Everything I Can Never Have (Age & Innocence Book 2)

by M Johnson

  I haul her close to me, backing her against the boot of my car, kissing her roughly. She gasps, wide-eyed, her hands flattening on my shoulders, like she’s trying to decide whether to fight me off or pull me closer.

  Sliding a hand beneath her top, I yank down her bra and cup her breast, rolling her nipple between my fingers until it’s nice and stiff. I do the same to the other, pinching and rolling until her angry, riled-up gasps turn into tiny, plaintive moans. I kiss her again, biting down on the soft flesh of her bottom lip, pulling it between my teeth, while my hand slowly wanders down over her bare stomach until it’s resting between her legs. She shifts her feet further apart, steadying herself against me, her fingernails digging into my shoulder as I lower the zipper on her jeans, just enough for me to run my finger along her pussy, over her panties. She reaches down, her fingers fastening around my wrist like she’s begging me to enter her.

  She gasps into my mouth and I push aside the fabric and slide a finger inside, my other hand knotted in her hair, tilting her face up to mine. Her pussy grips my finger like a fucking vice, so slick and hot. She gasps, wide-eyed, bracing herself between me and the car as I stroke her swollen clit. I grunt, my cock aching at how soaking wet she is.

  “Zave. Oh, God,” she whispers.

  Her fingers claw at my wrist, trying to force me to go deeper—well, as deep as these stupid fucking tight jeans will let me go.

  “Is this what you want?” I snarl against her throat, nipping at her flushed, warm skin. “Me to finger-fuck you in the middle of a goddamned street?” She makes a sound, halfway a whimper and halfway another little moan. “I’m gonna make you come so hard you can’t see straight.”

  Her thighs tremble and wrap around my hand, goading me on. It’s been so long and because I’ve been on edge for what feels like a fucking lifetime, I want to fuck her so bad. But now is not the time or the place, even if I could get her jeans off. I grit my teeth and growl against her throat, clenching my eyes shut while I focus on her pleasure.

  Her nails dig into my shoulders, the car creaking alarmingly loud beneath us. Right as she’s about to release, I stop, determined to teach her a lesson. She can’t flaunt herself around me like that and expect me not to fucking react. Her eyes fly open, but before she can question my motives, the front door of the house opposite us flies open.

  “Get the fuck outta here with that shit before I call the cops!” an angry voice yells.

  Sofie looks at me, eyes wide, a terrified gasp tumbling from her lips at the notion of getting caught. I take my finger out of her and she stares at me, her cheeks red, her legs shaking as she fixes her clothes.

  “Damn kids,” the voice mutters, and the door slams shut.

  I burst into laughter because that’s exactly how I’m acting, like a horny fucking teenager. Can’t even make it to a fucking bed before I’m fingering her.

  “Get in the car,” I order her, leading her towards the passenger door.

  She obliges, almost stumbling over her heels as she folds herself into the seat.

  The drive back to the house is almost deathly silent, aside from Sofie’s laboured breathing, my own racing heart.

  “Well, that was interesting.” She finally breaks the silence.

  I grit my teeth and don’t reply. I can feel her mood souring in response to my silence. I pull in the driveway and get out, waiting for her to do the same.

  “Go to bed,” I say when we get inside, my voice quiet.

  “Yes, Daddy.”

  She rolls her eyes at me, then stalks up the stairs to her room, slamming the door shut behind her—no doubt for my benefit. I sigh, rubbing a hand over my jaw, then I close my eyes for a moment with my back against the door. Interesting doesn’t begin to describe what just happened.

  It was a fucking mistake.

  Standing in front of Aaron’s liquor cabinet, I help myself to a bottle of the top-shelf whiskey. I haven’t helped myself to his stash the entire time I’ve been here, but I suppose stealing a little bit of whiskey pales in comparison to what I just did with his daughter.

  At least I can replace this. I can’t un-finger Sofie against my car in the middle of a street or erase the constant dirty thoughts I have playing in my mind. The whiskey, burning on the way down, doesn’t help much, but at this point, I don’t think anything will.

