A Coyote's in the House

by Elmore Leonard

  Bu d d y stood with the crew watching Antwan come slinking out of the barn, almost crawling, like a coyote sneaking up on game. You can do that, Buddy said to himself. And felt his heart beating. He heard the director say, Beautiful. That, people, is how to slink. I can't believe Daddy got Timmy to do that. He raised his voice then to say, Harry? . . . He comes almost to the porch before you go out to meet him. Right?

  The dude director in his leather jacket and lavender scarf was sipping from a plastic bottle of water now.

  Buddy wondered why humans were so thirsty, almost everyone you saw carrying a bottle of water. He noticed Harry Dean standing now, leaning on the cane against his hip, and remembered Antwan saying, Isn't that Harry Dean Stanton? Buddy realized now that instead of feeling sorry for himself he should've perked up and said, You bet it is. Watch him, the man is whatever part he plays. Like the white hunter in Buddy on Safari.

  But, can he scare a dog that's really a coyote?

  Harry Dean was off the porch now.

  Antwan was still slinking and Buddy would bet getting that soulful look in his eyes. Buddy thinking, I'll never have to do that again, beg for treats.

  He had made up his mind, he was through with humans. You couldn't trust them.

  He saw Harry Dean holding the cane just below its curved handle, away from his side. Now he stepped out to meet Antwan slinking toward him. Harry Dean said, I told you to stay away from here. Now git!

  Buddy said, Uh-oh, and saw it happen before he could do anything. Saw Antwan stand and shoot his tail straight out. Saw Harry Dean swing the cane at Antwan as he lunged, clamped his jaws on the bib overalls and Harry Dean stumbled, fell to the ground with Antwan on top of him, Antwan tearing the overalls apart with terrible snarls, Harry Dean yelling, Get him off me!

  The AD called through his bullhorn, Cut!

  And Buddy with the crew behind him ran out to save Harry Dean, Buddy shouting through Antwan's fierce snarls, Stop it! He wasn't trying to hit you! Antwan looked up at him, confused, and now Buddy told him, Run get out of here. I'll meet you on the hill, later.

  Without a word, Antwan took off to run through the make-believe streets of the studio.

  Buddy watched Harry Dean standing now trying to hold his overalls together as the director came over and asked if he was okay. Buddy didn't see any scratches or bites on him. Harry Dean was calm saying, I thought Timmy was supposed to run when I yelled at him.

  He was, the director said, and gave the dad a dirty look.

  The dad said, I don't know what came over him. Timmy's never done that before.

  We become friends in the third act, Harry Dean said, after he saves my life. Why don't we stay with Buddy? That's what he's known for, isn't it, saving lives?

  Buddy wanted to jump up and lick his face. But then remembered, he was through associating with humans.

  I'll work it out. Either get another dog, the director said, or another writer.

  Chapter Twelve.

  Buddy hopped out of the SUV and followed the dad to the patio where the mom was sitting with a cold beverage. Miss Betty left her side to join Buddy in the yard. They both listened as the dad said:

  Well. It was a complete disaster.

  Whatever happened, the mom said, and I have an idea what you're going to tell me, I can top it. How much do you want to bet?

  Here was the dad, ready to describe the disastrous scene at the studio, and he stopped, curious. What are you talking about?

  For the past two weeks, the mom said, we've had a coyote in the house. The vet called to say he reported Timmy to Animal Control. He took some hair samples when he was here and they tested positive. Timmy's a coyote. He probably ate the real Timmy to get that collar. You have to give him credit, the mom said, he's a smart rascal.

  The dad could not accept this, even though he believed it must be true, having seen Timmy in action. He said, The dog would have to have been as large as ... our Timmy to wear that size collar. And you think our Timmy ate him?

  The mom said, I think our Timmy can do anything he wants. And you know what else I think? I think Buddy and Betty and Timmy talk to each other.

  Buddy and Miss Betty immediately looked down at the ground and began sniffing around.

  The dad put on an expression that meant he was being patient and understanding and said, Uh-huh, that's interesting. But would you mind if we stayed on the vet? He called Animal Control?

  The fink, Buddy said to Miss Betty.

