by Emma Easter
She kissed him again, putting aside all her worries, and let herself bask in their love for each other.
Chapter Eleven
Malik squinted at the sun as he straightened. He had been working on his farm with two of the farmers he’d hired some days ago. Hopefully the seeds they had planted would produce a bountiful harvest that would provide for his daughter and his soon-to-be wife. He dropped his cutlass on the ground and hollered to the farmers, “I’m going! When you both finish, you can go as well. You will be paid at the end of the week.”
They both nodded and Malik walked away toward his new house. He entered the house and went straight to the tiny bathroom to shower. He had to go to Dogon to see Hauwa today so they could put finishing touches on their wedding plans.
As he showered, his heart filled with worry as he thought about Hauwa. He had visited her almost every day in Dogon because the wedding was very near. But for the past week, she’d been acting really distant. The day he went to take Fanta back to Nira to stay with his parents until after the wedding, she had hardly said a word to him. He had asked her what was wrong, but she only shrugged and said it was nothing. However, he had known something was wrong. She loved him, he knew, and usually whenever he visited, she fawned over him. But that day had been different, and so had the next time he visited, and the next. Today, he would find out what exactly was wrong, no matter what.
He finished showering and went to his bedroom. He put on an off-white T-shirt and a new pair of jeans he’d bought when he went to Bamako some days ago. He was worried that she might be falling out of love with him and would soon change her mind about marrying him. If that happened, his well-thought-out plan to get a mother for his daughter so she didn’t have to stay in his father’s house again would fail. Plus, he had introduced Hauwa to Fanta as her soon-to-be mother. She would be disappointed once she knew she wouldn’t have a mother again.
A thought crossed his mind. But you don’t even love Hauwa.
He sighed. That wasn’t true. He did love her.
But you’re not in love with her.
He brushed away the thoughts from his mind. He didn’t have to be in love with her to marry her. He liked her and she would make a great mother for Fanta. That was enough.
He groaned when his mind immediately traveled to Leila. Her face was firmly planted in his mind now, and it would take everything in him to push it away. But he had to. He was about to marry someone else. He couldn’t keep thinking about Leila.
He quickly ran a comb through his hair, slipped on a pair of sneakers, and left his house. He walked quickly to the bus stop and paid for his bus fare. Ten minutes later, the bus was speeding toward Dogon.
All through the drive there, he struggled to focus on Hauwa, but his mind kept going back to Leila; to the day they broke up. He had replayed the events of that day in his mind what felt like more than a million times over the last two years. It was odd that after two years, he still hadn’t gotten over her. What was worse was the fact that he remembered the day they broke up as though it were only a few days ago. The pain it brought to his heart felt like the pain he’d experienced on the day they parted ways.
As the bus approached Dogon, he realized he had not bought Hauwa a gift as he sometimes did when he went to visit her. He decided he would ask for her forgiveness and promise to get her a present the next time he visited. It was still early evening, which meant she would still be at the bus station, selling her candies. He would sit with her until she was ready to go back to her grandmother’s.
The bus drove into the station and immediately when Malik got out of the bus his eyes settled on her. She was in her usual spot where she sold her candies. He frowned when he saw that she did not smile at him as she usually did.
He walked up to her and she stood stiffly. She gave him a smile that seemed forced and said, “Welcome, Malik.” Sitting down again, she focused on the candies on the table in front of her.
He put his hand on her shoulder and asked, “What is wrong? Really.”
She turned to look at him. “Nothing,” she said, frowning.
“No, something is definitely wrong. Something has been wrong for some time now. I need you to tell me what it is. Don’t you want to marry me anymore?” he asked, his heart beating fast.
She didn’t say anything for a few moments and then she sighed loudly. When tears trailed down her cheeks, Malik blinked.
“What is it, Hauwa? Please tell me.”
She swiped at the tears falling down her face and said, “I’m sorry, Malik.” She looked at the ground. “You know I love you.”
He put his finger beneath her chin and lifted her face. Searching her eyes, he said, “You can tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m so sorry, Malik,” she said in a shaky voice. “I can’t marry you.”
His eyes widened. “What? Why?”
“Your heart still belongs to Leila,” she said. “I thought I could just go ahead, ignore it and marry you because I love you, but I can’t. I don’t want to be married to a man who loves another woman.”
Malik groaned, but he did not say anything.
Hauwa said. “Plus, I remember what you told me some days ago. Something you told me Leila said before you both broke up.”
His heart pounded at the mention of Leila’s name. “What did I tell you Leila said?”
“You said she told you she could not marry you because you did not share her faith.”
He frowned deeply and shook his head. “What does that have to do with your decision not to marry me now?” he asked, but he could already guess what she was going to say.
Hauwa smiled sadly. “Remember I told you I was a Christian? Though I have not been a very good Christian. Not like Leila. Hearing you tell me what Leila had said, I knew she was right and I knew I had to do the same thing. I shouldn’t marry anyone who does not share my faith in Jesus, no matter how much I love that person.”
