Frugal Lissa Finds a Body

by Ritter Ames

  He gave me a smug grin, and I hoped he hadn’t thought I was flirting. That was all I needed.

  Half-pulling an envelope from a pocket inside his jacket, he asked, “Can I come in? I’d like to keep this confidential.”

  “What?”

  “I’ve learned how your house was put onto the list, but this isn’t something either of us would want made public.”

  “Frankly, Arnie, I’m ready to shout from the rooftop if I learn who screwed up and added my house. Things have been more than stressful lately,” I complained. “And the whole thing seemed to start with that blasted list. If you have information, you need to go to the police.”

  He pointed inside. “If I can just show you what I have, this will all make more sense.”

  “Okay, come on in.” I stepped back and let him enter. I motioned him toward the living room and added, “Not to steal your thunder, but I’m already aware that Delayne is involved. We’ve had a long history, and she isn’t my biggest fan. So, this really doesn’t surprise me.”

  He stood next to the pulled out sofa, under the crippled ceiling fan, and looked up at the half-formed design. I opened my mouth to explain why the room looked as it did, but before I could, he asked, “How did you find out Delayne is behind the scheme?”

  “Really, she’s behind all of it? Like a ringleader?”

  “Yeah. How’d you find out?”

  I pointed to where the sofa usually sat. “I discovered J.C. Carlisle’s pocket diary this morning under the furniture—well, Honey did. When I looked inside, I found contact information for Elite Home Mortgage and Finance. I remembered Delayne steering us toward getting a loan with that company when we were trying to get our mortgage through the bank. She obviously gave him the information on our home and told him it was going to foreclosure. Thank goodness you were on top of things,” I added, figuring it didn’t hurt to butter him up in case we ever needed another loan.

  “You have the diary?” he asked.

  “No, Abby took it to the police. She’s with the detective in charge right now. The diary pointed to two suspects. I figure Delayne and the other suspect will be arrested soon.”

  Just then, Mac pushed Honey out of his bedroom and called down, “Mom, can you keep Honey with you? She’s messing up my watercolors.”

  “Okay. Close your door,” I said, then coaxed, “Come on, sweet puppy. You’re with me this afternoon.”

  I turned back to Arnie and his face was white.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “A-al-allergies.” He backed further into the room.

  I grabbed Honey’s collar so she couldn’t get closer to Arnie. “No worries. I’ll put her in the laundry room. She won’t like it, but that will keep her away from you while you’re here.”

  The dog balked. I had no doubt she knew what laundry room meant, and she didn’t want to participate. But I was stronger and more stubborn.

  Arnie followed me and stood in the middle of the kitchen. Probably for the best, since the kitchen would have a lot less dog hair than the living room. I washed my hands and said, “If you’d like to take a seat at the table, we can go over whatever you brought for me. I understand why you didn’t want to talk outside. It has to be embarrassing having a criminal as an assistant. Like you should have noticed something.”

  Why hadn’t he noticed her having a side business?

  He didn’t answer. I turned to grab a dry towel and his leather belt looped over my head.

  “You couldn’t leave it alone,” he growled. “You and that idiot Carlisle ruined everything.”

  The belt was run through the buckle, and he pulled it tight, like a garrote. When the thing flew over my head, I’d instinctively raised a hand, and those fingers were under the leather too. I pushed with my hand, trying to give my neck some space in front of my windpipe, but I wasn’t strong enough to make any more progress. I held on and hoped for a break.

  I croaked, “Why...?”

  “He wouldn’t stop.” Arnie said. “Idiot!”

  I kicked at his shins. He pulled my body tightly against him. Reducing my chances at getting in hard enough blows to stop him.

  Only one thing to do.

  “Treat! Treat!” my voice sounded strangled, but it was loud enough to reach my Lab inside her laundry room prison. I heard her scrabbling at the door and prayed Jamey was right about her prowess with the handle.

  I looked for anything I could grab and hit him with. Nothing. If only I’d left the dirty breakfast dishes alone.