  I’ve well and truly fucked up this time.

  Chapter 13

  Xavier

  Normally alcohol, at the very least, leaves me feeling numb, but this time, it doesn’t. I feel… disconnected, I guess, but in the worst possible way. I know I’m not being fair to Sofie. Being with her isn’t an option, but seeing her flirt with other guys pushed me over the edge, so now I don’t know what the fuck I am supposed to do. She’s clearly not going to give up on me, especially when I’ve allowed myself a moment—several moments—of weakness. All she needs is one break and the cracks will just get wider, then there will be no turning back. Hell, I’m not sure I can resist her now, not when I know how tight and hot she is on the inside. She was so fucking wet and clung to my fingers perfectly. God only knows what that pussy would do to my cock.

  Christ, I’m hard just thinking about it…

  No. I can’t do it again.

  I’m still technically married, she’s my best friend’s daughter, and there’s no fucking way Aaron would give us his blessing.

  My phone rings in my hand and I stare at it with bleary eyes. Aaron’s name flashes on the screen. For a moment, I consider not answering, but I know I have to. It’s late, and I’m pretty sure Sofie is asleep. If he can’t get either of us, he might panic and call the cops.

  Or worse—my wife.

  “Hey,” he greets when I answer. “How’re things?”

  “Great,” I reply, trying my best not to sound like the fucking creep who got himself drunk on my best friend’s booze, after molesting his daughter. “You realise how late it is, don’t you?”

  “Is it? Shit, sorry, man, I always mess up the time zones,” Aaron says, sounding annoyed with himself.

  “Don’t stress, I was awake anyhow.”

  “Still at the bar?” he asks.

  “Just left.” I swallow, hoping my voice sounds more natural than it feels. “Sofie’s asleep,” I feel the need to add. Not sure why I thought throwing that one in was a good idea. “I just got back to your place.”

  “Good, she’s lucky you’re there to take care of her.” Aaron’s voice is carefree and light, like any man would sound when leaving his daughter in the care of a trusted friend.

  Christ, I’m a real piece of work.

  “The reason I’m calling, can you do me a favour?” Aaron asks.

  “Sure. What is it?” I figure I owe the guy that much.

  “I need you to log onto my computer in my study and send me a file.”

  “Yeah, sure.” I get up and make my way upstairs to his study, conveniently right next door to Sofie’s room. “Where am I looking?”

  “There’s a folder on my desktop. It’s the only one. Just attach the whole thing and email it to me, that’ll be fine.”

  “Password?” I ask.

  “08112003 Sofie’s birthday.”

  I cringe at the reminder of how young she is. We weren’t even born in the same century.

  “Okay, done,” I murmur when I’ve pressed Send.

  “Fantastic, I just got it. Thanks, man. Have a good night.”

  “You too,” I reply.

  I end the call, pocketing my phone. I’m just about to exit out of his email when something on his desk catches my eye. It’s a Post-it Note. I pick it up, my throat constricting as I stare at the message scrawled across the bright pink paper because I’d recognise Maria’s handwriting anywhere.

  October 15-18, The Intercontinental, Sydney.

  Those are the same dates Maria was at a work conference in Sydney.

  Why would Aaron need to know that?

  Nausea swirls in my stomach, but I force myself to swallow the bi
tter emotions back down. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but given the evidence in front of me, it’s hard not to. Aaron was the only one who has been there for me over the last few years after Dylan’s accident. He’s the only person I told about Maria cheating on me. He sat there and fucking listened when the whole time he was the other man? Betrayal rises in me on the back of the anger, stinging my throat like bitter poison.

  There’s no fucking way…

  There has to be another explanation.

  One way or another, I’m going to find out.

  “Zave.” Maria blinks when she opens the door. “Come in—”

  “No,” I cut her off, clenching my shaking hands into tight fists at my side. “I want you to tell me what the fuck is going on between you and my best friend.”

  Her eyes widen. “What are you talking about?”

