Scandals of Lustful Ladies: A Historical Regency Romance Collection

by Meghan Sloan

  “I knocked on the door,” she continued, biting her lip. “Everyone was crying and distressed. Asking me over and over again where I had been. But I could not tell them a thing.” She paused. “The whole thing is blank, as if my mind has been wiped clean of it. I was so shocked when Mama told me that seven months had passed.”

  “You do not remember the day that you left the house?” he pressed gently. “What you were doing, or where you went…?”

  She shook her head. “I remember none of it. All I know is wandering the streets on the night that I returned. The rest of it is gone.” Her breath caught on a sob, and her eyes glimmered with tears. “It is so shocking to think of what has happened to me without even knowing. I have tried so hard to remember, but it is all murky, like looking through mud.”

  “What does the doctor think?” he asked.

  She shrugged. “He knows as little as anyone else,” she said in a pinched voice. “He has examined me and pronounced me fit and well in every other way.” She paused. “There is no trauma to my head to explain why I cannot remember. He suggests that sometimes it is the mind’s way of coping with bad things – that my mind has blocked out the entire episode, as if it never happened, for my survival. He says that it may return, or it may not. There are no hard and fast rules with it.”

  Silas nodded. “Perhaps if we tried to retrace your movements that day,” he said in a gentle voice. “Apparently, you were going to the shops. Does that ring a bell?”

  She shook her head quickly. “No, Silas. The doctor has already tried that, to no avail.” She sighed deeply. “I do not wish to talk about it anymore. There is nothing more to say and it is distressing, to realise that seven months of my life has gone. I feel rather like I have awakened from a coma, or some such thing. It is most disconcerting.” She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief.

  He nodded. “Of course, we shall talk about it no more if it distresses you,” he said softly. “You are still recovering from it all, and I have no desire to add to your pain, my dear.”

  She smiled faintly. “You always were so caring and considerate, Silas,” she said, her eyes shining. “A true gentleman. Tell me, how has your life been, while I have been away?”

  He gazed at her steadily. How could he tell her? And yet, he must. This was the very opportunity that he desired.

  “I have mourned you, Marina,” he said in a low voice, thrumming with pain. “All of us have, but the thought that we would have been married now never left me. It was as if you were haunting me. The fact that you just suddenly vanished off the face of the earth, with no clues as to what happened to you. Whether you lived, or whether you were dead.”

  “Oh, my dear,” she said, reaching out, and squeezing his hand.

  “It was as if I was in an awful limbo,” he continued, his eyes filling with tears, as he remembered those days. “I was clinging to the life that we had together, and unable to make a new one. Many months passed in that state.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “It was only a very short time ago that I finally became determined to move on with my life.”

  She looked puzzled. “Move on? Whatever do you mean?”

  This was the moment. He knew that he was going to hurt her, but what else could he do but tell the truth? It would come out eventually anyway. It must. And it would be worse if he delayed. It would be much worse if she heard it from someone else’s lips. Her household had probably not mentioned it to her already because it was such early days in her return, and she was still so fragile.

  “My dear,” he said in a soft voice. “I am engaged to another lady. Miss Alice Sinclair. We have been betrothed for six weeks.”

  She reeled back in shock, her mouth dropping open. For a moment she said nothing as she digested the news.

  Guilt churned in his stomach like rancid butter. It hardly seemed possible, but she had paled further. Suddenly, he was consumed by doubt. Perhaps he should have waited to tell her. He shouldn’t have let his father bully him into this. She was still recovering from her memory loss, and the shocking fact that she had lost seven months of her life. He had no right to add to all the pain she was going through right now.

  “Engaged?” she said in a faint voice. “But…how is that possible? We are betrothed.”

  He winced. This was harder than he had even anticipated.

  “Marina,” he said in a gentle voice. “You have been gone for seven months. I hoped that you were alive. But after so long, we all assumed that you were not coming back. That perhaps…you had died.” He took a deep, ragged breath. “I waited so long for you, but it seemed hopeless. So when Father suggested another engagement, it seemed a positive thing, to move forward with my life and put the past behind me.”

  Her eyes lit up suddenly. “So, it was your father’s idea? An arranged marriage, where you did not know the lady?”

  He nodded. “Yes, it was an arranged match by my father.”

  “Well, that is good,” she said, almost beaming. “An arranged engagement can be broken off easily, can it not? It is not as if you care for the young lady. We are in love…”

  He groaned, almost in pain, squeezing her hand. “It is not as straightforward as that, Marina.” He could feel sweat running down his neck again. “Yes, it started out as an engagement of convenience, I will admit that. But it has changed.”

