The Fate of the Tala

by Jeffe Kennedy

  Ursula watched me a beat longer, as if she expected me to say something else, but I was concentrating. “Let’s take this in steps,” she finally said. “Before we decide the implications of killing the high priestess, before we determine how we can destroy her, let’s examine if we can get our people to n’Andana in the first place.”

  “I can find my way back there, and I volunteer to go,” Zynda said with grim determination. Marskal made a sound of protest, and she glanced at him. “Any risk would be worth it, if we could kill her and that anathema of an incarnation now.”

  “We volunteer, too,” Karyn said quietly, taking Zyr’s hand. “Obviously.”

  Zynda nodded “I could carry Karyn and Marskal, so Zyr wouldn’t be too overburdened.”

  “Four people against the might of Deyrr?” Rayfe sneered. “No, I forbid it. Zyr nearly died just making the trip itself—he would have without the high priestess healing him—and we’re too few as it is to spend our people on an imbecilic errand of this type. This is a circular discussion.” He fixed Ursula with a hard stare. “And I disagree, Your Majesty. The how you’d kill the high priestess is the critical place to start—and finish. She is immortal and cannot be destroyed. Deyrr is a god with power beyond measure. We cannot hope to even scratch them.”

  Zyr raised his head, cocked it, then sniffed the air. “I believe I do smell cowardice. But not in my cousin Ursula.”

  Rayfe growled and I narrowed my eyes at Zyr. Zynda looked between us warily. “But Rayfe, you know that we discussed our plan to—”

  “Don’t say it,” I sent to her, praying Rayfe wouldn’t overhear it. “And tell Zyr to shut up.” She widened her eyes fractionally, shrugging a negative. I’d hoped the siblings could talk mind to mind, but apparently not. Oh well, I couldn’t have kept this subterfuge going much longer anyway. I knew what I needed to know.

  Turning to more fully face Rayfe beside me, I met his shuttered gaze. “What makes you think the high priestess cannot be destroyed? She doesn’t seem like all that much to me.”

  Anger flared in his face, contorting it to someone not him at all. “You said you cannot prevail against Deyrr’s superior sorcery. You know that’s true.”

  “I never said that.” I spoke loudly and clearly, silencing the several people who began to protest. Not daring to draw on the Heart, I used my own reserves to reinforce the connection, part mental, part magical. “I know no such thing.”

  “You told me that the high priestess of Deyrr is more powerful than you are,” he replied. “Just yesterday—remember? And you said that you’re not the sorceress your mother was.”

  “Oh, I remember. And both of those things are true,” I continued, holding up a hand when the others started to protest. I focused on Rayfe—and whoever else listened through him. Deftly, I slipped my silver threads of control through Rayfe’s mind, easing him toward a trance I desperately hoped he wouldn’t remember. “Listen to me very closely. Neither of those things means I cannot prevail. I don’t need to be my mother, and I don’t need to be a more powerful sorceress. Because I have more than myself. I am more than myself.”

  With ruthlessness and regret in equal parts—crossing a line I’d never wanted to even consider—I snapped my careful net into place, holding Rayfe’s mind and will in my grip. It was terrifyingly easy to do. I stared deep into the darkest ocean blue of his eyes—so familiar to me, and grown so foreign. Unreasoning rage glittered there. And fear. Pride, ferocity, the primal feral nature of the wolf, his First Form.

  Don’t ever forget that it’s a talking animal, and the beast is never far beneath that handsome face.

  The high priestess had said that to Karyn. I’d pulled that scene from Karyn’s memory, with her permission, and reviewed it many times. And I’d learned from it.

  Like Moranu, the many-faced goddess, I was many in one. I was the descendant of shapeshifters and I also carried the bloodline of the sorcerers who’d created them. My mother had married Uorsin to create this mix, to create me. And now my nemesis had taught me how to use this power of my legacy.

  “Andi,” Ursula said with insistence, making me realize it wasn’t the first time she’d called my name. “What’s going on?”

  I shook my head minutely. We had to stop talking in front of Rayfe.

