How to Kiss an Undead Bride

by Edwards, Hailey

  “My room?” I waited for an explanation. “Don’t you mean the locker?”

  That’s what she called it since I showered and changed here often enough to be assigned a room with an en suite bathroom. What can I say? The potentate gig is messy, and I spent a lot of time here when I got lonely while Linus was in Atlanta.

  A generous spread that began with breakfast for the nightshift and progressed toward dinner for the dayshift covered the length of the table buffet style. I grabbed a plate and passed one to Linus. As I heaped mountains of food onto mine, I gave him a tablespoon of various items he liked well enough to eat but wouldn’t bother to without prompting.

  Yet another hiccup I had Atlanta to thank for, his backsliding into fasting.

  Ah, well. He was home now. I would fatten him up in no time.

  “We have a room at your house, and now you have a room at ours.” She crunched on a strip of bacon. “I was going to give it to you as a wedding gift, but hey. Everyone likes to get presents early.”

  A slender girl with pale blonde hair and tanned skin entered from the opposite door and spotted us right away. A smile lit up her face, and she ran straight for me, tackling me against Linus. “Aunt Grier.”

  “Hey, Eva-Diva, what’s up?” I kissed the top of her head. “Broken any boys’ hearts today?”

  “Eww.” She curled her lip. “Boys are gross.”

  Despite the fact she looked like a preteen girl, she was physically only two and a half years old. Her hormones hadn’t caught up with her latest growth spurt, so she wasn’t boy crazy yet. But it was coming. How her parents would handle that, I had no clue. At this rate, she would be five or six years old but look like a high school senior. How did you factor crushes into that? Or dating? Or the S-word?

  Turning me loose, she squeezed between us to hug Linus. “Hi, Uncle Linus.”

  “Why aren’t you in class?” The chastisement fell short of its mark when he couldn’t resist returning her infectious smile. “You should be well into your English lesson.”

  “I’m not skipping,” she blurted. “Promise.”

  Eva idolized Linus, and she would die if he ever thought she had done a bad thing. Just curl up and wither on the spot.

  “Spill it, kid.” Her mom tossed her a strip of bacon that she caught with ease. “What’s up?”

  “I heard something hit the window in the classroom. I worried it might be another bird, like that robin last week, and asked permission to go check.”

  The kids had study hall first thing in the morning to give Hood a chance to eat and the kids an opportunity to make up tests or complete homework. Eva, a straight-A student, acted as class monitor.

  “I found this.” She opened her hand. “It was in the grass.”

  On her palm sat a gold band studded with diamonds. I didn’t have to try it on to know it would fit me.

  “Ariana, she’s the upstairs maid, confided that last week, when she tidied Mr. Volkov’s bedroom, she spotted a black velvet box on his nightstand.”

  Lena, my childhood nurse, the one who helped Volkov cage me at his estate, the one where my father and mother had lived, however briefly, told me that.

  I never saw the ring, I never wanted to see the ring, and I didn’t want to be looking at it now.

  The fact it might have been dusted with bronze powder too? That Eva had unknowingly picked it up? Dried the spit out of my mouth.

  “Can I have a look?” Linus removed a handkerchief from his pocket and gingerly took the ring, though any fingerprints found on it now would belong to Eva. “I need to run some tests, but you can have it back after.”

  “Finders keepers?” Her eyes brightened. “No one was there. Promise. I looked.”

  “Finders keepers.” He tapped the end of her nose. “As long as your mom agrees.”

  Eyes bright and shining, Eva clasped her hands in front of her chest. “Mommy?”

  No one missed the upgrade from mom to mommy, but no one mentioned it either. For one thing, it was too much fun watching Lethe squirm. For another, I didn’t want to say or do anything she could throw back in my face if Linus and I ever got around to giving Woolly and his mother the fifty-billion grandkids they each expected.

  “You can keep it, but you have to leave it in your room. You can’t wear it out of the house, or you might lose it.”

  “Okay.” Eva trotted over to her mother and hugged her. “Thank you.”

