I Could Be You

by I Could Be You (epub)

  ‘I’m in London visiting a friend,’ Dee said. ‘Why?’

  ‘I’m at your house,’ Rachel said. ‘How quickly can you get here?’

  Thirty-Five

  Katie

  Five years earlier

  We’re living in Bristol. Same city, very different lives. The main difference being she has a life and I don’t. I made two lists last night. Drew a line down the middle of a sheet of paper and wrote my name on one side, Ella’s on the other. Underneath our names, I wrote all the things we have in our lives right now. In my list I wrote: job, money, a place to live. Here’s her list: job, money, a place to live, friends, mother, boyfriend. I underlined ‘boyfriend’ three times, pushing the pen so hard that I ripped the paper.

  His name is Tom and he’s cute in a geeky kind of way. Not in Shane’s league, but maybe that experience has scared her off the soulful, sexy type and she’s gone for something a bit safer. It’s clear he’s crazy about her. You can see it in the way he follows her around the place like a devoted puppy. She clearly likes that devotion, though I think it’s a bit sad really that she’s decided to go for a Tom when she could have anyone she wants.

  We’ve started hanging out together. Not too often, but enough for her to think we’re becoming friends. Tom doesn’t like it. More to the point, Tom doesn’t like me. He suspects I’ve got an ulterior motive for wanting to spend time with his girlfriend. Clever old Tom.

  Ella, on the other hand, hasn’t got a clue. She thinks it’s a wonderful coincidence that we’ve both ended up in Bristol. ‘What are the chances?’ she gushed the first time we bumped into each other. Hardly a coincidence given that I’ve moved here to be close to her. And our bumping into each other only happened after I’d been following her for weeks and knew her routine inside out.

  She graduated last week, and now she’s trying to work out what she wants to do next. She’s been offered a music scholarship in Australia, but isn’t sure if she’s going to accept it. She doesn’t want to be too far away from her mum. I’m doing my best to persuade her that moving to Australia is a seriously bad idea. I’ve told her how much I regret not spending more time with my parents, and that if they were still alive, I’d do everything I could to see them as much as possible. I think it’s having an effect, but I’m not stupid enough to think I’ve got more influence over her than Tom. Not yet, anyway.

  She’s invited me for dinner this evening. I’ve spent ages getting ready, but I’m still not sure what to wear or what to do with my hair. I’ve straightened it, but now I’ve remembered that she doesn’t bother doing that any more. Maybe I should stop too. I don’t want Tom to notice I’m copying his girlfriend, but I’d like to look my best. In the end, I leave it as it is. It’s not like Tom’s going to notice. Beside Ella, I’m always going to be invisible.

  Their flat is small and untidy and not really how I imagined. But they seem actually pleased to see me, even Tom. He takes my coat and pours me a glass of wine and steers me to the sofa, where we sit and chat while Ella prepares the food.

  The more I talk to Tom, the more I can see why Ella likes him. He’s funny, and he listens when I speak, instead of talking over me like most guys do. I’m so relaxed, my wine goes down faster than I expect. When I’m finished, Tom offers to top me up right away.

  ‘Only if you’re having one too,’ I say.

  ‘Try and stop me,’ he says. Then, leaning forward, he mock-whispers, ‘We’ll need something strong to block out the taste of Ella’s cooking.’ He grins, and I can’t help smiling back.

  ‘Don’t listen to him,’ Ella shouts from the kitchen area. ‘He loves my Moroccan chicken.’

  Tom reaches for my glass, and when our hands touch, a shot of electricity tingles up my arm. He’s still smiling, and I know he’s felt it too. Something is happening. Fate, destiny, call it what you want. Tom Doyle and I are meant to be together.

  Ella thinks she’s been so clever. She has no idea that the only reason she’s got away with what she did is because I let her. I’ve stood back and watched her build a shiny new life for herself, knowing I can make it all come crashing down any time I want to.

  Thirty-Six

  Dee

  The drive to London that morning had taken Dee an hour and forty-five minutes. She made it back in sixty-five minutes. True to her word, Rachel had called Ed, who was standing outside Dee’s house when she pulled up.