  “About you and Aaron,” I hiss, baring my teeth, daring her to tell me it isn’t true. “Tell me you’re not fucking him behind my back, Maria.”

  She visibly pales. “What… I don’t—”

  “The work conference you took a month ago, dammit,” I cut in, slamming my fist against the doorframe. “I found a note in his office in your fucking handwriting. Same weekend, same place. Go on, tell me it’s a fucking coincidence.”

  “I… God, Zave,” she whispers. Her gaze falls like she realises there’s no way for her to talk herself out of this. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Dammit, Maria. With my best friend?” My lips twist into a snarl. “Do you have any idea how deep that cuts?”

  Her expression flickers, her brow creasing, then she opens her mouth and closes it again.

  “I didn’t want to hurt you,” she whispers. “Neither of us did.”

  “Fucking great way of showing it,” I say with another bitter laugh.

  I turn around and start back down the steps towards my car. Maria calls after me, but I ignore her and keep walking. I get in and click in my belt. I shouldn’t be driving, given I’ve been drinking, but at this point, I don’t care.

  I’m such a fucking fool.

  Here I am, feeling guilty about my feelings for Sofie, worrying about what Aaron might think, when he’s been fucking my wife this whole time. I stare out at the road, my grip on the wheel tightening. If that’s how he wants to play this, he has no idea what I’m capable of. I’m done playing the good guy, trying to take a moral high ground when no one else is playing fair. From now on, the only person I answer to is me.

  I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, with who I want, and to hell with everyone.

  Back at Sofie’s house, I stomp upstairs. Fuck feeling guilty for being attracted to Sofie. She’s the only person who accepts me for who I am. She makes me feel more alive than I’ve felt in years, and I’ll be damned if the two people I should have been able to trust are going to make me feel ashamed of that. I pause outside her room, staring at the light spilling out from under her door.

  She’s still awake.

  Raising my fist, I stop short of knocking. It’s well after one and if nothing else, I should give her the chance to get some sleep. I’m about to turn away when I hear her call my name.

  Don’t think about it, just do it.

  I clench my jaw and push the door open, almost falling to my knees when I see her inside. She’s lying naked on her bed, legs parted, her finger furiously circling her clit. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen her fully naked, and from head to toe, she’s fucking perfect. The floor creaks beneath me and her eyes flutter open.

  “What are you doing in here?” Her cheeks flush with colour as she snaps her legs shut and pushes herself upright.

  “I, uh…” I cough and look away, not sure what to say to her. “Fuck, Sofie. I thought you wanted me—” Fuck. “I thought I heard you say my name.”

  Fuck.

  If this isn’t the most awkward conversation I’ve ever had, I don’t know what is. She wasn’t calling me in here. She was fucking touching herself, her fingers buried deep inside that sweet little pussy while thinking about me.

  “What are you doing upstairs, anyway? Did I hear you in Dad’s office?”

  Tearing my gaze away from her perfect little tits, I meet her eyes. They shine with satisfaction, like she’s enjoying my reaction—however unexpected me walking in on her was.

  God, this fucking woman…

  I’m not nearly as in control around her as I think I am.

  “Yeah, he wanted me to send him an email,” I reply, swallowing hard, struggling to contain the rage inside me. I take a step into her room, my resolve to keep my distance from her all but gone. “Can we not talk about your dad right now?”

  “Sure.” Her voice drips with innocence. “What did you want to talk about instead? How you promised to make me come so hard I wouldn’t be able to see straight and then left me to finish the job?”

  She moves effortlessly, kneeling on the edge of the bed, her hair draped over her shoulder, her blue eyes gleaming as they level on mine. Her lips curl into a knowing smirk.

  “Sofie…” I exhale, so close to losing it.

  “Or maybe you don’t want to talk. I can find another use for my mouth…”

  God fucking help me, but that sounds like a perfect idea.

