Forbidden Baby Daddy: A Secret Baby Romance

by Lara Swann

  The idea of starting to see my baby grow, developing a bump and being able to feel the little life inside me…it just seems magical to me.

  Kelly sets up the machine and sits down on a stool next to me, looking at both of us before smiling back at me.

  “I’m just going to put some of this fluid on your stomach, okay?”

  I nod, biting my lip as I keep looking at the screen. She hasn’t even put the wand against me yet, but all I can think about is seeing my baby. The gel is cool against my skin, and that distracts me for a moment before she lowers the probe to my skin - and just like that, an image appears on the screen. It’s still mostly black, the image throbbing and moving as she starts running the probe over me, and I feel myself holding my breath as I wait.

  “Just need to find—ahh, there we are!” She says, but it’s totally unnecessarily because my eyes are glued to the screen anyway. “There…that’s your baby.”

  I can hear the warmth in her voice, and some distant part of me appreciates how happy she seems for us, but most of me barely even registers it, too lost in awe and wonder at the little moving image that’s appeared on the screen.

  Ash and I grab for each others’ hand almost simultaneously, and he squeezes it hard as I gasp at what I’m seeing.

  My baby.

  Our baby.

  “Ash…” I murmur. “Ash…that’s…”

  “Our baby.” He finishes, the same awe that I’m feeling reflected in his voice.

  I manage to tear my eyes away for one brief moment to meet his gaze, my own shining a little as a happiness and contentment I never knew was even possible rushes through me.

  We did that. We created it.

  Our eyes catch for one long moment before they dart back to the screen, not wanting to miss out on any part of this. I dimly notice the sonographer has faded into the background, simply holding the probe to my skin and letting us look at the tiny image without saying anything more, and I’m deeply grateful to her for giving us that time.

  After a few mesmerizing minutes, she leans over to the machine, adjusting something - and then the sound comes through, loud and clear.

  The heartbeat.

  My baby’s heartbeat.

  “Is that…” I say, barely able to believe it.

  She nods at me, still smiling. “Yes, that’s the heartbeat. Clear and strong.”

  “Oh…ohh, Ash…”

  I glance back at him again, our hands squeezing each other tightly.

  “It’s amazing.” He murmurs, caught up in the moment with me. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it.”

  The sonographer smiles at us. “This is your first, right?”

  It takes me a moment to work out what she means - my first pregnancy, our first baby - and I blush the moment I do, for one instant feeling like we might actually be a couple, starting a family. That this could be the first of many.

  “Yes.” I say softly. “It’s…our first.”

  I hesitate over the word our, but I say it anyway. It’s true - neither of us have had a baby before - even if not quite in the same way as it comes across.

  “It’s enough to make you want to go through it all another few times, huh?” She says, almost wistfully, although maybe that’s just me projecting. I’m not sure how she guessed exactly what I was thinking.

  I deliberately don’t look at Ash, not wanting to do anything that might turn this special moment into something a bit more awkward, and I’m relieved when she continues without me having to answer. Especially since I want so badly to answer ‘yes’ right now.

  “You’ll be pleased to know this little fellow looks fine so far - nothing we need to worry about for now, but I’ll give you a report that can be read by a radiologist if you want to follow up on it further - and I’ll get you some copies of the image, too.”

  “Thank you.” I say, something easing in my chest at the news. It’s not like I’d expected anything else, but there’s always that little worry, the back-of-mind tension that’s eased the moment she says my baby looks fine.

  “Yeah.” Ash echoes. “Thanks…for all this.”

  It’s her job, I know that, but somehow it felt like she made it special anyway.

  We wrap it up fairly quickly after that, and I can’t deny the pang when she removes the probe and the image fades again.

  My baby.

  I feel like I want to watch it moving there, inside me, forever.

  When she hands us both a copy of the image, though, it’s almost as good, and I cling to it, unable to describe the wave of emotions I get on seeing it. I think Ash gets it, though - he keeps staring at his own, too.

  I get the report and tuck it away, grateful Ash doesn’t ask anything about why it’s not being sent to my regular doctor - but I think he’s too distracted by what we just saw. I know I am. Not even thinking about the mess with my parents can get me down right now.

  We walk out while I’m still buzzing - and it feels like the sun is shining just for me, the fresh Spring breeze whispering past us with a promise of all the life yet to come. Okay, maybe I’m romanticizing a little, but if I can’t romanticize after seeing my baby for the first time, I don’t know what’s wrong with the world.

  “It’s a lovely day.” I sigh, turning to Ash with a blissful smile.

  He smiles back, his eyes still shining with warmth, and I realize we’re still holding hands. I don’t stop, though. Right now, I want every connection I can get to the man who created this little miracle with me.

  “Hey, do you want to get lunch or something?” He asks, tilting his head as he considers. “We could grab a few sandwiches, maybe take the bike up to Federal Hill and look out over the city as we eat?”

  “Yes!” I grin, loving everything about that idea. “So much.”

  He laughs, pulling me in for a hug and squeezing tightly. “I love how enthusiastic you are about everything, Chloe.”

