Hearts Will Beat

by E. L. Todd

“Trinity, back down.”

  “No.” I got the door open.

  Dad grabbed me by the arm and steadied me. “I’ll talk to her. Stand back.”

  I glared at her without remorse.

  When Dad realized I would say put, he walked to her.

  Lexie clearly didn’t want to be seen by my father because she tried to act like he wasn’t there. Her head was down and her eyes were turned away.

  He stepped in front of her so there was no way to get around him.

  Lexie stopped, cowering before him.

  It took all my strength to stay in one spot and not attack her.

  “Lexie, what brings you here?” Dad asked calmly, like nothing had happened.

  “I came to see Conrad.” Her voice came out as a whisper. “I’m just dropping by.”

  “Did he ask to see you?”

  “Yes…”

  Liar.

  Dad realized the same thing. “Lexie, please leave my son alone.” He didn’t change his tone or his facial expressions, but the threat was still implied. “After what you did to him, he needs peace. You didn’t just hurt him, you hurt all of us. If you have any respect for this family you’ll walk away.”

  Lexie gripped her purse then glanced at me from the corner of her eye.

  “You put him through more than you’ll ever understand,” Dad said quietly. “You don’t know the half of it.”

  Lexie took a deep breath but didn’t say anything.

  “Please go.” Dad still didn’t raise his voice or tell her off like he should. It was probably because she was a girl—which was totally sexist and unfair. “And don’t come back.”

  Lexie stepped back and nodded slightly. Then she turned around and headed back to the elevator. Dad watched her the entire time, making sure she really walked out and didn’t make a poor attempt to return.

  Once she was gone, I could breathe easy again.

  ***

  Slade had dinner on the table when I came home. He’d been taking care of the house and doing all the cooking since I became pregnant. He even did the laundry and kept the windows clean. When dinner was finished, he washed the dishes.

  He gave me a cold look when I walked inside. “Spaghetti is on the menu tonight.”

  “That sounds good.” I set my things on the couch before I sat at the dining table.

  Slade sat across from me and started eating. He didn’t kiss me or hug me like he usually did. He was obviously still mad about yesterday. “So, gossiped to your dad enough today?”

  “Yes. And I’m glad I did. Lexie came to the office and Dad told her to leave.”

  “What did she want?”

  “I don’t know…to be a skank.”

  Slade kept eating but he rolled his eyes.

  “Sometimes you have to protect the ones you love. Conrad needs protecting. He’s fragile.”

  “He was fragile. He’s fine now.”

  “He’s a lot more broken than he acts. I can tell.”

  Slade shoved a piece of garlic bread into his mouth. “Are you going to apologize to me or what?”

  “Why?”

  He raised an eyebrow. “It’s fine to have a different opinion than mine, but it’s not okay to shut me out and tell me off. I’ve been doing a lot for you and the baby, and I’ve been a damn good husband. You aren’t perfect, Trinity. You need to learn how to be a better wife.” He shoved the rest of his food into his mouth then left the dirty dishes there. “Don’t expect sex tonight.” He walked off and headed up the stairs. “I’ll be in my man cave. Don’t bother me.”

  When he was gone I knew our relationship was tenser than I realized. Sometimes I lashed out without thinking. Slade was more sensitive than he used to be and that made him more vulnerable. I knew I needed to smooth things over. This was our second fight in a month, and those statistics weren’t good.

  ***

  Slade sat on the stool with his electric guitar in his grasp. Earphones were over his head, and he was listening to the music through his amp. His fingers moved quickly along the strings, telling me he was playing a fast song. I couldn’t hear anything because the music was confined to the headset. I stood there until he noticed me.

  When he finished the song he spotted me by the doorway. He pulled his headphones off. “You’re lucky I left the door unlocked.”

  It was a mean jab but I deserved it.

  “What do you want?” he asked roughly. “In case you didn’t notice, I’m busy.”

