Falling for Tyson

by Erica Breyer

  Stacy was speaking again, taking Cassie’s silence as encouragement. “But it wasn’t fun. It was cruel and spiteful. I guess maybe I was jealous. I mean, there you were, rocking your world, just being exactly who you are and owning it. Great job, great friends, great guy. I can’t even pay my own rent most months – my folks still cover half my expenses. My boss is a jerk. And my best friend is Sasha…who isn’t actually much of a friend. I found that out pretty quickly when I called her out on her bullshit.” She touched her mouth again. The braces were definitely an issue…and Cassie could imagine darling Sasha had had a field day with that.

  But Cassie’s train of thought had derailed at the words ‘great guy’. Was she still talking about Tyson? She couldn’t be.

  “I’m sorry you went through that,” she murmured. It was the only comment that came to mind. Stacy’s face looked agonized for a moment.

  “And now you’re still so nice to me when I don’t deserve it!” Stacy almost wailed. Cassie put a hand on her arm and squeezed lightly. “I’m so, so sorry, Cassie. If it’s any consolation, I deleted all those files off my phone. I didn’t need Tyson’s legal threats to make that decision. Although I have to admit, he scared the shit out of me. I’ve never seen Sash so terrified either, even though she made a show of not giving a damn. She totally gave a damn…she’d been after him for months, and he never even noticed her. I know that’s why she hated you so much. You got him without even trying. That day was probably the first time he gave her any real attention…and it wasn’t the type she wanted. He was so furious.”

  “I can imagine,” Cassie murmured. Though she couldn’t imagine…she certainly hadn’t imagined. She’d assumed the worst of him from the start. Completely convinced he’d been lying to her…never allowing him to explain. ‘Oh, my God.’

  Stacy had put a hand over hers where it rested on her arm.

  “You’re truly lucky, you know? To have a man love you like that. I wish I had someone like him in my life. He’d go to war for you – it’s so obvious how much he cares about you.”

  Cassie gave a tight smile. It hadn’t been obvious to her. Ever. She’d literally fought him at every turn.

  ‘What have I done?’

  ✽✽✽

  Cassie hovered at the doorway to the small office at the gym. Voices filtered through the door, and she recognized his. And Max. She swallowed and knocked lightly.

  “Yo! It’s open,” Maxwell called out. She took a deep breath and opened the door. Both men looked up and froze. Maxwell shot a glance from her to Tyson and then back.

  “Ah…hey, Wallstreet,” he said, trying for nonchalance and failing. The tension was palpable. “Been a while.”

  “Hey, Max. Yeah, it has,” she said softly, her eyes fixed on Tyson.

  “Cassie,” he said, nodding curtly. It was intended as a greeting.

  Maxwell was looking at Tyson too. “Uhh…anyhow, I gotta speak to…uh, Crank. I’ll catch ya later.” He turned to Cassie. “Good to see ya, Cass.” She gave him a small smile. He was giving them space. The door shut behind her as he left, but she didn’t turn to watch him go.

  Her eyes were still locked on Tyson, who hadn’t moved either. “I wanted to see you…talk to you… Can we talk?” she said, her voice barely a whisper.

  “Sure,” he said, his tone clipped. He wasn’t going to make this any easier. That was generally her role. Now she knew how much it sucked to be on the receiving end.

  “I just…wanted to apologize,” she began. “I was wrong.” So wrong. “I spoke to Stacy…about the video. She explained everything. About what you did.”

  His jaw clenched, and he folded his arms across his chest. She wasn’t getting through to him.

  “I believe you,” she added. “I know you had nothing to do with it. I’m so sorry.” Still nothing. Why wasn’t she getting through to him? She was telling him she believed him now. Telling him she was sorry. He wasn’t forgiving her. Why not? Tears welled, and she choked down a little sob.

  Tyson’s jaw was tight, his body tighter. For a moment, it looked as if he wanted to step towards her. But he didn’t.

  “Cassie…” he stopped and rubbed his eyes. “Cassie, I can’t do this.” The words tore a hole in her heart. “You needed some screwed-up woman to tell you that I wasn’t capable of something like that?” When he looked up at her, his eyes were tortured. Those beautiful eyes.

  “Why wasn’t it enough to hear it from me?” he asked. She didn’t say anything. “You were fully prepared to cut me out of your world – our child’s world – over something someone else did. You weren’t even going to tell me about the baby. Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?”

  “That’s not true!” she tried to defend herself. “I was…I was going to…” No, she wasn’t. As impossible as it would be, she’d never wanted to see him again. It hadn’t even occurred to her to think about how that might affect a child growing up. She’d lashed out.

  He wasn’t finished. “I did everything right…or I thought I did. Nothing was ever enough. And when things went wrong, you shut me down…locked me out. Even though I’ve never given you a reason to assume the worst from me.” He was right. She couldn’t deny it.

