Guarding Hearts

by Jaycie Morrison

“No, I’m living with a friend. Like you, I guess.”

  “Hmm.”

  “She sounds nice, Rain. It’s Bett, right?”

  “Yes. She is nice.” Rain felt a little awkward, but Nikki didn’t seem to notice.

  “That’s good, sister,” Nikki said in Lakota, causing Rain to smile. She had expected him to have forgotten it all. He switched back to English. “I’m glad I’ll get to meet her.”

  Nikki had been excited when Rain had told him they were working on plans to be in New York City over Christmas to see Bett’s mother. They agreed she would call him again when the trip was finalized. Beyond that, Rain hadn’t been sure what else to say. Even though she didn’t want to lose this new, fragile connection with Nikki, she knew such calls were very expensive. The idea that she would actually see her brother before long made her less sad about hanging up and much less anxious about visiting New York.

  * * *

  Kathleen hated to drink alone. Not only was it terribly unladylike, she thought it smacked of a palpable kind of desperation, or loneliness. An awareness that those emotions seemed to be the ones motivating her right now had apparently been enough to make her break her own rules about fraternization. It had started out as an invitation to join two other officers from PR for a drink, and somehow she’d ended up here—at Sweetie’s, a downtown Des Moines establishment frequented by WACs and other military personnel. Her plans for a quiet drink and some conversation about anything other than the Army and the war had dissolved into a crowded, smoky shouting match over the music and everyone else who was also shouting. She shook off a mental echo of Gale Rains’s quiet voice, telling herself instead to think of the pleasant security of Whit’s company during evenings together in their peaceful home. Right now, she would gladly throttle the person who designed this terrible two-on, two-off system. It struck her that she missed Whit when she wasn’t with her, but when they were together, she’d become increasingly distracted by this vague longing for Gale Rains. She definitely needed a drink.

  Her colleagues had directed her to a large table of WACs, where they’d squeezed into the remaining seats, separated from each other. She was seated next to a large, gruff sergeant who had no qualms about voicing her opinions on any given topic as loudly as possible, as everyone else was doing. Kat had barely noticed the décor when they’d entered, but now she glanced around—eyeing the door wistfully in the process—and saw destination signs over the bar giving the distances from Des Moines to various other places, hometowns, she assumed. Pleased to see that Chicago was represented (333 miles away, the signpost said), she squared her shoulders, determined to make the best of the evening.

  Turning back to the woman seated next to her, she leaned forward enough to see her nameplate. Moore. The name was vaguely familiar, and when she put it with the woman’s rank, it hit her. Gale Rains had acknowledged Sergeant Moore as her own drill instructor. Kat frowned, thinking there might have been some unpleasantness in Rains’s recollection, but surely there had been enough water under the bridge by now. She raised her voice to an audible level, far above her normal speaking tone.

  “Hi. I met a former squad member of yours recently.”

  “Oh yeah?” Moore raised an eyebrow. “Well, that wouldn’t be hard to do. I’ve been here since the very first class. Who was it?”

  “Gale Rains. Tall, part Ind—”

  Moore cut her off. “You could have talked all night and not mentioned her. Hell yeah, I know who Rains is. Came here crazy as a March hare without a brain in her head, and now she walks around like God’s gift to the Army.” She drained her drink and turned back to Kat. “How do you know her, anyway?”

  Kat schooled herself to stay calm, even though this woman was clearly hostile. How in God’s name had she’d blundered into this conversation? Aware she needed to change the subject quickly, Kat swallowed, hoping to keep her voice from shaking. “Oh, I don’t really know her. I only met her when I took my car in.”

  Moore shook her head. “That’s right. She’s a grease monkey now. And living off base like she’s some kind of top brass.” She squinted at Kat. “Someone ought to find out where and with who else, if you ask me. Heaven only knows what that redskin is up to.”

  Kat had never been so glad to see anyone as when the waitress appeared, and she was able to look away from Moore’s suspicion. “Did you want another drink, Sergeant?” she asked pleasantly as the harried server cleared away their empties.