  I came further into the room and examined the band posters on the walls. Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, and Jimi Hendrix were the primary musicians he looked up to.

  I approached his side then moved my hands to his shoulders.

  He watched me suspiciously, like my proximity wasn’t welcome.

  I gently moved the guitar from his lap then straddled his hips.

  Slade didn’t move. He only watched.

  My arms hooked around his neck. “I’m sorry.”

  He gave me a blank expression.

  “I’m sorry for snapping at you…I just worry about my brother. When he went through that breakdown I was terrified. I was terrified I wouldn’t get my brother back. He and I aren’t super close but…I love him so much. I can’t lose him again.”

  Slade’s hard expression softened.

  “That doesn’t justify what I said to you. I know it doesn’t. But…that’s how I feel.”

  His arms moved around my waist and he pulled me close to him. “It’s okay, baby.” He kissed my neck and my jawline. “I know you just care about him.”

  “I do.”

  He kissed the other side of my neck before he pressed his face to mine. “But don’t talk to me like that. I don’t give a damn if you’re pregnant.”

  “I won’t.”

  He kissed me on the mouth. “Then I forgive you, Wife.”

  I rubbed my nose against his. “Does that mean sex is back on the table?”

  He finally smiled. “Who are we kidding? It was never off the table.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Silke

  I eyed the time and realized how late it was.

  Arsen still wasn’t home.

  He usually put Abby to bed, but I knew I couldn’t wait anymore. I tucked her in for the night and read her a story. After she drifted off to sleep, I texted Arsen. Are you coming home soon?

  There was no response.

  I was trying not to panic. He said he was going out to dinner with Levi. I thought it was good if they spent time together. No one knew Sherry better than Levi, so it was a good way for Arsen to feel close to his family. And Levi was a good guy. At least he seemed like it during the few times I met him.

  When midnight came around, the front door finally opened. There was a crashing noise as his keys slipped from his hands and landed on the hardwood floor. “Motherfucker.” His deep voice bellowed through the house.

  I immediately stopped breathing, not wanting to face the awful truth that was staring at me right in the face. It was late in the evening and Arsen couldn’t keep a hold on anything. That could only mean one thing.

  He was drunk.

  After he grabbed his keys he came further into the room. A glazed look was in his eyes, like he was seeing everything through a fog. He stumbled slightly even though nothing was in his way. When he realized I was in the same room he turned to me. Then he released a dramatic sigh. “Look…you don’t know, okay?”

  This was bad. Really bad.

  “Don’t sit there and judge me when you don’t know shit.”

  Why was this happening to me? Why was the beautiful life I had savagely ripped away from me? Just a few days ago we had a meaningful and passionate evening together. He erased all the hard times and made me fall in love with him all over again.

  But now that was just a dream.

  “It’s all my fault.” He gripped his skull. “If I just…it’s my fault.” He grabbed a chair and threw it across the room in his rage. “He even told me that…my own brother.”<
br />
  I had no idea what he was talking about but I knew I couldn’t reason with him—not when he was like this. He was worse than ever before. I was ten feet away from him but I could still smell the scotch.

  “I hate myself…Levi hates me…and now you hate me.” He stared at me with teary eyes. Then he slammed his fist hard into his chest, making a loud thump. “You hate me. I can see it in the way you look at me. I’m nothing but a mistake to you.”

  I held my tongue because engaging would just make it worse.

  He gripped his skull again and breathed through the anger.

  I remained absolutely still, hoping he would forget my presence altogether. I wasn’t afraid Arsen would hurt me, but I could be wrong. He’s been spiraling out of control for a while. He’d lost everything he was. I had no idea what he was capable of.

  “You and your perfect little life…” He turned my way.

  No, he hadn’t forgotten about me.

  “Your perfect little fucking childhood with your Harry Potter books and your renowned Yale education…”

  I didn’t care correct him.