  “Tyson, I’m so sorry. You need to understand…I just couldn’t imagine…couldn’t believe…” She stopped and swallowed hard. “God, just look at you! You’re so…so…” She stopped again. “You can’t blame me for not believing someone like you could be interested in me. Not when you look like that.” Standing in front of him now, her words hung limply in the air. Was that actually her reason for blocking him out? That he was too good-looking? It suddenly seemed like the most idiotic thing she’d ever said. His expression told her he felt the same way.

  “Cassie, I look like this,” he swept a hand down the air above his body, “because it’s my job. Just like you are expected to be fit to perform your professional duties, I am paid to perform. Being in shape is not optional. In ten years, maybe I’ll be soft around the belly…would you give me a chance then? Or maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you can’t see past the surface to who I am.”

  His words struck a nerve, and she bit down her anger. Why couldn’t he just listen to her? Understand her? “No! That’s not true! I’ve always been more interested in what’s inside a person…who they are. I—"

  “Really?” he cut her short. “You’ve never done that with me. If you had, you’d know I could never hurt you. Ever. It’s always been about how I look to you. If tomorrow I was in an accident or got sick, and I didn’t look like this anymore, would you lose interest?”

  Cassie’s mouth hung open for a second. Fuck…

  “Cassie, you are perfect to me. From the moment we met, you knocked me flat on my ass. You’re smart…funny…gentle…determined…warm…and so damn beautiful. I’ve dreamed about women like you since the moment I became aware of girls.” His words were tumbling out, and she couldn’t stop him. Didn’t want to. Tears were welling, and the lump in her throat clogged the sounds from emerging.

  “I get that you have issues. I know how hard the world can be, and I would be there to fight for you if you asked. But you don’t. Instead, you punish me for the way you feel about yourself. You won’t let go of your insecurities to see how incredible you are. You can’t change. You won’t change. And I’m not going to spend the rest of my life fighting to convince you how much I love you.” Did he say love? As quickly as the floodgates had opened, they slammed shut again. His face went cold.

  “I…” she couldn’t get words out.

  “I’ll always be around for the baby, Cassie. Our baby. But I can’t be around for you.”

  She choked on a sob. That damn lump in her throat wasn’t budging. She took a step forward and reached out to him. “Ty—” Her voice broke. He backed away from her. He’d never done that before. She had.

  “Goodbye, Cassie. If you need anything, you’ve got Bill’s number.” Tyson shut the door behind him as he walked out.

  ✽✽�
�

  “He was right, Nat,” Cassie said as she got onto the route home minutes later. She heard her friend heave a sigh. “You knew all along, didn’t you?”

  “I tried to tell you, darling, but you were beyond listening,” Nat said.

  “Can I come over?” she asked. “I think I need a session on Auntie Nat’s couch.”

  “I’ll be waiting, darling.”

  When Cassie left Nat’s apartment that afternoon, she felt wrung out. While her friend could never be her therapist in the strictest sense, the woman was a pro at this. Cassie had heard some hard truths about herself – but couched in the gentlest way. The defense mechanisms she’d developed all those years ago may have served her at the time, but now they were simply holding her back. It was time to shed the armor and let herself breathe…let herself love…feel safe being loved back…

  It was time to be free – even if she had to risk heartbreak to do it.

  Chapter 23

  Cassie took a deep breath as she turned and slid her legs from the car. She’d parked in the street with a direct line of sight straight to his door. She was leaving no way out. No chance to change her mind. She fidgeted with the belt of her lightweight coat. It swished mid-calf and rustled when she walked. She heard every sound as she strode down the pathway, senses so keenly alight she was sure she could feel the oxygen buzzing in her veins.

  “You’ve got this, Cass,” she whispered to herself as she raised her hand to knock on the door. There was a second of silence. He was home…she knew he was home. She could hear music. His car was parked next to his bike. Maxwell had assured her he had no plans for the night.

  “Go fight for him, Cass,” he’d said when she’d told him her plans. “He needs you in his corner…he hasn’t had enough of that in his world.” She’d agonized over their conversation for hours. Everything he’d said had been true. Every word. Nat was right. It was time for her to get over her shit.

  “Yo!” a voice called out, and she breathed a sigh of relief. And then felt her breath catch with a feeling just short of terror. Was it possible to feel both at the same time? The door opened abruptly, and he was standing in front of her. Her breath caught again. Freshly showered. His hair was still damp. She could smell soap…and him. He took a step back. It wasn’t an open invitation, but she was taking it. She stepped through the door, and he backed away from her.

  ‘God…please don’t back away.’ She wanted to squeeze her eyes shut. This was going to be hard enough without overt rejection.

  “Cassie…” he said, then stopped. Something was playing on the sound system…it eased the silence around him. The gently jazzy sound was good. It would help. She moved closer, and he kept backing off. “What do you want?” he asked. Shit, that hurt.

  “I want to talk to you,” she said. Her fingers twisted the belt of her coat anxiously.

