Forbidden Baby Daddy: A Secret Baby Romance

by Lara Swann

  In the back of my mind, I’m also starting to get frustrated by how easily and often that seems to happen these days - I never used to cry all the time - but right now…I can’t help myself, and I’m not even sure I want to.

  “Ash…” I murmur, leaning into him and letting him wrap his arms tightly around me.

  “I just want you to be happy, Chloe.” He repeats, and I smile through the tears, looking up at him.

  He kisses me again, deeper this time, our tongues tangling together as my emotions spill over from within me.

  “I am.” I say softly. “You make me happy, Ash…as long as I have you, everything will be okay.”

  That’s exactly how it feels. Things might be hard right now - for both of us - but we’ll work it out. Together. I feel like there’s nothing I can’t do, if he’s supporting me.

  He meets my smile. “You’re always going to have me.”

  I sigh a little and lean into him, cuddling up in his arms and already feeling a pang at the idea of leaving him - leaving here. As much as I want to resolve things with my parents, to have things be okay again, I know I’m going to miss being around him terribly.

  “Besides.” He adds, interrupting my train of thought as he glances around the room. “This isn’t exactly the kind of place I’d want to offer you, anyway. I’d much rather you were somewhere a little nicer at the moment…especially with our baby to think of.”

  I glance around too. Whoever destroyed the shop made their way through his apartment above it too, but while everything was upended and thrown around when they tore through, they didn’t seem nearly as interested in actually destroying his living arrangements as they did the bikes downstairs. The furniture was all mostly intact, even if it’s still a mess - and we’re constantly finding things in odd places.

  “That’s not why—” I start, and it’s mostly true.

  I’d want to be with Ash, whatever that meant, wherever we were. It’s not comfort I care about - but I can’t deny that after the shop was attacked, I have had a few second thoughts about living in this kind of area…especially with the baby on the way.

  “I know.” He says, shushing me, then leaning in to kiss me again before I can object.

  That’s enough for me to forget all about what I was trying to say, as I give into the sensual heat of his mouth, letting him push me further back down on the couch so our bodies can twist together. I moan as I press up into him, some of the residual tension from my Mom’s message slipping away as he starts distracting me in the way he does best.

  I’ll reply later...arrange something…we’ll sort things out…everything will work out okay…

  The thoughts only have a moment to flash through my mind before Ash’s hand slips under my top and I shudder, everything else disappearing as I sink into that feeling, my mind at ease now that it finally feels like it’s going to be okay.

  And if it is going to be okay…and I’m really going to go home…well, all that’s left is making the most of every moment I get with Ash right now.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chloe

  I message Mom later that night, when I’ve finally started floating down from the passionate heights Ash sends me to, and we arrange to talk after they close the store the next day.

  There’s a cynical part of me that wonders whether that’s part of the reason for the message - I’m not sure how easy it is at the store without me - but that’s an unfair thought. If I really want this to go well and to make amends with them, I have to stop letting myself think that way. Besides, I feel guilty about that anyway. I don’t exactly want to leave them in the lurch like this.

  Ash is the perfect distraction for the rest of the night - and helping out with his shop the following day helps keep the anxiety from building up too heavily. It’s not as bad as it usually is when I’m about to have one of these kinds of talks with my parents, either, and I wonder whether something in me has changed a little too.

  I want this reconciliation - a lot - but if it doesn’t work out…it’s not like I’m totally desperate anymore. There’s a strange feeling of confidence from being here with Ash that I’m not used to.

  The day doesn’t drag as much as I think it will and when Ash takes me back to my house later that day, I don’t even ask him to drop me a couple of blocks away. It feels a little odd, but I don’t need him to anymore. My parents already know about him - he’s not a secret.

  I almost wonder whether they might come out to see him, as the noise of the bike makes our arrival obvious, but they don’t. That doesn’t surprise me. Dad, at the very least, would want any meeting to be on his terms.

