Guarding Hearts

by Jaycie Morrison

  No, Kat thought. You meant me, whether you know it or not.

  Later, when they were on their second bottle of wine, the talk turned to families. “I don’t think my mother loves me,” Kat blurted out. “I don’t think she ever loved me. But at least now I think I understand why.”

  Bett nodded matter-of-factly. “It’s the same with my father. Though I haven’t figured out the why part yet. But you know what? I don’t even care anymore. I don’t have to get my sense of worth from him. I try to be a good person, to do what’s right. And if someone as wonderful as Gale can love me, I must be okay.” She squeezed Kathleen’s arm. “So the same could be true for you and Whit, don’t you think?”

  Kat had stared at her with her mouth open slightly. Could it really be that simple?

  And now, with Whit back in their kitchen, eating like there was no tomorrow and complimenting her cooking with every other bite, she wondered about Bett’s words. Could she risk centering her life around Whit? Would she then find her true self in their love?

  “There’s dessert,” she said, trying to find her way through. “But I thought we could have it later.”

  “Later?” Whit asked, finishing off the last bite of her dinner.

  “After we…”

  Whit stopped chewing.

  “After we…get reacquainted.”

  Whit swallowed. “That sounds nice.”

  Kathleen reached out and took her hand. “I think it will be very nice.”

  They spent almost an hour lying on top of the bed covers, fully clothed, just talking. And, Kat made sure, touching each other with sweet, gentle caresses. As Kat ran her fingers across Whit’s cheek and up into her hair, Whit’s eyes fluttered in pleasure. Whit’s hand that had been resting on her waist began to make slow, random circles on her back. It felt good, but Kat was certain it would feel even better with her blouse off. Was it too soon? Was she rushing things?

  “Is this going to happen?” Whit asked, her voice rough with emotion. “Are we really going to be back together? For keeps? Because I can’t just be your soft place to land when you’re done with your latest…whatever it is that you get into with someone else. I see you as the love of my life, and it tears me apart to think you don’t feel the same about me.”

  And there it was. The moment of truth. Kathleen knew every word was from Whit’s heart. Her lover had always been the type to put her cards on the table when it mattered. Kat took in a breath, mustering the courage to play her own hand. Whit sat up, mistaking her hesitation. “I’m not trying to pressure you, Kitty. But that’s the way it is for me. I’m all in, and that’s what I need from you. So when you’ve made up your mind, you know where to find me.”

  Kat grabbed her arm, overwhelmed with a deep sense of desperation, as if Whit’s presence was as essential as air. “No, Vic. Please. I want you to stay. I mean, I want you to come back home for good.” She could see Whit was waiting for the rest. She’d always been patient that way, just as she’d always been kind and caring and strong in ways that Kat hadn’t ever found in herself. But maybe that kind of love was trapped in the part of her that was still a forsaken little girl. Whit had freed her as a woman. Could she bet on her to do the same for the child she should have been?

  “I know I’ll never meet anyone else as wonderful as you, Victoria Whitman. You’ve always been exactly what I needed, and I want to be the same for you. But to be the person I want to be, I need to wake up with you every morning and go to sleep with you every night. I love you with all my heart, and I don’t care how we make it happen, I only know I want us to grow old and gray together.”

  She saw tears forming in Whit’s eyes. “God, you don’t know how much I’ve wanted to hear that from you, Kitty. But there’s something else I need to tell you.” At Kat’s quizzical look, she said, “I’m going to transfer from the Medical Corps.”

  “But why, Vic? You love being a medic.”

  Whit shook her head. “I did, but I broke my oath. I swore to help heal people, not make them sick. What I did to Miriam Boudreaux I did out of resentment and fear, and that’s not the way I’m supposed to act.” She wiped angrily at her eyes. “So if you still want me, knowing that, I’m all yours.”

  Kathleen took Whit in her arms, and felt her trembling. “Yes, I still want you. I’ll always want you. But what are you going to do?”