  That’s something we seem to have taken to doing easily enough. It seems like hugs are safe between us, but kissing…well, kissing is just for when we really can’t help ourselves. In a passionate-thinking-of-sex way. Not so much a simple happy way. It’s a little over-complicated, but that’s how my mind seems to be processing it right now.

  “It was a good idea.” I smile back. “And besides, how could I not be enthusiastic right now?”

  “That’s true.” He says, warmth radiating from his face again as he tucks the image he got into his jacket.

  Spring is definitely on its way now, and we’re getting occasional beautiful days like this, but it’s not been around long enough to completely forgo our jackets - still can’t trust it won’t turn in the middle of the day. Right now, though, I want to make the most of every sun-kissed, gorgeous moment.

  We walk into a local store - this part of town is far enough away from where I live that I doubt anyone I recognize will see us - and get a little carried away with our spur-of-the-moment picnic, grabbing sandwiches and brownies and crisps and fruit before we realize we only have Ash’s small backpack to put it all in. It mostly fits, and we’re both laughing by the time we come out of the store, arm in arm as we head to his bike.

  It’s not the same one I’m used to, and he casually describes it as a cruiser before he hands me a helmet and we get on. I still get to wrap my arms around him as I press closely against his body, but both of us are more upright and it feels different. I’m not sure what I think until he starts it up and we begin a sedate ride through the city center traffic - and then I get why he likes it and why it’s called a cruiser all at once.

  It feels very much like it’s made for riding around slowly, looking good and being seen, and my nose wrinkles a little at the thought of it. Looking good and being seen isn’t really my thing. I prefer the way the other one felt - full of adrenaline and power, with enough speed to make my heart jump in my chest.

  It gets the job done though, and we make it up to Federal Hill quickly enough, Ash parking the bike before we start wal
king into the park.

  “I prefer your other bike.” I tell him casually.

  “Oh?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

  “Yeah, it felt faster - more powerful - that’s way more fun.”

  He chuckles, pulling me in close to his side. “You like the speed, do you?”

  “Exactly. I want to feel the wind in my hair, not sit up and look around at what’s going on.”

  “Not so easy to race around in town.” He points out and I shrug.

  “Yeah. Maybe next time we should go further out.”

  He smiles, his gaze holding mine for a moment, and I belatedly realize what I just said - but I don’t take it back. I want there to be a next time. I’m sure a picnic is as good a way to discuss raising a child as a dinner, right?

  “Maybe next time we will.” He murmurs, and there’s a catch in his voice. “Maybe all the way back to that reservoir…”

  A shiver runs down me at the suggestion there, the memory of that night flashing back through my mind, but before I can say anything he’s pointing ahead of us.

  “How about over there?”

  I look up, seeing the slight incline he’s pointing to and notice not too many people clustered around it.

  “Sounds perfect.”

  We settle down in the next few minutes, laying our jackets out to sit on. It may be warm and sunny, but I’m not entirely sure the ground won’t still be damp from a storm a couple of days ago.

  “Okay, what do you want first?” He asks, rummaging around in the bag.

  “The sandwich…” I say, puzzled.

  He notices, and throws me the sandwich with a grin, shrugging. “Thought I’d check. Sometimes I go for the brownies first.”

  That makes me laugh, even as he does actually bring out a sandwich of his own.

  “I can see it right now, you’re going to be a terrible influence on our kid.”

  “I’m going to be the fun parent.” He grins at me.

  “Hey! I want to be the fun parent.” I complain, as he takes a big mouthful of his sandwich. I haven’t even started mine yet.

  “I can see it now.” He shakes his head in mock-sadness. “This is where the co-parenting arguments begin…all goes downhill from here…”

  “Maybe we can both be the fun parent.” I point out, rolling my eyes at his dramatics, even as my stomach twists slightly. I know he’s joking, but I can’t help it. Does he really think we’re going to be arguing about these things?

  “Maybe.” He says, still grinning. “But then who would be the bad guy?”

  “Well, we’d probably both have to be that too.”

  “That doesn’t sound so fun.”

  “Neither does having a kid running rampant over both of us.” I retort, with a smile that matches his amused tone.

  “I guess you have a point there.” He admits, chewing thoughtfully. “Maybe we’ll do it your way.”

  I laugh to myself a little as I start on my sandwich too, the idea of us sitting here talking about things we have no clue about striking me as a little ridiculous, but I’m enjoying it anyway.

  We’re silent for a little while as we focus on the food, and then I shuffle closer to him.

  “Ash…” I say, slightly hesitant.

  My tone has him glancing over, an eyebrow rising in concern.

  “Mm?”

  “You don’t really think it’s all going to go downhill, do you? We won’t argue about that much, surely?”

  His expression softens and he shakes his head, finishing his mouthful with a large swallow.

  “No…no, of course not, Chloe.” He pulls me closer, and I accept the warm feeling that his body next to mine always gives me. “I didn’t mean it, you know.”

  “Yeah.” I shake my head, knowing I was just being silly. “Yeah, I know. I just wanted to make sure.”

  “’Course.” He wraps an arm around my shoulder, squeezing me tightly, glancing down at me. “I do think there’ll be things we need to talk about, you know. Things we might disagree about - but, I don’t know, we get on well enough so far. I figure we’ll both be reasonable about it.”

