit, and the heroine, Alyssa, is … how does Lottie put it? … kick-ass strong.’ Gira looked up at him. ‘The thing Lottie says she loves most about the book is that despite everything that is thrown at them, they manage to find their way back to each other.’
Was Gira trying to give him a message? ‘It sounds like a good read. Hopeful.’
‘Yes. I’m looking forward to diving into it.’
Again she hesitated, and because he sensed a similar, introverted, private soul, Matt suddenly realised she’d come to see him, not really to pick up the book.
‘Was there anything else? You and Ryan…’ He trailed off, wondering how on earth to ask the personal question. ‘Is everything okay?’
Gira’s face relaxed. ‘You look about as uncomfortable as I’ve just been feeling. Everything is good, thank you. Really good. Ryan admitted he was trying so hard to be one of the guys at work, to fit in, he lost sight of what was important. Now he’s working on a better balance.’ Silence. While Matt struggled to find something to say, Gira broke it with a huff of soft laughter. ‘And now you’re wondering what I’m doing, still standing here instead of slipping off, now I’ve got my book.’ She glanced down at it and gave him an ironic smile. ‘That same book we both know you would have popped through my letter box, as usual.’ For the last few months, he’d been delivering the book club’s books, as everyone lived locally.
‘I confess, I am curious, yes.’ A knot formed in his stomach as he saw the indecision on her face. ‘Whatever you have to say to me, it might be easier on us both if you do it quickly.’
‘Like ripping off a Band-Aid?’ She smoothed a strand of her long dark hair back behind her ear. ‘Sorry, I’m clearly making this worse by not just coming out and saying it, but the truth is, I’ve been in two minds whether to interfere. Your relationship with Lottie is your business. Then again, my marriage was my business, but if it hadn’t been for the interference of Lottie, the book club, of you, it might still be on the rocks.’
Automatically he took a mental step back. It had been hard enough talking to Amy, to his dad. He couldn’t do this with Gira. ‘Look, I appreciate you coming, but…’ He trailed off, not wanting to sound rude.
‘Butt out?’
‘I was trying for something more polite.’
‘I know.’ She smiled. ‘You and I, we’re similar. We don’t open up easily, don’t make friends easily. But I took that risk with Lottie, with the rest of the book club, and I don’t regret it for a moment. I’d like to include you in that circle of friends.’ Her dark eyes held his. ‘As your friend, I thank you for helping me fight for my love. And I urge you to fight for yours.’
As he absorbed the words, he had an immediate urge to defend himself, to argue that Lottie wasn’t his to fight over. Whether she wanted him, or Henry, or neither of them, it was her choice. And yet … could she make that choice if she didn’t have all the facts? If she didn’t know how he felt? Maybe it wouldn’t make any difference, but Gira was right, if he didn’t at least try, if he didn’t take that risk and open up to her, was he even worthy of her in the first place?
‘I can see I’ve made you think, which is all I wanted to achieve.’ She lifted up the book. ‘Thank you for this, and for listening. I hope everything works out for you, as it did for me.’
In a daze, he unlocked the door and watched her slip out. She was nearly round the corner when he managed to shake himself out of his stupor for long enough to shout out her name. When she turned, he nodded. ‘Thank you.’
She smiled. ‘Good luck.�
�
He was going to need every damn ounce of it, he realised as he slid the locks back into place. With Patricia, he’d never had that heads up, never realised his relationship was in danger until it was too late. With Lottie, he’d known Henry was coming, yet he’d pulled away when he should have been holding on tight.
Damn it, he should have told her how much she meant to him.
Instead, he’d made her feel unwanted. He’d like to bet Henry was, right now, not being stupid enough, or cowardly enough, to make such a colossal mistake.
Chapter Thirty-One
The following morning, for the first time since he’d taken over Books by the Bay, Matt didn’t want to be there. He was in the stockroom, sorting through the latest delivery, but his thoughts, his mind, his heart, were all with Lottie.
He’d made his mind up last night. As soon as the shop closed, he was going round to see her. He knew it was her last evening with Henry, but telling her how he felt before Henry went back now seemed hugely important.