  Holding his mind in my snare, his thoughts suspended in my grip, I gently extracted the memory of my being there, along with the recent minutes of his life. I asked a staymach bird to fetch one of our attendants, then I sent a mental tendril to Salena, poking her awake and suggesting that she must be hungry. The formerly peaceful baby awoke with a furious wail, startling everyone. At the same moment, I slipped the threads of control from Rayfe, releasing his will again, counting on the noise and confusion to cover my tracks.

  “That’s the end of this session for me,” Dafne declared, taking her daughter from Nakoa. The Tala girl I’d asked for appeared at Dafne’s elbow.

  “Nisia will take you to some nearby guest rooms,” I told them. “Little Salena can nurse and you both can take a rest.” Despite Dafne’s cavalier reassurances of Kiraka’s healing abilities, both she and Nakoa had begun to look pale and shadowed, the result of a long and tiring labor. That assuaged my guilt a bit.

  In the corner of my eye Rayfe blinked in confusion—and consternation. “We’re done?”

  “Yes,” I replied, watching Nakoa and Dafne hasten out, the baby’s wails dimming, then abruptly silenced as a door closed between us. “I know you have things to see to.”

  “I do.” He rose, paused when I remained seated. “Which things?”

  I nearly crumbled in the face of his confusion, the guilt and shame of what I’d done eroding my resolve. “You, Karyn, and Zyr are going to show Harlan, Ash, and Marskal the recent changes we’ve made to Annfwn’s defenses.” That would be nothing Rayfe didn’t already know. At least the time would be spent detailing in their minds everything we’d have to change now.

  Karyn looked confused and Ash frowned, but Harlan and Marskal immediately rose. They were well-trained soldiers, quick to accept a change in orders.

  “Yes, we’ll go do that,” Harlan said, laying a hand on Ursula’s shoulder, but giving me a concerned smile. She nodded absently, her penetrating gaze still on me.

  Rayfe still looked puzzled, but he picked up my hand, his thumb stroking over my palm as he used to do, a hint of his old self in the sensual gesture. “I’ll see you later, my queen?” He bent and kissed my hand, his lips warm.

  A sob rose in me and I quelled it with cold determination. “Yes,” I managed to say.

  “We planned to discuss… something?” His winged brows drew together.

  “Later,” I agreed, then said more loudly, for all of them. “We’ll reconvene later.”

  Zyr smiled without humor, tossed an ironic salute in my direction, and they all strode out, striking up a lively argument about defense tactics.

  Zynda gave me a thoughtful look. “Do you suppose they’ll figure out they should feed him bad information?”

  “I hope so,” I replied, weariness washing through me as my energies had been depleted. Drawing on the Heart, I refilled my reserves.

  “You’re pale,” Ami informed me. She got up and filled a plate, then slid it in front of me as she sat in Rayfe’s chair. “You have to keep eating to sustain your body.”

  “I know,” I agreed, digging in. The food would help—at least to help me feel physically stronger. Nothing could ease the pain of what I’d done.

  “Any time you want to explain what just happened would be good with me,” Ursula said drily. My mouth was full so I rolled my eyes at her. She snorted, shaking her head.

  A blue glow shimmered, settling over the room. “I just shielded this space so we can’t be overheard,” Zynda explained. “I’m guessing Andi believes Rayfe is being mind-controlled by the high priestess.”

  ~ 11 ~

  “I don’t believe it.” Ursula sounded outraged.

  I wasn’t sure if her indigna
tion was on Rayfe’s behalf or mine. “Put away your sword.” My words came out beyond weary. “This isn’t a monster you can slay for me.”

  She looked taken aback that she had indeed risen and half-drawn her sword. Sliding it back into its sheath, she impatiently pushed back her chair and began pacing. “But we are talking about monsters. Mind control, Zynda said. Like the creatures of Deyrr. Rayfe is… that?”

  “Not exactly the same.” I blew out a long breath, finding it ragged, my heart beating erratically. I’d looked into my husband’s mind, held him captive to my will, and then taken his memories so he wouldn’t know what I’d done. The food sat cold in my stomach, and the baby twisted, sensing my anxiety. I rubbed a hand over my belly, sending him loving and soothing thoughts, but my hand shook.