  “Do you want me to come with you?” Ash asks, holding my gaze as I swing my leg off the bike.

  It’s the same one we took to Philadelphia - a little unnecessary for riding around Baltimore, but the only bike he has left in one piece. I saw the state of the Kawasaki I first rode with him myself, and I think it broke some part of my heart too. Maybe that’s a little silly - it is just a bike, and they’re not my thing nearly as much as they are Ash’s - but it had a whole lot of meaning for me, too. Ash has promised he’ll fix it, but I know it’s going to be a long time before he gets to that.

  I bite my lip, so tempted to say ‘yes’, even though we both know that would be a bad idea. I remind myself that I want this to work out, and reluctantly shake my head.

  “No. It’s okay. I’ll text you later, alright?”

  He nods, reaching out to my shoulder with that big glove of his. “Okay…but if you need me to come pick you up, just call. I’ll be around.”

  I nod too, but I’m hoping it won’t come to that. So long as we avoid the direction we went down before, it should be fine.

  Yeah. That will be easy.

  But maybe it will. Maybe a week will have made all the difference.

  I watch Ash leave before I turn to the door, feeling like a part of me might well be leaving with him - but then I can’t put it off anymore, and I walk up to it and knock.

  Mom opens it quickly enough that I wonder whether she was watching too, from behind a curtain.

  We look at each other for a long moment, before she steps back and lets me walk in properly.

  “Hey.” I say, hesitantly.

  She takes a long look up and down at me and then surges forward, wrapping her arms around me and giving me a tight hug. “Ohh, Chloe…”

  Unbidden, a slight sob escapes from me, and I curse pregnancy hormones again as I have no idea where that came from. I was definitely not going to do that—

  “Heyy, it’s okay, my girl.” She murmurs to me, and I get myself under control enough that another one doesn’t sneak out, but I do wrap my arms around her too, hugging her back.

  “C’mon, sweetie.” She says softly, pulling back to look up at me. I can see the concern in her eyes, and feel the slight tension coming off her, but for a moment I’m just overwhelmed by the comfort - by the idea of being home. “C’mon, let’s go through to the sitting room, where your father is too.”

  I nod, even though that thought only deepens the tension in my gut. I know I’m going to have to face him too - and at least Mom doesn’t seem to want to launch into an immediate discussion about everything we said last week.

  I let her lead me through the hallway and up the stairs to our living space above the shop, and I glance over at Dad before letting her guide me to the couch, where she sits down next to me. I’m a little surprised about that, but I’m more distracted by Dad, who’s wearing his strictly unreadable expression.

  “Hi.” I offer to him too, and he just nods in return.

  “Chloe…” Mom starts again, taking my hands in hers. I turn slightly to face her, seeing a myriad of emotions play across her face. “I’m glad you came back to talk. I…we’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you too.” I say, truthfully, as she squeezes my hands.

  “Last weekend…well, I guess last weekend didn’t go so well, huh?” She offers, and I slowly shake
my head in agreement. That’s putting it mildly, but I’ll take it. She takes a deep breath. “I—we’ve—been talking about it, and we’re sorry—about how that went.”

  The apology is welcome, but it doesn’t surprise me at all that it’s Mom offering it - or doing the talking. This tends to be how these things go. Dad isn’t very good at admitting when he’s wrong, or apologizing about it.

  “I’m sorry we didn’t react how you obviously wanted us to…to your news…but you’ve got to understand, Chloe, it’s a big shock and we’re just—we’re just concerned about you. About all of it. It’s not that we don’t understand your excitement at having a baby - I know exactly how that feels.” Her gaze softens for a moment as she looks at me, and I’m reminded that she’s been in exactly my position before. Well, almost. She was married to Dad at the time. “It’s just that we were a little…surprised…how you felt, given the circumstances. And we were upset that you didn’t tell us. It makes us wonder…well, it seems like there’s a lot we don’t know at the moment. That’s hard, Chloe, that you didn’t want to tell us—”

  She hiccups slightly, raising a hand to her mouth as she blinks past obvious tears, and I immediately feel bad.