  ‘How bad is it?’ she asked, jumping out of the car.

  ‘Your mum’s office got the worst of it,’ Ed said. ‘I’m sorry. I know how much that space means to you.’

  Dee pushed past him into the house, not bothering to ask Ed how he knew that about the office.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said again, following her inside.

  She went as far as the doorway of the office and stopped. The whole place had been ripped apart. The drawers of the filing cabinet had been pulled out, their contents emptied onto the ground. A mess of files and papers was scattered around the room. The desktop computer her mother used to work on was gone.

  When Rachel had called earlier, she’d told Dee she’d gone to her house because she had some more questions. When she got there, she saw the front door had been prised open. Her first thought was for Dee’s safety. After calling her to make sure she was okay, she went inside to see how bad the damage was. Then she called Ed and told him what had happened.

  ‘I got our guys out here right away,’ Ed said. ‘We’ve taken fingerprints from the door frame and in here. But they could belong to anyone who’s been in those rooms. Nothing else seems to have been disturbed. Although I’ll need you to confirm that, of course.’

  The thought of all these strangers inside her house when she wasn’t here made Dee want to throw up. Or hit someone.

  ‘There’s been a spate of burglaries in the area recently,’ Ed added. ‘Looks like you’re the latest victim. We’ll check all the fingerprints we’ve got from here with those from the other burglaries. I wouldn’t get your hopes up, though. We’ve had no matches so far.’

  But Dee knew who’d done this, and it wasn’t some random lowlife criminal. Shane Gilbert had known she wouldn’t be here today. He’d lured her up to London, and as soon as she was out of the way, he’d broken into her house.

  ‘What about the mobile home?’ she asked. ‘Have you checked there too?’

  ‘I didn’t think of that.’

  Ed pulled out his phone and made a call. While he issued instructions to whoever was on the other end of the line, Dee went into the office and got down on her knees, searching through the files and papers. Even though she already knew what was missing.

  ‘Hey,’ Ed said, turning around. ‘You shouldn’t be in there yet.’

  Dee ignored him. ‘Katie’s file is gone. All of it. There’s nothing left. This is to do with her. You said it yourself, this is the only room that’s been disturbed. He hasn’t taken the TV or my jewellery or any of the paintings.’

  ‘They took the computer,’ Ed said.

  ‘That was an ancient heap of shit. The only reason he took it was in case there was something about Katie on there. Thank God I took my laptop with me. I wasn’t going to, but I threw it in the boot of the car in case I needed it.’

  ‘He?’ Ed said. ‘You’ve said that twice now, as if you know who it was.’

  Dee was still on the floor; her knees were starting to hurt. She stood up, painfully aware of how creaky her body was these days.

  ‘Am I allowed into the kitchen to make some coffee?’ she asked.

  ‘Afraid not. Why don’t you let me take you somewhere? We can leave the guys to get on with things here. I’ll make sure they let me know when they’re finished. I can drive you home after they’re gone.’

  She thought he’d take her into town somewhere. Instead, he drove to Pevensey Bay, where they bought takeaway coffees from the bakery and drank them on the beach. Sitting on the shingle like a pair of old mates, instead of a detective investigating a murder and one of the vic
tim’s only friends.

  ‘You were right about the mobile home,’ Ed said. ‘I got a call while I was ordering the coffees. The whole place has been turned over. Much worse than yours.’

  ‘I knew it. That bastard.’

  ‘Why are you so sure you know who did this?’

  Dee blew on her coffee to cool it and took a sip before answering, making sure she didn’t tell him anything she shouldn’t. Like how she’d arranged to meet Shane Gilbert in London today.

  ‘What did Rachel want to speak to me about?’ she said. ‘That’s why she was at my house. Because there was something she wanted to ask me.’

  ‘She wanted to ask you about your ex-husband. He’s been in touch, asking a lot of questions about the case.’

  ‘What’s that got to do with me?’

  ‘We thought he might have confided in you. When I spoke to him, I got the distinct impression he wasn’t telling me everything he knows.’