  And they're coming over, the mom said, soon. And I think he mentioned the police.

  For what?

  To pick up Timmy.

  Now the dad felt he was in control. He gestured to take in the yard. Do you see him anywhere? Did you see him get out of the Cadillac?

  Don't overdo it, the mom said. Something happened at the studio and he ran away.

  Oh, now you have time to hear about it?

  He ran away yes or no.

  The dad hesitated before saying, Yes, he did.

  That wasn't hard, was it? the mom said. u d d y and Miss Betty went out to the back part of the yard to discuss the situation. First, though, Miss Betty said, Did you hear her?

  She listens to us, Buddy said, trying to pick up what we're saying. She's even tried to trick me. We're outside, she goes, 'You think it's going to rain?' And I looked up at the sky. She grinned at me and said, 'Caught you, didn't I?' All I could do then was try to look dumb.

  I know, Miss Betty said. She seems to mention our talking to each other when she's relaxed, having one of those cold beverages. But did Antwan run away or what?

  Buddy described what happened and how he told Antwan he'd see him later.

  So he's okay, Miss Betty said.

  He's fine.

  She sensed there was something else he wanted to tell her and asked, What is it? What's bothering you? And had to prompt him again before he said, After Antwan left, Harry Dean Stanton said, 'Why don't we stay with Buddy?'

  He thinks I'm just right for the part.

  You were in that safari picture together, Miss Betty said, he knows your work. So you're back in?

  It's up to the director, Buddy said. But I don't care what he decides, the guy's a creep and I don't trust him. I'm out and I'm gonna stay out.

  Not so fast, Miss Betty said. You'd turn down the part because you don't like the director? You'd rather lie around the house, bored, watching your old movies?

  No more of that, Buddy said. I've talked Antwan into taking me up the hill to meet the pack. I'm turning coyote as quick as I can.

  What was Miss Betty to say, please don't? Knowing it wouldn't do any good? She said it anyway, Please don't, and then tried an argument. What if you can't cut it? What if you can cut it, but they don't like you? They don't care for your old-dog attitude?

  You sound like Antwan, Buddy said. He's agreed to take me up to the pack, but says there's no way I'll ever make it as a coyote.

  Miss Betty said, Well?

  I'm gonna show him he's wrong.

  There were tears in Miss Betty's big dark eyes as she said, Buddy, you don't know how to live in the wild, you're in show business.

  He gave her a knowing smile. That's why I believe I can pull it off, become one of them. I'm through with humans.

  You know what they'll do now, don't you? Get a posse together and go after Antwan.

  He paused, looking into Miss Betty's sorrowful eyes. Honey, if I don't find him in time, they'll hunt Antwan down and kill him. hey kept a coyote in the house? Living with them? With little children? I don't believe it.

  Most people didn't at first. But now the story was all over the Hollywood Hills and neighbors were calling and coming over to find out if it was true.

  Timmy was with us a couple of weeks, the dad said. We were positive he was some kind of dog. He never gave us any trouble.

  Timmy loved peanut butter cookies, the mom said. He'd hop right up on the kitchen table and wag his tail.

  Neighbors began saying, I guess it'
s possible. There were all kinds of stories about coyotes living at least close to people.

  We had one had dug under our garage and was living there, with pups.

  They know when the trash is picked up, so they come the night before, hang out in the bushes.

  That's a fact, they watch us take the trash out, like we're waiters serving them their dinner.

  No one believed Timmy had carried off Buddy, the German shepherd was bigger than the coyote. And he's a tough old fella, the dad said.

  But there were plenty of stories about coyotes carrying off small dogs and precious cats, even a cockatoo. Climbed up to the balcony of our condo and snatched Kathy right off her perch.

  I was walking Lotus, our little Lhasa Apso, on a leash. A coyote came along and carried off my baby.

  Blow air horns at 'em. Spray 'em with a hose. If I had a gun I'd shoot 'em.

  And there were those who said, Coyotes have as much right to the planet as we do. We have to learn how to live together.

  You wouldn't say that if your cat had been eaten by one.