Acutely aware he’d waited too long, he was finally going to come out fighting.
‘Oh, fudging, fiddling … fiddlesticks.’
He was so lost in his head, the words made him jump. Smiling, he put down the books. Having Audrey in the shop meant he was never bored.
He found her on her knees by the till, surrounded by pens that had scattered across the floor. ‘Which colour was it you wanted again?’ She picked up a pen and waved it at a bemused young man. ‘Green?’
‘Err, black, actually.’ The customer hunkered down and began to help her put the pens back into the pot. At which point Audrey grasped the counter and hauled herself upright.
‘Right, when you find a black one, give it to me and I’ll pop it in a bag.’ Matt didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when she added, ‘And while you’re down there, be a love and see if there are any stray rubbers lying about. I knocked them over last week.’ She let out one of her lusty chuckles. ‘And by “rubbers” I don’t mean the things you young folk buy from vending machines in gents’ toilets.’
The customer gave her a shocked look, but just as Matt felt he ought to step in and prevent any further embarrassment, the man laughed. ‘Sure. Anything for you, Aud.’
Matt watched, mesmerised, as the young guy slotted all the pens back into the holder, placed a couple of errant rubbers on the counter, and gave Audrey a huge hug before walking out clutching a small paper bag.
‘He’s my friend’s grandson.’ When Audrey turned to face Matt, he was surprised to find her eyes had misted over. ‘The lad’s so like her, it’s uncanny. Same green eyes, same naughty laugh.’ She sighed. ‘I miss the old dear something rotten, but it’s nice to see her family are still around.’ She shuffled back to perch on the stool he’d placed for her behind the counter. ‘’Course, I wouldn’t have seen him if I hadn’t been working here, so I’ve you to thank for that.’
He smiled. ‘And I’ve you to thank for—’
‘Knocking the pens over. Losing the rubbers.’ She groaned. ‘Blimey O’Reilly, I forgot to get the scallywag to pay for the ruddy pen, so you can add that to the list.’
‘Actually, I was going to say I’ve you to thank for brightening my day.’
It might have been his imagination, but he thought her eyes misted over again.
Just then, the door clattered open.
‘I’m glad I’ve found you both.’ Heidi breezed into the shop carrying two bags loaded with cakes for the café. ‘Have either of you spoken to Lottie today? I phoned on the way here to let her know I’d heard from Eve, and I thought Lottie sounded upset. She denied it, said she was fine, but I just had this feeling everything wasn’t as okay as she said it was. Then again, it may have been the shock of what I had to say. I mean, Eve wanting to join our next book club meeting? That’s enough to throw anyone off their game.’
Matt didn’t hear any of the words Heidi said after the words Lottie and upset.
The urge to run out and keep on running until he made it to her house was so powerful, he took a step towards the door. But then he found his control. He couldn’t just leave Audrey in the lurch.
‘Go.’ Audrey was watching him, her cloudy blue eyes seeing far more than people half her age did. ‘We’ll rope Jim in. Heidi can help me and Amy hold the fort until he gets here.’
Heidi nodded. ‘Absolutely.’
For a split second he simply stood and stared at them. To support him against Henry was one thing, but this felt deeper. As with Gira yesterday, and Sally the day before, it felt like they weren’t just doing this for Lottie, they were doing this for him. That, for the first time in his life, he belonged to a gang. ‘Are you sure?’
‘We’re sure,’ they both spoke at once.
He didn’t ask again. Didn’t even check to make sure Audrey knew his dad’s number. He ran.
Ten minutes later, he arrived on Lottie’s doorstep and rang the bell. His heart hammered away in his chest but it had nothing to do with the short run. Was Henry there now? Was he upsetting Lottie?
Unconsciously his hands balled into fists.
He heard Chewie bark, then a moment later Lottie opened the door. His chest twisted as he saw the red of her eyes, the damp on her cheeks. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’
She shook her head. ‘Nothing, not really.’ Dragging a tissue from her pocket, she wiped her eyes. ‘Henry’s just left.’
His fists tightened. ‘Is that why you’re crying? Did he say something?’