  “What about me?” Hood pounded his fist on the table. “Don’t I get a hug?”

  “Of course you do, Daddy.” She skipped to him and flung her arms around his neck. “Love you.”

  “Love you too, baby.” He handed her a piece of bacon. “Now go on back to class. I’ll be there shortly.”

  Once she disappeared, Lethe pegged her mate with a look. “I didn’t get an I love you.”

  “I’m always Daddy,” he said smugly. “You’re only Mommy when she wants something.”

  “Maybe I should step down as alpha and do the stay-at-home-mom thing.”

  “Hell no.” Hood clutched his chest. “I’m beta, and I’m not willing to give up my stay-at-home-dad gig to rip a bunch of dumbasses a new one every time they step out of line. I leave that up to my wife.”

  “I do enjoy the ripping of new ones,” she allowed. “There’s something cathartic about it. All the screaming, crying, begging.”

  “You’re sexy when you’re vicious.” He fed her the last piece of bacon off his plate. “I love it.”

  “Aww.” She crunched away. “You really know how to make a girl feel special.”

  Feed me bacon and tell me I’m vicious.

  I could probably get that printed on a shirt in time for Christmas.

  Linus and I ate while Hood and Lethe made loud kissy noises. It was enough to make me wish the waffles hadn’t been so tasty. I almost regretted eating four. Good thing I drowned those worries in syrup.

  Despite our portion sizes, I still beat Linus to cleaning my plate and had to cheer him across the finish line.

  “We’ll be on our way.” I stood, ready to carry my plate into the kitchen, and he did too. “Thanks for the room and for breakfast.”

  “No problem.” Lethe rubbed her nose against Hood’s. “See you later.”

  “You don’t want to know what Linus found out? About you? Getting poisoned?”

  “You heard the woman.” Hood shooed us. “We’ll catch up later.”

  Linus and I hit the kitchen, fed the dishwasher, then exited the house.

  We caught one of her favorite lieutenants and asked him to sniff the ring, which amused him to no end, and to search the area where Eva found it. He came up empty on both counts. No scents present that didn’t belong there.

  Whoever chucked it at the window had been careful not to leave hints for sensitive gwyllgi noses. Had I not spent the night at their den, the ring would have been waiting on my lawn to find. Probably with my bare foot. As much as the idea made my skin crawl, I preferred that violation to them involving Eva. But I hadn’t been home, and my absence would have been obvious since I left Woolly crawling with cleaners.

  “That was extreme,” I said once we were alone. “Even for them.”

  “She’s trying to conceive.”

  “What?” I must have misheard him. “Now?”

  “I overheard the pack talking when I sneaked back in this evening. There’s apparently concern about the life expectancy of her firstborn. They would feel more settled if she gave birth to a spare under more natural circumstances.”

  “Lethe fell for that?” As my brain gained traction, I answered my own question. “She’s always wanted more kids.” Hearing her pack might pressure her into reproduction had thrown me, but she wouldn’t do it for them. She would do it for herself and her family or not at all. “She and her brother are tight, and she wants that for Eva.”

  “I preferred being an only child,” Linus confessed. “It meant I didn’t have to be sociable.”

  Though he would never adm
it it, perhaps not even to himself, he had been lonely. I was an only child for my parents, and for Maud, and I never missed having a sibling. I had friends, a chosen family, to keep me from being alone except when I wanted to be. Linus…hadn’t had that. Accepting a friendship as genuine was still hard for him, but he was getting better.

  “Two years was the gap Lethe was aiming for, but she kept putting it off to focus on Eva’s development and on establishing the pack.” It was easier discussing her than our childhoods. “Now Eva is older and healthier, and so is the pack.” We started down the hill to Woolworth House. “It makes sense.”

  “But she didn’t tell you, and that bothers you.”

  “No, she didn’t, and yeah, it does a little.” Maybe more than a little. I was shaken she had made such a huge decision without first consulting me. It was stupid to let my feelings get hurt over a private decision between her and her mate, but I had gotten used to us being a thruple when it came to making decisions based on my necessary involvement with Eva’s healthcare. “Usually we tell each other everything. In gruesome detail.”