  I close the door and stalk over to her, sinking down onto the edge of the bed. She grins at me, taking my hands and sliding them into her hair before she flattens herself on her stomach, level with my hardening cock. Unzipping my pants, she reaches inside and takes it out, curling her slim fingers around my shaft. I grunt as she strokes me and gazes up at me through her thick lashes. I swallow, my gaze on her glossy lips, as I imagine them wrapped around my cock.

  “Go on, Zave,” she whispers. “Force me to take it.”

  I snarl, gripping her hair tightly and slide my cock into her mouth, which is just as wet and ready for me as her pussy is. Her lashes flutter closed as she moans, taking every inch I give her. I widen my stance and push in deeper, crushing her nose to my pubic hair and making her choke around me.

  Flattening a hand around her throat, I groan, loving how warm and tight she is around me, the spasm of her muscles as she tries to take me just spurring me on. Tears bead at the corners of her eyes as she fights her gag reflex.

  I fuck her mouth rough and hard, forcing her to take it until she lets out choked, gasping sounds around my cock. I slide my grip to her chin to hold her head still as I use her tight throat for my own pleasure. God, it feels good, taking back some of the control I feel like I’m losing whenever I’m around her.

  “Fuck,” I hiss, yanking on her hair with my other fist, my knuckles white as she whimpers and chokes around me.

  Her hands slide down, touching herself, fingers squelching through her slick wetness, and suddenly it’s not enough to be in her throat. I want to bury myself deep inside her pussy. I want to hear her cry and gasp and moan my name. I pull out right as I’m on the edge, tossing her onto the bed.

  “Get on your hands and knees,” I demand.

  She obeys, spreading her legs and showing me her pink, bare pussy.

  Fuck, that’s a gorgeous sight.

  I climb onto the bed behind her, grab her by the hips, and thrust deep into her in one movement, snarling and tipping my head back as her soaking wet inner walls grip me like a fucking vice. I reach forward and grab her hair, yanking her up into a brutal curve as I fuck her, our skin slapping together rough and loud. She moans, fighting for breath, whimpering when I pinch and play with her nipples and dig in with my nails.

  “God, yes. Harder,” she gasps, collapsing onto her chest as I push on her head.

  I do just that, mounting her like she’s a bitch in heat. She’s so fucking tight, spasming around me, her thighs trembling and her back heaving with laboured breaths.

  “I’ve thought about this for so long,” she rasps, making heat flare up my spine. “You have no idea how many times I’ve touched myself thinking about you.”

  Fuck. Good fucking God, I love hearing
that.

  “Touch yourself, then,” I demand. “I want you to come on my cock.”

  She obeys, her beautiful face scrunched up in pleasure, fingertips grazing my shaft as she rubs fast circles around her clit. God, I’m going to come, and there’s not a thing I can do to stop it. I can feel her bearing down, tightening around me. She moans so loudly when she releases, trembling and panting.

  I grab her hips hard, holding her still, and drive into her as deep as I can, her greedy pussy eagerly taking all of me as I fill her up. My exhale comes slowly, all energy draining from me and into her. I pull out with a grunt, admiring her for a moment, then I put myself away and get up, running a hand through my hair. She rolls over, meets my eyes, and bites her lower lip.

  “You can… stay, if you want,” she murmurs.

  I pause at the door. It’s tempting, good God is it tempting.

  “It’s late,” I reply. “And you have school.”

  I wince as I say it, feeling like a world-class creep. She’s a fucking school kid. I look at her over my shoulder and see her grinning slyly at me.

  “Maybe I can put on my uniform next time, and you can tell me what a bad girl—”

  Jesus Christ. “Goodnight, Sofie.”

  I leave the room, feeling a little less on edge but no less like a creep. I’m annoyed at myself for getting so rough with her. If nothing else, it was zero to sixty real fast and I shouldn’t disrespect her like that. She’s still my best friend’s daughter, a girl I’ve known all my life.

  I should treat her better.

  But… I liked it.

  And so did she.

  That thought pisses me off more than I expect because I know she’s not going to stop teasing me, especially now that she’s had a taste. She’s going to push and push until I snap again because I can’t control myself around her.