Lone Star Longing (Hearts of Broken Wheel, #1)

by Fredrick, MJ

  Poppy bumped Lacey’s arm with hers. “We haven’t been dancing since college.”

  “So long ago,” Hailey teased before she walked on to the next table.

  Lacey would actually love to dance. The idea of just losing herself for a little while in the music sounded wonderful. She wished she could join her friends in a drink, but she’d gotten used to them drinking around her.

  She was digging into some ribs that she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since Beck ordered them last week, when the man himself showed up. Britt popped up to give him a hug, and Lacey was pretty relieved, to be honest. None of them—Lacey, Poppy, Sofia, Ginny or Javi—had been in Britt’s class and they didn't have that much in common. At least Beck had known her back in school.

  He sat down next to Britt—not next to Lacey as he usually did, and Lacey fought back the twinge of jealousy. Hadn’t she just been happy that he was here to entertain Britt?

  “Is Con coming?”

  Beck shook his head. “Yeah, he isn't.”

  Britt’s face fell. “I really hoped he could have gotten past it. I mean, I’m assuming he’s not coming because of me?”

  “Well, to be fair, he’s got a lot of work this time of year, so there’s that. But yeah, he was a definite no when I mentioned you’d be here.”

  Britt shook her head. “How are we ever going to make peace if he avoids me?”

  “Well, you’ve been avoiding him for twelve years, so...” Poppy said.

  Britt’s expression hardened, her lips pressed together, but she didn't respond to Poppy’s remark.

  “Twelve years is a long time. You’d think he’d move on. I did.”

  “Maybe he has, and maybe that’s why it’s not that important to him to see you. And I’d say maybe you haven't moved on if you’re this upset about him not coming down to see you,” Poppy continued.

  Britt narrowed her eyes but again remained quiet.

  “Come on,” Beck said, tapping Britt’s shoulder. “I’ll buy you dinner.” He motioned to the order counter built into the old bar.

  “Maybe she won’t stay if Con’s not coming,” Poppy said when they walked off. “Clearly he’s the only one she’s interested in seeing. She’s been watching the entrance the whole time we’ve been here.”

  “You’re not being very fair to her,” Javi said. “They were together a long time. Of course she wants some closure.”

  “You’re just saying that because she’s pretty,” Sofia said. “And she’s been talking to you the whole time, barely saying anything to us.”

  “Just like high school,” Lacey said. “She never hung out with the girls, just the guys.”

  “You’re judging, and you don't know her,” Javi said. “Be kind. She’s not here long.”

  “I like when Con comes with us, and gets out of his own head,” Sofia said. “And she’s keeping that from happening.”

  Lacey was pretty sure Sofia had a crush on Con, but she was right. Con needed to get away from the ranch.

  “She’ll be gone soon, and he’ll come back.”

  Beck and Britt returned with a number for the table.

  “What’d you get?” Lacey asked, just to make conversation. She felt like she had to be the one to make the effort because Sofia wouldn’t, and Poppy could be a little caustic. Lacey remembered that Britt hadn’t been particularly kind in high school but she was a different person now.

  Wasn't she?

  “Oh, you know, they didn't have brisket, so I ordered a quesadilla.”

  Lacey wouldn't be deterred. “Beck, what did you get?”

  “Wings. I saw you had the ribs already.”

  She felt her face heat. “I’m actually almost full.”

  “Ha. I haven’t known that to be true since I’ve been back.”

  “She also had fried mushrooms. I think she would have poured the ranch dressing down her throat,” Poppy laughed.

  Beck lifted his eyebrows as he looked at her. “Ranch dressing now?”

  “On everything. Ev. Ry. Thing.”

  “Noted.” He gave her that half-grin that gave her belly flutters.

  No. Wait. That wasn't what that was. That was...she sat up and pressed her hand to her side, but no, she couldn't feel anything against her hand. But that was...

  “What’s wrong?” Beck was halfway out of his seat, leaning toward her.

  “Babies moving.” Then she remembered she hadn’t told anyone besides Poppy that she was having twins. “The baby’s moving.”