  ‘I’m the last person he’d confide in,’ Dee said.

  Ed rubbed his hands down his face, and when he looked at her, she could see how exhausted he was. She had always been a sucker for a troubled man. It had been the undoing of her marriage and it looked like being her undoing now too.

  ‘Ed—’ she started.

  ‘I know.’ He held up a hand. ‘You’ve already told me everything he knows. Sorry. It’s been a rough week. No excuse.’ He smiled. ‘But it’s the only one I’ve got. Forgive me?’

  ‘Nothing to forgive,’ she said.

  She finished her coffee and crunched the paper cup in her hand. The tide was out, leaving a stretch of rose-gold sand. A couple were walking hand in hand along the edge of the water, a black-and-white border collie bouncing around them. The air was so still that Dee could hear the splashing of their bare feet in the shallow water and the murmur of their voices.

  Exhaustion and rage made her body ache. She was so tired she wanted to lie down and never get up again. So angry she wanted to punch someone until they bled. Shane Gilbert, Alex Mackey, Billy Morrison. Any one of them, or all of them.

  Ed’s phone started to ring. When he answered it, he listened for a moment before giving Dee the thumbs-up.

  ‘Your house is clear. SOCO have got everything they need. I’ll drive you home as soon as you’re ready.’

  She didn’t want to go back. She wanted to stay here, watching the tide come in and talking with Ed Mitchell about nothing and everything.

  ‘We can stay out a bit longer if you want,’ he said. ‘I’d understand if you didn’t want to be there after what’s happened.’

  ‘It’s okay.’ Dee stood up quickly before she changed her mind. ‘I’m tired. I feel like a bath and an early night.’

  On their way back to her house, Ed asked Dee if she thought Katie and the dead woman could have been in a relationship.

  ‘It’s possible,’ Dee said. ‘Except if they were a couple, I’d have seen her around, right? I assumed Katie was straight. Maybe because of Jake. But she could be gay, I guess. Although I find it difficult to think she wouldn’t have told me if she was.’

  ‘Maybe that’s not as unlikely as you think. From what you’ve told me, she was a very private person.’

  ‘Yeah, but you still get an impression of what someone’s like. No matter how private they are.’

  ‘What impression would Katie have had about you?’ Ed asked.

  ‘What sort of question is that?’

  ‘I’m curious, I guess. I remember you from school. You were always so… out there. Different to the other girls. I wasn’t surprised when I heard you were in London making a name for yourself.’

  Something in his voice, a hint of pity, made Dee want to smack him. Or cry.

  ‘You’ll need to get someone to fix your front door,’ he said. ‘We’ve boarded it up, so you’re secure for now. But you should get it sorted as soon as you can. Ah, your boyfriend’s here.’

  He had pulled up outside Dee’s house and pointed at Alex, standing by Dee’s broken front door. Dee’s spirits sank even further. Alex was the last person she wanted to see right now.

  She didn’t want Ed to go. She wanted to explain that she wasn’t the loser he clearly thought she was. To rip that trace of pity from his voice, replacing it with admiration instead. Get him to see that all this – living here in her childhood home without a job or any real prospect of one – was an interlude. She was having a career break, that was all.

  But the look on his face told her there was no point. He’d made his mind up about her and there was nothing she could do about it.

  ‘He’s not my boyfriend,’ she said, her voice sharper than she’d meant. ‘He’s a friend, nothing more than that.’

  ‘And his wife knows this is where he comes every evening when he’s finished work?’

  ‘That is none of your bloody business.’

  Ed shrugged, like he didn’t care one way or the other what she got up to. Somehow, that made her even angrier. What right did he have to criticise her for living her life the way she wanted to?

  She opened the door and got out of the car.

  ‘Thanks for the coffee,’ she said. But she doubted he heard. He was already driving off, the passenger door slamming shut as he turned the car around and sped away.

  * * *

  ‘I came to see how you’re doing,’ Alex said. ‘Figured I’d let enough time pass so you wouldn’t whack me again. Then I saw the door all boarded up and I didn’t know what to think. What the hell happened, Dee?’