Malik shut his eyes as pain overwhelmed his heart. This was the second time this was happening. First it was Leila, now Hauwa. Why did it have to be him? Anger bubbled up from within him at the injustice of it all. He had given up on love after he broke up with Leila, and all he wanted was a mother for his daughter. Why couldn’t he have that? He had Christianity – Leila and Hauwa’s Jesus to blame for it. He had never asked either of them to change their faiths for him, but they had chosen to let him go, even though they said they loved him, because of their faith. He stared angrily at Hauwa. This time, he would not fight. There was no use. He stood up and nodded. “All right, then,” he said to her. “I guess the wedding is off.”
Hauwa stood up with fresh tears running down her face. “I’m so sorry, Malik. I wish things were different. If only you were...”
“Don’t say it!” he spat out. “Don’t you dare!”
Hauwa frowned. “I’m sorry.”
Malik sighed and said in a small voice, “I’m sorry, too. I should not have yelled at you.” His anger dissipated, replaced by despair. What would he tell Fanta now? Two years ago, when he was sure he was going to marry Leila, he’d told his daughter about her and told her to expect a new mother. That had not worked out and he’d had to explain to her that she was not going to have a new mother at that time. Now, she had bonded some with Hauwa. How would he tell her that he would not be marrying Hauwa and that she would not be her mother anymore? Even though Fanta was a quiet child, she had been looking forward to finally getting a mother of her own so she could be like other children.
Hauwa put a hand on Malik’s shoulder and said again, “Please forgive me, Malik.”
He looked at her and nodded. It wasn’t her fault that he did not love her. Why should she marry him and spend the rest of her life with someone who loved someone else? “It’s okay,” he said. “I have to get back to my farm.” He quickly started to walk away, but she called his name and he stopped.
“Malik, I think you should think about going to find Leila.”
His mouth fell
open. “Why would I do that?” he asked.
“You know why,” Hauwa replied.
He looked away for a second and then looked back at her. “I have no idea where she is. And even if I did, I know she won’t have me. She made it clear before we broke up. Just as I told you, she said she could not marry me or be with me unless I became a Christian. But that isn’t going to happen. I cannot change who I am.”
Hauwa said, “I know how you feel, Malik, but have you ever considered why you love Leila? Everything that makes her who she is is really because of her faith in Christ.”
He shrugged. “Maybe it is, but she said she loved me as well and my faith is part of who I am. I didn’t ask her to convert to Islam, so why would she ask me to convert to Christianity if she really loved me?”
“I know it’s not right for me to ask you to convert to Christianity just because you want to win Leila’s heart, but will you try to find out the truth for yourself, Malik? I know it was the joy and peace that I saw in Leila that attracted me to her and ultimately led to my salvation. Wasn’t there something in you that wondered about Leila? That something about her was different? Special?”
“Of course,” Malik said. “That was why I loved her so much.”
“And you know what that thing is?”
Malik sighed and then said, “I really have to go, Hauwa.” He smiled at her even though his heart was aching. “I’m sorry. I wish I could stop loving Leila and love you instead.”
She shrugged. “You can’t do anything about it, Malik. You love who you love. Please think about what I said. As much as I’m sad that we won’t be together, I still want you to be happy, Malik. And I know you won’t find true happiness until you find Leila. And most of all, until you find Jesus.”
Malik wanted to tell her to stop preaching to him, but the sincerity in her voice gave him pause. He said goodbye to her and started to turn around. And then he stopped and turned back to her. “Just because we are not getting married anymore doesn’t mean we cannot be in each other’s lives. I hope we can still be friends.”
Hauwa nodded. “I would love that.”
Malik smiled genuinely at her and then walked away. On the bus, he kept thinking about what Hauwa told him and how similar their breakup was with his and Leila’s breakup and yet how different. With Leila, he had been shattered and he knew after the breakup that he would never be the same again. With Hauwa, he felt sad because his daughter would not have a new mother, but he also felt relieved.
When he got to the tiny town where he now lived, he went straight to his house. Rather than change into his work clothes and head for his farm, he sat on the bed and recalled everything he had talked about with Hauwa. He marveled at how increasingly relieved he felt. He especially played in his mind what Hauwa had said about searching for Leila.
He thought about that for a long time. After two years, he was still in love with Leila. Maybe it was the logical thing to do. Something in the depths of his mind cautioned him against following that train of thought. What if she had moved on? Surely, by now, she would have found someone else.
He shook his head. She had loved him dearly. Their love had been special and that kind of love did not come twice in a lifetime. Even if she had found someone else, she would not love that person the way she loved him.
The voice grew insistent. But what if she has married that person?
He sighed. It was a valid point. However, he had to try. If he didn’t because he was afraid she had moved on, he would one day come to regret it. If he found her and indeed she had moved on, then he would live with it, no matter how painful it would be.