  Something shifted in his expression, something she didn't recognize, something she didn't want to spend the time trying to decipher when this miracle was happening inside her.

  “What’s it like?” Ginny asked.

  “Like—little wings inside me. I wonder what they’re—what he’s doing.”

  “Maybe reacting to all that ranch dressing,” Poppy teased.

  “I told you he’d like it.”

  She tuned out of the conversation, going inside herself, trying to picture her babies, jostling for position. It was a feathery-light sensation now, but as they got bigger, she imagined the movement would be a little more violent. Two babies. Two.

  She’d almost gotten used to the idea.

  She tuned back into the conversation, not wanting to go down that road again.

  “Hey, are we still on for Fort Clark Springs?” Beck asked.

  “Fort Clark Springs? When are you going there? I haven't been there since we were in high school,” Britt said.

  “We had a trip planned for this week,” Beck said. “Pack a lunch, hang out in the water. Are we still on?”

  “I’m in,” Poppy said.

  “I have to work,” Ginny said with a sigh. “Janine needs me.” She looked at Javi. “What about you? Have you decided to go?”

  “I’ll, ah, maybe.”

  “We should probably figure out who’s bringing what, so we don't have so much food.” Beck blinked and nodded. “I heard it.”

  “You shouldn’t use your pregnancy for overeating,” Britt chimed in. “You’ll have a hard time losing the weight afterwards. I see it happen over and over.”

  Lacey gave her a look, but said nothing.

  “Don't you think it’s weird that Lacey’s the first one of us to have a baby?” Poppy said. “I always thought it would be Britt.”

  Britt’s eyes snapped wide, but then she laughed, kind of awkwardly. “No, no, no, not for a long time for me.”

  “Why? You’re almost thirty. Aren’t you guys almost thirty? You don't want to wait too long, or you won’t have the energy you need to keep up with the kids.”

  “Well, I might just want one. And I want to plan it.”

  Again, Lacey gave her a look. She didn't want to call Britt out on her insensitive remarks, but she was starting to see why Sofia didn't like her. If she had been even a little like this in high school, well, she could see why she didn't have many friends that were girls.

  Sofia, however, had no reticence when it came to confronting her.

  “I can’t believe you just said that to Lacey. You know she didn't plan hers, but you’re here judging her, and calling her fat, and damn, Britt. No wonder Con didn't want to come. You’re a bitch. The surprise is, Con stayed with you as long as he did.”

  Lacey put her hand on Sofia’s arm. She appreciated Sofia standing up for her, but she didn't want a fight because of her. And just because Britt was a bitch didn't mean Sofia had to be.

  Britt looked at Beck, like she expected him to stand up for her.

  He took a sip of his beer. “Come on guys, we’re here to have a good time. It’s been a long time since we were all together.”

  “Only we’ve never been all together. You left just as soon as you could.”

  “I did.” Britt met Sofia eye-to-eye. “I did. I couldn't stay here. It was too sad. Everything was too sad. I needed to go where I could breathe.”

  “And you chose Houston?” Poppy countered.

  “Nobody knew ther
e. Nobody looked at me with that pitying look, or asked me questions about what it was like, and how Con was, and how horrible it was that Claudia died. No one knew. I was anonymous.” She took a deep breath. “How could you stay? How could you deal with that every day?”

  “Because we didn't have a choice,” Sofia said. “We didn't have the money to go, and we learned how to tell people to butt out.”

  “And we dealt with it. We didn't run away. Con was your boyfriend. He was the one who suffered the most, and you’re the one who ran away and left him to deal with it on his own,” Poppy said.

  “I was a kid. I didn't know how to deal with it. That was the only thing I knew to do. And my parents thought it was a good option, too.”

  “Well, great, but don't expect us to welcome you back with open arms when you bailed when we were hurting.”

  “I was hurting too. Losing Claudia broke my heart. I saw her almost every day of her life. Her loss hurt me almost as much as it hurt Con.”