  “Maybe she wanted to wait until after the wedding?”

  “I could see that.” The knot tightening in my chest loosened. “She wouldn’t want to steal my thunder.”

  “It has taken us a while to get here.”

  “Nah.” I laughed softly and leaned into him. “Only most of our lives.”

  Woolly sensed our approach, and light swept throughout the rooms, spilling onto the porch to welcome us home.

  Taking the front steps at a jog, I hugged the nearest column. “Did you miss us?”

  Woolly beamed me an image of children of all ages racing through her halls.

  “Yes.” I chose to misinterpret her not-so-subtle prodding. “We did see Eva. She’s growing up so fast.”

  The front door opened on a sigh, and I patted the frame on my way past.

  Behind me, Linus chuckled, and I didn’t have to guess what she was showing him. “How many?”

  “I counted five, but there was at least one baby crying in another room after a sibling stole her toy.”

  “I would like to enjoy being married before I do the mom thing. Kids are nice, but they’re also forever. I don’t think it’s asking too much to at least get through the honeymoon without your mother shipping me ovulation kits and mine bombarding me at all hours of the day and night in the hopes of brainwashing me into catching baby fever.”

  The vent nearest me blasted warm air up my leg, and Woolly’s presence wrapped around me in apology.

  “I’m not saying I won’t break ground on the baby factory you and the Grande Dame have your hearts set on, but I would like to enjoy being an obligation-free adult before I have to worry about changing diapers.”

  An obligation-free adult in charge of the welfare of an entire city, who was also the custodian of a sentient house, and the adoptive mother of a ghost boy, and the godmother of a gwyllgi child warped by my magic.

  Yeah.

  Obligation free.

  Woohoo.

  “You are the only person who gets to decide if and when you get pregnant. It’s your body, not theirs. Or mine.”

  “I knew I liked you for a reason.” I did a quick examination of the house, but everything appeared to be in order. Thankfully, Woolly wasn’t too traumatized by the whole ordeal. “Are you sending the ring to your team in Atlanta?”

  “I have a local contact who can inspect the piece before we turn it over to the cleaners.”

  “You’re not worried about smudging prints?”

  “There are no whole ones.” He flashed a spent sigil on his palm. “The partials are much too small for an adult. I’m certain they belong to Eva.”

  About what I figured, but it sucked to hear it out loud. “Do you want to pay him a visit?”

  “She ought to be open by now.” He checked the time on his watch. “You might remember her shop. It’s where Lethe had your necklaces made.”

  Last year for my birthday Lethe presented me with a golden donut charm missing a bite that said best. Her half was a mirror image that said friends. We strung them on chains and never took them off. It made Hood roll his eyes, but he didn’t get how hard it was to make friends, let alone best friends, when you were a woman with power. The rules for us were different, and the pool of candidates was shallow. In more ways than one.

  “Oh good.” I rubbed my hands together. “I was thinking of getting Lethe a charm made for her necklace. Her birthday is coming up in a few months. It could be our thing.”

  “Do you have a design in mind?”

  “A strip of crispy bacon that says bite me. What do you think?”

  “She’ll love it.” He eyed the keys hung on a peg by the door. “Do you want to drive, or should I?”

  “Pfft.” I snagged the ring and jingled it. “You wish I would let you drive.”

  These days rideshare apps were too risky for me, and I had to give up my chauffeur once Hood started teaching. It took me a while to work up to spending the small fortune it cost, but I bought myself a new car. Well, an SUV. A Volkswagen Atlas.

  It was a beast.

  The paint was tourmaline blue, much peppier than the standard crimson favored by the Society, and the inside still had that new-car smell. Plenty of room to carry necromantic supplies, handcuffed suspects, traumatized victims, and occasionally Eva and her friends when her parents needed alone time. Plus, the panoramic sunroof that ran nearly the entire length of the SUV made it feel open and airy.