  “Huh? Oh yeah, thanks.” Obviously, Sergeant Moore thought she was buying. What was it that Whit sometimes said? Whatever it takes is enough. She would buy this horrible person a drink and find a way to change the subject. Then she would get out of here and warn Rains about yet another danger. Feeling slightly irrational, she asked in her friendliest tone, “So tell me about being a part of that first class. That must have been exciting.”

  * * *

  Rain opened her eyes in the darkness. Gray dawn was at least an hour away, she judged. Bett stirred as the sound of ringing awakened her for the second consecutive day. Grumbling something unintelligible, she stumbled out of the room. Rain thought about her talk with Nikki, though her joy at being reconnected with him had only slightly modified her dislike of the telephone. Not being able to see someone’s face or watch the way their body moved as they spoke made her uncomfortable. She waited patiently for Bett to come get back in bed, to fuss about it being a wrong number or a hang-up, as was frequently the case. But when Bett did return, she began getting dressed.

  “What’s going on?” Rain asked, stretching.

  “I’ve been called in to work,” Bett replied, looking grave. “Something big is happening, but of course they wouldn’t tell me about it on the phone.”

  “Do you have time to eat?” Rain asked, getting up too. She knew Bett would not be at her best without food.

  “They said it was urgent. I had planned to cook for you this morning, but…”

  “It’s okay. Let me make you an egg sandwich while you get ready. You can eat it in the car on the way.”

  Bett came over and hugged Rain. “Thank you, Beloved. This was not what I had in mind for today,” she said glumly.

  “Me neither,” Rain said, kissing her gently. “But I will be here when you come back.”

  Bett left carrying her sandwich, wrapped in waxed paper. She made Rain promise to answer the phone, something Rain almost never did at home, in case Bett had a moment to update her on what was going on. Rain felt a little at loose ends, so she cleaned the house. She made herself some lunch. She tried reading but was having trouble concentrating. Chilled, she built a fire. Finally, she turned on the radio. When the news came on, it was all about a huge German counterattack in Belgium. Rain immediately knew that was why Bett was back at work. She thought about Thomas and began to feel worried. She sat in front of the flames, trying to cast her mind out to where he might be. She felt chaos…cold…and pain. The feelings were similar to those from her worrisome dream.

  She fought to hold her fear at bay. She had just found Nikki again, had only begun to believe that her family might be together again at some time. In their childhood, Nikki’s sweetness had been a counter to the hard reality of their hand-to-mouth existence, but Thomas was her mentor and idol. He’d grown into the strongest and bravest man she’d ever known, a wonderful husband and loving father. For a long time, she hadn’t believed she’d ever find happiness as he had, and now she couldn’t accept the idea that she’d never be able to show him what her life had become. She’d always believed that if anyone could make it through this war, Thomas would. But she also knew he would sacrifice himself for his fellow soldiers if the situation called for it. She could only hope this was not that time.

  * * *

  Miriam Boudreaux kept her head lowered as she made her way to the mess hall, relieved it was past CQ and not very many people were around. Obviously they weren’t serving at this hour, but she hoped someone who was working could give her some ice for her eye. If she s
tarted using it now, surely it would keep the swelling down to the point that it wouldn’t be noticeable by Monday. She worked to keep the scowl off her face as she returned the salute of another lieutenant. Who would have dreamed the little bitch would hit her, and hit her so hard?

  The setup had been perfect—they were all alone at the rifle range—and the timing was right too. Private Spillman had been impressed by all the various munitions Lieutenant Boudreaux had demonstrated, and she’d indicated a willingness to commit to ordnance for her specialty. Then Boudreaux had made one of her typical moves, coming from behind the little recruit and pressing her against the wall, running her hands around the front of her jacket and caressing her small breasts as she murmured, “All right, Private. Let’s see just how much you want to be a part of this unit.” At this point, most of the girls either froze or whimpered with what Miriam knew was a kind of hidden desire. But Spillman had relaxed slightly, and that had thrown Miriam off guard. When Spillman turned to face her, she thought she was home free, only to have the little bitch sock her in the eye hard enough that Boudreaux staggered back a foot or so. She was still cursing when the recruit darted up the slight rise above the rifle range, reaching the sidewalk at a full run. Miriam knew there was no point in chasing her. Even in the unlikely event she caught her before she reached her barracks, the warnings she usually made to ensure her girls’ silence might be overheard out among the base populace.