  “We’ve said all we need to say,” he answered. “It’s done.” There was that muscle in his jaw again. The one that said he was putting up the walls.

  She wasn’t going to let him do that. He didn’t need to wall himself away from her. She’d already done enough damage to them…she would never do that again. Her fingers kept fidgeting with the belt, and she loosened it now.

  “I can’t be what you need, Cassie, you know that,” he was saying. She wasn’t going to let him say anymore…talk himself into thinking this was wrong. It wasn’t wrong. It was right. So right. He’d known it before she had. She was going to remind him. The belt was loose, and she let her coat fall open. His eyes dipped down, and his throat worked as he swallowed.

  “You’re exactly what I need, Tyson,” she whispered, “And I’m what you need.” She shrugged slightly, and the soft fabric of the coat slid over her shoulders and dropped down her arms. There was a soft rustle as it landed at her feet in a pool.

  “Cass…” She was naked aside from her shoes, and she kicked them off. She’d chosen them because they’d be easy to slip out of. She stepped forward, and he didn’t move now. He glanced around, almost hesitantly, up towards the lights, then back at her. He was expecting her to want to dim them, but she wasn’t going to do that. She was going to stand here, under the lights, completely exposed.

  She swayed her hips in time to the background music. Her hair trailed over her shoulders and brushed against her nipples as her breasts swayed too. The breath he took shuddered. She was close enough now to see how his pupils had dilated, but far enough for him to get a good, long look at her. All of her. Every curving, swaying, jiggling inch of her. If he wanted her to do a little twirl, she’d absolutely do that too.

  “I’ve been a fool, Tyson,” she murmured, reaching a hand to his chest, splaying her fingers over it. His body was so damn hard…it was as if it was designed to complement her softness. He shook his head. Maybe at her words. Not because he was stopping her.

  “You’re right. I’ve got issues. They’re ridiculous issues…and they have nothing to do with you. But I’ve laid my crap on you. Hidden myself from you. Blamed you for things that weren’t your fault. Whether you will have me or not, I have to let that go.” She said the words, but she didn’t mean all of them. He would have her. All of her. That wasn’t going to be an option. This love affair wasn’t going to end before it began because she was a mess.

  “I want to be your Amanda, Tyson,” she said. His brow furrowed. She’d explain it later. “I want to be your everything. I want to be with you forever, and I want you to talk about me after I’m gone…if I’m lucky enough to go before you. Because I know I could never live without you.” It was soap opera dramatic and over the top, but that was how her heart worked. It was why she’d guarded it so closely. Almost sabotaged their love to defend it.

  “I want to love you. And I want you to love me, in that fierce, fearless way you do everything. And I want to fight for you the way you fight for me. I’m fighting for you now…do you see that? And I’ll be naked for you whenever you need me to be…always, if that’s what it takes.”

  His hand was over hers on his chest now. She hadn’t noticed him move it there. It just belonged. Then his arm was around her waist, and she was pressed up against him. His lips were on hers, and she was lost in the warmth of that kiss. When his arm swept up under her to lift her, she didn’t resist. She’d already twined her fingers into his hair and was dotting kisses over his face and throat.

  The trip to his bedroom barely registered. He’d settled her back on the covers and was kneeling at her feet, his eyes moving over her body. Hungrily. She stretched out under his gaze, let him take in every bit of her. He’d pulled his t-shirt over his head and tugged off his sweatpants, and he was as naked as she was now. Her gaze was so hot she wondered if it burned him. He was right, beauty was only skin deep, but that didn’t stop her from devouring him with her eyes. The strong column of his neck, the curve where it met his shoulders. The hard lines of his chest and belly. The thick jut of his cock. She was dripping for him. He barely needed to touch her to set her off.

  But he did. Gently, excruciatingly slowly. He trailed his fingertips from her toes over her ankles and up her calves to her thighs. She spread them without thinking, still watching him. He ran a fingertip up the slick crease of her sex, and she could almost hear the wetness there. He dropped his eyes to where his hands trailed. Cupped a palm over the slight swell of her belly, lingered there, then looked up at her and their eyes locked. When he sank into her, her body welcomed him like a warm harbor. He held himself over her, belly barely brushing hers as he stared down to where they were joined. His expression was so intense…so utterly perfect.

  “My Amanda,” he whispered as he looked up to meet her eyes again. Cassie cupped his cheeks in her hands and covered his mouth with her own, sucking in his breath as he moved inside her. She wanted it to last forever, even though the pleasure was already beginning to swirl. He was murmuring soft words, breathing them against her lips. She couldn’t make them out, didn’t try to. Tears were threatening, but she didn’t attempt t
o stop them. They were good tears. Worthy tears. He kissed them off her cheeks and from her jawline where they’d streaked. She was sobbing when he took them over the brink.

  ✽✽✽

  Cassie woke up with a weight on her ribcage. She inhaled and stared down at the back of Tyson’s dark head. He was lying with his cheek against her belly, tracing slow circles around her navel.