  More scrabbling sounds behind me. I tried to call out again. But I had little enough air to breathe, let alone scream. My fear was he’d go after Mac next.

  Arnie had been far enough into the living room that Mac wouldn’t have been able to see him through the bedroom door. But Arnie was aware someone was upstairs. Someone small.

  I tried stomping his feet and running my heel along his instep, but my Sketchers only made him grunt.

  Darkness showed around the edge of my vision, the black perimeter growing toward the middle. Another few seconds was all I had.

  The sound of stampeding horses entered the kitchen.

  Arnie crashed into the work counter and I got free. I snatched the belt from my throat, barely able to breathe. I was crying and laughing at the same time. The horses had all been Honey. She had tackled us for her treat, knocking Arnie to the floor, and he’d apparently hit his head on the countertop on his way down. He was bleeding and looked unconscious, but I grabbed the meat mallet from the drawer in case he came around again.

  Honey sat beside him, her tongue lolling out, patiently waiting for something as good as that brie I gave to her yesterday.

  I grabbed my phone and called 9-1-1 and gave the operator the information. As I did, Abby and Baker walked in the front door.

  “Lissa, are you here? Brian wants to talk to you,” Abby called.

  I ran into the living room, Honey at my heels. “It was Arnie. He tried to kill me. He’s bleeding in the kitchen.”

  CHAPTER

  TWENTY-FIVE

  ONCE I CROAKED OUT my abbreviated story, Abby said, “Your boys don’t need to see you like this, Lissa. And they definitely don’t need to witness that.” She pointed at Arnie. “It’s nearly time to pick up Jamey. I hate to leave you, but I think it would be best if—”

  “Yes,” I said, my voice raspy. “Take the boys somewhere until Brian and the emergency people get finished here.”

  “Give me your car keys and I’ll take the boys for ice cream.”

  I handed over the Honda keys and she hurried upstairs to get Mac before the ambulance arrived.

  Brian pulled the envelope from Arnie’s pocket, before the paramedics took him away, and that reminded me of the certified one I found under the sofa. I handed it to the detective, and he opened it to find a notice on Elite Home Mortgage and Finance letterhead that listed properties for sale cheap. Arnie signed the letter, and my house was on the list.

  “But you didn’t have a mortgage with them?” he asked.

  I shook my head.

  “Arnie and Delayne made one slip up that brought down the whole house of cards. All because J.C. Carlisle wanted to buy your house.”

  “Why did they kill him, instead of just telling him to stop?” I asked.

  “Maybe there was more to it. Background on Carlisle said there were some real estate lawsuits,” Brian said. “We’ll learn more when we can interview Delayne and Arnie.”

  He folded the letter and put it in his jacket pocket, saying, “I need to arrest Delayne Kent before she hears about Arnie and flees. Abby thought I needed to interrogate Sandra Lofton too. If she’s guilty, I imagine Delayne and Arnie will implicate her. However, since she lives next door to the murder scene, she may have simply picked up the notebook. But she should have done the right thing and turned it in like you did.”

  The look he flashed me—a raised eyebrow and knowing grin—told me that Abby and I hadn’t fooled him. Not that I expected to,
since he’d always assumed the worst of me since childhood. I just shrugged and mimed that talking hurt.

  The ambulance showed up then, and Brian left to direct them to the back door and easier access. I walked into the living room and sat on the out-of-kilter sofa, wondering if I might vacuum while the emergency teams took over my kitchen.

  A second later, the front door opened, and I heard, “Lissa? What’s going on?”

  I flew into Dek’s arms and started babbling, so glad to see him home early.

  “Hey, the new voice is kind of sexy, but hard to understand,” he teased. “Are you okay?”

  “I am now,” I said, and tried to give a slower account of what had recently transpired. But the sight of his dark curls, his rumpled clothes, and being able to have his arms around me was almost overwhelming at the moment.