  She gazed at him steadily. “What do you mean?”

  He took a deep breath. “I love her, Marina. I love Alice. I want to make her my wife.” He blinked back tears again. “I am so sorry to hurt you like this, after all that you have been through, but it is the truth. I will always care for you, you must realise that. But will you agree to end our engagement so there is no confusion in the matter?”

  There. He had said it. The words that had been weighing down on him like a stone. The words that he had been dreading speaking to her.

  She turned her face away, towards the opposite wall, so he could not see her reaction. He had never felt so low in his life than in this moment. He did not want to hurt her at all, but there was nothing he could do to stop it now.

  A part of him was shaking his head in pure amazement, that it had come to this. That all he had longed for, for so long, was her return to him. And now that it had finally happened, he was rejecting her, for another.

  Six months ago, he would never have dreamt it was possible, that he could love anyone but her. If someone had seen it, through a crystal ball, and told him, he would have laughed outright at such a preposterous idea.

  Alice had changed everything. He could not give her up now, even with the return of the woman that he once so passionately loved. It was astonishing, but it was true. Even being with Marina alone in this room and feeling again the force of her beauty and charm was not enough to change it.

  And that, more than anything, showed him that his feelings for Alice were real. They were deep, and they were true. There was no way he would put Marina through this if there was even a shred of doubt about it.

  Eventually, she turned back to him. Her eyes were moist, but she was smiling faintly.

  “You must follow your heart,” she said in a small voice. “It has been a long time that I have been gone, as you say. Of course, it is to be expected that you would attempt to move on with your life. I only want what will make you happy in life, Silas.”

  He felt a flood of relief. “I do not wish to hurt you at all. If I could change that, I would, you must believe me. I did not expect to fall in love with Alice.” He paused. “It was never my intention. I waited so long for you.”

  She laughed faintly. “You do not need to apologise for how you feel, Silas. The heart wants what it wants.” She took a deep breath. “She must be quite a lady, this Alice! Tell me about her.”

  He hesitated. “She is…quite lovely,” he said, struggling for words. “Different to the other society young ladies. Quiet, but with a fierce heart. Kind, and warm, and very clever.”

  “She sounds altogether charming,” said Marina, in a lig
ht voice. “I cannot imagine why her name does not ring a bell for me. I am sure that I would remember her if I had made her acquaintance.”

  “She does not like to socialise much,” he said quickly. “She rarely attends society events. Perhaps that is the reason you have not made her acquaintance.” He paused. “It rather suits me, that she is disinclined to such things. You know how reluctant I always was when you dragged me from one to the other.”

  She laughed, but it sounded brittle. “I do remember that! It is strange, but I recall everything from before, quite clearly. Whatever happened to me did not affect my memory of my life in Bath.” She paused. “Perhaps you and this Alice Sinclair are better suited then, in the long run. They say that such things matter…when the passion is gone.” She stared at him steadily, not blinking.

  His heart lurched. Abruptly, their old connection, that thread of deep passion, had flared up between them most disconcertingly. She held his gaze, almost challengingly. He dragged his eyes away from hers, feeling the sweat break out on his forehead again.

  “I believe Alice and I are well suited,” he said stiffly. “And it warms my heart, that you are so understanding, dear Marina.” He hesitated. “May I take it, then, that you consent to the breaking of our engagement, so that my current one can continue?”

  She blinked rapidly. “Of course, Silas. As I said, you must do what makes you truly happy.” She paused. “I only hope that this Alice knows what a prize she had snagged with you. That she is deserving of you, my dear. She is a lucky woman.”

  “I am lucky to have her,” he said in as steady voice as he could muster. “Thank you, Marina. I realise how hard this must have been for you…”

  She laughed softly. “Oh, Silas, you cannot expect me to rejoice the loss of you, can you? For me, it is as if no time has passed and we are still as we were.” She hesitated. “But I am a big girl, and if I have lost fair and square to another, then I can accept it. I hope that she makes you happy.”

  He opened his mouth to say that of course she would, but in that moment Marina reached out a hand, trailing fingers very gently down his face. They felt as light as butterfly’s wings, and very familiar. He could barely breathe. She gazed at him steadily.

  “For old time’s sake,” she said in a husky voice. “How can I ever forget how you made me feel when you held me in your arms?”

  “Indeed,” he said, feeling himself flush.