  Even if I could wrest Rayfe’s will back from the high priestess—and that wouldn’t be as easy as when I’d done it with Karyn, given what I’d sensed just now—I’d have to eventually confess what I’d done. And Rayfe would never forgive me for that profound violation. Even if he and I could find a way to survive this, if we could resolve the differences that had created the chasm between us in the first place, I’d betrayed a fundamental trust. Worse, I’d done to him what the practitioners of Deyrr did to all shapeshifters: harnessed his will and treated him like a lesser being.

  Ami poured tea for me and pressed the cup into my shaking hands. “Small sips,” she advised, rubbing my back.

  “When Karyn and Zyr were taken captive in n’Andana, the high priestess was able to enslave Zyr, and take over Karyn’s will.” I said, forcing myself to address Ursula’s question before she wore a rut in the floor. “She forced Zyr into gríobhth form and had Karyn as a docile, even enthusiastic acolyte.”

  “I know you all said you have ways of locking a shapeshifter into animal form, but I would’ve thought Karyn is too stubborn and strong-willed for that,” Ursula said.

  I shook my head. “That’s false thinking. Will has nothing to do with it. It’s a fallacy to believe anyone can keep the practitioners of Deyrr out of their minds. Remember what Illyria did at Ordnung—the people and events she made you forget?”

  Ursula glowered, hating that reminder of her mistakes, how easily Illyria had clouded her mind, and our father’s, with disastrous results.

  “Exactly,” I said. “And Illyria was a lackey. Expendable. She was nowhere near the age and skill level of the high priestess, who can control shapeshifters and who used Karyn’s own wantings against her. She found the cracks where Karyn had emotional wounds and wormed her way through them into Karyn’s mind.” Just as I’d done to Rayfe. I swallowed more tea against the urge to vomit. “She used Karyn’s desire for friends, community, to not feel so alone, to have a purpose, to be loved—and she twisted that very human longing into bonds that chained Karyn’s will to hers. Karyn didn’t even know that she’d lost herself. She was… happy.” My voice broke and I had to set down the teacup lest my shaking sloshed tea over the fluted edge. Rayfe’s mother, Garland, had given me that cup, a special nod to my early days as a new bride assimilating to vastly changed circumstances. She’d been only kind and welcoming to me, and I’d done this to her son.

  “How did Karyn free herself from that?” Ami sounded aghast, and I covered her elegant hand with mine. Love was both Ami’s strength and the chink in her armor. She embodied Glorianna’s love, but also craved it. She no doubt deeply felt how this would work on her, too.

  “She didn’t. I did it for her.” I held up a hand as Ursula wheeled around at that. “And before you ask, I won’t explain how I did it. Suffice to say that it wasn’t easy.”

  “Is Karyn still bound to the high priestess?” Ursula demanded.

  “No.” I gave her a sour look. “I’m not an idiot, Essla.”

  “Apologies.” She resumed pacing. “So you can eventually free Rayfe with the same method.”

  Eventually? “Yes, I can and will. But it’s more complicated than with Karyn.”

  “I can’t wait to hear this,” Ursula muttered in such dire tones that Zynda looked wryly amused, still lounging back in her chair.

  “She has Rayfe doubly harnessed—via his needs as a person, and also through her control of shapeshifters. It gives her even greater control. She can listen through him, have him speak her words, and she knows what he knows.”

  “The perfect spy and saboteur in one,” Ursula murmured.

  “Very true. The high priestess has invested a great deal of herself in controlling Rayfe. She’s quite close and actively paying attention. She knows that I’m the reason Karyn broke free of her—she’ll fight me to keep Rayfe on her leash.”

  Zynda gave me a sharp look. “Andi, how do you know that?”

  I supposed I’d better tell them this, too. “I want to tell you three—and only you three—that I had a conversation with the high priestess yesterday, just before the attack on the training ground.”

  “What!” Ursula nearly shouted. “Danu’s freezing tits, Andi. You can’t—”

  “I’m not your kid sister anymore,” I said, cutting off her tirade. “I’m the sorceress standing between your kingdoms—and mine—and their utter annihilation.” When she subsided, I withdrew the high priestess’s focus stone from my pocket. “This is hers. I… connected to it, and she answered. We met in a non-physical realm and spoke briefly.”

  Ursula swore under her breath but stayed otherwise silent.

  “What did she say?” Zynda asked, gaze deep and somber.