  Having reached the mess hall, she rapped firmly on the back door, relieved when she heard footsteps almost immediately. “Hi,” she said pleasantly when the door opened. It wasn’t anyone she knew, though she’d seen the woman around. Glancing at her nameplate, she went on. “Private Ferguson, I need some ice for this injury.” She pointed to her eye.

  Ferguson squinted at her before answered. “That looks bad. What happened?”

  “Backfire.” Miriam easily recited the lie she’d practiced. “Too much gunpowder in the shell. Rookie mistake, but I was in a hurry to finish tonight’s testing.”

  “You do the testing yourself?” Ferguson asked.

  Boudreaux was becoming increasingly annoyed, but she tried not to let it show. “Only when we’re behind on our quota. We gotta keep on top of things for the war effort, right?” She winced dramatically and brought her hand back to the swelling bruise. “The ice?”

  “Is this an injury I need to report?” Ferguson asked, not moving from the doorway. “Does the doc need to check you out in the morning?”

  Miriam waved her other hand dismissively. “No need, Private. This is nothing compared to what our men on the front are going through, right? I’m sure there’s no damage. It’s only a bit sore.” She tried to look beyond Ferguson to see if anyone else was present. “Besides, I’d be embarrassed if anyone else knew I’d done something so stupid. But if you’re busy or it’s too much trouble…” She made as if to leave.

  “Oh no, Lieutenant.” Ferguson seemed to suddenly realize that perhaps she shouldn’t be asking questions. “Please, give me just a moment.”

  Ferguson returned and was holding out a dripping napkin when a voice from behind her asked, “Did you leave Private Spillman back at ordnance, Lieutenant Boudreaux? I hope your accident won’t scare her off.”

  Boudreaux reached for the ice, squinting into the lighted space. With her good eye, she could barely make out the figure of a drill instructor. Too small and compact to be Rains, was her first thought. She shook her head. No, Rains was a lieutenant now. Then the words began to make sense. Shit. It was Spillman’s DI, that new one. Ashton? Asher? If she was asking, that meant Spillman hadn’t gone back to the barracks. Where could the little bitch be hiding? She decided to keep her reply as neutral as possible. “Not much would scare Spillman. She seems like a pretty solid soldier.”

  The little DI grinned. “Yeah, I think so too.” Boudreaux cocked her head slightly and the sergeant quickly added, “Ma’am.” Clearly embarrassed by her error, the sergeant turned away, saying, “Thanks again for the snack, Barb. It sure is nice to have friends in important places.”

  The mess hall private laughed and waved. “No problem, Jo. Just try not to miss dinner again. It’s not good for you to eat this late.” A few seconds later, she seemed to realize Boudreaux was still standing there. “Can I get you anything else, Lieutenant?”

  Boudreaux thought about her options. The bitch recruit might have gone AWOL, but somehow she didn’t think so. Gesturing toward the departing sergeant, she asked, “Which barrack is her squad in?” When Private Ferguson looked puzzled, she added, “So I can check on Spillman in case she headed back while I was gone.”

  * * *

  Almost thirty-five hours after the pervious morning’s phone call, Bett came through the door, looking haggard.

  “I heard about it on the radio,” Rain said. Bett only nodded. “Why don’t you go change? I’ve got dinner ready.”

  “I’ve got to go back in two hours,” Bett said wearily. “We’re all on round-the-clock shifts now and I’ve pulled the next one.”

  “Go get in bed and I’ll bring you something to eat. Nourishment first, then rest,” Rain ordered. Bett went into the bedroom. When Rain came in with a tray, Bett was lying on the bed in her uniform. Rain got her up and out of her clothes and into a warm gown. She fed her some soup and was leaving the room when Bett said, “Please come back and lie down with me.”

  Once they were in each other’s arms, Rain said, “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

  Bett nodded. Rain stroked Bett’s hair and felt Bett’s body relaxing. In a small, tired voice Bett said, “We’ve lost Luna.”