  “You don’t understand what life is really like. You’ve never had a hard day in your life. All you’ve ever known is rainbows and butterflies…stupid shit like that. You’re weak, absolutely weak.”

  I wanted to punch him in the face—so bad. I wanted to knock his lights out for talking to me that way. I wanted to make him suffer for making me suffer. He was dragging me through the mud and he was forcing me down a path I never wanted to take. I didn’t want to lose him but he wasn’t giving me a choice. This was his last chance and he was blowing it. He really was far gone in his depression and he would never come back. But I refused to be a part of it. I cared about him—more than I could ever explain in words. But I refused to settle for anything less than the best.

  “Sometimes I hate you.” He slammed his fist into his chest again. “Right now, I hate you. You’re looking at me like I’m a monster. You’re looking at me like there’s something wrong with me. You’ll never understand how I feel. The problem is with you, not me.”

  I wasn’t putting up with this anymore. I turned away and headed to the hallway.

  “Do not walk away when I’m talking to you!”

  I kept going.

  “Get your ass back here right now!” His voice shook the walls, and there was no way in hell Abby didn’t hear it.

  I turned around and felt the hatred burn me from the inside out. I knew Arsen was the man of my dreams deep down inside. But right now, he was just a pitiful drunk. He was weak and pathetic. He told me he would change but I’d come to the hard realization that he never would. Now I just wanted to get away from him. “Shut the hell up, Arsen. I’m sick of your shit.”

  “And I’m sick of your shit.” He came closer to me, the anger brewing in his eyes. “Instead of trying to understand me you just try to change me.” His cheeks were red and flushed from the rage. Even the vein in his forehead was bulging.

  I needed to end this now, and I didn’t care how. I pulled my right arm back just the way my father taught me and hit him right in the chin where an important nerve sat.

  Arsen staggered back from the unexpected hit and landed on the hardwood floor. A dazed look was in his eyes like he didn’t understand what just happened. He wasn’t knocked out, just disoriented. Before he understood what was going on I punched him right in the side of the head. And like a light switch, he was out.

  I stared at him sleeping on the floor and felt my heart strain in pain. I didn’t feel good about what I just did. It was a means to an end. And now I felt worse because the unstoppable truth was looking at me right in the eye. Arsen would never change. He’d succumbed to the darkness and he would never come back to the light. The man I once loved was gone. He would repeat these mistakes over and over, loving me one moment then going on a drunken rampage the next.

  Tears burned in my eyes and they stung like acid. My chest heaved with pain as the reality flushed through me like a tsunami. The years we spent together flashed across my eyes in a morbid eulogy. Arsen and I were over.

  Forever.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Arsen

  I woke up with a massive migraine.

  “Fuck.” I stirred from my spot on the floor and automatically rubbed the side of my head. It was thudding painfully like someone punched me. My eyes squinted open and took in the morning light. The sun was unusually bright, and it felt like sometime in the afternoon.

  I slowly sat up and felt slightly nauseated. My head was still on fire and I needed pain killers. I blinked a few times and stared into the hallway. I couldn’t remember how I got there or why I was lying on the floor.

  What happened last night?

  I made my way to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of Aspirin. Then I took two pills and swallowed them dry. I closed my eyes as I tried to fight the throbbing pain in my temple.

  My eyes moved to the coffee pot and I saw the time.

  2:38.

  What the fuck? It was two in the afternoon? Now this was making even less sense. I looked around the kitchen for a sign of a clue. Was I in the house alone? Did Silke know what happened? “Baby?” I listened for a sound but didn’t hear anything.

  I headed into the hallway then entered the bedroom. The second I walked inside I knew something was wrong. Something was amiss. Silke’s jewelry box was no longer on the nightstand, and the closet door was left open and it looked empty. Only a few of my shirts were inside.

  Then I started to panic.

  I opened the drawers and realized her things were gone. Her underwear and t-shirts were nowhere in sight. Her toothbrush wasn’t in the master bathroom and her make up stuff was gone. Even her scent wasn’t there.