  “I’m not sure. I know I wouldn’t be any good at PR or protocol.” She pulled back slightly, managing a weak smile. “And cryptography? Forget it. Maybe Gale would take me on in the motor pool. I don’t know much about automotive stuff, but she might be willing to train me.”

  Kat sighed. She didn’t want to think about what it would be like if Whit started working with Gale Rains on a daily basis. “Promise me you won’t do anything just yet. I need to think about this and you need to talk to Gale at some point and see what she says.” She undid one button on Whit’s shirt. “In the meantime, there’s some other repairing we need to do.”

  Whit took hold of her hands. “I want you so much. But I’m not sure I have it in me right now to make up a story for you.”

  Kat met her eyes. “I don’t want a story. I don’t want this to be about anything but just the two of us.”

  And amazingly, it was. When they kissed, it was all Vic’s lips meeting hers, Vic’s tongue thrusting passionately into her mouth, making her want that same feeling down lower. She arched her back, loving the friction of her crotch against Vic’s leg. “May I undress you?” Vic murmured, the softness of her request seemingly at odds with everything she wanted. But Kat felt herself growing even more aroused, and a different kind of need surged through her. “No,” she panted. “You first.”

  Whit’s face showed her surprise at this change in their well-established routine, but she swallowed and said, “Anything you want, baby.”

  Kat took her time, revealing Whit’s lovely body and listening to her breathing growing increasingly ragged. When she put her mouth to Whit’s breast, her lover’s moan was like a plea for more. Unable to wait any longer for the feel of being touched, Kat stripped off her clothes and lay full length on top of Whit. When their arms wrapped around each other, Kathleen realized it wasn’t only desire she was feeling. It was love. And it wasn’t the least bit scary. It was simply wonderful.

  * * *

  It was fully dark as she followed him from the administration building to the nearby parking area. She hoped he and his friends in the screw-score club would face severe disciplinary action, but that would be secondary to the justice she intended to impart. Her knife already in her hand, she followed the one who wore his hat pulled low over his eyes, and when the rest of the group headed back to their quarters, she dug the blade into his passenger’s side tire and waited. He turned the key in the ignition and drove a few yards before the hissing sound combined with the flap of the punctured tire grew loud enough to get his attention. When he got out to look, she had him on the ground in seconds, sweeping his legs out from under him with one of the wrestling moves her brother had taught her. From atop him she covered his mouth and nicked a small piece of flesh from his left earlobe. His struggling stopped as she held the knife to his throat and growled, “You are marked now. From this, all women will see you have made one error against them, although they will deny this knowledge if you ask. You have the chance to start over, but if I hear of another evil you do against a woman, I will take both your ears and your eyes. Believe it. I represent a line of avengers that goes back generations.” She was gone before he could comprehend that the reason he couldn’t identify her was due to the charcoal she’d used to make her war paint. She’d covered her whole face with the black material and used Bett’s lipstick to draw two red streaks coming down from each eye to signify that she was a messenger. She knew he wouldn’t understand the significance of the marking, but she trusted he would get the message.

  * * *

  Rain was late. Much later than she’d expected. Miriam Boudreaux must have told her everything.
Was Rain angry? Hurt? Was she not coming home at all? Bett could feel her anxiety rising as she debated, for the third time, whether or not to throw out Rain’s dinner. She’d put it in the refrigerator an hour ago, and now it was just a congealed reminder of what she’d done wrong. She should have told Rain her idea to offer Miriam Boudreaux a payoff, but it had come to her out of the blue and there’d been so little time. She paced another lap around the den, thinking, Who am I kidding? I didn’t say anything because I knew she’d disapprove. But the plan had worked. Surely that had to carry some weight.