  “Mostly taunting and bragging—not unlike some of what you heard coming out of Rayfe’s mouth, which is partly what gave her game away. Nothing useful, except that she realized I’d been behind Karyn’s defection. The attack came immediately after, so I assumed…”

  “That she’d used the taunts to distract you,” Ursula finished. “Did she?”

  “I’m not sure. I still intercepted the attack before the sleeper spies got very far. What I’m considering now is that she may have distracted me from immediately noticing her taint in Rayfe when he returned. I think she interfered with him when he went downcoast chasing a sleeper spy infestation. One that turned out to be nothing much.”

  “But he returned changed?” Zynda asked.

  “Now that I’ve taken a step back and am thinking more logically, yes, I can see that he did. I was… too caught up in the trouble between us to notice what I should have.”

  Ami squeezed my hand, her pansy-blue eyes soft with compassion. “Fights like that, with the one you love, who loves you above all else, can be shattering. I’ve been there. It’s almost impossible to get past the disruption to handle anything else.”

  I nodded, unable to speak for a moment. I couldn’t give voice to the eroding fear that I’d killed whatever love we might’ve had, by using it against him.

  “What emotions of Rayfe’s did the high priestess exploit?” Ursula asked. “You and I talked about him being afraid for you, but you didn’t say things were this bad.”

  Needing to pull myself together, I took a deep breath, squeezed Ami’s hand in return, and made myself let go. “I didn’t think my unhappy marriage was all that relevant. Yes, we’ve been fighting lately. For weeks now, really. You saw some edges of that. We’ve both been tense, the pregnancy is an issue, along with his fears for my safety, yes. But when he returned yesterday, he’d escalated. Everything he was unhappy with me about was that much worse. He moved out of my bed into the spare sleeping chambers, and I—” I caught my breath on the sob, surprised and appalled at the loss of control. What a wreck I was. How badly I’d fucked up every challenge the high priestess had thrown at me. I’d played right into her manipulative hands. “That part doesn’t matter.”

  “Oh, honey, it matters.” Ami said, still rubbing my back. “I’m sorry. How distressing.”

  “Yeah,” Ursula chimed in. “The hell it doesn’t matter.”

  Zynda listened with interest, raising her brows at me. Ami and Ursula definitely expressed a different perspective tha
n the Tala would have. How Tala I had become in my thinking after all?

  “Even before this, he’s been so… distant,” I said, setting down the cup to scrub away the tears that fell of their own accord.

  “Does that mean no sex?” Ami asked. “Because sexual release and intimacy are very important—for your physical health, mental wellbeing, and to maintain closeness.”

  “I really don’t need to know about my sister’s sex life,” Ursula muttered.

  Ami rolled her lovely eyes. “Then plug your ears, honey. This matters, too.”

  “No sex for months,” I confirmed, gratified by Ami’s horrified expression. Zynda grimaced and even Ursula looked shocked, though that could be for the uncomfortable topic still. “He’s afraid it will hurt the baby.”

  “Has anyone explained to him that sex is actually good for you that way?” Ami demanded, all Glorianna-as-mother in that moment.

  “Yes and no.” I met Zynda’s rueful gaze. “Healer Kelleah is in favor of it, but the more traditional healers—including the one that Rayfe favors—is adamantly against it.”

  Zynda sighed. “Some traditions among the Tala become so set, so fraught with superstition, that they’re practically sacred law.”

  “I didn’t mean to get into these details,” I said firmly. “My point is that I can’t be sure of anything with Rayfe at the moment because I looked into his head and I can see the high priestess’s strings everywhere. It’s similar to what she did with Karyn. The high priestess hooked into Rayfe’s existing doubts, his anger…”

  “Pride,” Ursula added.

  “Fear,” Ami agreed sadly.

  “Love,” Zynda put in softly, then nodded at my dubious glance. “That’s a powerful emotion for her to twist to her purposes.”

  “But to what purposes?” I demanded, knowing full well they didn’t have ready answers.

  Ursula, however, did answer. “Exactly that—to twist you up. You said it yourself: you are what stands between us and her. You’re the one our mother put in place to battle the high priestess and Deyrr. As Ami pointed out, fighting with Rayfe has undermined your foundation. You’re kind of a mess.”