  Animal Control called hunters and they came to the house in their pickup trucks: experienced hunters with gun dogs, traps and lures, ready to go after this varmint that had sneaked into a house. People feeding 'em is the problem, a hunter said. Did you feed this Timmy?

  Of course, the dad said, he was part of the family. You feed 'em they keep coming back, the hunter said. Timmy was living with us, the dad said.

  Don't worry, the hunter said, we'll get him, nail his hide to your garage door.

  The mom said that wouldn't be necessary.

  Chapter Thirteen.

  Antwan and Buddy came out of the deep ravine where it opened up near the crest of the hill. They stopped and looked way down at the house and the humans in the yard.

  Already coming after us, Antwan said. You don't stay close to me, homes, they'll run you down for sure. He turned to see Buddy panting, his tongue hanging out, and said, Homes, you look dog tired.

  Buddy would be middle-aged if he were human. This running uphill behind Antwan had worn him out. He told himself he'd get used to it once he was in shape again. He hadn't worked this hard since his moviemaking days.

  You can't tell where the dens are, Antwan said, but the pack lives all around here.

  I know, Buddy said, I can smell them.

  Pretty soon he was facing them, coyotes coming out of the rocks and down from the higher ground, the pack looking him over with cold coyote eyes, coming closer to form part of a circle around him.

  The big gray one, Antwan said in a low voice, is Cletus, our leader, numero uno. Show him some respect, he might not eat you right away.

  Cletus came to within a few feet of Buddy standing his ground, keeping his eyes on the pack leader as the other coyotes moved in closer.

  Antwan said to Cletus, Chief, this dude is called Buddy. He wants to pass, thinks he can run with us.

  He does, huh? Cletus said. He looks to me like somebody's pet doggy, chews rubber bones and plays with pussycats.

  A coyote with a scar across his nose rushed in from the side to nip at Buddy's rump. Too late. Buddy came around to clamp his jaws on the coyote's throat and toss it yelping into the brush.

  Another coyote, a female, ran at him, and Buddy stopped her nose to nose. She snarled and he gave her his killer growl and a glare of canine teeth. They were eye to eye as Antwan said, Ramona, behave yourself, girl. This is my friend Buddy I told you about. He turned to Cletus.

  Chief, how about if we give Buddy a few days, see if he can keep up with us. Antwan had the feeling Cletus would just as soon not take on this big German dog but would if he had to. Antwan said, I don't see none of the Diablos around, to take Cletus' mind off Buddy.

  They went down to the junkyard, Cletus said, mess with those outcast dogs down there.

  The Howling Diablos know how to rumble, Antwan said and turned to Buddy. Come on, let's have some fun.

  The y topped the crest of the hill and started down through the brush on the other side. But now Antwan looked back and said, I knew it. He stopped and yelled at the coyote following them, Ramona, you aren't coming. Hear? Go on back. Buddy recognized her, the one who'd gone nose to nose with him. He heard Antwan say, Ramona's the one tried to bite you and you stared her down. She shows off like that 'cause she wants to be in my gang and I won't let her. She's my little sister and I don't want her chewing more than she can swallow. Understand what I'm saying?

  They watched Ramona, her head down, go back over the crest of the hill. Wait and see, Antwan said, I bet you a big rat she still follows us. Ramona likes to feel her heart beating.

  At the bottom of the hill they came out of the trees to a busy street and Antwan said, We cross here.

  Buddy said, But how? because cars were whizzing by in both directions.

  Homes, Antwan said, you telling me you never crossed a street by yourself?

  It's been my job to keep the children on the curb, Buddy said, till the light changes.

  Ain't no light here, Antwan said. Just look out for the ones trying to hit you. There's a nice-looking blond-haired female human lives around here any time she sees me she tries to run me down. He said, Okay, here we go.

  They ran into the street to start a racket of horns blowing, brakes screeching, got to the other side and Antwan said to Buddy, whose tongue was hanging out, That wasn't too bad, was it?

  Buddy was amazed at how quick Antwan was to spot humans and stay out of sight, ducking behind parked cars, dodging around corners and down alleys lined with Dumpsters, the hot scent of garbage filling the air.

  Smells good, huh? Antwan said. But no way to get at the grub 'less they leave the trash bin open.