  I nod, his words making me feel immeasurably better, and I smile up at him. “Yeah, yeah we will.”

  It’s strange, really. If you’d asked me a few months ago about the kind of man I’d picture being a good father to my children - who I’d get along with and make a good team with - that description would have looked nothing like Ash.

  We come from totally different backgrounds, we have so many different values we haven’t even thought about yet, and he’s not the kind of guy I’d call a perfect role model.

  It’s not something I could have guessed might work out - but so far, it seems to be. More than that, I’m not sure I’d want anyone else here with me for it.

  He reaches down into his jacket pocket as I contemplate all that, distracting me, and a moment later he’s pulled out the image of our baby for us to look at again.

  “Can you believe it?” He murmurs next to me, holding the picture up in front of both of us.

  I rest my head against his shoulder, my arm wrapping around his waist and bringing me closer in towards him as I shake my head.

  “No.” I say quietly. “It’s so…beautiful. I can’t believe we could create something so…special. Just like that.”

  I’m not even sure what to think about the idea that we weren’t even intending to. We were just chasing after pure carnal pleasure - and I can understand why people at my church might frown on that idea. If sex can be special enough to make a child…maybe it should be treated with more respect than we gave it.

  I don’t feel like we were disrespectful, though. Not really. It was special to us, too, just in a different way.

  Special enough to make a baby.

  “I know.” He says, his gaze fixed on it, some of the same wonder that I feel in his expression. “This is…our baby. It’s such a crazy feeling.”

  I nod, a hand resting over my stomach again. There are still times I don’t believe I’m actually pregnant.

  “Thank you for coming.” I say again, impulsively. I know how much he wanted to, but still, it doesn’t take away from how much it meant to have him there. “I…it’s something I would have always wanted to share with someone.”

  He smiles, turning his head to kiss me on the top of my head. The gesture warms me all the way through my body, and I don’t say a word as he breaks the unspoken no-platonic-kissing assumption I came up with only earlier today.

  “I’m glad we could do it together.” He says, looking back at the photo and smiling.

  “I wish…” I start, before I think better of it.

  “What do you wish?” He asks, tilting his head to see me better, and I shift awkwardly.

  I didn’t mean to say that out loud…but now that I have, I figure I might as well tell him anyway. He makes it so easy to want to talk to him.

  “Nothing, really.” I shrug. “I guess, I just…wish I could share it with more people, that’s all.”

  “I take it’s not something you’ve been announcing, huh?” He says, quietly, and I get the feeling he’d already worked that out.

  “No.” I shake my head, not sure I really want to explain, and then glance at him as something else occurs to me. “Have you?”

  He shakes his head too.

  “Just an old friend…although…” He glances back at the picture of our baby, and a small smile tugs at his mouth again. “I guess I should make a trip out of town sometime, now that I’ve got this too. My Mom would want to see.”

  That tugs at something inside me, and I look up - curious, and more than a little wistful.

  “What will she think? About all this?”

  He laughs. “I think she expected worse a lot sooner - she’ll probably grumble at me about responsibility and consequences, but she’ll be secretly thrilled, I know it. She’d love to have a little one running around again, she’s said so enough times.”

  “That sounds nice.” I
smile softly, even as I feel a little sad at how different I feel about telling my parents.

  “Yeah. Yeah it will be.” His eyes are sparkling as he looks at the picture again, but then he seems to notice some of my mood and his expression sobers a little. “Are you…going to show your folks, too?”

  I swallow slightly, shrugging, and I can’t meet his eyes as I say it.

  “I…haven’t told them anything. Not yet. I can’t work out how to.”

  “You don’t think they’ll approve?” He asks, in that same compassionate tone.

  I shake my head. “They don’t know—about any of it. Not that night, all those weeks ago, not that I’ve—that we—well—they have quite strong—views, I guess. I don’t know how to explain…what happened.”

  “The sex?” He raises an eyebrow, and I catch him glancing down to the crucifix around my neck. “Let me guess…they thought you were waiting until marriage?”

  I find my face heating, not sure whether he’s judging me and feeling awkward about it, but that was something I believed in - and not that long ago, either.

  “Yeah…yeah, I guess.” My fingers play in the grass, pulling up little tufts as I speak. “They’re a bit more…strict…in what they believe than I am, I guess. But it’s not just that I’ve already had sex - it’s everything - it’s bringing a baby into this world without a—a—”

  I pause, not sure how to say it. I want to say without a partner, but that doesn’t feel right when he’s right here beside me, promising to support me with it all. It’s not like the baby won’t have a father figure, but…that’s still not the same as having a family, the way my parents would expect. The way I always expected.

  I know they won’t see it in the same way at all.

  “You’ve got me.” He says, as if he can follow my thoughts exactly. I guess it’s not that hard to do right now. “It’s not like you’re all alone with this, Chloe, without any kind of plan.”

  I’m not sure I’d call what we have a plan exactly, but I get what he means. I do have a plan - it might not be very detailed - but I know I want to have this baby and be the best Mom I possibly can be, raising my kid together with Ash, in whatever way that works out.