Lone Star Longing (Hearts of Broken Wheel, #1)

by Fredrick, MJ

  Just hearing him say that eased the muscles in her shoulders.

  “But I care about you, Lacey. I think about you a lot. And not in the rescuing way that you think. I think you’re pretty damn strong, if you want my opinion. I think a lot of women would have crumbled under what you’ve been through lately.”

  “You don't know how close I came. But then I think about, what would my kids have if I did? So I pulled myself together.”

  “I just want you to know I admire the hell out of you. You have to know that a lot of women wouldn’t be able to do what you’ve done.”

  “I don't think I’m anything special.”

  “I do.”

  Something in his voice had her turning her head to look at him. His gaze was on her lips. Her pulse started pounding as he leaned closer.

  Her brain screamed at her to put distance between them, that she didn't need Beck Conover kissing her, making her want something she couldn't have.

  Because if he couldn't love her, she didn't want a relationship. And if she couldn't have a relationship, she didn't want a kiss.

  Except she did. Every fiber of her body had been aware of him since he slipped into the stock tank with her. And for weeks, she’d wondered what his kiss would be like. Here under the stars seemed like the perfect place to find out.

  So she leaned in, too, just enough that he knew she wanted this. He cupped a wet hand behind her ear, the cool water dripping down on her breasts as he first brushed his lips over hers, then parted, taking the kiss deeper more quickly than she expected. Her own hand flew up to his hair to hold on, and that was the last practical thought she had before sinking into the kiss, the softness of his lips, the prickle of his stubble, the subtle sweep of his tongue against her lips. She drew in a breath, taking in the scent of him, the scent of sunshine and sawdust, the taste of him, just a touch of spice from the lasagna, a touch of sweetness from the cake, but the rest a taste that was Beck alone.

  The howl of a coyote in the distance had him pulling away, slowly, his eyes opening as he did so, as if he was holding onto the sensation.

  “If that makes any difference,” he said, easing away from her. “We better get the pump going to empty this thing out before it gets too late.”

  She wasn't sure how she got out without falling on her butt. She almost felt drunk, definitely floaty. She wanted to hang onto him, to use his strength, but decided she was better off using her own, bracing her hands on the side instead. He picked up the pump from the back porch, set it in the water, and plugged it in. Immediately, the hum of the pump vibrating against the metal tub filled the air, and Lacey and Beck stood awkwardly, watching the water level lower bit by bit in the light from the back porch.

  “Why don't we sit on the porch while we wait?” she asked, finding her voice at last.

  He took her hand to guide her to the porch, where he released her before he sat on the step. When she sat beside him, she reached over and took his hand again. The look of surprise on his face matched the surprise she felt at making the gesture. God, what was she doing? She eased closer and this time she kissed him, wanting this floaty feeling to continue, wanting to feel his arms around her. Why hadn’t she kissed him when they were standing, so he could wrap his arms around her, hold her against him, even though her enormous belly would be in the way?

  But she liked his fingers in her hair, stroking her temple, the back of her neck. Every nerve ending was alight like a sparkler, sending fizzes of anticipation through her body.

  Slowly she ended the kiss, drawing back, just as the pump started buzzing in the stock tank.

  He turned his face away from her, for which she was glad. She didn't like him seeing her so vulnerable.

  “I guess it’s empty.”

  He rose in a fluid motion and unplugged the pump, then retrieved it before bending and lifting the tub on its side to dump out the rest of the water that the pump couldn't get. Behind him, Lacey saw a scorpion scurry from beneath the pool, and she shuddered as Beck rolled the pool and set it against the base of the tree.

  “You’ll be able to get it down?” he asked over his shoulder. “It’s not that heavy when it’s empty.”

  “I can do it.”

  “I’d say call me if you need help, but I’m going to be up in the basin for the next three days. I rented a room, so I won’t be back until Sunday.”

  His words sent a pulse of sadness through her. She didn't see him that often now, but knowing he was over a hundred miles away for days....

