Blessed With Love (The Sisters of Rosefield Series Book 6)

by Emma Easter

  “You know it’s a women’s camp. The idea of the camp is a place where women can separate themselves from the world and be devoted to Christ. Many of them desire to get married, but I doubt they will feel comfortable having so many men in their midst. I am truly sorry.”

  Ken sighed. “That is unfortunate. I was looking forward to the trip. I guess the men and I will remain in Rosefield while the girls go.”

  Audrey shook her head. “There is no way I am going without you, Ken. No way!”

  “But you have no choice, Audrey. Not unless you want to forfeit the trip.”

  “I will if you can’t go.”

  “You have to go, Audrey. Don’t you want to see Faizan? And you have been looking forward to this trip. I can’t let you not go.”

  “I am not going without you,” Audrey repeated. “If you can’t go, then I am not going. And besides,” she looked at him and whispered, “getting pregnant now is more important to me than this trip, even though I would love to see Faizan.”

  “You have to go, Audrey!”

  “No, I am…”

  “Stop, both of you!” Faizan said. “I have an idea, but it will probably not work. If it does, however, I will let you know. I would really love for you both to come, but if Ken can’t, I hope you will decide to come anyway, Audrey.”

  “I hope your idea works out, Faizan,” Audrey said. “I would really love to go and I want to see you again, but right now there are reasons why I don’t want to go on a long trip without Ken, apart from the fact that I don’t want to experience that place without him by my side.”

  “I understand,” Faizan said. “I will try out my idea tomorrow. Call me tomorrow evening… our time.”

  “What if Miriam’s battery dies before then?” Audrey asked.

  “I hope it won’t because that would be a problem.”

  They changed the subject and talked about Sienna and Bryan, and then Trisha and Frank.

  “I am sure Bryan will be really disappointed when he hears we can’t go with the girls,” Ken said. “You know how fascinated he is by the idea of different cultures and the way they practice church and their Christianity.”

  Audrey laughed. “I won’t be surprised if he is already planning on how to plant a church there.”

  Faizan laughed along with her. “He can’t plant a church here. This whole camp is like a huge church already. Most people here are dedicated Christians, including the children, and we have fellowship twice a day, excluding the private prayer gatherings many have in their tents with friends also.”

  “I know,” Audrey said. “Zainah told me about that. It’s one of the things I am looking forward to.”

  “You see,” Ken said to her. “You have to go even if I can’t.”

  She shook her head again. “I have told you that…”

  “Yes, you won’t go unless I can,” Ken finished her sentence. “You need to think about that.”

  “Like I said, I will try to find a solution,” Faizan said.

  They talked some more and then Ken ended the call.

  Audrey sat back on the couch and looked at him. “That is a bummer,” she said. “I hope Faizan’s idea works, whatever it is.”

  “I hope it does, too.” He drew Audrey close and held her in his arms. “I certainly won’t want to be away from you for weeks.” He ran his hand down her arm and smiled mischievously. “Maybe we should put in all the time we have now to try to make a baby before you go.”

  “You know I am serious, Ken. I won’t go without you.”

  “I won’t try to force you,” he said. “I know how stubborn you are.”

  She hit him playfully on the arm and he laughed. “Well, what do you say about that baby making idea?” he said, not a hint of a smile on his face.

  She laughed out loud, the look on his face hilarious to her. A knock sounded on the door, and she grinned. She looked at him as she stood up to answer the door. “Well, that’s your answer. It will have to wait.”

  She went to the door and opened it. Sienna was standing there with a huge smile, Ethan in her arms.

  For a minute, envy tore at Audrey’s heart as she looked at the little boy. He was a painful reminder of what she yearned for but didn’t have. And then she forcefully brushed the negative feeling away, reached out, gave her sister a hug, and ushered her into the house.