‘What?’ His face must have betrayed his thoughts because she raised her eyes to the ceiling. ‘God, Matt, you’re being ridiculous. Henry didn’t cause this meltdown, at least not intentionally. I’m upset because he left to go back to London.’
He reared back, feeling as if he’d been sucker punched, the blood, the life, draining from him. ‘I see.’
And he did. He saw his chance at happiness, true, real happiness, slip from his grasp. He saw a lifetime of regret, of loneliness. Of never finding anyone who would come close to giving him what Lottie had: joy, laughter, warmth. Compassion, understanding and wild, hot sex.
Fuck.
His chest crumpled, his knees buckled and he had a feeling he would have sagged to the ground had Chewie not chosen that moment to come up to him and lick his hand.
‘Hey.’ Now the mutt chose to like him.
‘I’ve just realised, you should be in the shop.’ Lottie peered at him closely. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Heidi said you sounded upset on the phone.’ It didn’t explain why he’d legged it there like a madman. Tell her, he told himself. Even though it’s too late, BLOODY TELL HER!
‘And you came running, thinking Henry had, what? Hurt me? Had a row with me?’ She let out a strangled laugh. ‘Oh God, Heidi must have got her wires crossed. I’m sorry it’s been a wasted journey.’
‘It hasn’t.’ He allowed his eyes to drink her in. The familiar blonde curls, the freckles, the beauty of her grey eyes. ‘How could it be, when I got to see you?’
Lottie’s heart began to pound as she became the focus of Matt’s deep-brown gaze. What was he doing here? And how could she stop this awful hope now stirring in her chest?
Slowly she became aware that he was still standing on her doorstep. ‘Do you want to come in?’
‘Please.’
There was silence as she led him into her lounge. Silence as he sat on the sofa, not sprawled and laid back like Henry but upright, arms resting on his thighs. Tense.
He coughed, and the sound ricocheted around the silent room. ‘I thought Henry wasn’t going back until tomorrow.’
‘He wasn’t. But then he changed his mind.’ She’d known, after the conversation last night, that Henry wouldn’t stick around for another day. Not when he’d heard what she had to say.
Matt swallowed and looked down at his hands, jaw muscle jumping. ‘When will you see him again?’
‘I … I don’t know.’ She thought they both needed some space. Last night had
been hard, she’d hated hurting him, but the reality was, though she did love Henry, she was no longer in love with him. Her heart had belonged to Matt the moment he’d stood on her doorstep with yellow roses in his hand. Or maybe even before that, when he’d eaten her unhealthy picnic without complaint. Or when she’d taken the mickey about his pen arranging and he’d quietly explained he’d done it ever since he’d been bullied as a child. Actually, maybe even before that, on the beach after the windsurfing, when he’d looked so appalled at having said ‘Fuck’ out loud, then kissed her with an intensity that had astonished her.
So many facets, so many parts of him she could find to love. If only he’d let her.
Matt drew in a breath, the cotton of his shirt tightening across his chest, outlining his pecs. Ogling him now is not appropriate.
‘I’m terrified I might be too late, but there are things I need to say.’ His gaze pressed hers, dark, intense. Impossible to look away from. ‘I know he saw you first. I know you loved him. But he let you go.’ Matt shifted to face her fully. ‘If I was lucky enough to have you, I’d never let you go.’
She stared back at him, confused. ‘But that’s exactly what you did.’
He hung his head. ‘I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted you to be sure. I needed you to be sure about your feelings for Henry.’ When he looked up at her again, she saw his expression tighten. ‘I didn’t want to go through what I did with Patricia.’
Lottie remembered Jim’s words. ‘This is about the affair she had, isn’t it?’
Pain was etched across his face. ‘Tom was her first love. The guy she was dating when I first met her. Then Tom moved away, and she was devastated. Gradually we became friends, then lovers. Finally man and wife.’ His eyes darted away from hers. ‘Tom came back into her life a few years later. I knew she was catching up with him when I worked late. What I didn’t know was the extent to which they’d slipped back into their old relationship.’
The Beach Reads Book Club: The most heartwarming and feel good summer holiday read of 2021! (The Kathryn Freeman Romcom Collection, Book 5) Page 27