  “I’m going to say thanks to your dad and Marianne, then will you walk me out to the truck?”

  She didn't want him to leave yet, but she nodded anyway. He took her hand as they walked into the house. The cool air hit the wet skin that hadn’t dried in their brief time on the porch. Lacey felt self-conscious when her dad and Marianne noticed their joined hands, as Beck bid them good night, then drew Lacey behind him out the front door, where he turned her into his arms and kissed her again, his hand at the small of her back bringing her body against his. She slid her hands from his chest up to his strong shoulders, let her hands rest there as his mouth moved over hers, igniting those sparklers again. She tried to remember what her obstetrician had said about the urges common in this trimester, but no, this was more. This was a man who wanted her, who wanted to be a part of her life.

  She was ready to let him in.

  “Be safe,” she said, hearing the breathlessness in her own voice when he broke the kiss and started down the steps to the truck.

  “Yeah, I will. I’ll be back Sunday. See you at The Wheel House?”

  She nodded, feeling his absence as a physical sensation as she watched him climb into his truck. “I’ll see you Sunday.”

  Chapter Twenty Four

  “HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW what to do with Matt Junior.” Poppy chattered as she made the turn Lacey indicated, toward the hospital. “He’s going to be the reason I retire at thirty, swear to God. And does his mama do anything about it? Not one thing. I think she’s overwhelmed because she has so many kids to keep track of, but Matt is just running wild.”

  Poppy had talked about her class, and in particular the incorrigible Matt Dunfry Junior, almost the whole ride up. Matt, and her principal with her grand ideas, and the weekly meetings that were more inservice than meetings, and Lacey was feeling pretty bad about dragging her to San Angelo on a school night for birthing classes.

  She should have just taken the classes online, but she’d wanted to be more involved than that.

  She practically rolled out of the car once Poppy found a parking spot, then shook her hands out to her side as she stood outside the hospital meeting room where the first birthing class was to be held. Poppy rubbed her back lightly.

  “What’s wrong? You can do this.”

  She knew she could. She was worried about the pain, of course, about the whole labor thing. She was worried about going into a room in front of strangers and admitting she didn't have the baby’s father supporting her. She was forever grateful to Poppy for coming with her. Her dad had offered, but him accompanying her would be even more embarrassing than not having the baby’s father. Plus, some things should remain a mystery between father and daughter.

  So yeah, she was chickening out.

  Poppy hooked her hand through Lacey’s arm. “Let’s go.”

  Lacey’s heart leapt, hoping Poppy had read her mind and they were going to escape. But no, Poppy dragged her into the room. The space was open, with chairs set in a semicircle, and posters depicting the stages of childbirth pinned to the walls.

  “Avoiding the class doesn't mean you’re going to avoid the birth. You can do this.”

  The instructor, a woman about her dad’s age, welcomed them when they walked in. “Hi, I’m Alicia, your coach tonight.”

  “Hi, I’m Lacey Davila, and this is my coach, Poppy.”

  “Oh, how nice. Are you a...couple?”

  “No, we’ve just been friends since high school. The dad is....ov
erseas.”

  “Oh, I know that’s hard. Welcome, have a seat, make yourself comfortable. We’re still waiting on two more couples.”

  Lacey found a spot in the semi-circle of chairs and led the way to it, far enough away from the other couples—one couple older, maybe mid-forties, the other three couples maybe her age or a little older.

  Couples. She had expected as much, but she’d never felt more alone. What was she going to do? She wanted to go into that delivery room as informed as possible. And they also would show her how to take care of babies. Yes she was a nurse, but she hadn’t taken care of babies in a long time.

  But today was the introductory class. She looked around. Two of the couples seemed further along in their pregnancies, two didn't look as advanced.

  Finally the other two couples came in and found their spot. One couple seemed very friendly, the other more private, and Lacey found herself drawn to that couple more, since she was feeling the same.

