Deciding, once again, to tell my mind to shut up. I place the tube in my nose and press my other nostril shut.
Then I sniff. Hard.
The powder shoots up my nostril and into my sinuses. “Holy shit,” I breathe.
“Good girl.” Jeff releases my hair, and presses a kiss in the hollow of my neck.
Then it hits me. I drop my head against the back of the couch and breathe. I’m alive. A few moments ago, I wasn’t. But now, I’m alive.
“Feels great, right?” Jeff sits up, taking the tube off me before leaning forward to sniff another line himself.
“It feels…it feels like joy, like bliss, like everything you hear Heaven is.” I look around the room, so vivid and bright. Oh, wow.
Jeff laughs. This huge belly laugh erupts out of him as he lays back next to me, staring up at the ceiling. “Come into the bedroom. I’ll show you what Heaven is.”
As we stand he takes me in his arms and pulls me towards him, grasping my face on either side with both his hands. For a moment, he just stares at me. My tongue snakes out to wet my lips. I want nothing more right now than to feel his mouth on mine.
In this moment, I feel like I’ve won. I don’t know what I’ve won. But it feels like it’s something wonderful, something amazing. My heart feels full to bursting, and I want Jeff. I want Jeff so much it hurts my heart.
The moment his lips touch mine. I wrap my body around his, clinging to him, pressing myself against him in a wonton move I never imagined myself doing. Surprisingly, I have this need to feel him inside me. It’s a desire, screaming from within, as my body takes over my mind, crying to be filled. This morning, I would have been happy if I never tried to have sex again. But now, I feel like Jeff’s cock is the only thing that can sate the aching in my core. I even find myself wanting to show him how much pleasure he’s given me.
I break my lips away and whisper with great abandon in his ear. “I want to know what your cock feels like inside my mouth. I want to know what your semen tastes like. I want to make you come like you made me come the first night.”
I lower to the ground and slide down his body, dragging my hands along his torso and down to his waist in what I imagine is a very sexy movement. I glance up at him and see him watching me, a playful grin on his face as he winds his fingers through my hair and nods at me, letting me know I’m doing the right thing. He's such a good teacher.
With confident fingers, I undo the buttons of his jeans and slide them down to just below his waist. I can see the firmness of his cock protruding through his boxers and waste no time releasing it, marvelling at the spring as it bounces from its confines.
Jeff is still holding my head, and he nudges his tip against my lips. I snake my tongue out and lick the end, tasting a slick saltiness. Suddenly, I’m hungry. I want him inside my mouth. I want to run my tongue up and down his length. I want to drink him.
As I open my mouth, he pushes inside. I slide my tongue around his shaft and suck hard. Once my school went on an excursion to a working farm. We were taught how to milk cows, and it’s that technique I apply when I wrap my hand around his base, working my head back and forth and taking as much of him in as I can.
He pushes in further, and it’s a little more than I can take so I pull back, using my hand to guide his depth.
“More, Paige,” he pants, moaning as I suck and lick. “Take it in more.”
He hits the back of my throat, and my eyes prick with water. I let out a strangled noise as he pushes in again. It’s too far.
“You can do it, baby. I know you can, just breathe. Breathe for me, baby. I want to feel myself go all the way in. I want to see myself, thick in your throat.”
Thanks to the coke, I feel like I’m capable of doing anything, and I have such a great desire to please him that I push further and resist the urge to gag. It’s hard, and it takes more than a few goes. But, when he fits all the way in, the moan he releases is enough to make me feel like I’m about to come. I hum with pleasure around him, and he grips my hair harder as the vibration of my voice causes him to explode down my throat.
“Oh, yes,” he hisses. “Fuck that’s good.” Removing himself from my mouth, he drags me up from the floor and crashes our lips together, his tongue driving forcefully into my mouth. The kiss is so hard, it’s almost hurting, but it’s filled with such unbridled, fierce passion, that I don’t care if he makes me bleed. “I am going to fuck you all damn day. I’m going to lick every inch of your body, and you’re going to come, Paige. All fucking day.”