  Rain lay very still and breathed in quietly, waiting for Bett to say more. Finally, she had to ask. “Lost?”

  “Lost. We don’t know what’s happening right now, but we haven’t had any contact from him since yesterday. This attack has caught us completely off guard. Different units are all over the map, separated, confused. Some retreated initially and then returned to their original position, combining with stragglers and survivors from other divisions. A few went all the way to the rear, abandoning their equipment. Some are holding out but they’re vastly outnumbered and…” She turned her face to look at Rain. “I’ve been trying to use my intuition. I don’t know, Rain, but I just don’t feel like he’s dead. I think I would feel it.”

  Rain nodded slowly. “I believe you are right about that.” She tried to imagine the battle going on in a faraway place. Many men and much movement. “If I were in his place, I would be trying to gather as much information as I could before contacting you.”

  Bett put her head back on Rain’s shoulder, closing her eyes in silent gratitude that her lover was not involved in the fighting, though she knew Rain would have gone in a heartbeat had she been allowed. How did wives and mothers get through these moments? She sighed. “That’s one reason why I really don’t mind going back so soon. I want to be there when he calls in.”

  Rain stroked her hair. “Good, Beloved. Then that is where you should be. I’m proud of you.”

  Bett’s eyes closed. Rain woke her an hour and forty-five minutes later. Bett dressed quickly and Rain handed her a kettle of soup to take. “In case someone else didn’t get to eat.”

  “Thank you, Rain. This will be perfect on our hot plate. I’ll take some bowls and spoons—”

  In her other hand Rain held a bag already made up. Bett hugged her again. “You are wonderful.”

  Rain looked into Bett’s eyes. “I’ll be thinking of you. And of Luna.” Bett nodded. “I understand your timetable is unknown, but I will have to go to work in the morning, as usual. Please call me when you get in. I may be able to slip away for a bit.”

  “I will. I may try to call you before you go in if I can get a moment.”

  “Be careful driving,” Rain added, squeezing Bett’s hand with the keys in it.

  A small smile came onto Bett’s face. “Don’t we sound like an old married couple?”

  Rain didn’t smile as she put her hand to
Bett’s cheek. “I don’t know what an old married couple sounds like. But there are many people in harm’s way right now, and I don’t want you to be one of them.”

  Bett leaned against Rain’s touch and sighed. “What I told you about Luna…”

  “Is classified beyond my security clearance. Yes. I only spoke of it because you brought it up first. But thank you for talking with me about it. And I hope you realize that is one thing you don’t have to worry about.”

  “Yes, I do know that.” Bett kissed her and left.

  Rain didn’t like to sleep in the bed without Bett, so she put another log on the fire and put the pallet she’d used last night back on the floor in the den. She had already spent enough time with ghosts of the past, but her worries about Thomas brought her mind to Bird. She wondered if Bird knew the current war news. Envisioning her brother’s wife sleeping now, with one of the twins on either side, she wrapped herself in that image, closed her eyes, and slept too.

  Then there was ringing. Ringing. The phone ringing. Rain pulled herself from sleep and hurried to pick up the receiver. “Rains.”

  “I just had a minute and I wanted to hear your voice.” Bett’s voice was small with exhaustion. “I’m sure I woke you. I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s fine. I’m glad you called. I want to talk to you any time, you know that.”

  “I love you,” Bett whispered.

  It never failed that those words stirred something profound inside Rain. “I love you, Bett,” she answered, her voice husky.

  “I should be home before nine this morning. Could you wait for me?”

  “Forever.” Rain could see Bett’s tired smile before the phone disconnected.

  As she put back the receiver, Rain reflected on the fact that she and Bett never said goodbye or even good night to each other. She had heard Bett say goodbye to other people on the phone, but in the few conversations they’d had, either she or Bett simply hung up when they were finished. In bed, they would talk or kiss or hold each other or make love until they fell asleep. There was never an ending word with them. Rain couldn’t remember if she had ever told Bett there was no word for goodbye in Lakota. Either way, this was one of the many good things between them. She went to get ready for the day.