  But of course the first thing the instructor Alicia wanted to do was have them all introduce themselves. The gregarious couple started, of course. This was their third pregnancy, though their second ended in a miscarriage.

  “Our rainbow baby,” the mother, Dorien, said with a madonna-like smile, circling her hand over her belly.

  A sharply drawn breath came from the woman beside Lacey, and Lacey looked over to see the woman tearing up, her hand in front of her mouth.

  “I’m so sorry,” the woman said. “Everything’s making me cry these days. Everything.”

  “Everything made you cry before you were pregnant,” her husband said, his tone fond. “We’re Jason and Olivia. First baby. High school sweethearts. It’s a girl.”

  “Okay, we skipped this one. You said you’re friends?” Alicia pointed to Poppy and Lacey.

  “Yes, since elementary school.” Lacey didn't want to go into the details of her relationship with Jesse, so she stuck with, “The father is deployed, and Poppy is going to be my coach.”

  “Well, thank him for his service, especially since it’s keeping him away from the birth of his child. That’s wonderful to have a friend so good to you.”

  “It is. We live in Broken Wheel, so we have quite a drive for the class.”

  “You do. I’m glad you could make it. First baby?”

  Lacey nodded and resisted the urge to circle her belly like Dorien had done. “Babies. Twins.”

  Everyone exclaimed over that, and Alicia nodded. Of course, as the coach, she’d known about that, since she was going to have to address Lacey’s delivery a little differently.

  The other couples were introduced, and just as Alicia began instruction, the door swung open. All eyes turned to see Beck hurry in.

  “Hey, sorry I’m late.” He waved to Alicia, and walked behind the semicircle to sit beside Lacey, on the other side from Poppy.

  Everyone was silent as Lacey turned, open-mouthed, from Beck to Poppy, who shrugged.

  “He wanted to be here,” Poppy whispered.

  “And who’s this?”

  “Another friend, Beck,” Lacey said, mortified. She did not want these people knowing her business. She wanted to snarl at Beck to ask what he was doing here, but she would wait. She was here for the babies, for her own peace of mind as she learned what she needed to do. She did not want to be in the middle of a drama.

  “I came down from Midland,” he said. “Took longer than I thought.”

  “You can never have too many friends,” Alicia said, though there was a furrow between her brows. “Should we be expecting anyone else?”

  Lacey gave a pointed look to Poppy, who shook her head, though she seemed to find this all more humorous than Lacey did.

  Alicia began the instruction, and Lacey focused on it, not on Beck sitting beside her. She was completely tense, not really wanting him to know all this about her, not really wanting him to think about her cervix or her vaginal canal or any of the other indignities that came with childbirth.

  At the first break, she was the first out the door, moving faster than she had in months, motioning for them both to come with her.

  “What are you doing here?” She demanded of Beck, turning on him when they were out the sliding door. Walking into the heat of the evening air was like walking into a wall.

  “I wanted to be here for you, and Poppy let me know what time to get here. I’m sorry I was late and embarrassed you.”

  “It’s not that. You know that if I’d wanted you to come, you could have asked me, right? What time and day? But you went behind my back and asked Poppy, right?”

  His face flushed a little. “I want to be a part of this, Lacey. I thought we’d gotten to that point in our relationship.”

  Her temper flared, and she wanted to point out they had barely kissed in their relationship, but just then one of the other couples walked out. Lacey couldn't remember her name, but the woman sat on the concrete bench nearby and fluttered her hand near her face.

  “Stuffy in there.”

  It wasn’t exactly cool out here, being late August, so Lacey just smiled and nodded, and drew Poppy and Beck down the sidewalk a little farther.

  “Do you want me to go?” Beck asked softly.

  “He came all this way,” Poppy inserted, of course taking his side.

  “Oh, you and I are going to have a talk on the way home,” Lacey pointed to her friend. Then to Beck, “No, I’m not going to send you home, but I don't want you in the delivery room. It’s going to be hard enough, you know.”

  “Lace, that’s why I want to be there. I want to take some of that from you.”