  “I’m sorry.” I say quietly, really meaning it. “I wanted to tell you…really…I just…I didn’t know how you’d react.”

  She nods, still sniffling, and I lean closer to wrap my arm around her, trying to comfort her a little.

  “And you’ve got to know how it looks.” Dad’s gravelly voice cuts in, and I glance up at the first words he’s volunteered to me since I arrived. “How it seems to us, when all we’ve ever taught you has—”

  “John.” Mom interrupts, quiet but resolute as she casts a look in his direction. “It’s not like any of that is relevant now.”

  I can see the tick in Dad’s jaw as he obviously struggles to keep his opinion in check - and for the first time, I get the impression that they’ve been arguing about this between themselves too. Whenever we’ve had arguments or issues in the past, they’ve always been completely united - with exactly the same opinion and message. Sure, Mom might be a little softer than Dad about it, but they’ve never disagreed with each other in front of me.

  “Morality and faith are always relevant.” He finally says, and that’s strong enough to make me wonder what he stopped himself from saying there.

  “It is.” I find myself saying, surprising even myself as I look up at him calmly. “It’s relevant here too - and none of this contradicts any of those values. If this baby wasn’t meant to be, it wouldn’t be.”

  His eyes flash for a moment, but I hold his gaze anyway. I truly believe that - and I’ve been slowly coming to terms with the thought that my idea of morality and faith might be different from his, but no less strong. It’s only fair that he should have the chance to start getting used to that.

  “Okay.” Mom says, deliberately stepping in before Dad and I can provoke each other too much. “Listen, it’s obvious how much this baby means to you, Chloe, and—really—we’re glad about that. It’s how it should be.”

  She shoots another meaningful glance in Dad’s direction, which he doesn’t seem to acknowledge. “And…it means a lot to us, too. Of course we care about it - the same as we care about you - we want what’s best for you both.”

  My gut clenches a little at that comment. I’ve heard it so many times now, and I can’t help the frustration that we seem to have very different ideas about what’s best for me. Mom doesn’t seem to notice, though, still looking at me with a half-smile that’s almost an appeal.

  “We want to be part of this, too. We want to help you with it.” Mom says, her voice gentle and earnest, and I force some of my defensiveness down. Mom is obviously trying hard, and if I want this to work, I need to take some of the things they say at face value, instead of questioning every little thing.

  She looks over and gives Dad a measuring glance that makes me think she’s not done, before turning back to me. “I don’t think all of this is…easy…for any of us, but I hope that maybe it could be eventually. You know that this isn’t exactly what we were hoping for you, Chloe…if you can accept that…well, maybe we can work on accepting that whatever we might prefer, these things are still your choice to make.”

  I bite my lip, a range of mixed emotions flooding through me. I don’t want me being pregnant to be difficult for them, but at the same time…I know at least she’s being honest about it. That tells me she means the rest of it, too, and everything she said there…that’s about as much as I could have asked for from them.

  The acknowledgment that this is all my choice is something I’ve been looking for my whole life. They don’t have to love it…but accepting it? That would be an awful lot more than I’ve ever had before.

  I’d be lying to myself if I tried to convince myself they simply don’t mind the circumstances behind this situation, anyway - it goes against everything they’ve always believed. It’s a little painful to think about but it’s fair for them to feel that way, and it’s probably a good thing that Mom could talk about it - especially without it feeling like the kind of harsh judgment it was last week. I don’t like the idea of dealing with that overshadowing my pregnancy - but maybe the overshadowing part is up to me - and as Mom says, maybe with time they’ll get used to it. I always thought they’d need time.

  It takes me a while to process it all, but as I do, I can’t help feeling the beginnings of hope. Maybe this could work out after all.