  Sighing, she flopped back onto the couch, knowing the worst of it was that she’d lied to avoid coming home all weekend, waiting for the arrangement to play out the way she’d wanted. Now she could see that had been a ridiculous overreaction. Even with Rain’s certain objections, she wouldn’t have done anything more than voice her concerns. She certainly wouldn’t have marched over to Boudreaux’s room and told her the deal was off. Bett could possibly have excused herself more easily for her behavior if she wasn’t in a relationship with a woman who never lied and who rarely—if ever—as far as she could see, held anything back from her.

  The roar of Rain’s motorcycle had her back on her feet in seconds. Unsure of the reception she’d get, Bett the urge fought to run out to the street to greet her. Instead, she waited in the front hallway, certain she’d be able to detect Rain’s mood in a few seconds. But Rain’s eyes were distant as she came through the door and she paused, looking almost like she had forgotten why she was there. Bett couldn’t stand it another second, and she pressed herself against her lover, enfolding her in a tight embrace. As she’d feared, Rain stiffened as if she might try to pull away. But after a few seconds, her body relaxed and she let out a breath.

  Bett thought she might cry when Rain murmured her name and stroked her hair. They stood there for a long moment until Bett said, “You must be hungry. Let me warm your dinner.”

  “I need to cleanse myself before anything else,” Rain said, her voice sounding almost hoarse. It was unusual phrasing, and Bett also thought it odd that Rain already had the faint odor of a fire, but maybe she was only smelling the smoky blaze that she’d started.

  They had just crossed into the den when Bett couldn’t stand it another minute. Eager to get everything off her chest, she declared, “I have to tell you something first. I offered Miriam Boudreaux one thousand dollars not to testify against any of us.”

  Rain turned to face her. “That was your intention, but she’s now left with one hundred and forty-five dollars.” She began pulling bills out of every pocket, tossing them recklessly on the coffee table. “I might have gotten the rest, but the doctor came in.”

  Bett stared at the money and then back at Rain. “What did the doctor say?” was all she could think of to ask.

  “He said that if Miriam was well enough to play cards for money, then she was well enough to go home.” The corner of Rain’s mouth turned up. “He put her on a train tonight.”

  Bett’s eyes went wide. “How did she take it?”

  “I left before her actual departure, but as the door closed I heard her…I believe the phrase is ‘cussing a blue streak.’”

  Bett giggled in spite of herself. Sometimes Rain’s straight-faced delivery could be quite amusing. But when Rain turned to go toward her bathroom, Bett saw what looked like a rag soiled with large swaths of black and a few smears of red dangling from her waistband.

  “Rain, wait. There’s something hanging off—”

  Sometimes she forgot how quickly Rain could move. Before she could even finish her sentence, her lover had passed her and was throwing the piece of material into the fire. It flamed almost immediately, and within a few seconds it was ashes.

  “What was that?” she asked, but there was no answer. “Rain?” she asked again as Rain made her way back down the hall. When the bathroom door closed and the shower came on, she knew she wasn’t getting an answer. Obviously, they needed to talk through things. While Rain was eating her dinner might be the best time. She went to turn on the oven.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “Are you terribly angry?” Bett had managed to wait until Rain’s plate was almost half empty before she asked.

  “I think we may always have disagreements about money. But mainly, I want to understand why you felt you couldn’t talk to me about your plan.”

  She reached across the small breakfast table and held Rain’s hand. “I’m sorry. I know I should have. But everyone was awfully concerned, and it seemed like we were running out of time. Something Whit said made me think of offering Miriam money not to say anything, so I did.”

  “And you volunteered to go see her with that in mind?” Rain posed it as a question but Bett knew it wasn’t, really. She nodded. Rain leaned toward her across the table and her face darkened. “Did she touch you?”

  “No.” At Rain’s narrowed eyes, Bett added, “She tried, but I made it clear that I was there strictly for business, and any behavior that digressed from that would mean the deal was off.”

  Rain’s posture relaxed. Casually, she remarked, “And we couldn’t discuss it because you got called in to work the weekend.”