  Linus spent too much time wearing masks to give up his mother’s car service, but he had grown oddly attached to my behemoth. I didn’t ask, but I could guess he had never owned a car. Neither had I. The only vehicle I’d had to my name was Jolene until Moby.

  And yes, I named my SUV after a fictional whale. It really was that big.

  Anyway, I had a hunch that the novelty of car ownership appealed to him far more than being reliant on a driver and car that made him stick out like a sore thumb. Morrison was nice and all, but the car service robbed Linus of his anonymity. Not that he had much in Savannah, given who his mother was, who he was, who I was, but he valued his privacy. Maybe, if he was a good boy, he would find one in metallic red under the Christmas tree this year. Sure his mom would have an aneurism, but it would make him happy, and that’s all that mattered to me.

  * * *

  Bette Ruiz greeted Linus with a squeal of enthusiasm and a brisk hug that told me where he shopped for his mother’s birthdays and all major holidays. She was old enough to be his grandmother, but she didn’t let that stop her from admiring him with wistful sighs that screamed if I were a few centuries younger…

  “This is my fiancée.” Linus extricated himself and took a healthy step back. “Grier Woolworth.”

  I got the distinct impression he was hiding from her. Or her grabby hands. Or more fire-engine-red lipstick smears on his cheeks.

  Seriously, was that top button undone when we arrived?

  “Oh, hello.” She didn’t glance my way, which was a good trick since she was hunting Linus and I stood between them. “I heard about the engagement.” She popped out her bottom lip. “I was hurt when you didn’t come to me for your rings.” She walked her fingers up what she could reach of his chest. “We work so well together.”

  “That’s my fault.” Might as well embrace the role of villain. “I had his ring made in Atlanta.”

  “You’re the Potentate of Savannah.” She touched a fingertip to where his pulse beat in the hollow of his throat, and her shiver had nothing to do with the temperature of his skin. “You should support local business, hon.”

  “And you should keep your hands—and lips—to yourself.” I shackled her wrists and lowered her arms to her sides. “Linus is too polite to say it, so I’ll do it for him.” Our gazes clashed. “Back off.”

  Color flooded Bette’s cheeks until they matched the color of her mouth.

  Linus, the chicken, eased behind me and rested his h
ands on my shoulders. “We have a few questions for you, Bette. We’re more than happy to compensate you for your time.”

  Bette, who had recovered the ability to speak, shrilled, “I’m going to call your mother, young man.”

  “Here.” I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts. “I’ll even dial the number for you.”

  The mottling in her face drained to a white that belonged on a corpse when I hit the call button. “I…”

  “Hi, Mom.” I really laid it on thick. “We’re here with Bette, and she’s threatening to tattle on me because I slapped her on the wrist for inappropriate touching.”

  “She’s such a tramp.” Lethe made a disgusted noise. “She slid a hand into Hood’s back pocket, and when I called her on it, she claimed he had stolen a ring and shoved it down there. She was only trying to get it back, of course. How dare I think anything else.”

  “I’ll help,” Bette cut in. “However I can. I’m glad to.” She wavered on her feet. “I just need a minute.”

  Wobbling behind the counter, she plunked down on a stool and strapped on a clear plastic mask.

  Another customer might have felt bad about driving an old woman to her oxygen tank, but I noticed the hose had come loose and curled behind her. That didn’t stop her great, heaving gasps as she faked getting her fix.

  “We’ll be happy to join you for dinner later this week.” I kept my tone cheerful with Lethe. “Bye for now.”

  “Barbecue that old cow,” Lethe yelled. “Oh. Barbecue. That sounds good right about now.”

  I ended the call before she made me hungry.

  Fiddlesticks.

  Too late.

  “I’m glad you’ve decided to cooperate.” I donned my Dame Woolworth mask, which I should have done before entering the shop. Social status would be more intimidating to a woman like her than my official title. “We have a ring we would like you to examine. We need to know if the diamonds are authentic, and if so, the total karat weight. We would also like confirmation the band is eighteen karat gold.”

  Linus, who I expected to start clucking or scratching with his foot at any moment, placed the baggie with the ring in my hand to pass over.