  Abruptly, he stood up, breaking the contact. There was a strained silence.

  To his relief, there was a knock at the door, and his father, with Mr. St. George, strode into the room.

  “How has it gone?” barked his father, without fanfare.

  Silas took a deep breath. “Marina and I have agreed to break our engagement, Father.”

  “Good, good,” he replied, his eyes flickering over Marina, assessing her coldly. “And how is your recovery going, Miss St. George?”

  Marina smiled. “As well as can be expected, Mr. Wilmington. Thank you for your concern.”

  The talk went on for a little while in a stilted fashion. Silas resolutely tried not to look at her again. But he could feel her gaze upon him the whole time, right up until they blessedly took their leave.

  Chapter 17

  Alice sighed, staring hard at the page of the book. For some reason, the type seemed to be in some unintelligible language instead of English. As if she couldn’t read it at all.

  “You have not turned a page in fifteen minutes,” said Charlotte, staring at her knowingly over the top of her own book. “Do you want to do something different?”

  Alice gazed at her friend. “What is the use? It would be the same with whatever I do.” She sighed wearily. “I cannot embroider, or play the pianoforte, or even read, it seems. It is all a useless enterprise.”

  Charlotte sighed, putting down her own book. “It is early days, Alice. He will come. You must have faith.”

  Alice put her own book down, sighing again. She knew that Silas and his family were back in Bath. Charlotte had heard the news when she had been out and reported back to her.

  Her gaze softened as she kept staring at her friend. Dear Charlotte had been her rock through this, as she always was. She had come early this morning, saying that she was free for the day, and she was here to keep her company. It had brought tears to her eyes that her friend was so generous with her time and her advice.

  She was just about to tell her that when she stopped, standing up slowly.

  “What is it?” asked Charlotte, gazing at her anxiously.

  But Alice didn’t reply. She strode swiftly to the parlour window, looking out at the street below. It was as she thought. She had heard the faint sound of wheels along the cobblestones. A carriage had just drawn up in front of her house. A carriage that she recognised.

  Her heart lurched violently in her chest. It was Silas, at long last. He had come to her. But what would he say when he saw her?

  He was stepping out of the carriage now. Her eyes hungrily took him in. He cut a dashing figure, as always. Her heart lurched again. It seemed so long since she had seen him, when it had only been a few short weeks. How was it possible?

  She heard the rap at the door. She turned around quickly, staring at Charlotte with stricken eyes.

  “He is here,” she said, barely able to breathe. “How do I look?”

  Charlotte sprung up from her chair. “He is here? I should make myself scarce…”

  “No,” said Alice quickly. “Do not leave me, at least not yet. I need you, Charlotte.”

  Charlotte nodded. “Of course, dearest. Just say the word when you do want some privacy, though.”

  She smoothed down her gown with shaking hands, waiting for the knock on the door. But it never came. After five minutes, she realised he was here to talk to her father. He had been taken to his study.

  “Charlotte,” she said quickly, running towards the door. “Come with me. He is speaking with Papa in his study, and I know just where we can listen so we can hear everything that they say.”

  ***

  Silas sat down in the upholstered chair in Professor Sinclair’s study near the fire, gazing around him. He had been in this study once before, but it still amazed him. It was a veritable cornucopia of objects and books. The professor had crammed so much into the space that it all seemed to be spilling over the edges, like an overstuffed armchair.

  “Well, well,” said the professor, shuffling around the room, a tad awkwardly. “I must admit, you have taken me rather by surprise, young man.” He paused, eying him quizzically. “Shall I call for tea, or do you think we require something a bit stronger?”

  Silas sighed in relief. He knew that it was still only late morning, but a stiff drink would be very welcome after all that he had already done today.

  As soon as they had left Marina’s house, they had headed home. But in the carriage, he had turned to his father, asking if he could drop him off home before heading on to the Sinclairs. He needed to speak to Alice as a matter of urgency. Every moment that he delayed he knew would be agony for her.

  He also knew that her parents would want clarification on her situation as well. And now he could give it to them. He could assure them that he would continue with their engagement, and that they need not worry, on her behalf.

  His father had been pleased, agreeing immediately. And so, after dropping him off, he had instructed the coachman to make his way here, his heart in his mouth the whole way. He was resolved to speak with her father first, so that the gentleman was in no doubt of his intentions. And then he could be with Alice again, at long last.

  The thought of her was like water to a dying man.

  “A drink would be good,” he said slowly. “Very appreciated.”