  I look up at Mom eventually, and finally squeeze her hands back.

  “I’ll try.” I say softly, and she smiles at me. “I’d like you to be a part of this, too.”

  “We’ll try as well.” She nods, and I’m grateful for that acknowledgment too.

  Maybe none of us will get it quite right all of the time, but at least we’ll know that the intention is there. I glance over at Dad, who is still watching mostly silently from the other side of the room.

  He gives us both a level look before finally speaking. “I still want to meet this ‘Ash’ you were talking about for myself. If he’s going to be my grandkid’s father, I want to know that he’s up to it.”

  I know that’s all the acknowledgment or agreement that we’re going to get out of him, and I resign myself to it. He’s never been the best at committing himself to someone else’s ideas and I don’t know how much he really agrees with everything Mom promised on their behalf - but I decide right now, for the sake of getting along and moving on from this, to accept it. So long as she can provide a buffer for some of what he might think and he knows this is how we’re going to do things, that will have to be good enough. It’s more than I’ve had before.

  “I’d like to meet Ash, too.” Mom adds, in a far more pleasant tone, and I give her a small smile of gratitude as I nod.

  It’s a totally reasonable request - something that I almost think I might like - even if my gut churns at the idea. I’m pretty sure that despite everything we just talked about, Dad isn’t going to make it easy for him.

  But then again, Dad doesn’t know Ash.

  Somehow, I doubt he’s the type to be easily intimidated by someone like my Dad.

  And who knows…maybe that would be good for all of us.

  * * *

  A few days later, on Tuesday evening, Ash comes round for dinner to meet my parents.

  Mom, Dad and I have been tiptoeing around each other for the last few days - careful not to say or do anything that might set off another argument - but that’s at least better than actually arguing. I think they’re trying, as they promised, and I am too.

  Dad seems to withdraw a little, becoming notably quiet about the whole thing, but he does talk through all the insurance details with me and I’m relieved to finally be able to work that out. It looks like the most important things are covered - and the rest I should be able to figure out with Ash. Dad indicated he’d be willing to help there, too, but I’m not sure I want to take that offer unless I have no
other choice. I’m trying to show them that I know what I’m doing and I can look after myself, so relying on them for the finances seems a little…unfair.

  Mom, on the other hand, has actually started talking to me about baby things, finally showing the kind of interest I was hoping for all along, and I’m relieved to see it. Eventually, Dad will get there as well. I know he will. He’s just struggling with the obvious reminder that I’ve been having unmarried sex.

  I don’t see Ash over that time either - I want things to settle and relax for a little bit before I start seeing him again, hopefully far more openly - but it does mean that by the time he arrives, I’m not sure whether I’m more concerned about how it’s going to go with my parents…or how I’m possibly going to keep my hands off him.

  I jump up the moment the doorbell goes, feeling like some stupid nervous teenager, but happy to dwell in the feeling for this evening anyway.

  I was always supposed to get that, right? It might be several years late, but still…

  I doubt very much that it will go well - I already know Dad and Ash are not going to get on - but Mom and Dad agreed to accept my choice anyway, and at least after this the awkward initial meeting will be over.

  “Hi.” I say, slightly breathless as I open the door and see him there.

  He’s wearing his usual biker leathers, his hair tousled from the helmet and the familiar light in his eyes as he looks at me. I drink him in like I’ve been parched for days.

  “Hey.” He responds, that seductive murmur already in his voice, and I know he’s been feeling exactly the same way.

  I have a brief instant of thinking we probably have time for a quick kiss, at least, before Dad’s presence looms over me and I almost jump at the thought. I mouth a quick ‘sorry’ to Ash and step back to let the two guys size each other up - because I know that’s exactly what they’re doing.

  I’ve already apologized a dozen times over to Ash for how this is probably going to go, to the point he just laughs at me about it. I figure that’s about as good a reaction as I can hope for, and all I can do is pray that he still wants anything to do with me by the end of it.