  Chapter Four

  Sienna sat up on the bed and bit her lip. The room was dark and she could hear Bryan snoring softly beside her. She felt for her phone on the bedside table, found it, and picked it up. Glancing at it, she saw the time was just four o’clock in the morning. She had not been able to sleep since she and Bryan went to bed at midnight. But it was typical. For the past few months, she’d had trouble sleeping. She hadn’t wanted to admit the real cause of her insomnia to herself until a month ago.

  She began to notice late last year that she was beginning to get mild anxiety attacks once more, but she had concluded that it was just stress from taking care of Ethan while also running the orphanage full-time. But when she started to have recurring nightmares similar to the ones she’d had before she married Bryan, she knew something was wrong. Still, she had put it at the back of her mind, as the thought that the scrupulosity was returning was too hard for her to bear. And why would it return? She was living for the Lord and not involved in anything that might stir up a guilty conscience the way her past modeling career had.

  One day, after a particularly vivid and scary nightmare, she had jerked up on her bed yelling. The sheets were soaked with sweat and her heart was racing. Bryan had woken with a start and hugged her while he asked her what was wrong. When she told him she had a nightmare, he had prayed for her, held her in his arms until her heart stopped racing, and then waited for her to fall asleep again.

  She didn’t have another nightmare until a few nights later, but what she did have was a familiar vague sense of guilt and condemnation hanging over her head, which gradually became stronger as weeks went by.

  She couldn’t understand it. Where did it come from and why? She was involved in the ministry now and her relationship with the Lord, while not as close as she would want it to be, was good. At least, it had been before the invasive guilt began. Now, she felt like she was hiding from God all the time. The constant guilt and condemnation arose from the fact that every mistake, wrong word, or real or imagined sin, was magnified until it became a reason to believe she was headed straight for hell.

  She told no one about her fears, not even Bryan. Many nights, when she had a nightmare, she remained in bed, looking up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. She didn’t tell anyone because she was ashamed. She was a minister’s wife; someone who was supposed to have it all together. Why on earth would she be going through all this if there wasn’t something deeply wrong with her spiritual life?

  Today, however, she was sick and tired of keeping it all in and not telling anyone. She had to tell Bryan, if no one else. She reached over and switched the light on. Before she could reach out to wake Bryan up, he opened his eyes and looked at her. He sat up on the bed beside her and frowned.

  “What is it, Sienna?” he asked.

  “Bryan, I had another nightmare.”

  Bryan reached out, took her in his arms, and then rubbed her back soothingly. He started to say it was just a nightmare, but she gently pulled away from him.

  “Bryan, there’s something I have to tell you.” She clearly remembered how Bryan had been used by God to lift her out of her religious OCD before they got married. It had been a very difficult time for her and for him as well. Bryan had loved her unconditionally in spite of how she’d hurt him at the time and she was forever grateful to him. If he helped her then, maybe he could help her now.

  Bryan was staring curiously at her. Because she knew him well, from the expression on his face she knew he had already guessed that the problem she had now was much more than a nightmare.

  “Bryan,” she said, looking deep into his eyes. “It’s back.”
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  He took her hands and searched her eyes. “The scrupulosity?”

  “Yes,” she said simply.

  “Oh no! When did it start?” Bryan asked.

  “A few months ago,” Sienna answered.

  Bryan frowned deeply. “Why didn’t you tell me about it then, Sienna?” His expression was full of worry for her.

  She sighed deeply and admitted to him that she was ashamed.

  “Sienna, why would you be ashamed to tell me? Before we got married, remember you confided in me about everything you were going through. Why would you hide it from me now that we are married?”

  Sienna looked down. Bryan didn’t understand that things were different now. At that time, she had been a model, and even though she had a relationship with the Lord, she hadn’t been a spiritual role model, or someone anyone really looked up to. Now she was a minister’s wife and in a ministry. Everyone seemed to think she had to be hyper spiritual. She loved the idea of drawing closer to God every day. But the pressure of being a role model when she had this debilitating condition was not something she was equipped to deal with.