  “Except you weren’t the one Con’s parents blamed. You didn't live with the guilt of losing her like Con did, and you absolutely let him go through that by himself.”

  “I didn't have to be on the bus that day,” Britt reminded them. “I did it to be with Con. You don't know how many times that has gone through my mind.”

  “We all dealt with it differently,” Beck said, his tone soft.

  “And you!” Sofia was worked up now, and spun on him. “You weren’t in the bus. You weren’t in the water. You can’t know how scared we were.”

  He swallowed and shook his head, dropping his gaze to the table. He did not want to relive this, should have known it would happen with Britt back in the mix. “No, but I had my own guilt. The bus was coming for us, for our family. If it hadn’t been coming to get us, if I’d had a car that I could drive, it never would have happened.”

  “What if, what if, what if.” Lacey’s voice was low. “We can ‘what if’ all day and it won’t change anything. We lived through it, we dealt with it the best we could. We all had our own issues. We can’t say that some of us had it easier than others. I mean, I agree, Con had it the worst, because he lost his sister and his parents were so torn up that they didn't handle that well. But we can’t say the rest of us didn't have trouble.”

  Sofia eased a bit at that, sat back down on the bench and pulled her beer closer. “I know. I know. It’s just—she’s pissing me off.”

  “No kidding.”

  “I’m sorry.” Sofia’s apology was lacking, but she did meet Britt’s gaze.

  “Just because I left doesn’t mean I wasn't sad. I went to therapy. I worked through a lot.”

  “Again things that weren’t available to us.”

  “That’s not something I can feel bad about, something I can take responsibility for. Something I learned in therapy. I can't take responsibility for being on the bus, even though it was partly my fault Con couldn't drive his truck. I can’t take responsibility that Claudia died instead of me. I can’t take responsibility for Con’s parents’ reactions. And I can’t take responsibility for your anger at me more than ten years after I left.”

  “She’s standing up for Con,” Poppy said.

  “I get that. But what Con needs to do is stand up for himself. That he can’t, that he won’t come here and face me, tells me all I need to know about what kind of man he’s become.”

  Javi made a sound low in his throat. Lacey looked from him to the entrance to the yard of The Wheel House, where Con stood. She, too, gasped at the look of pain on his face. He’d clearly heard Britt’s words. Britt turned, too, to see him, and started to get up, but Con pivoted on his heel and marched back to his truck, parked across the street. By the time Britt freed herself from the picnic table and made it to the gate, he was roaring down the road, back to the ranch.

  “Somebody should make sure he’s okay,” Britt said, her expression stricken as she turned back to the group.

  “I’ll go,” Sofia volunteered, bounding off the bench.

  “I’ll go,” Beck said more quietly, touching Sofia’s arm.

  Sofia’s jaw set in a mutinous expression for a moment, then she nodded and took a seat. “Okay. Go. Thanks.”

  Damn, Beck didn't want to leave. He liked spending time with Lacey, and he didn't get to do that much anymore. And he wanted to talk to her about his mother’s suspicion about adoption. And, hell, he might need to keep Sofia from Britt’s throat. She’d spoken the truth, something they’d felt when Britt had taken the chance to leave town, but like Britt said, a lot of time had passed. A lot had happened since.

  Which was what he’d said to Con to get him to come out tonight, and then clearly Con had heard Britt’s comments.

  Great. Just great.

  The one person who hadn’t moved on was Con, because he hadn’t allowed himself. He thought the longer he felt guilty, the more he paid for not being able to save his sister’s life.

  God, what a miserable way to live. Beck didn't think Con needed to be a part of Britt’s life, or that he needed her back in his, but he needed to have someone.

  Everyone needed someone.

  The dust hadn’t settled when Beck turned onto the ranch driveway. When he pulled up behind Con, Con swung out of the truck, spinning toward the car, making himself look as big as possible. When he recognized Beck, he relaxed a little.

  “Man, I thought it was her.”

  “No, they figured you didn't want to see her after that, so they sent me.”