He works quickly to remove my pants, which I’m more than happy to be gone right now. My clit is throbbing so hard, I think the moment he touches it; I'm going to start screaming.
He lifts me off the ground and presses his cock against my crotch. I grind myself into him, the slickness of my arousal helping me to glide over his taught bare skin.
“I need to get in there, Paige. Do you want me? Deep inside your pussy?” he growls in my ear, biting on my lobe as he presses us more firmly together.
“Yes,” I gasp, the discomfort of the night before now far from my mind as my insides throb, crying out desperately for him to enter me.
I grip him either side with my thighs and move against him until I can feel his tip at my entrance and cry out ecstatically as he pushes inside me, filling me to my very core. He takes a couple of steps so we’re against the wall, and drives himself in deeply, pulling back slowly before slamming himself in again. With each push, my breath escapes in ragged pants.
This is so much more wonderful than it was last night. I don’t know if it’s the position or the cocaine, or if it’s just that this is my second time and it feels better. But that feeling is building inside of me.
With each deep push, his pelvic bone presses against my clit, and I moan. I moan so loud. His head bows at my neck as he kisses and licks and breathes his warm breath against my skin, grunting, moaning.
Suddenly, the pressure inside me is so huge I explode. My eyes roll back as I let out a guttural scream. I yell. I scream, and he keeps pushing inside me. Pounding against me, it’s like this orgasm has no end.
My head shakes from side to side as he keeps going, somehow the feeling inside me intensifies, and I explode again.
Eventually, he groans, long and low, as he comes inside me and presses himself against me, using his weight to hold me up as he lifts my hands above my head and captures my mouth.
His movements becomes slow and languid. Our urgency wearing off along with our high. He lowers me down as he pulls out of me and tucks himself back inside his pants. “Clean yourself up then get back out here. I’m not done with you yet.”
I do as he instructs then stand, leaning against the wall, half naked, watching as he sets up lines for us again.
He pauses and looks up at me. “More?” he asks. His eyebrows raised as he sits with the tube poised mid-air. He holds it out to me.
“More,” I agree, moving towards him before kneeling on the floor beside him.
“Good girl,” he says approvingly, pulling my hair back again and kissing me behind my ear as I lean forward to sniff up the line of powder. “Good girl.”
Thirteen
10 months since the note
3 months as Jeff’s girl
I think I might be in love with Jeff. He makes me feel like I matter and takes care of me without asking for much in return. So, it feels like maybe he's in love with me too.
I know I don’t have much to compare it to, but he makes me feel special. I’m so lucky he took a liking to me, and so grateful to Tahlia for introducing us. We’ve been together an entire three months, and each day just gets better and better. And he’s an amazing lover. Once again, I don’t have a comparison, but seriously, I can’t imagine anyone could know more about pleasing a woman than he does. I love being his girl.
At first, I was really concerned he was going to get me pregnant. I mean, he wasn’t using any protection, and we were sleeping together daily. Then he told m
e if I got pregnant, it couldn’t be his because he’d been in some sort of accident when he was younger that means he can’t have children.
I think that’s kind of sad, but I guess it’s for the best. I don’t feel like I’m old enough to have kids, and I really don’t think that drugs and kids go together. It’s one thing we don’t have to worry about. So in a way, I’m thankful.
We don’t always use drugs while we make love, but it’s best when we do. A chemical high and an emotional high mixed together is mind blowing. My orgasm is more intense and longer lasting, and I feel like I want to keep going forever.
Jeff has a rule with drugs. He doesn’t do what he deals. He also never deals out of his house. His supplier gives him ecstasy and ice to sell, and he gets coke for recreational use. He gets his pot from Ron, which is a great way to come down if we’ve had a bit too much coke.
I always enjoy the pot runs because I can visit with Tahlia, who is amazed that Jeff and I are still together. I haven’t said anything to her about how I’m feeling towards him. But hearing her say those things makes me very happy.