  Dek lifted my chin with a finger, and I recognized the concern in his chocolate brown eyes. He said, “Looks like I arrived just in time to miss saving you.”

  “No, your timing is perfect. If I hadn’t gotten away, the boys would have needed their other parent around to keep them corralled.”

  “Don’t even kid about that.” He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head.

  “Who’s kidding?” I spoke into his shirt, happy to smell the familiar scent of my husband, even if it was mixed with some whangy travel scents too. I pulled back and pointed to the center of the ceiling. “We need a new fan when you get your receipts turned in.”

  “What happened?”

  “Abby and I walked across the street for five minutes. The boys were supposed to be cleaning their room. They got their bat capes. I found discarded capes and fan blades when we got back.”

  “They tried to fly?”

  “Unsuccessfully.”

  “Well, of course they couldn’t fly. Everyone knows Batman can’t fly. I’m surprised they even tried.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Obviously, I should have quizzed them on DC comics facts while you were gone.”

  “No problem. I’ll take care of it.”

  “Why didn’t you call me to pick you up?” I groused.

  “I caught a ‘shh’, secret ride on a military transport to Germany that left soon after we Skyped the other night. Then from there, a friend got me a lift on a private plane heading to Dallas. I caught a Southwest flight from there, but it’s all been so last minute, I couldn’t give you timetables. And once I got to the Southwest leg, I knew you’d be in the middle of school runs, so I Uber’d instead.”

  “I’m glad you’re home early, and not just because I need a hand with the boys, or because the cash reimbursement from your expense report would come in handy, or because our banker tried to kill me after I found evidence to prove he’s the murderer the police have been searching for—”

  “Yeah, I think this means we need a new banker too.”

  That did it. I started laughing and couldn’t stop. Then Dek started laughing, which made me laugh harder. We’d probably still be laughing if he hadn’t caught me up in his arms again and kissed me.

  As we broke from the kiss, I said, “Another reason I’m glad your home.”

  “So you really missed me?”

  “Just your kisses,” I teased. “You kiss exceptionally well. Makes my throat not hurt so much.”

  He chuckled. “Ahh, kiss and make it better. Good to know you recognize my talents.”

  “Always,” I said and brushed a brown curl off his forehead. “But I’d still have appreciated a call that you were coming.”

  “Sounds like you were busy running around solving crimes.”

  “I’m never too busy to know where you are in the world, and when you’ll be back.”

  He shrugged. “I wasn’t on standard flights and I had no control of the schedule. I didn’t want to call and get your hopes up, then say I’d be delayed again.”

  “Okay. I’ll let it slide this time, as long as it won’t happen again.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  I laughed, but it sounded more like I was choking. “Guess that’s the best I’m going to get.”

  “But they were really surprised to see me at the office.”

  “You mean to tell me you went there before you came home? When they weren’t expecting you either?” I sighed. “The romance is gone from our marriage.”

  He shook his head. “Not so fast. If I got my expenses turned in today, we’ll get paid on Friday. If I didn’t get them in until tomorrow, we’d be waiting until next Friday.”

  “And you got them turned in today?”

  “With Stephanie keying them in so I made the deadline with two-and-a-half minutes to spare.”

  “Ah, Dek, you are the most romantic man in the world.”

  “I keep telling you...”

  “And remind me to take Stephanie to lunch to thank her.”

  “You’ll have to wait two weeks. She left for a vacation in Australia.”

  “Even better. She can tell me about her trip.” I put my arms around his neck. “We need to take the boys to see a kangaroo.”

  “You know, I’ve heard about this blog where a woman helps families save money. Maybe you could see if she can find tips to help families save for vacation expenses to places far away...”

  “I’ll see what I can do.” I scratched his chin. “Now go shave.”

  Keep reading for money-saving tips and recipes!