  They ran down another alley, slipped past a big truck parked in the way, and there it was behind a ten-foot fence:

  JOE'S SALVAGE YARD

  A field of old worn-out cars and wrecks sitting in the weeds, and piles of what used to be cars before they were pushed into the crushing machine and flattened.

  KA-CHUNG!

  Buddy jumped at the sound ringing through the yard. He saw the crusher now, an ugly iron monster with spotlights for eyes, a giant jaw that came down to crush whatever was shoved in its mouth.

  KA-CHUNG!

  Eats cars, homes, like we eat mice, Antwan said, in one gulp. Come on, there's my gang.

  The y were down a ways along the fence, a half dozen Howling Diablos facing as many junkyard dogs through the fence wire, snarling at each other.

  That ugly pit bull's their number one, Antwan said. The others were mangy mixed breeds showing their ribs. A couple of toy-sized dogs seemed the most annoyed, acting tough, their tiny voices yipping at the coyotes. Like visiting the zoo, Antwan said.

  Now the pit bull spotted Buddy.

  What're you doing with those hyenas? Come on over where you belong.

  He's got too much class for your crowd, Antwan told the pit bull. Buddy ain't ugly enough to be with you.

  One of the coyotes sang through the wire, You ain't nothing but hounddogs, crying all the time.

  Another one said, They ain't never caught a rabbit and they ain't no friends of mine.

  And the coyotes howled.

  Buddy watched them moving around a bit, feeling good and having fun. The next thing, hearing a howl from down the alley, Buddy and all of them looked in that direction.

  Ramona was up on top of the truck parked by the fence. Showing off, Antwan said, and called to her, Ramona, come on down. You hear?

  Ramona gave another howl, crouched, and now they watched her leap into space to sail over the fence and into the junkyard.

  All Buddy had to see was that mangy pack going for Ramona and he was back in the movies. He was Buddy to the Rescue again, running, bounding from the alley to the truck and into the yard, the way he had leaped from boulder to boulder, to save the little girl from the wolves. He could even hear the music from that movie again.

  Now Antwan and the Diablos were l
eaping up on the truck to sail over the fence, chasing after Buddy chasing the junkies.

  The pit bull turned to face Buddy and fight what pit bulls loved to do more than anything, when they weren't biting little kids. Buddy flew into him, knocked him down, got the bull's neck skin clamped in his jaw and shoved him howling into the open trunk of a Chevy.

  Antwan jumped on the car to slam the lid closed. He said to Buddy, How you know how to do that?

  The movies, Buddy said. I took a wolf that way.

  Now the coyotes had the rest of the dog pack cornered. But where was Ramona?

  Antwan and the Diablos howled her name as Buddy raced in and out of the rows of cars that were waiting to be flattened, Boddy getting closer and closer to that awful KACHUNG of the crushing machine.

  Now he saw Joe the Junkman come along in a forklift truck, slip the wide blade under a Honda, lift it and haul the car over to the crusher, its spotlight eyes watching, its big mouth waiting to bite.

  Buddy's ears stood up at the sound of a howl, a faint one, followed by barks even fainter. Then KA-CHUNG and that clang rang in his ears. He watched the forklift coming back this way. Watched the blade scoop up a maroon Cadillac, the same kind the family once owned and he'd ride in it with his head out the window, in the rush of air.

  He heard the faint howl again.

  And saw Ramona in the Cadillac rising on the blade of the forklift. In the window saw her face between raised paws scratching at the glass.

  A door must've been open to let her in, Buddy decided, and the forklift jammed it closed picking up the car. He ran alongside the forklift now and barked. And barked and barked and barked. Joe the Junkman wouldn't even look at him. Buddy circled to get a good running start and leaped on top of the Cadillac to stand with his paws planted, looking at Joe looking back at him.

  Joe yelling then, Get offa there or you're going in the crusher!

  Buddy stood on the hot metal roof and kept barking, eye to eye with the junkyard human, until finally the forklift stopped.

  Joe, on the ground now, looked up to see Buddy crouched above Ramona's face in the window. He said, Well, whyn't you tell me?