  “I don't think anyone can take it from me. It’s all me, you know. This part. All me.” She pressed her hands to her temples, as if she could block out those thoughts.

  “Lace, you’re going to be great. And we’re going to be there for you. Both of us, okay?” Poppy asked.

  Lacey nodded slowly. What choice did she have? Beck leaving at the break would only cause more speculation. “We’ll talk about this more later,” she said, and led the way back in, stopping at the snack table to get a short bottle of water before resuming her seat.

  She was almost able to relax during the rest of the class, as she learned about the stages of labor and what to expect.

  “I’m sorry I didn't ask you,” Beck said as he walked them to their car after class. “I knew you’d say no, and I didn't want to hear it. But if you don't want me to come back, tell me, and I won’t.”

  “I just don't see the point in you driving all this way, when you won’t be in the delivery room. You don't need to know this.”

  He nodded, looking out over the parking lot, not meeting her gaze.

  “Let me think about it, all right?” she asked with a sigh. She didn't want to hurt his feelings, but if he’d asked her, she would have had time to think about it. “Will you be in town this weekend?”

  “Yeah, but not until Sunday again.”

  “You come all this way for one day?”

  “Worth it,” he said with a smile, then inclined his head toward Poppy, sending her the silent message to get lost, before he curved his hand around Lacey’s jaw and dropped a kiss on her mouth. “Be safe going home.”

  “You too,” she said, her eyes drifting open as she opened the passenger door of Poppy’s car.

  And when Beck walked away, Lacey saw Poppy and Alicia staring at her.

  Great. No scandal here.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  LACEY DIDN'T TEAR INTO Poppy as she had planned, mostly because Poppy jumped on her the minute they pulled out of the parking lot.

  “I didn't know you kissed him!” Poppy exclaimed. “Why didn't you tell me you kissed him?”

  “Because I didn't want to talk about it yet. I mean, why did you tell him about the birthing classes, if you didn't think we had that kind of relationship?”

  “I thought he wanted that relationship. I didn't think you’d gotten there yet.”

  “Well, I don't know if we have
enough of one for him to see me pushing two babies out on a delivery table. We’ve just kissed.”

  “When?”

  “When Dad brought Marianne over for dinner the other night. Beck came too, and sat in the stock tank and looked at the stars and kissed.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Poppy sounded hurt.

  “I was just holding onto it a little while.”

  Poppy shook her head. “You and your father are two of a kind. You really want to keep things close to the vest, even closed off from the people who care about you the most.”

  “I didn't mean to hold it back from you,” Lacey said with a sigh. “I just don't know what’s happening. I don't know what can happen. I mean, he’s building a house. He wants to stay. He’s worried about his mom, he’s worried about me. I don't want a guy who thinks he needs to rescue me. I want a guy who thinks I’m fabulous and wants to snatch me up.”

  “What makes you think he doesn't think you’re fabulous?”

  “It doesn't matter if Beck thinks it or not. He’s the kind of guy who thinks I need help. I don't want to be the woman who needs help. I’m not helpless. I can do this.”

  “That’s not what you said when you first found out you were having twins.”

  “I knwo, but I’ve had time to come to terms with it, and I know I can do this. I’ll have my dad, and Marianne, and you, if I need you.”

  “But not Beck?”

  “Beck doesn't owe me anything. Not that you do,” she added quickly. “But I’m not going to tie him to Broken Wheel. I’m not going to have him resent being here because of me.”

  “Oh. My. God. Beck is not your mother.”

  Lacey flinched at Poppy’s adept observation. “He’s used to traveling, to seeing the world. He has a passport, and not just to go into Mexico for cheap booze. He isn’t the kind to stay in one place for so long. I’m not going to be the reason he has to.”

  “Sounds to me like he made the choice.”

  “Yes, he did, but he doesn't know how he’s going to feel in a couple of years, or even longer. He couldn't wait to get away from here before. It’s going to happen again.”