To try to earn my keep, I’ve been helping Jeff sell. He says that because I’m young and a girl, I’m not going to get questioned as much as he would be approaching groups of young people.
I have to admit that it does look pretty suss, having an almost thirty-year-old man hang around a group of youths and hand them things. Even when it’s done as a hug or a handshake, it’s still really obvious.
But with me, it’s easy. There are certain places where local bands play all age gigs regularly, as well as the local rave circuit and a chain of nightclubs with bouncers on Jeff’s payroll. On top of that we have regulars who call up asking for a drop off. Most of the time supply doesn’t meet demand.
Tonight we’re in a night club and Jeff is sitting on a stool up against a mirrored wall with a small ledge running the length of it that you put your drinks on. He’s holding a JD and coke, but he’s not drinking. He only buys it for show. What he’s doing is watching me to make sure I’m safe as I move through the crowd, collecting money and distributing pills. I love having his eyes on me. Sometimes I make out with a random guy so he can watch and pretend to get all jealous. It’s kind of our thing, and the sex is super hot afterwards.
I move through the crowd, greeting buyers like we’re old friends. Most nights, I sell everything I have, but tonight I’m left with a stash of Es.
“What’s going on?” Jeff demands when I return to him after doing yet another lap of the crowd.
“I don’t know. Hardly anyone’s buying. Maybe they’d prefer something else?”
“No way. Someone else is here selling.” He stands up straight and scans the crowd, eyes narrowed. This is his turf.
“You know, we’ve already made a lot of cash. We could always take a break. Do a mollie or two ourselves? We could re-live that first night when we kissed for hours.” I press myself against him and run my fingers up and down his chest, hoping he’ll forget work for a while and give in to having fun.
His eyes flash as he turns his attention towards me and grabs me roughly by the arm. “What are the rules, Paige? You never take while you’re working. You’ll get hooked on your own stash and fuck shit up. Never do what you deal—understand?” I nod. His fingers digging painfully into my flesh as he holds me too tight. “You must have a clear head at all times, or you’ll get caught. I’ll get caught.” He jams his fingers into my pocket and removes the pills I have left along with the money. Using my body as a shield, he checks that everything adds up. “Don’t ever ask me to do that again. Don’t make me find someone to replace you. I like you, and I don’t want to do that. But I will if you make me.” His eyes move from side to side as he looks into mine.
I nod vigorously, and he hooks his finger in the waistband of my jeans. Pulling me up against him, he leans close to my ear and speaks in a low intimate voice. “That’s my girl. I’m not anywhere near finished with you yet.”
My knees quiver slightly as my insides dance around at the thought of what else he wants to do to me. “You can trust me,” I whisper. “I won’t ask again.”
He nods slightly and grabs the back of my head with his hand, kissing me roughly in a display of pure manhood. “Take me home,” I beg, wanting to be alone with him.
His hand clenches in my hair, and he pulls, jerking my head back, and licking up my neck, biting firmly, almost painfully on my ear. “I think I’ll take you here,” he growls. “Show you who’s boss.”
Fear and desire mix uncomfortably as he leads me out the back door to where we parked the car, not loosening the grip he has on my arm for a moment.
I’ve never had him be so rough with me before. I feel stupid for being so bold and angering him. I wish now, that I could take it all back. I forgot myself for a moment. I should always do as I’m told.
“Fucking bastard,” Jeff grumbles as he stops dead in his tracks and releases my arm. “Stay here.”
Confused, I look to see where he’s going and notice a scrawny looking guy, a little older than me, leaning up against the wall of the club. A cigarette hangs between his lips as he blatantly exchanges drugs for money.
I shake my head at his lack of discretion and fold my arms over my chest. “Idiot,” I say to myself.
Jeff moves over to stand beside him, and the guy turns to him with a self-confident grin, obviously assuming Jeff is a new customer.
He turns to Jeff and shows him his stash, asking how many he wants.