  Bett could imagine worrying through days and weeks ahead that Rain would find out the truth, knowing that if she ever did, their relationship would sustain real damage. In that instant, she knew she couldn’t stay with that lie. “Beloved, I know you’d never do something like this, but I was afraid that you would try to talk me out of it, and we would have a fight. I worked days and stayed in Kathleen’s spare room both nights.”

  Rain nodded, looking oddly thoughtful. “It hurts, doesn’t it? To repress something that someone you love needs to know.” Bett’s mouth opened slightly as Rain stood and came around to her chair, kissing the top of her head. “The card game took a lot out of me. We can talk more tomorrow if you like, but I need to go to bed now.” She turned back at the hallway and added, “Thank you for telling me everything. I love you,” before disappearing in the direction of their bedroom.

  Stunned, Bett just sat for a few more seconds, blinking as she tried to process everything that Rain had just said. Abruptly, she realized she’d rather be with Rain than think about her. She gathered Rain’s dishes and threw them in the sink before hurrying after her.

  * * *

  The storm was coming fast. Bett was playing with the children, apparently unaware. And she was too far away. “Bett! Bett run!”

  Her feet wouldn’t move. Something was holding her back, keeping her in place. She struggled against it and had almost broken free. Could she ever reach them in time?

  “Rain.” Bett’s voice was right beside her, soft and sweet in her ear. How was that possible? “Beloved, you’re having a bad dream. Wake up, love.”

  Rain groaned, swimming into consciousness, away from the scene of danger. She reached for her lover, who came willingly into her arms. “Are you really all right?”

  She felt Bett nod against her and her soft lips brushed her cheek. “I’m fine. Though there is something I need.”

  As Bett’s body pressed along the length of hers, she felt desire rising. It was such a breathtaking feeling compared to the disgust she’d had to hide in the presence of Miriam Boudreaux and the angry bloodlust when she’d gone after the MP who’d threatened Bett. This was good and right and the best thing in her life. She found Bett’s mouth with hers, and their kiss made her insides melt into driving heat. Bett pressed against her center, and they both moaned softly at the sweet friction.

  “Oh God, Rain. Tell me you’ve forgiven me. Please.”

  Rain moved them so she was on top, looking into Bett’s beautiful face. She cupped her hand between Bett’s legs, not yet moving. “There is nothing to forgive, Beloved. You did what you thought was best, and you were right. I love you very much.”

  Bett’s arms wrapped around her neck. “I promise I’ll tell you everything from now on.”

  Rain swallowed. “There are…things I
need to tell you too.”

  Bett leaned up and ran her tongue over Rain’s nipple. “Now?”

  Rain shuddered with pleasure. “No. Not now.” She pressed her fingers into the wet folds beneath her, causing Bett’s grip on her to tighten. “Right now I need to show you something instead.”

  * * *

  The next Saturday night, they had dinner at Kathleen and Whit’s house. With Miriam Boudreaux’s departure there had been an end to individuals being called in for questioning, making this a kind of celebration for the two couples, but Kat chose to invite Sophie and Patrice also. Rains thought that perhaps it was too soon for an evening with only the four of them—the intimacy might still feel a little awkward, or maybe it was to avoid rehashing the events of the past month. Without Lilly present to distract her, it would be hard for Sophie to resist her journalistic instincts if she sensed a story, and no one wanted to air the WAC’s dirty laundry in public.

  Kathleen had a lovely glow about her that reminded Rains of when they’d met. She hadn’t seen that look in quite a while and it made her feel good inside. But Whit had been oddly quiet all evening, so once dinner was over, Rains motioned her into the study. While the cuckoo clock awaited its time to chirp, she asked her friend, “How are you feeling?”

  Whit looked away. “Not as good as I thought I would. What Boudreaux did to Kat made me sick, and I returned the favor. But maybe revenge wasn’t what I wanted after all.”

  “I heard an American humorist once said, ‘There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.’ Maybe you’re not through forgiving the people you need to.”

  Rains could feel Whit’s hostility rising as she studied her. “Are you talking about Kat?”