  ‘A break-in,’ Dee said. ‘Apparently there’s been a few of them over the last few months. I’m sorry about hitting you, by the way. Even if you deserved it.’

  Alex smiled. ‘Can’t blame me for trying. But don’t worry, message received loud and clear. It won’t happen again. Did the burglars take much?’

  They were in the kitchen. Dee was making coffee while Alex paced around the place like someone with too much energy and not enough space.

  ‘Mum’s computer,’ she said. ‘Nothing else as far as I can make out.’ She didn’t tell him that Katie’s file had been taken as well. After the last time, she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to him about Katie at all.

  ‘You were lucky,’ he said.

  ‘I don’t feel particularly lucky. But I guess you’re right. It could have been a lot worse.’

  ‘At least you’re okay.’ He stopped pacing, came and sat beside her at the island in the middle of the kitchen. ‘I’m so sorry about the other night. I was a right dick.’

  ‘I’m sorry too. I probably should have responded with a little less violence.’

  ‘Friends?’ He held out his hand.

  ‘Friends,’ Dee said, but she didn’t shake his outstretched hand. ‘Listen, Alex, it’s been a really long day and I’m knackered. All I want to do is have an early night. Thanks for coming over. Maybe we can get together another time?’

  ‘Do you want a hand tidying up the office before I go?’ he said.

  She shook her head. ‘I need a bit of time to get my head around what’s happened. Mum’s office is a kind of special place for me. It’s where I feel closer to her than anywhere else. Knowing someone else was in there, going through her stuff, messing it all up, it makes me feel sick.’

  ‘Okay.’ Alex drained his coffee and stood up. ‘Not a problem. I’ll leave you to your early night, but only if you promise to give me a ring when you feel up to a bit of company.’

  ‘Sure.’ She forced herself to smile, not wanting him to see how desperate she was for him to leave. When he leaned in for a hug, she stepped back and he put his hands awkwardly on her shoulders instead.

  ‘You take care, Dee.’ He let himself out through the door that led onto the deck.

  The sun had started to set, flooding the house with red and orange light. Dee watched the colours shift and change as it dropped lower in the sky. She kept thinking about the conversation they’d had the last night he was here. When she’d told him about the file in her mother�
�s office full of information about Katie. Right before he’d kissed her.

  Thirty-Seven

  Katie

  Five years earlier

  I leave it a week. Then I send her a text saying I need to see her urgently. I know this will freak her out, and sure enough, she calls me back right away.

  ‘Hey, Katie, is everything okay?’

  ‘Not really,’ I say. ‘I don’t suppose you’re free any time today or tomorrow?’

  ‘I’m not around today,’ she says. ‘But I’m home tomorrow evening if you’d like to pop over?’

  ‘Will Tom be there?’ I ask.

  There’s a pause. Then, ‘Is that a problem?’

  ‘Not for me. But I’m worried you won’t want him hearing what I have to say.’

  That does it. She agrees to meet me at Beanz coffee shop in an hour. Which, by the way, goes to show. She could have just said yes straight away, instead of deliberately trying to make it difficult for us to meet.

  Beanz is a hip coffee shop in Clifton. It’s full of arty, studenty types and I hate it immediately. I deliberately arrive ten minutes late and I’m glad to see she’s already here. Sitting at a table by the window, hands wrapped around a white mug, looking miserable.

  I swallow down my anger and force myself to smile as I walk over and say hi. I ask if she wants anything, but she nods at the mug and says no thanks, she’s fine.

  ‘Thanks for seeing me,’ I say, once I’ve ordered my own coffee and am sitting opposite her. The table wobbles and coffee spills onto it when I put my mug down. It’s annoying, but nothing like as annoying as the look on her face right now. I want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her and tell her that I know what she did. But it’s not the right time for that. ‘And thanks for the lovely evening last week,’ I continue. ‘I meant to write you a proper thank-you note, but I never got around to it. I hope you don’t think I’m rude?’

  ‘Katie,’ she says. ‘I don’t care about that. Cooking you a meal is the least I could do.’