  Holy shit.

  Then it came back to me.

  Like a blur of images, last night flashed before my eyes. I remembered going out with Levi. I remembered the scotch he ordered me. And then I remembered the way he accused me of killing our mother. I remembered him holding me responsible for everything that happened.

  I remember drinking the scotch.

  What happened when I came back to the house was a mystery to me. I couldn’t recall any of it. I must have stumbled into the house drunk off my ass and said the wrong thing. Silke warned me that I only had one more chance.

  And I blew it.

  ***

  My first instinct was to run to Ryan’s. I couldn’t think of anywhere else she would go.

  I arrived at the door out of breath and immediately reached for the handle to get inside. But the knob wouldn’t turn. I had to resort to knocking. I banged my fists against the wood harder than I meant to but I was so desperate to straighten this out I had no control over my actions.

  The door opened, and I was relieved that I finally could explain myself to Silke. My head still thudded with a migraine but I didn’t care. But when I saw the person on the other side of the door, my hope immediately disappeared.

  Ryan gave me a look I couldn’t describe. He was clearly mad and obviously wanted to hit me, but he didn’t make a move to swing at me. But the look of pure disappointment and betrayal hurt a million times worse than any physical wound. He clenched his jaw aggressively and stared at me like I was a stranger. He shook his head slightly, almost unnoticeably. He didn’t say a word but he didn’t need to.

  I felt like shit.

  Ryan didn’t step aside and it was obvious he wasn’t going to. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared me down like I was beneath him. Never once did he make me feel like anything less than an equal. But now I felt shunned.

  Somehow, I found my voice. “Let me talk to her.”

  He kept giving me a blank expression.

  “Please. I can explain.”

  Ryan didn’t move. “This is how things are going to work. Abby is staying with us for the rest of the week so you have time to put your head on straight. When it seems like you’re better, I’ll return her to you. When she’
s in your possession, I will stop by every night to make sure you’re being a fit parent to that little girl. If you aren’t, I will report your ass to the police and do everything in my power to take her away from you. Do you understand?”

  Somehow, that hurt more than anything else. “I’m a great father and I never put her in harm’s way.”

  “Then you’re delusional. If you really think coming home drunk in the middle of the night is good parenting you’re in for a surprise.”

  “No, that only happens because I know Silke is there. I never do it around Abby.”

  “And that makes it better?” he snapped.

  “Look, I’m a good father. I take care of my little girl. I promise you.”

  “Silke is worried to leave her alone with you.”

  “I would never do anything to ever hurt her.” I felt like shit that we even had to have this conversation. “I love my daughter.”

  Ryan continued to study me. “Then we’ll see how it goes.” He began to shut the door.

  “Wait.” I stuck my foot out so he couldn’t close it.

  Ryan opened the door and looked at me again. “What? I have shit to do, Arsen.”

  I loved Silke and couldn’t lose her. She was everything to me. “Please let me talk to her.”

  “No.”

  If Ryan said no, then there was no way I would get to her. “I love her.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yes.” It hurt that he doubted me. “I can explain what happened last night. It wasn’t how it seemed.”

  “Were you drunk?”

  “Well…yes.”

  “Then it was exactly as it seemed.”

  I had to get out of this. “I went out with Levi because he needed company. We went to a bar but I didn’t order anything. But Levi kept pushing drinks on me. I didn’t take any of them. But then…he told me I was the reason Mom had died. He blamed me for everything. And I know he has every right to blame me. I just got lost and I made a mistake…it would happen to anyone.”

  “Not anyone, Arsen,” Ryan said. “You’ve done this three times now.”

  “I know but I didn’t mean to. I promise I’ll never do it again.”

  “Too late.”

  I wanted to charge him and knock him to the ground. “Ryan, come on. It’s me. You’ve always believed in me.”