  Con’s shoulders slumped. Had he wanted Britt to come after him? Maybe that would have been a better option. They could have talked this out in private.

  “I just wanted to check on you and make sure you’re okay.”

  “Sure. I’m great.” Con’s words were sharp. “I figure, hey, why am I letting her being here dictate what I want to do with my friends and I get there and everyone’s talking about how I haven’t moved on and you know what? God, it pisses me off that y’all are sitting there talking about me, judging me, when you don't know my life.”

  “Dude, look, I’m sorry. You’re right, we don't know. We just know what we see. You’re not happy. You’re not enjoying life.”

  “I have been. The past few weeks have been more fun than I’ve had in a long time.”

  “And then she comes back, and what?”

  “It’s not even her, man. You were all sitting there talking about me, pitying me. I don't need your pity. I mean, yeah, you and Britt left, saw the world, but Ginny and Sofia and Lacey and Poppy and Javi, they’re all stuck here just like me.”

  “The thing is, I don't think they feel like they’re stuck. I think that’s you. You’re the one who’s here but doesn't want to be. We’re sad about the situation that’s keeping you here.”

  He gripped the edge of the bed of his truck and looked out over the ranch. “Yeah, well, what am I going to do about it? Life is what it is. I’m good at what I do, at least. I have security. I have a home. I know where my money’s coming from. I have it a lot better than a lot of people whose choices were taken away from them.”

  Beck nodded, thinking about Lacey. “I’m sorry, man. We shouldn’t have been talking behind your back. We shouldn’t have been talking to Britt about you.”

  He passed a hand over his hair. “No, you know? It’s good. It’s fine. I just....I don't want to feel vulnerable in front of her. You get that, don't you?”

  “Yeah, of course. Of course I understand. Again, I’m sorry we did that to you. I just...I wanted to come out and make sure you’re okay, and that you’re still going with us to Fort Clark?”

  Con leaned against his truck. “What day?”

  “The best day for everyone is Thursday? Can you get away?”

  “I’ll find a way.”

  “Good. Good. We’ll make it a good day. You okay? We okay?”

  Con nodded once and turned toward the house. “We’re just fine.”

  Chapter Twenty

  “WHATEVER WE DO, WE are not ri
ding with Beck,” Lacey told Poppy as they drove to The Wheel House to meet the others for their trip to Fort Clark Springs.

  “Why not?” Poppy asked.

  “Because I do not want to ride in a car with him for two hours, each way.”

  “You drove with him for twice that to San Antonio. And spent the night. Did something happen?”

  Lacey twisted her head to look at her friend. “I can’t believe you’d ask me that.”

  “Not that. I know nothing happened there. But I mean, did something happen between you? That you don't want to spend time with him? I thought you were friends.”

  “We are. I just don't know how to deal with him on top of all the other things I have to deal with. And I don't know how I’m going to keep the secret from him.”

  “Why do you want to keep it a secret? Just tell everyone.”

  “Because I don't know how to tell them.”

  “What do you mean? You just tell them, ‘hey, not one baby, it’s two.’”

  “And then they’ll ask questions and I don't have any answers.”

  “What could be different between one baby and two? I mean, yeah, more work and more room and more...I don't know. I never had a baby.”

  “All of that. I’m just—I want a day where I think about something besides being pregnant. That’s what I want today to be.”

  “And Beck makes you think of being pregnant?”

  “He—he reminds me that I am.”

  Poppy turned in the seat to look at her. “I knew it! You like him!”

  “Well of course I like him. He’s been really good to me.”

  “No, I mean, you like him. Like him.”

  Lacey blew out a breath. “Even if I did, what can I do about it? He’s not staying around. His mom’s house is almost finished. And how am I going to lure him? ‘Oh, here, Beck, by the way, here’s two babies for you to take care of.’ See how fast he could get out of town then. Not to mention, my body’s not exactly appealing.”

  “You’re a cute pregnant woman,” Poppy said loyally.

  “Thanks, but I don't think he sees it the same way.”

  “He looks at you differently than he looks at anyone else. Haven’t you noticed?”