  THANK YOU FOR TAKING the time to read Frugal Lissa Finds a Body. If you enjoyed it, please consider telling your friends or posting a short review. Word of mouth is an author's best friend and much appreciated. Thank you, again, Ritter Ames.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  USA Today bestselling author Ritter Ames writes the Organized Mysteries series, the Bodies of Art Mysteries, and the new Frugal Lissa cozy mystery series. These series and their varied locations give Ritter more opportunity to coax her husband into additional travel for “research.” For more information about her and her books, visit her website at www.ritterames.com, check her out on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/RitterAmesBooks/ or Subscribe to Ritter's Newsletter to learn when books are released or she’s running special giveaways for her fans.

  RECIPES

  - - -

  KID-PLEASING COBB SALAD

  Ingredients:

  2 cups chopped romaine lettuce

  12 grape or cherry tomatoes, halved

  Large ripe avocado, cube or slice per your preference

  2 or 3 slices smoked turkey, coarsely chopped

  6 slices bacon, coarsely chopped

  2 peeled hard-boiled eggs, chopped or slice to your preference

  2 tablespoons crumbled bleu cheese

  My family likes to use my homemade ranch dressing, but if yours prefers a lighter oil & vinegar version, try making this dressing:

  1 teaspoon soy sauce

  2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar

  4 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

  Prep and Presentation Methods:

  Keep each chopped or sliced ingredient in a separate container to make it easier to deliver the kind of salad people usually think of when they hear Cobb salad. The ingredients can be lined up on the plates in long goody lines to match the eater’s preference and also handle any allergy problems. Another advantage of keeping the ingredients separate is that they store better for make-ahead meals. The only ingredient that doesn’t work for next day eating is avocado.

  To make the dressing above, divide the soy sauce, balsamic vinegar, and olive oil between two small containers. Put on the lids and shake well. Give children instructions for drizzling the dressing over the salad.

  IF YOU PREFER TO TRY my family’s favorite dressing—

  Homemade Ranch Dressing

  Ingredients:

  ½ cup purchased or homemade mayonnaise (no recipe for that included in this section)

  ½ cup well-shaken buttermilk

  1 clove garlic, peeled

  1 tablespoon finely chopped onion

  1/8 salt, season
to taste

  ½ teaspoon dry mustard

  2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh chives

  1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

  1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh dill

  ¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

  Preparation:

  Whisk together mayonnaise and buttermilk in a small bowl. Mash garlic and onion with fine sea salt to create a paste. This is easier to do if you have a mortar and pestle, but I’ve had frugal success just using the flat side of my meat mallet and using my cutting board as a base, or do like Abby does and use a large heavy knife to mince and mash the garlic and onion with the salt to make the paste another way. Add this paste and dry mustard to the buttermilk mixture and whisk well to combine. Add the chives, parsley, dill, and black pepper. Whisk well to combine.

  For Those Making Ahead:

  This recipe makes about one cup of dressing and can be kept in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to one week.

  EASY PREP-AHEAD PARMESAN Twice-Baked Potatoes

  Ingredients:

  8 baking potatoes

  ½ cup grated Parmesan cheese

  2/3 cup sour cream

  1 egg

  ½ tsp salt

  ¼ tsp black pepper

  2 tsp thyme

  Prepare:

  Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Bake potatoes for 1 hour or until tender. Let cool 5 minutes, then cut off the top 1/3 of each potato. Scoop out the white flesh of the bottom parts of the potatoes into a mixing-sized bowl. Keep the empty bottom shells of the potatoes.

  Next, mash the potato insides until smooth, then stir in Parmesan cheese, sour cream, egg, salt, pepper, and 1 tsp thyme.

  Arrange the empty potato bottoms on a baking sheet and pipe in the potato mixture. If you don’t have a piping bag and tips, you can use a plastic food bag and cut off one corner, and so you don’t just have tubes of mixture you can use a fork to make lines for a little more texture.

  Lightly coat tops of the potatoes with cooking spray and bake for 20 minutes until hot. Use a thermometer to see when the fixed spuds reach 160 degrees Fahrenheit internal temperature.