Jeff gives him one of his most charming smiles before his arm shoots out, and he clasps his hand around the guy’s throat, slamming him against the wall. All I can hear is a low threatening growl as Jeff speaks into his ear. The pills fall to the ground and scatter around the pavement, causing the group of buyers to drop to the concrete, grab what they want and take off for the club.
I start to edge my way closer, my eyes wide as I watch the panicked look on the guy’s face while his eyes bug out, and he struggles to breathe.
“Don’t ever let me catch you dealing around here again,” Jeff spits, digging around in the guy’s pockets and taking out the wad of cash. “This is mine. You stole from me tonight.”
He tries to shake his head and voice his protest, but Jeff’s grip is too strong. Only strangled sounds come out.
A moment later, Jeff releases him. The kid sucks at the air, trying to get his breath back while he rubs at his throat.
“If you ever see my face again. You’d better run,” Jeff growls, pulling his fist back then landing a punch in the guy’s guts. I hear a loud ‘oomph’ sound as he doubles over and slides down the wall.
Whoa. I take a step forward, expecting that to be the end of it. But it’s not. Jeff grabs the guy’s head and slams it into the wall.
Bile rises in my throat as I watch Jeff kick him repeatedly, continuing even though the guy is on the ground, curled up in the foetal position.
He seems too still, and I hope to god that he’s just passed out. “Jeff,” I call out, trying to grab his attention and make him stop. “Jeff!”
He pauses and looks over his shoulder at me, his face dark and stormy. It scares the living shit out of me.
The young guy moans, covered in blood and lying still on the concrete at his feet. At least he’s still breathing.
“I need you,” I say, trying to appeal to his softer side. The side he shows when we’re alone.
With one last kick to the kidneys, Jeff spits on him then turns towards me.
“He’s all yours,” he says calmly. Mine? What am I supposed to do with him? But then I notice the bouncer from the back door standing not far from us.
The bouncer nods once and moves to check on the half dead drug dealer while Jeff strides towards me and ushers me into his car as if this is a normal occurrence. “Let’s get out of here.”
My limbs feel heavy and I stumble as my feet refuse to move at the speed Jeff drags me; it only seems to make him more furious. He opens the passenger
door and deposits me roughly inside. I just manage to get my feet tucked safely inside when he slams the door and stalks his way over to his side of the car.
We drive home in complete silence. I have no idea what I should do or say; if he’s angry with me or at that kid for selling on his turf. I don’t think he’s capable of hurting me, but at the same time I can’t be sure. My mother is a well respected accountant, no one would have picked her as abusive, yet she did it all the time.
The moment we arrive home. I reach for my door handle to get out. “Wait,” he commands. So I do, an all too familiar fear snaking up my spine.
And you’re no better.
My mother’s words shout inside my head while Jeff gets out of the car and locks me inside, standing a few metres away with his phone pressed to his ear. I don't dare move. I've been in this kind of situation enough times to know that obedience is my best bet. So I wait quietly, watching as he runs his hand back and forward over his head when he speaks. He’s agitated, and as much as he is scaring me, I can’t help but admire how strong and attractive he is. It saddens me that someone I’ve only known to be kind and giving can have such a dark side to them. But it doesn’t surprise me. Am I destined to attract these people?
After almost half an hour, he puts his phone away and opens my door, holding his hand out for me to take. He still isn’t smiling. His anger is rolling off him in waves, but he seems in quiet control.
I take my cue from him and place my hand in his without speaking, without smiling. I make eye contact and try to silently tell him that everything will be OK. But I don’t really know that do I? I mean, what if he’s really hurt that guy?
Once inside, he closes and locks the front door, still holding my hand as he does. I simply stand by, waiting and watching, unsure of what I should do right now. When my mother was like this, I would go to my room and stay as quiet as I could, hoping to avoid her wrath. But he’s holding too tight for that, and we share a room. So there isn’t really anywhere for me to go.
Forever: Beautiful Series, book two Page 31