  Bryan put his finger under her chin and lifted her face up so she was looking directly into his eyes. She pressed her lips tightly together as he studied her. In his eyes, she could see worry and deep love for her, as well as hope. “Sienna, we will get through it the way we did years ago, okay? Let’s start by praying about it now.”

  For the next few minutes, Bryan prayed for her and asked the Lord to give them a solution to their problem.

  She felt touched beyond words by his prayer and his love for her. He said the words “our problem” rather than “her” problem, as though he was suffering as deeply as she was. And she guessed he was. That was how deeply he loved her. In spite of herself, she smiled as she remembered when she was pregnant. He’d had many of the symptoms she did during the first few months of her pregnancy, which their doctor called “Couvade syndrome.” She had teased him then because of it and they still laughed about it to this day.

  After Bryan finished praying, a small sense of peace settled over her. However, she knew the anxiety, guilt, and condemnation would come back soon enough.

  Bryan said, “Can you remember how it started again?”

  “Not really,” Sienna answered. “It started way before I actually began to pay attention to it. At first, I thought it was stress. I ignored it even though it was bothering me at the time.”

  He nodded and said, “We will find the root cause of it.” He reached out and took his Bible from the bedside table; the one he usually preached his sermons from when he went to various church programs. He opened it and began to read several scriptures to her about God’s grace and faithfulness. She listened carefully, meditating on the scriptures he read to her.

  Finally, when he finished, he smiled and said to her, “I think you’ll feel better if we talk about more fun topics now. I’m sure you’re looking forward to your trip to North Africa to see Faizan.”

  She shook her head. “Bryan, I didn’t want to tell you before now, but I cannot go without you.” She had come back from Audrey’s earlier in the day with the news that men were not allowed in the camp. Just as he usually did, Bryan had taken it in stride, even though she knew he had been looking forward to the trip with her.

  He put his arm around her shoulders and said, “You have to go, Sienna. If you’re worried about Ethan, you know I will take care of him.”

  “I’m not worried about Ethan,” she said. “I know he’ll be in good hands with his dad.”

  “Then what is it?” he asked her.

  “I just don’t want to go without you, and with this thing... this scrupulosity, I just don’t see any way I can go without you. What if I have a serious episode like I did before we got married? Or have these nightmares I am having now?” She put her palms on his cheeks and said, “I need you, Bryan, you know that. You are my rock.”

  He shook his head. “No, the Lord is your rock, and you don’t really need me. You have the Lord with you always.”

  “I know,” Sienna said. “But you know what I mean.” She took a deep breath and said to him, “Don’t try to change my mind, Bryan. I am not going without you because I don’t want to and I can’t. I need you right now.” She looked away from him and prayed he would not try to change her mind. She had made her decision. She had no choice. As much as she wanted to see Faizan again, there was no way she could go on that trip without Bryan.

  She clearly remembered how Bryan had helped her when the scrupulosity had turned her life upside down. She didn’t know what she would have done without him. When she had tried to kill herself, he had been the one who helped her out of the dark place so she never thought of doing that again. She was nowhere near all that now, but still, she needed him near.

  He turned her around to face him and smiled at her. “I won’t try to change your mind,” he said. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

  She beamed at him. “Thank you.”

  He said, “It’s such a shame, though, that we can’t go. I would have liked to see Faizan again. Most of all, I would have liked to see that place after hearing so much about it.”

  Sienna smiled sadly. “So would I.” She felt a deep sense of disappointment at the fact that she would not get to see Faizan. The worst part of it was that Audrey had also said that because Ken was not going, she would not go either. That left only Trisha. Would Trisha go alone without Frank or without her or Audrey? Hopefully, she would, because it would be so unfair to Faizan if none of them went. He would be very hurt by that.

  She told Bryan what she was thinking, and Bryan said, “He will be hurt even if Trisha goes. The fact that you and Audrey are not going will not sit well with him at all.”