Hope and anticipation began to rise in his heart. But still, there was one major obstacle, apart from the fact that he did not even know where to start looking for her. And that was her faith. Surely she would still insist that he convert even if she was still in love with him and wanted them to be together. Could he convert for her sake? Could he change who he was, who he had been since he was a child… for her?
He wrestled with that thought as he sat staring at the wall in front of him. After a long time of thinking about it, he finally came to a firm conclusion. He had tried as best as he could to forget about her for these past few years, but he had not been able to. The pain that their breakup had caused him was great, and if there was a chance to win her back, he would take it, no matter what it cost him. He knew without a doubt that he was ready to do whatever she wanted him to and if that meant converting to her faith, he would do it. He didn’t want to live without her anymore.
He said out loud, “So, there is just one thing I have to do now. I have to find out where Leila is.” All he knew was that she had told him she lived in some camp in North Africa for years with his sister, Zainah. Where exactly that camp was, or whether she was still there, he had no idea. She could be anywhere. However, he was determined to find her.
He didn’t know where Zainah was, either. The only person he knew to ask about her now was his sister, Khadija. It was unlikely Khadija knew where Leila was. Still, he would start by asking his sister if she had any idea where she was. If she didn’t, he would have to find other options to trace Leila’s whereabouts.
He stood up and opened his wardrobe. He had kept a stash of cash—some of the money he had saved for his wedding and for getting furniture for his house. The rest was in the bank in Bamako.
He brought out a wad of cash and put it in his pocket. He went out of his house and walked to his farm. One of the farmers had left, but the other was still there. He brought out some of the money, paid the man, and gave him money for the other farmer.
The man looked at the money and then looked up at him with a surprised expression on his face. “This is much more than what we agreed on,” he said.
Malik nodded. “I know. I want you to do something for me.”
“What is it?” the farmer asked.
Malik said, “I want you to watch over my farm for me and also my house. I’ll be traveling soon and will probably be away for a long time. Keep working on the farm. I will send you more money if I don’t return in time.”
“Okay,” the man said and smiled. “I can do that.”
Malik patted the man’s shoulder. “Good,” he said. He left the man and went back to his house. Bringing out his suitcase from his wardrobe, he threw his clothes into it. It was a large suitcase and he packed most of his clothes in it. He wasn’t sure how long he would be away. He had to go to Nira first and see his daughter at his parents’ house. After that, he would talk to Khadija and try to find out everything she knew about Leila’s whereabouts. Hopefully, she would know something.
He finished packing and then wheeled his suitcase out of his bedroom to the living room. He stepped out of the house and before he locked the door, he turned to look at the house once more. He had built this house in preparation for a new life with a new wife. But it had not worked out the way he had planned. However, he was hoping for a much better outcome this time, and a much happier one.
If everything went well, he and Leila would get married immediately and they would probably come and live here. If things went badly, he would come back a very lonely and sad man. But at least he would know he had tried his best to look for the love of his life. And if he lived in regret for the rest of his life because he had broken up with her the first time, then he would have to deal with it.
He shut the door, locked it, and began to walk to the bus stop to go in search of the only woman he’d ever loved, and who he knew he would never stop loving.
Chapter Twelve
Leila stood up from her sleeping rug and rubbed her eyes. After her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, she went to the corner of the tent where the kerosene lamps where usually kept, along with a box of matchsticks, and lit one of the smaller lamps.
The tent flooded with light and she could see her tentmates sleeping all around the tent. She straightened as she picked up the lamp.
Careful not to wake any of the women, she
slowly made her way outside. She walked a short distance away from the tent to ease herself and then staggered back, yawning.
Suddenly, her eyes widened in surprise and shock as she heard male voices whispering some distance away. The voices drew near and she bit her lip as fear flooded her heart. What were they looking for in the camp? Were the women here in danger?
With nowhere to hide, she stood frozen while the voices came nearer and nearer, and then she saw who it was and blinked. She immediately recognized the men that she, Sherifat, and Miriam had seen at the men’s camp some days ago.
She marched up to them, her lamp lifted and her stomach boiled in anger. “What are you doing here?” she asked angrily.
They stood gazing at her, the calm expression on their faces causing her anger to grow. They did not look surprised to see her; neither did they look ashamed that they had come to a women’s camp at night looking for God-knew-what.
The bearded handsome one came closer to her and said, “I am sorry. We did not introduce ourselves on the day you came to the camp. I am Reza and this is Abdul.”
“I don’t care what your names are,” Leila spat out, scowling at both of them. “All I want to know is why you are here at this time of night.”
The other one, Abdul, came closer and spoke. “I am actually here to see you.”
Leila stared at him as though he had gone mad. “You are here to see me? Why?”
The one called Reza said, “I am here to find the other girl that came with you to the camp.” His eyes lit up. “The one with dark, shiny skin, and the most beautiful face I have ever seen. Can you tell me where she is?”
Leila stared at him. His eyes sparkled as he described Sherifat. She shook her head. There was no way she would tell him where Sherifat was. All she wanted was for them to leave before any of the women found them here and the existence of their camp became known.