  Sienna shut her eyes and imagined how Faizan would feel. If she was the one, she would feel really hurt and she knew he would, too. Unfortunately, at this time, it could not be helped. The unfortunate thing was that she didn’t know when next they would be given this opportunity to see Faizan. If they didn’t take the chance that was given to them now, who knew when another door would be open for them to visit? She sighed. Still, she couldn’t go. Not unless Faizan’s idea panned out. Audrey had told her Faizan had an idea but that it would probably not work.

  “I hope Faizan’s idea works out,” she said to Bryan.

  “What idea is that?” Bryan asked, looking quizzically at her.

  “Audrey said he told her and Ken that he had an idea, but that it might not work out. He didn’t tell them exactly what it was.”

  Bryan shrugged. “Then we shouldn’t peg our hopes on that idea of his. If we can’t go, then we can’t go.”

  She smiled in spite of herself. “So typical of you, Bryan. I wish I had your attitude.”

  He lifted her fingers and kissed the back of her hand. “Can we go back to sleep now? We are on vacation, after all.”

  She lay back down on the bed and Bryan stretched out beside her. “Lord, please give Sienna a peaceful sleep, free from nightmares,” he said. He drew her into his arms and held her tight, as though by doing so he could shield her from whatever nightmares she might have.

  Soon, she began to drift off to sleep. There was a niggling guilt in the back of her mind. Guilt that arose from the fact that Faizan would be hurt because she and Audrey would not go and visit him. Yet, she also felt grateful that she had a loving husband to share her life with through all the difficulties she faced. Hopefully, just as Bryan had told her, the scrupulosity would soon be a thing of the past. Then she could go back to enjoying her life, her marriage, and her precious son. The Lord had blessed her abundantly, and she was determined that nothing would come in the way of that.

  Chapter Five

  Trisha looked out the car window as she and Frank drove home from church with Ruby and Molly. She turned to Frank and said, “I really want to see Faizan again, but I don’t want to go without you or my sisters.”

  “I understand,” Frank nod
ded. “But you know you should go. It wouldn’t be fair to Faizan. He would have built up so much anticipation and it would be crushed if none of you go. It’s already enough that Sienna and Audrey are not going. You need to go and represent everyone.”

  “I know,” she sighed. “I just wish you were all coming with me. It will be so weird going alone.”

  “It won’t be,” Frank said. “Faizan and Zainah are there. You will feel super comfortable, you’ll see.”

  She smiled, buoyed by Frank’s words of encouragement. She turned around and grinned in amusement when Ruby asked how long it would take before they got home. It never took longer than ten minutes to get from church to their house, but Ruby asked the same question all the time with an impatient scowl on her face.

  Molly babbled something in her unique little-girl language and Trisha said, “We will soon be home, honey. Don’t you worry.”

  Molly grabbed Ruby’s doll from her hand and Ruby yelled at her. When Ruby grabbed her doll back, Molly screamed.

  “Stop it, both of you!” Trisha said, exasperated.

  Molly screamed louder and Trisha sighed. “I’m sorry, sweetie.”

  Frank turned around briefly and then turned back to the road again. When Trisha handed Molly a keychain to play with, she stopped crying.

  “Thank God,” Trisha said.

  They got to the house, and Trisha took Ruby and Molly into the room to change their outfits into more casual clothes. Sienna and Bryan had gone to Audrey and Ken’s house to stay for the weekend with Ethan. She had called this morning to tell Trisha that she and Bryan had something they wanted to tell everyone, and Trisha had promised that she would come to the house with Frank and the girls after church.

  Frank drove them to Audrey and Ken’s house. When they got there, they parked right in front of the house and got the girls out of the backseat. Seconds after they rang the doorbell, the door opened and Ken beamed at them. He shook Frank’s hand and hugged Trisha.

  Audrey was sitting on the sofa with Ethan on her lap. She stood up as Trisha came in with Frank carrying Molly while Trisha held Ruby’s hand. After hugging Trisha, Audrey kissed Molly’s forehead and laughed when Ethan reached out and patted Molly on the head.